Oh man I loved this film starring Largey McButtchin. Did you see that? Programming by the KGB, oh Domark you crack me up into thousands of pieces.
I like my games like my women. In the kitchen. On the moon. Asking me how I want my eggs. Scrambled.
That's the difficulty setting we'll pick today! Afterall, James Bond is a ladies man. They ask him for fashion tips and such. The game is so awesome you can choose to have music OR sound effects. Not both at the same time, too intense, too loud, you might alert the guards. Reset High Score? What is this, Frogger? No.
Strike a cool pose Bond, yeah yeah, that's good! The budget for this mission must be pretty bad to send him in that dingy. WATCH OUT A SKULL! Perhaps the key to enter castle Shadowgate is inside.
I'll just leave my dingy there, nobody will suspect a thing.
OH GOD I'M HIT, MISSION IS IN CRISIS MODE! I NEED BACKUP, SEND IN THE ARMY.
Wait a second, it was just one of those rare Jumpsthroughsolidplatforms fish! I'll take care of this with my extra long blue bullets.
200? Yes, I'm winning this real life Monopoly. Good, good. Time for a celebration dance.
Ooh yeah, come on now, chugga buuuur wuuuur mmm hmmm.
Dunno why that guy's up there, perhaps he's training for the olympics. Whenever you get near boxes in this game, they FALL DOWN. But laugh out loud box, you can't fool me. Because I'm Bond..
.. James Bon-FUCK!
Wuh oh, enemies have the secret extra long blue bullets too! Good thing he doesn't know how to move his arms up. Kinda off-screen, but there's all these tossers that poke out of port holes, they shoot MASSIVE ORANGE BLOBS from their guns. Clearly castle Shadowgate is up to bigger biggerest no good than any of us could have imagined. Maybe this ladder will take me somewhere.
Ah! Qwarky left his floating suitcases floating around again, I'd better pick them up.
OH NO THEY'RE JUST FLOATING AWAY!
Some more ladders, great, grand, a banana. I'm getting too old for this!
"Why if it isn't Bird, Larry Bird! Think you're so good wearing that tux on a ship and shootin' mad hoops! Well I'm gonna shoot YOU!"
"Yeah but you're not even holding a gun.. or a basketball"
This is serious, I'd better tackle this with stealth. I'll use a missile on him.
"HAHA found my gun"
I don't know what's happening here, but I think the missile saved the day. Even if it looked nothing like a missile, and it came from the same hand gun.
Eegads, a dead end! Roll the credits, movie's over. Wait wait, what's thiiiis...
Yes! The ultimate spy move, walking through walls. This is quite an advanced tuna ship. John West, the best.
Another wall hey? Nooo problem, I'll just wal-
OH WELL SHIT.
If only I wasn't dead, I'd go download some pornography on the cash register that's just sitting there out in the open.
Have to be extra careful here, can't let him see me.
"HAHA HEY SAILOR GUESS WHERE MY DICK IS HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"I can levitate"
"I didn't see that one coming, I'm outta here!"
"Shoot him with your orange blobs, port hole man!"
"I'm on it!"
"Well I'm not, because I can levitate
"Yes, yes, we KNOW! God.."
BIG GASP, a box!
BIGGER GASP, another box! All these supplies going to waste!
"HAHAHA I'LL RACE YA COME ON IT'LL BE AWESOME"
"I said no running!"
"HAHAHAHA LOOKS LIKE I WIN, GIVE ME ALL YOUR POG"
"Nah guys I'm alive, seriously, chuck me some water wings or something will ya? Come on, guys. .. Guys?"