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Gamingforce Choco Journal
Admiral Amara's Journal

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Ah, the good old days. Before people asked left and right: "Adama?" When Pangalin was still a member called Pangalin, and I ran into him once and got nominated for an award. When Mucknuggle still had the first post in the Music Exposure Club. My disastrous thread-making incident. When Crash was still smarter than me - wait, that one hasn't changed. When Zephyrin was still a *%&tard, even though I thought he was a girl that one time. When nobody knew who I was at all outside of the MEC. When I couldn't count to my user number without spending days and days on the task. When ChocoJournal was bright and new, and I actually updated. Yep. Good times.

Admiral Amara's Journal Statistics
View Admiral Amara's profile
Entries 168 entries in total [view entry calendar]
Private 2 entries are private (1.19% of total)
Views 60982
Replies Admiral Amara has made 866 comments [view stats]
Comments 965 comments (5.74 avg) [view stats]
Total Props 72 props given to Admiral Amara [who be proppin?]
Buddies 68 buddies
Relation You are not Admiral Amara's buddy.
What's New 0 new entries since your last visit.

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Jun 22, 2007 - 09:01 PM
Mea Culpa; Parting Words
This is it.

I have had time to think about the recent events surrounding the Meet, and I now am finally ready to offer a full apology to those that would accept it. I have already called Eric, Heather, Rob, and Justine, and given them their due apologies.

To Avalokiteshvara, the quiet fox, Sassafrass, LeHah, Seris, Ceres, K_Takahashi, sprouticus, Temari, Plarom, Alice, The Dopefish (and anyone I forgot, though I'm pretty sure I didn't): I am truly, deeply sorry. What I did was inconsiderate to say the very least. I took advantage of your hospitality, eating food I had not paid for and sleeping one night in a bed that I hadn't paid for. Then, on top of that, I brought a group of friends up to the Meet House without first asking, assuming that there would be dinner ready for us. Though the dinner situation was based largely on a communication mix-up, it was still very rude of me to barge in with guests and then use the burgers and grill as though they were mine. After LeHah stated in no uncertain terms that I should leave immediately, I proceeded to stay at the Meet House. I apologize to LeHah in particular for this. Beyond that, I abandoned the Meet thread and let others do the work for me. Though it was never my intent to disappear and leave the work to Alice and Sass, who I give megaprops to for all of their incredible efforts, I left and that's what matters. I allowed myself to leech off of the work of others, and that's just unfair.

Anything else that you feel I left out, I apologize for that, too.

I had grand plans of how I was going to make it all right. How I was going to start a new Meet for next summer, make all the plans and preparations, how I wouldn't abandon the thread like I did for this year. How I would make reparations and amends that, in the end, would mostly involve money and would merely be shallow, hollow gestures based out of desperation and depression. There is a lot of my side to the story that is going unsaid; a lot of information being lost in translation. I desire to try and explain myself and bring to light what I feel to be a more fair representation of last night's events. I also desire to fire back at certain people with sharp words and a hateful mind, to return spite with spite and immaturity with immaturity.

Something else needs to be done.

If there is an Admin reading this, please permanently ban me from Gamingforce.

I have decided that it is time for me to disengage myself from GFF - mostly because I've matured. I have come to realize that far too much of my life was devoted not only to GFF, but to the Internet in general. I'd attempted to escape reality by delving into and immersing myself into a virtual reality, one that was largely comprised of people I had never met in real life. I'd attempted to fill some of the void in my life with forums and games, only because I had not allowed myself to mature beyond the need for such overpowering escapism. I wanted to relieve myself of the stresses of daily life by filling my mind and my time with what ultimately isn't real. Most of you here - I do not know you. I may have posted with you, joked with you in IRC, replied in your journals, read your responses in mine, bantered with you, participated in theme weeks with you - but I do not know you. I have met some of you in real life, but I have had no interaction with almost all of the people that I consider to be friends on the Forums. And until I do meet you in real life, I cannot continue to consider you to be 'real' friends. So much of my life has been lived vicariously through people here, people that I have never met, and so much of my time has been spent allowing you to live vicariously through mine. Time that should have been spent writing music. Time that should have been spent interacting with my friends at home and at school. Time that should have been spent writing essays and finishing assignments. Time that should have been spent with my family.

My apparent addiction to escapism is ending now; I can see more clearly what I have brought on myself by dedicating my life to unjust recreation at the expense of maturity and self-respect. I can understand why and how I became so deeply involved with the members and affairs of this site, and I can understand why I have to leave. Much of my failure to achieve in college was due to my desire to avoid my work and seek distraction; GFF and other boards on the Internet worked very effectively for that purpose, as well as a variety of other activities. GFF is only part of the problem, and my leaving is only part of the solution. I've grown a lot since I started here, and learned many hard lessons first-hand. Some of the lessons I've learned here, as well as those I learned at the Meet, have influenced my decision to leave.

If anyone would like to contact me for any reason, my contact information is still in my profile. E-mail is the most likely to get a response, as I still check that regularly. I thank everyone on the Forums for what you've provided over the last year and a half; I have many fond memories of my times here, and I heartily thank all who have made me feel like a welcome part of this community. However, with much regret and a heavy heart, I bid you all farewell from this corner of the Internet.

If you want to screw around with my av/sig space, I would like for you not to, but I won't stop you. I won't go out of my way to fix any attempts to damage whatever reputation I had before the Meet, though I would like any vandals to refrain from such childish activities. Still, I won't stop you from doing anything. It's not worth my time.

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Jun 15, 2007 - 02:06 AM
Staaaar Waaaars (romantic scenes)
Staaaar Waaaars
I was watching "The Empire Strikes Back" today, since I haven't watched it in more years than I care to admit. It was nice to enjoy the best movie in the series again, now with a better understanding of everything going on. Anyway, I was enjoying myself, and during the time when Han and company were hiding inside the asteroid, I got thinking about something again. Remember that scene where Han and Leia first kiss? Wasn't that a great scene? The romantic tension between them finally dissolving in a convincing, passionate scene. Both characters are real, and you can identify with them and really feel the moment. And then C-3PO bursts in and spoils it, and you laugh to yourself. Haha, who hasn't had that sort of thing happen to them? Anyway, here's the original dialogue.

Originally Posted by The Empire Strikes Back
HAN: Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help.
LEIA: Would you please stop calling me that?
HAN: Sure, Leia.
LEIA: Oh, you make it so difficult sometimes.
HAN: I do, I really do. You could be a little nicer, though. Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.
LEIA: Occasionally (a little smile, haltingly) maybe...when you aren't acting like a scoundrel.
HAN: (laughs) Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.
LEIA: Stop that.
HAN: Stop what?
LEIA: Stop that! My hands are dirty.
HAN: My hands are dirty, too. What are you afraid of?
LEIA: Afraid?
HAN: You're trembling.
LEIA: I'm not trembling.
HAN: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
LEIA: I happen to like nice men.
HAN: I'm a nice man.
LEIA: No, you're not. You're...
THREEPIO: Sir, sir! I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling.
HAN: Thank you. Thank you very much.
THREEPIO: Oh, you're perfectly welcome, sir.
Now, let's compare this classic scene with what audiences were subjected to 25 years later.

Originally Posted by Revenge of the Sith
ANAKIN: ...every second I was thinking of you. Protecting the endless, nameless Outer Rim settlements became a torture... the battles were easy, the longing became unbearable... I've never been so happy as I am at this moment.
PADME: Annie, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo. We could go to the lake country where no one would know... where we would be safe. I could go early and fix up the baby's room. I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens.
ANAKIN: You are so beautiful!
PADME: It's only because I'm so in love...
ANAKIN: No, it's because I'm so in love with you.
PADME: So love has blinded you?
ANAKIN: Well, that's not exactly what I meant...
PADME: But it's probably true!
[They laugh]
ANAKIN: I haven't laughed in so long...
PADME: Neither have I.
God, I start to get that James Blunt song stuck in my head when I read that. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE

So bloody corny. And the delivery! So bloody wooden. You'd think that at least somebody on the set might've said something when they saw such piss-poor acting making the love story unbearable and unwatchable. Ford and Fisher had great dialogue to work with back in the day, and they totally nailed it. Christiansen and Portman had crap to say and said it like crap. Lucas really lost his touch since he made the original trilogy, and it's a damn shame, too.

Bah, I know that everybody already did this whole spiel back in '05, and I really should be in bed. Whatever. I'm off to go sleep.

Currently Playing: Dinosaur Jr. - Out There

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Jun 10, 2007 - 06:38 PM
Give me your Friend Codes
wiped out
And I will be your friend.

On the Wii.

Which is awesome.

7955 5769 6213 2590

Also, really, really, really long day at work today. Only six hours, but REALLY boring.

Currently Playing: Wii Play noises, AYB's playing the shooting game

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Mar 25, 2007 - 02:29 PM
I'm organizing another meet!
And the thread about it is right here!

I'll return with a proper entry tomorrow!

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Mar 11, 2007 - 12:27 AM
So I've decided that this is an awesome journal feature
fairly good
Response to: New Journal Feature (experimental) by Bigblah

I also like the time that I knew that it was Bigblah's doing as soon as I saw that it was a cool feature. Because Senor Blah is responsible for so many absolutely awesome things around here, anytime something new and cool pops up, I just tend to assume that Blah made it... I think I'm batting a thousand so far there.

Freaking sweat, man! I'm totally diggin' it.

In other news, I ALMOST got to see "300" on Friday... sold out, and the guy getting tickets for us didn't have enough somehow. I think he gave one away or something...? It was all rather confusing, especially with three of us separated from the main group. Instead, Eric, Heather and I ate at Macaroni Grill (which is an awesome ristorante) and chilled back at their apartment. I woke up yesterday morning and went off to Judges Training for the upcoming State-level Odyssey of the Mind competition, which is gonna be awesome. I get to watch Middle School and High School-aged students present skits, routines, or whatever they come up with to solve a problem (8-minute presentation limit), and grade them on their creativity. These kids come up with some DAMN creative stuff, let me tell you - I'm pretty sure I'm going to see some very awesome presentations and really clever use of materials and props.

After that, I played D&D with my old group. After some in-game bickering that spilled over into real life arguing, our DM stopped running the campaign for a while, and now we're back into it. Most of what happened today was plot advancement, with an interesting battle at the end - but the plot advancement was totally worth it. Now we know that certain key events that seemed unrelated are entirely connected to the overall plot arc, and the session ended with an awesome cliffhanger. We returned to this small town Council Hall with a pair of Harpy corpses to announce that we'd ridded the town of their menace, when one of the two Council members that come out to meet us informs us that the other, oldest Councilman has just been murdered. My good buddy David's Paladin character privately casts Detect Evil. The female Council member is clean.

The second Councilman is, in fact, evil.

End session.

Good day today. Now to go to bed, since we lose an hour tonight. Woohoo, five hours or so until I have to wake up! Fun.

Currently Playing: Bohren & Der Club of Gore - Nightwolf

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Feb 20, 2007 - 12:41 AM
I would like to apologize to the denizens of GFF for not being terribly active as of late. I'm busy as hell, what with work, trying to manage the responsibilities of being a New Adult, crashing my car into somebody else's, having two full albums that need to be recorded by next Wednesday and extremely little progress made on them, general running around like a decapitated chicken, finally dating someone... when I finally get some time to myself, I'm bored and not much motivated to do anything. Especially not GFF. Most stuff is seeming really kinda trivial lately, except for when it's something that I'm REALLY INTERESTED IN - then I hyperfocus and dedicate too much of my time to it. As for everything else, it gets blown off, and I'm sorry about that. Thusly, it might take me a while before I actually make my videos for Alice's event, though I swear that I will.

I should probably get some sleep. Or maybe do something about the fact that there are no sheets or anything on my bed, despite that I frankly don't care enough to really fix the problem until tomorrow... maybe. Whatever. Maybe I'll keep listening to this Elf Fatima bonus track until I pass out at my desk.

Basic word to sum it up at the moment: fuck.

This is a shit entry but I also don't give a damn enough to change that. Just thought anybody who cared oughta know what was up.

FUCK. I should just erase this :badmood: entry or something. Whatever.


Currently Playing: Elf Fatima - Breaking the Waves (feat. Jack or Jive)

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Jan 30, 2007 - 10:48 AM
I've been considering it.
American Idol. Yeah, you know. That show. The show with the mean-ass British guy, the token black guy, and the cracked-out female, and a host of people getting airtime because they have no vocal talent whatsoever. Oh, and a few people here and there that can actually sing. Millions try out every year, and if you're either really darn bad or pretty darn good, you might just get in to see Simon, Paula, and Randy. Hooray for them.

What I mean to say here... is that I've been considering trying out for the show.

I'm sure that for some people here, this basically strips away a large amount of credibility from my Internet persona, but hear me out. American Idol is a Pop singing competition. I really don't like Pop music on the whole, but in the past couple years, song choices have started to show a trend, even if it's a minor one, of not-Pop songs. While I do not watch the show regularly (or much at all), the rest of my family does, so I get to hear about most of the contestants second hand. The girl that sang opera? She also sang Jeff Buckley's "Eternal Life", which is an incredibly kick-ass song. She made it to Hollywood. Chris that came in third last year? He knew how to kick out the jams and have fun, and having Live out there on stage with him for the finale was pretty cool.

That's not really much of a reason, of course, but a big part of why I want to try out is because I have absolutely nothing to lose. I fully understand that the show is a Pop-oriented contest, but that's not what I plan to bring to the show, if I even make it past the first round. From what I hear (and once in a great while, seen), if I'm not outright terrible, the judges actually have good advice to give. If I go on and I'm mediocre, since I know for a fact that I'm not awful, I might even get some good advice from the judges. If I'm better than average, it's possible I'll move on. And if I don't make it through? Nothing changes. I'm still just me. If I actually made it past the first round, I would staunchly hold on to my beliefs of what I think sounds good and apply that to whatever theme week was given to me (like that one kid tried to do with "Dancing Queen", and it almost worked). When the option is purely mine, I'd go out there and sing stuff like Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah", which I actually do pretty well, or some Radiohead, possibly some Ben Folds. I've even been playing around with some Opeth (never gonna happen ) Stuff that doesn't violate my credibility as a musical snob.

Ugh, you know what? This journal entry isn't any good. I'm not even gonna bother to rewrite it. Whatever. Anyway, thoughts? Should I go for it, as it were?

Currently Playing: Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

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Jan 29, 2007 - 11:27 PM
I'm happy with taking second! (GFF Awards entry)
Musician of the Year
(Second Place)

1st - Traumatized Rat (15)
2nd - Admiral Amara (8)
3rd - Iwata (5)

I have to say - I'm really, really satisfied with those results. Traumatized Rat is a damn good musician and a fucking brilliant composer, and he deserves the award. The fact that 8 people voted for me (though one was me ) is almost mind-blowing to me - way more than I thought I'd get! Thanks a million to everybody that voted. Second place is better than I expected. You guys rule!

Great work, Dubble, on the awards, and congratulations to everybody that won!

Currently Playing: Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

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Jan 29, 2007 - 04:19 PM
2007 RPM Challenge
I've officially signed myself up for the 2007 RPM Challenge for my Admiral Amara solo project. Stoob oughta be signing up Spectrum, the less-so-band-more-so-collective-that-never-practices, which he and I have been members of for some years now with Sam and Pat. Maybe even Jhames (if you were at the meet, you met Sam, but I'm betting nobody really knows Pat or Jhames). This might finally get me more motivated to write and record and just generally get something done with my music. I've needed that kick in the butt for a while. "8-7-6-5-" will definitely get itself a new recording (or a cleaning up of the old one), same goes for "National Weather Service". I could probably take "The Fine Art of Gazing at One's Shoes" and turn that into something bigger and awesome. Schad's already heard some of the work I'm doing on another song idea, "Rippling", which I'll let you guys listen to once I've got something more concrete. I'm also thinking of sampling a bit of Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah", or at least me singing some of it myself. More details on my progress as they come.

Please support Admiral Amara in his efforts to actually get stuff done with his music!

In other news, playing drums really takes it out of you. I have to work at five, so for some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to play the drums really hard for a solid half hour, and I finished not long before sitting down to write this. Now I'm a bit sore and feeling nap-ish. Darn. Probably going to go nap now.

Currently Playing: Admiral Amara - 8-7-6-5-/Guten Nacht, M├Ądchen

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Jan 29, 2007 - 11:46 AM
That Wacky Mewsevelt
So, I've been reading this webcomic called Thinkin' Lincoln, which is a silly little thing that follows the episodic misadventures and whatnot of one of our favorite presidents... or, at least a caricature of his head. Almost all characters are represented in this way, just caricatures of their heads. Others include George Washington, Queen Elizabeth II, Rasputin, Zombie Mark Twain, Jose de San Martin... and my favorite:

Theodore Mewsevelt.

Currently Playing: Kate Havnevik - Not Fair

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