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Infernal Monkey's Journal

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May 30, 2008 - 08:27 AM
Caddyshack has both the crappiest and creepiest DVD menu ever


Currently Playing: with knobs

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[public entry #174]

May 19, 2008 - 08:04 AM
Niko at the mall #1

Currently Playing: Firebrand Boy - Famous

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[public entry #173]

May 12, 2008 - 10:03 AM
Secret: I'd never seen any of the Rocky movies before last week.
Secret: I've seen them all now.
Secret: Keep it under your hat okay.

You know those creepy DVD bins that constantly populate precious walking space at stores like McDonalds and Ted's Super Paperclip Extravaganza? They're often stacked high with obscure western movies nobody wants, or 'Zany Ten (10) Pack! Action! Shouting!' things... filled with obscure western movies nobody wants.

Well sometimes I'll hold my nose and have a dig through them, just in case something worthwhile appears. I've scored some pretty decent stuff in the past like example 1 and example 2. Now, here comes ROCKY. Three bucks. I've heard about them plenty in the past, but a movie about boxing? How delightfully absurd. Three bucks is three bucks though, and three bucks is bucks three thrbucksthreebu.

It was awkward to watch. I had a tough time figuring out if Rocky was really dumb or actually had brain damage. But he grew on me! When he started training for real, and the music kicked in. Oh man, the music. By the match at the end I was like FUCK YEAH COME ON ROCKY and all these veins were popping out of my neck. The fight was so good. But the ending was so.. it was like "Rocky wi-"BAM, END. CREDITS.

It became a drug. I had to have more. The next day I went on a rampage through the shops looking for Rocky II; running with my arms stretched out to coat hanger people, eyeballs rotating in different directions at once for maximum potential of spotting Rocky II. "ROOOOOOCCCCKKKKKKKKKYYYYY". Rocky jumped over a bloody park bench while outrunning an entire outbreak of zombie children. Rocky just got better and better. He went from shit all to holy shit, look at that place.

ROBOT MAIDS. It got to the point where Rocky was just so awesome he could punch holes in time itself and travel to the future to knock-out George Jetson and steal Rosie; his secret lover. AND SO FORTH. Not even Mr. T had a chance. By Rocky IV I was getting the shifty eyes just a tad. Did we really need a fourth one? Fuck yeah we did, he punched his way up a fucking mountain, then became king of Russia and completed Tetris by telling it shithouse jokes.

Rocky V? Stuff Rocky V. Why's he taking shit from everyone for so long. Should have thrown his kid out a window, then punched the ground under him to split it apart and cause a new continent just for his kid to be a lonely wanker on. The end was awesome; but he should have done that to Tommy Gun as soon he met him.

"Urr hurr hey Rocky, my name's Tommy Gun do you geddit lol"
*Punches him off the planet*

Rocky Balboa was pretty good, but Jesus he's like nine hundred years old now, he saved the world from alien dinosaurs, what more do you people want. The crowd should have thrown buckets of lava at the other guy.

In the end, Rocky sure did punched in the face a fucking lot. Every fight he ended up looking like rat shit with at least eight eyes split apart. Yet aside from Creed, his opponents never really ever looked as messed up. But Rocky still beat them. Because. Holy hell what a great bunch of movies.

Except Rocky V.

Fuck Rocky V.

Currently Playing: Super Super-coated Bagels Brawl - Stickerbrush Symphony

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[public entry #172]

May 6, 2008 - 10:39 PM
GTA 1.4
Akai-chan says:
LOL or the time that i went drinking with a date and she got in a fist fight with someone

and when the police came i got a star so i just ditched her lol

Currently Playing: The Presidents of the USA - Sharpen up those fangs

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[public entry #171]

May 5, 2008 - 05:53 AM
Project Zero: The Card Deluxe review
Simple 2000 Honkaku Shikou Series vol. 6: The Card / Ultimate Casino

Developer: Amedio
Publisher: D3 Publisher / 505 Games(treet)

What a very large name! The 'Honk Honk Shinji Ikari Whatever' range was a failed spin-off that focused on games like chess, mahjong and all that. This was the last released in the series, future card/table games just got grouped together with the usual Simple 2000 releases. Only two of these got PAL releases, this (no way) and the chess one (Master Chess).

The instruction manual is littered with hearts and such, because apparently 'you love the casino!' and it's your dream to 'win with the big time!' Okay, that's awesome. There's sixteen games in here, all of them card based. Old Maid, Black Jack, Eye of Judgment etc. Bit of a lousy casino, where's the poker machines? The discount buffet? WHERE ARE THEY?! Each game is frown worthy in terms of presentation. The same weird out of focus waterfall background, the same supermarket toilet music.

Being a D3 game though, the main or perhaps only reason it was developed was to squint at the badly rendered women in a dark room with empty pizza boxes stacked to the ceiling. They act as the dealers... and more! As you win, you'll shove more shiny gold dubloons in your pockets. You can then buy alternative outfits for the girls, or even whole NEW girls. Then you can watch them do little dances, or limbo. True story. They all move around like robots, so it's very impressive when they actually do make it under the bar. Technology has come a loooong way! So let's bust out the crappy little capture device and meet one of the bea-

- aauuuggggggggghh!




Final score:

Currently Playing: Disasterpeace - Move The Wreck

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[public entry #170]

Apr 18, 2008 - 06:41 AM
Let's Leonado mini-series
So the Blacktown City Council crew rocked on up to my place this arvo, and were all like "fuuuuck". I nodded in reply, a look of deep concern on my face. Seems Blacktown is failing at attracting tourists. "Nobody wants to take in our amazing sights" one of them complained, pounding the wall with both fists, neck veins pulsing away. I showed him my thumb, which was currently pointing up. "Leave it to me, gentlemen! I'll save the day and get people to visit our little slice of shit!" We celebrated by laughing with our hands placed firmly on our hips.

So every now and then, I will show you an amazing Blacktown attraction. It's THE number.. something place to book your next holiday!

1# - Hilarious Angry Racist Bible Lady

Having entertained the locals every day for over a year now, it's time you too meet Hilarious Angry Racist Bible Lady! She delights the ears with very loud messages from The Bible. Or, at least, her version of The Bible. Did you know God hates Australian's? I'd better watch my back. And that he's also planning the destruction of America? Did you know God is a bloody terrorist? You do know!

Hilarious Angry Racist Bible Lady moves around different locations as the day goes on. Plonks down her little bag, and away she goes. I was sitting on a seat behind the safety of a flimsy railing to take this poster shot. Hilarious Angry Racist Bible Lady will get angry at you if you yell back, or laugh. But that's what makes Angry Racist Bible Lady Angry Racist Bible Lady. When she originally started early last year, the police would get her to move along. But they gave up after a few weeks, which officially made her a part of Blacktown.

Stay tuned for more Let's Leonado in the near future!

Currently Playing: Kubota Mina - Spirale

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[public entry #169]

Apr 12, 2008 - 10:02 AM
Dear Ubisoft, I have an idea for a new DS game you could make

Currently Playing: Minus - Get Started

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[public entry #168]

Apr 12, 2008 - 12:23 AM
Pac is back!

Currently Playing: Japanglisho animewtwo muzikcu

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[public entry #167]

Apr 10, 2008 - 05:47 AM
Bread hat


Was that angle intentional, Sprout?

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[public entry #166]

Mar 20, 2008 - 08:47 PM
Dear Freelance Wolf~

It's like looking at a real photo on the Super Nintendo! I don't think technology will ever get any better than this.

Wait what, where did they go? Why have they been replaced with those things from activity books that demanded you place the correct sticker here? Quite a disaster. Or maybe... g-g-g-g-g-G-GHOSTS!

Okay, right. Off to rescue Chubby. I guess.

Awesome I can SAWNIC BOOM out of my mouth. Wait why is there no path leading to the front door of that house?

And no driveway to that garage? Who built this house, some kind of buffoon? Pah, bur, hmmmppff *swirls wine all over dressing gown*

So apparently not touching that fence in the middle of the sidewalk hurt me as I jumped over. .. WHY IS THERE A FENCE IN THE MIDDL-oh my medication.

Holy shit BIN CATS are the WORST cats of them all.

Haha yes, now Peter Pan is all mine.

Oh my. Beethoven really should properly digest his food. That's gotta hurt.

Uh ooooooh radical skateboarding kid with the longest right arm ever is coming!

You can stun him with your attacks that bore right through him and break on through to the other side wah wah woooonaaaaooooww, like six or seven times, before he finally literally vanishes from the screen. WOOSH. Magic!

What a zany and or crazy dog, get off there before you hurt yourself on that oddly placed light.

A BONE, did I just find part of Chubby?

Surprisingly, water doesn't kill you in this game. Birds kill you, falling fruit kills you, thin air surrounding fences kills you, but water? Water is an intense power-up!

Now tiny piss ant dogs like this are NO THREAT against the mighty, wet Beethoven.

Ahahaha yeah, that's right, I just shook FIVE drops of water off myself. FUCKED YOU UP real good. Yeah, have a mixture of confusion and disgust on your face.

What the hell is this guy doing, what is wrong with this neighbourhood? ;_;

Oh right, silly me. Touching the top of that deadly Mortal Kombat style bridge stage fatality spike pit can kill you.



I sure do miss the Tazmanian Devil on the other side of that fence.. OH GOD WATCH OUT BEETHOVEN.

Hey look, it's that dog nobody likes. Chubby. On the roof.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Alrighty then?

Ahahahaha a pink house. That's awesome. Come on son, let's go before we catch the gay from it.

Chubby? Are you telling me you managed to climb up onto a roof, but can't get past a bloody fence? Just walk around it, the grass is right there. Chubby? CHUBBY?!

Oh well, later!


"Nooooooo, my life savings!"

Yum, fence steak. Beethoven is a lucky dog today!

That's great. I hope whoever designed this place gets shot in the face by an anus apple or something.

Oh, wife! Thank goodness you're here. I found Chubby, but he's suffered massive brain damage. Come quick!



.. WIFE?


Turns out I was supposed to pick Chubby up and carry the goon all the way there.

Wife, look. It's Chubby. I know you've been worried about him!



GASP, danger straight away! An unsurpervised fire raging out of control!

I'll put it out!

Oh my God.. can you..

Ahahuauhauhauha YES.

Greatest game ever. When I first found out you can actually jump on them I like sat up and got all fucking excited. Pretty much the greatest moment of 2008 so far.

I think he's trying to eat the huge blue block here. Fence steak, apples and Chubby bones aren't enough for Beethoven.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!


... Chubby again?

Gotta take him back nooooow.

Oh wow. That's awesome.

Don't worry, it's harmless. We'll just jump over it. Together.


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[public entry #165]

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