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Welcome to the Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis. |
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You can't die. Not now. Not when we've known each other for almost two months. No... not here.... You ask if I want to keep an animal that costs 1 year's wages alive? Hell yeah! Glaring at the Mangler with utmost malice, I dig into my quiver and draw the longbow strings taut. "You." "Killed." "My." "Horse!!!" My anger explodes like a miniature nova. "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKER!!!" Mangler C is my Quarry. Two-Fanged Strike on Mangler C. Rolls of 10+ will hit, due to Prime Shot. Use 1x Lightning Arrow. Mangler C takes 1 + 3 + 7 + 7 + 6 = 24 HP damage and is dazed till the end of his next turn. ACTION POINT: Shadow Wasp Strike on Mangler C, with duergar beard arrow. Critical Hit! Maximum damage applied - 27 + 8 (quarry) +1 (crit bonus) = 36. Total damage sustained: 36 + 24 = 60. Withdraw to N-48. As I watch the Mangler expire from his wounds, my anger is abated, but only by a little bit. The now-weaponless Mangler B, and that Seer who's responsible for starting the chain of events leading to Denny's downfall, must pay. If only the seer isn't immune from ranged attacks, with his immediate-interrupt teleportation powers! Best to let the melee defenders handle his ranged arse! ![]() ![]() [AC 20 Fort 23 Ref 18 Will 18] Hulk..... : 02 dmg [xx/??] [AC 22 Fort 17 Ref 21 Will 19] Seer..... : 02 dmg [xx/??] [AC 22 Fort 19 Ref 20 Will 19] Mangler A : 17 dmg [58/60] [AC 22 Fort 19 Ref 20 Will 19] Mangler B : 02 dmg [60/60] [AC 22 Fort 19 Ref 20 Will 19] Mangler C : 60 dmg [00/60] Kilt daid [AC 22 Fort 17 Ref 21 Will 18] Cal... : 45/49 [AC 23 Fort 22 Ref 17 Will 17] Garr.. : 55/57 [AC 23 Fort 18 Ref 16 Will 21] Gheth. : 41(4)/56 [AC 22 Fort 15 Ref 18 Will 20] Glock. : 44/50 [AC 19 Fort 17 Ref 16 Will 18] Gordok : 18/54 dazed [AC 14 Fort 15 Ref 13 Will 10] Denny. :-15/36 dazed dying[0/3] I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? |
The muck in which they are sitting is doing nothing for our favourite robot's flute. He whips it out, but the tune it bleats is weak and dull. It isn't until after blowing on it that he finds a rotten finger has floated it's way into it and blocked the sound. Vicious Mockery to Seer. ffffffffff Annoyed at the cleaning job he's going to have to do later, Glock's mind clearly isn't on the ball when he yells out "Nice neckpiece, asshole!" to the one that Gordok has a crush on. He doesn't quite realize the vizier is in fact quite proud of it, and has a small problem understanding sarcasm. Majestic Word on Gheth 16 + 4 + 4 = 24 Health regained. +4 Temp HP. Dunno if I can shift him in this context or not, but if so, he's now at Q-50. At least he can help the lizard a little bit. "Hey bro, these bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. How you gonna be if you just sit there bleedin' all over the place like a woman?" I was speaking idiomatically. |
Righteous Brand on Griever A with +3 bonus to Garrmondo (13 damage) Save from Dazed What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
Last edited by Skexis; Mar 24, 2010 at 11:29 PM.
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Cal vaults the gate surrounding the stage area, hoping the monsters will ignore him if he lurks in the gloom. The rest of G-Unit scarcely makes a dent in the enemy force, though Gheth manages to make a lasting wound on a Mangler after the fighter distracts it. 2 damage to every motherfucker in the room. Cal is actually "under" N-48: treat the gates as partial cover in both directions. The foulspawn hulk glowers around the room, absently chewing with its mouth open. Little bits of brain and skull trickle out of its maw into the water. While the dying horse was a tempting meal, it was no real threat. The little man behind it, humping the wall — he could be dangerous. And perhaps more importantly, he would be easy to squish. The hulk slogs through the water, mauling Gordok with his massive fist. Slam: +11 vs AC. 18 damage to Gordok. The Seer chuckles as his massive companion brutalizes the halfling. Good. This was the king's theater now, the midget has no right to befoul it with his vile wrigglings. That's just out of line. The seer waves a misshapen hand, and a ripple darts across the foul water — splashing up into Gordok's bloodied face. Choking on the filthy muck, Gordok struggles to get his bearings before the creatures give him another beating. The Seer then ducks behind old man Bresnick, figuring the interlopers too soft-hearted to wound a harmless old man to get at him. Warp Orb: +14 vs Reflex. 13 damage to Gordok; bloodied, dazed (save ends). ![]() FELIPE NO |
Eldritch Blast: Kill That Horse. Sadly, while our hero is sending Brave Horse to his deserved rest, he is distracted. The Hulk takes this opportunity to punch him in the face. Gord's head does a full 360° turn on his neck, and he sprawls into the water in a baffled heap. Attack of Opportunity: Slam — 20 damage. Gordok unconscious and dying/drowning. You see what happens, Larry? This is what happens. With the dazed halfling having been doomed by his own inattentiveness, the Manglers have no obvious targets. One of them hacks away at Garrmondo, the fighter having muttered something insulting about his ancestry — but it's futile. The other darts around behind, drawing more daggers from his belt. He scratches up Glock's finish and generally wounds his pride. Bone Dagger: 4 damage to Glock ![]() What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? |
"No!" "No!!!" ""
Clever halfling. How could you? HOW COULD YOU??? Yes, he was helpless. Dying. Drowning. But you robbed me of the opportunity to try to save his life with a potion! I stand, dumbfounded and unmoving, after watching my so-called ally blast my horse open. Delay turn until after Gheth. Jam it back in, in the dark. |
Egads, a monster!
Poking him with a...stick. Or something. Glock isn't entirely certain where this pointy stick came from. All sorts of shit is present in the jungle juice in which they were now swimming so happily in. All sorts of HORRIBLE shit. His robo-mind is busy conjuring up all sorts of possibilities. Thoroughly disgusted, the robot backs away slowly and starts chugging the vast quantity of alcohol the fighter so kindly gave him. Despite the fact that he's pretty sure this is HIS booze, he'll have to thank the meatsack later nonetheless. Double shift to O-50. Chug Elixir of Dragon's Breath. Finding himself behind a pillar, Glock looks at it a little bit, and tries to determine if it's all rotting, full of holes and is some nasty shit wood, or if it's sturdy enough to support his metal frame should push come to shove. Scope out dat pillar, son. There's nowhere I can't reach. |
"You leave him alone!" Gheth announces violently. Despite a slight quiver in his lip, he speaks up again. "He can wear shorts in the shower if he wants to!" At this, Gheth gives a good thrust of his spear at the closest thing he can manage to Brock Lorgenson, famed dragonborn track and field star. The restrained tears, as it turns out, make for poor eyesight. Healing Word on Gordok (surge +11-- I always forget about Healer's Lore) Most amazing jew boots
Last edited by Skexis; Mar 29, 2010 at 01:41 PM.
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Drained of emotion and strength, I halfheartedly send two volleys at the seer who contributed to Denny's death. I missed, but who cares? With Denny's death, everything is meaningless. Twin Strike at Seer, through superior cover. Miss, of course. Move to L-49. Stealth check to hide from everyone. 3 + 1 + 13 = 17 Designate Mangler B as quarry. There ya go, Pang. I pre-rolled the low numbers out for ya! I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? |
Cal contributes to the battle effort by running away and hiding in a dark corner. Despite his extremely excellent hiding skills, everyone but the Hulk still sees him. The Hulk turns to Gheth, glowering. The lizard man had interrupted what had begun to look like a lovely evening of pummeling the small and puny. Why would anyone object to this? This is what the small and puny were for: to make the non-puny feel better about themselves. The Hulk smashes his fist down atop Gheth's head, reducing his height by an inch or two and rendering him significantly more puny. It was important to put people into their proper categories. If you will defend the puny, you will join them in their tiny puniness! Smash: 19 damage to Gheth (bloodied) The Seer issues a rattling sigh. As usual, the Manglers got distracted by the shiniest, noisiest thing they could find. Well, if the fighter wanted all the attention that'd be fine. The Seer sends a roiling sphere of foul water roiling across the room, smashing Garrmondo in the chest. The water itself was harmless, but the force of the blow staggers him and while trying to keep his footing he clumsily bashes his head on the support beam behind him. Warp Orb: 10 damage to Garrmondo (dazed) ![]() I was speaking idiomatically. |
Fey Switch with Cal Right. Cal can sit there and cry over Denny and die or he can man up and live. What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now? |
With the fighter dazed, the manglers seize their opportunity. Darting in, they tear a bloody gash into Garrmondo's shield arm while he's distracted. The second mangler finds no such purchase, and instead hops over the gate to pursue the bard — if he retreats, he must surely be easier prey. Garrmondo takes a swing as the mangler zips away, but the little bastard is too quick. Bone Dagger: 14 damage to Garrmondo Garrmondo's AoO misses due to Mangler Mobility (+5 AC vs AoOs from movement) ![]() FELIPE NO |
Virtue of Cunning
Garr to P-50 What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? |
Suddenly, I am beside Denny's corpse, with a leering troll right next to me. This is it, Cal. Snap out of it. Hugging the nearest pillar as if I were wrapping my hands on Denny's soft silky mane, I start to hump it. The Hulk raises his fist, and I thought he was going to hit me silly. But no, he pat me on the head. That's right, I forgot. I'm currently in the transformed priest form, with tentacles to boot. That explains the mystery! Alas, Eshind's advice didn't work. I stand there, frustrated, unfulfilled, and decidedly still morose. Climb check on dat pillar: DC 15 with Athletics 3 = 12+ to succeed. Move action to climb pillar; attract Opportunity Attack from Hulk first. Slam against Cal, +11 vs AC 22, climbing grants +2 combat advantage but Cal's Defensive Mobility negates this. 11+ to succeed, miss. Move to climb fails. Exchange standard action for move to attempt climb again. Fuck you dice. Changeling Trick vs. Hulk. Oh so NOW I get a crit. Feh. Jam it back in, in the dark.
Last edited by Zergrinch; Apr 1, 2010 at 10:08 AM.
Reason: This member got a little too post happy.
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Glock knows it will try to molest him, but standing near it is just too disheartening. So off he goes. Move to M-48 Mangler B AoOs me. 13 + 12 = 25 > 22. Hit by AoO. 5+3 = 8 damage. It occurs to Glock that this play lacks any sort of musical accompaniment. How sad. How are we supposed to know the hero's feeling kinda in the dumps if there's no mad tunes to back a brother up? Filling in for the complete lack of brass instruments, the robot decides that he could at least be a steel one. Get the Flash Player to play this audio file: Tune of Ice and Wind Centered on P-50 Garr shifts to N-48 Skex to N-49 Crit on Hulk. 6 + 8 = 14 > 19. Miss on Mangler B. Damage is 17 / 2 = 8 damage to Mangler B. Hulk is hit for 17 + 1 (fuck off) = 18. Mangler slowed until my next turn, Hulk slowed until save. Activate Lucky Charm. 3 doesn't help enough to hit Mangler. Oh well. ![]() How fortunate. His friends start rockin' out. The dragon breaks it down and jives up front, while the human moonwalks into a further defensive position. The giant starts breakdancing, which doesn't go over too well in the muck, there's no way he'll keep up if he dances like that for too long. The other Mangler just sort of shakes his booty a bit. He doesn't seem so enthused. Maybe he's just partially deaf. Even when Glock's manly necklace starts glowing, making the music all that much more badass, the little black shithead just shrugs. What bad taste he has. Goggle Hulk. Impressed by the moves that giant possesses, Glock takes a moment to scan it. Maybe if he figures out how it's gonna act, he can learn to do that too. There's nowhere I can't reach. |
Bloodied triggers Dragonborn Fury Daunting Light on Hulk Use Stone of Avandra's Power (21 damage to hulk, combat advantage granted to Gordok) Action Point Second Wind This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Last edited by Skexis; Apr 3, 2010 at 05:26 AM.
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![]() A quick prayer from Gheth brings a column of fire down from the sky, but while it wounds the Hulk most grievously, it also makes him quite angry indeed. Hulk bloodied. Finding himself unceremoniously deposited back in the center pit, Cal's first impulse is to flee. He futilely scrabbles at the support beam, no more able to romance the shaft than Gordok had been. In desperation, he attempts to distract the Hulk and buy some time. "Look there! A tasty steak!" While the Hulk does indeed idly glance around for the promised snack, the ruse does nothing to prevent the pounding Cal is about to receive. Having no reason to think the halfling's disappearance was anything more than a petty trick, the Hulk puts his full strength into punishing the puny little bastard. The Hulk was never a great intellect, but he wasn't about to be fooled by a pair of stilts. Oh no indeed! His massive arm sends a vicious right hook plowing into Cal's jaw, sending the ranger reeling. Slam: +19 vs AC, 3d10+9 damage (when bloodied). 23 damage to Cal (bloodied). The Seer could not be more delighted with the progress of events, his hostage having evidently made him entirely immune to retaliation. Feeling puckish, he decides a small illusion might be in order. Before Cal's horrified eyes, Denny's lifeless head seems to pull itself from the water and fix him with an accusatory stare. In a low, hateful voice, the horse intones: "No sir, I didn't like it." Warp Orb: 7 damage to Cal (dazed) Gordok 24, Manglers 22, Garrmondo 22, Glock 21, Gheth 13, Cal 22, Hulk 6, Seer 24 I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? |
I didn't see the huge fist coming until it was too late. The force of the impact wrenches my jaw out of alignment and sends me barreling backwards. Drunkenly, I staggered first to the left, before rebalancing to the right.
![]() Reflexively, my hands grab hold of the nearest anchor - in this case the creature's loincloth. As I fly backwards from his super punch, the fabric rips off from the rampaging Hulk's body. Even if the Seer hadn't reanimated my dear beloved horse, I'd have been dazed regardless, due to awe at the revelation of Red Hulk's sheer masculinity. Yield Ground, to N-47, via O-46. Basically if Pang says I should stop at O-46, then I stop at O-46. HP Counts: Hulk 27, Mangler A 37 max, Mangler B 35 max I was speaking idiomatically. |
It seems that although Cal had gotten plenty far away from the danger before Gordok made a sudden switch with him it did not change the water situation at all. The halfling could stand up or he could drown. Or! Or. Or. Or. He could swim! In a sudden fury of bubbles Gordok emerges a beautiful iffish! As the iffish slowly moves towards his point of attack he selects a freezing spell of sorts from a mysterious rotating ring. minor: Wild Shape iffish move: crawl to M-45 The iffish knows a coward when it sees one and with a mighty leap that only the mighty dickery of the iffish can achieve it unleashes icy fury. Somewhere in another time salty tears form as a nine-year-old child smashes an oddly jeweled corded contraption against a wall due to similar circumstances. standard: Tundra Wind Cal A frozen missile screams across the water and into the hulk, but it does not have much of an effect on the hulk. The changething is not looking too good after the impact, however the iffish does not seem to care. It's an asshole like that. Action Point: Second Wind Damage: 13 to Cal, 4 to hulk Cal is now located at P-47 What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now? |
![]() Gordok had an amusing thought as he glimpses Cal seemingly fleeing once again from his place down in the water. Ah well it is time Gordy took care of business now. The halfling manages to point his wand in the general direction of the hulk and barely misses, but the massive flames still manage to scorch the Hulk. standard: Tyranny of Flame Hulk 16/2 = 8 damage to Hulk The water is becoming a bit of a problem but in troubled times such as these Gordok remembers a beautiful creature he witnessed back in his voyaging days and takes its angelic form. minor: Wild Shape juvenile mola mola move: crawl to N-47 The sunfish gracefully swims toward all the fuss and sirens out its plea for delicious, supple jellyfish. ![]() Action Point: Roar of Terror O-48,S-52 28 damage to the hulk, dazed (save ends) 8/2 = 4 damage to mangler a, dazed until next turn 8/2 = 4 damage to mangler b, dazed until next turn The hulk collapses into the Gechmirian fetal position which is a recent discovery doctors see from time to time as fishermen come ashore rendered helpless at the sight of dead fish eyes insisting the fish are out to steal their very souls. The manglers are much more fortunate only frozen for what will most likely be but a moment in their tracks. However their towering ally may not make it through this one. Action Point: Second Wind The mola mola blubs a satisfying blub as it sucks in a passing theatre pamphlet. Damage total: Hulk - 36 damage, mangler a - 4 damage, mangler b - 4 damage FELIPE NO |
"Bloop. Bloop bloop." Unbeknownst to the rest of those assembled, the Hulk had one weakness. The sight of the hideous fish stirs up old and unbearable memories in the mind of the giant foulspawn, and with a mighty groan he topples into the water as his mighty heart just plumb gives up on him. Who can even guess at the strange history between this quite harmless fish and this otherwise strong and manly specimen? It remains a mystery forever. Hulk dead! Their massive ally falls dead at the mere sight of a little fish, and the manglers are utterly dumbfounded. They still fling their knives at the cowardly priest, sure, but... it's just not the same. Their hearts aren't in it. Manglers A&B both throw daggers at Cal; both miss. ffffffFFFFTTTT ![]() What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? |
There was something that wasn't one of these little bastards, and he was WAYYY back there. Fuck that guy, man. Cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled out one of the most foul insults the world has ever seen. Shame though. The seer was just barely in earshot, and he heard what could only be described as whispers about....his sister, maybe? Something about a park bench, a badger, and a pineapple. Who knows. Hard to tell. Extreme range Vicious FAILURE on Seer Squinting to see his adversary, all Glock's robo-optics can see is one ugly motherfucker shrugging. The robot spends the next six seconds standing there making a stoic face. Jam it back in, in the dark. |
Continuing to take stock of the situation, Gheth sees Cal remains on his feet, but it's clear he's had the ever loving shit beaten out of him . Gheth gives him a nod of encouragement that he hopes is enough. Even as he advances on the mangler, Gheth imagines he hears the Hulk's last breath come out-- barely above a whisper. "Me felt like destroying something beautiful." Move to P-49 Lance of Faith on Mangler B (10 damage, +2 to Garrmondo's hit roll) Bastion of Health on Cal (Surge + 4) There's nowhere I can't reach.
Last edited by Skexis; Apr 9, 2010 at 04:06 AM.
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"Geh-gehny, no! I swear I gried everygring I coug goo to sage you! Bug no... I gaileg... I...." The dragonborn's curt nod miraculously wrenches my busted jaw back into place. Wow, is this what it's like to be healed during combat? First time for everything, I guess! HP + 15 Preoccupied with the spectre, I am naturally left with little time than to do a single attack. And that is, to ventilate one of the very rude manglers who interrupted the conversation between Denny and I with his clumsily-thrown blade! The manly fighter and the brave dragonborn have the first well and truly cornered, so let's punish the second! "I'm in the middle of a conversation here! Would you please mind your own business?!!" Twin Strike vs. Mangler A. Action Point: Twin Strike again. AC22 - dazed 2 + cover 2 = 22, 11+ with Twin Strike hits. Mangler A receives 2 hits: 9 + 10 + 2 + 2 = 23 HP damage. Activate Poisoned Longbow. Mangler A receives 5 ongoing poison and is weakened (save ends both). Cal saves vs. Dazed (19). HP counts: Mangler A: 9 Mangler B: 7 When my eyes draw back to Denny, he's dead and as silent as he ever was. What just happened? This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. |
Shoving the old man aside, the Seer slogs toward the party. The metal man in the back is shouting... something. It's hard to hear, the acoustics are terrible in here. Some theatre. Regardless, he'd have to retort somehow. "YOUR INSULTS ARE SO POORLY CONVEYED!" And was it not true that Glock had failed many times to successfully insult the Seer? The foulspawn's insightful words cut down to his cold metal heart. He'd have to get some new material once he got back to the city. Take in some shows, steal what he had to steal. Professional courtesy don't get a man paid. Glock ruminates on this problem at length, paying little attention to the mop-up happening around him. Warp Orb: 16 damage to Glock; bloodied and dazed (save ends) ![]() I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? |
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