[DnD] Magnum Innominandum (GFF D&D Adventure 7)

2 Dice Rolls damage

His work done, the mola mola rises to the surface. A bubbling froth pours forth and the halfling emerges flicking back his hair.



It's not quite as flashy as he imagines it. Gordok disregards these opinions and fires off at a mangler making a scowl of disapproval. Critics.

Move: Stand up
Minor: Wild Shape backtohalfling
shift to O-47
Standard: Eldritch Blast mangler A

10 damage to mangler A

I was speaking idiomatically.

7 Dice Rolls *aaaand I'm spent

As the halfling emerges from the water, he swiftly dispatches the hated mangler. Little did he know that Cal's poisoned arrow would have killed the beast before it could act, rendering his attack somewhat unnecessary. Still, it's one more notch that the ranger wouldn't get to put on his bow. Worth it.

The last mangler cautiously steps away from Garrmondo, who still takes a swing. The little bastards were just too nimble! Pulling the last of its bone daggers from its belt, the mangler aims for Glock. The bard is far too distracted by thoughts of his own rhetorical inadequacy to notice the incoming knives until they're protruding from his neck. Entirely too late, he thinks of a cutting insult to direct at the mangler but nothing comes out but gurgling noises. Glock topples into the water, deeply disappointed in himself.

Throwin' Bone Daggers: 27 damage to Glock (Dyin')

Garrmondo 22, Glock 21 (KO), Gheth 13, Cal 22, Seer 24, Gordok 24, Manglers 22

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

2 Dice Rolls Dazed

Slowly sinking to the bottom of the deceptively deep lake they're in, Glock ends up coming to a rest on a deep undersea rock.

The water may be messing with his optics a bit, but....nah. Is that crab...singing?

YouTube Video

And then...:

...Glock farted.

FELIPE NO

3 Dice Rolls *SKA-DOOSH

Gheth was concerned for his robot friend, but the gurgles coming to the surface of the water sounded distinctly....jaunty?

Well, as long as he was having fun.

Healing Word on Glock (surge +11)
Move to R-51
Lance of Faith on Seer (crit! 22 damage)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1 Die Roll Free Bonus Quarry Damage!

One foe remaining. And by all indications, a very slippery one. I line up a clear shot and train my bow on him. If he tries any of this teleportation nonsense, he's going to get hurt.

Hang on, Denny. Just a few seconds and this will be over, and I can give you a proper burial

as befits the Amah of Rhee.

Move to R-44.
Seer is my quarry.
Ready an Action: Twin Strike vs. seer.
Trigger: seer takes any action (move, teleport, attack) I don't feel like rolling dice. You roll, Pang.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

6 Dice Rolls heh, bend space returns?

Even as the wonderful magical crab sang his jaunty tune, Glock felt something tugging him back toward the surface. He didn't want to go back. What was up there, anyway? A bunch of sand. Glock hated sand. It was rough, and irritating, and it got everywhere... not like the ocean. Everything here was soft and smooth...

Glock's head breaks the surface of the water, little sparks flying as the muck drains out of his head. What the fuck was that shit? He'd been spending way too much time with the halfling. Once he got out of this damp shithole it was high time he found himself some less goofy company. Or perhaps some hookers. He could go either way, really.

Gheth lunges at the seer, holy fire lancing from the point of his spear — but again the foulspawn just teleports out of the way. It would have hit him dead center, too.

Bend Space, teleport to T-50.

Damp, horseless, and fed up, Cal waits for the right moment. He nocks two arrows, pulls back the string, and waits.

With his adrenaline up, the Seer already has another teleport ready — but he can't dodge everything, not while he's still materializing from the last jaunt. As he distracts the bard with yet another magical vision of undersea life, Cal looses the arrows. For an agonizing moment they seem to pass right through the seer's still-translucent chest — coming to an abrupt stop as the fat bastard fully solidifies. So that was the trick. Cal had been firing at where the foulspawn was, not where he was going to be!

Warp Orb: 9 damage to Glock (dazed, save ends)
Twin Strike: 14 damage to Seer

Gordok 24, Garrmondo 22, Glock 21, Gheth 13, Cal 22, Seer 24

There's nowhere I can't reach.

3 Dice Rolls curse damage

After a brief disappearance Glock resurfaces surrounded by his own fluids. Yeah, G-buddy doesn't look very good or all that capable of defending himself. Gordok moves to his side to give him what little cover he can.

Move to N-48

From there he can still reach the seer. Dexter makes several rude gestures in its direction. In full agreement with his little pal Gordy sends out his warlock blessing followed by a bolt of contempt.

Warlock Curse seer - 1 damage, seer cursed
Eldritch Blast seer - 12 damage, 5 curse damage

Total: 18 damage to seer

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

4 Dice Rolls save vs daze

Going before Garr

Having to leave his fishy friends behind made Glock a little sad.

But he can't be sad. Emotions are for the weak fleshy things. Be strong, robot. Be strong.

Warforged Resolve.
+6 real HP.
+11 Temp HP.

All these hits to the head makes Glock's CPU go into quantum overdrive. Suddenly everything moves in slow motion. It's almost like he can predict every move the enemy asshole is going to take.

Action Point. Glimpse the Future.
Oh go FUCK yourself

Then again perhaps not. He's just hallucinating again.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"What the FU—"

The seer barely has time to react before the massive corpse slams into him, the momentum carrying both foulspawn toward the swirling yellow light hovering near the back of the theatre. Both bodies vanish into the bright vortex, though the seer's horrified screams are still audible for about 5 seconds — whereupon they are punctuated by a distant thud.

Bresnick (though now safely out of harm's way) remains completely unresponsive. Evidently paying no attention whatsoever to the battle or its aftermath, he appears to be preoccupied with an odd-looking chunk of set dressing.

Denny's corpse releases the contents of its bowels into the water.

VICTORY!

1800 XP (360 each)

I was speaking idiomatically.

Wait, why did the Hulk's body disappear? I needed a new dild—mace

Mace (n). Versatile, Prof +2, 1d8 dmg

Much like hammers, maces are blunt weapons

that have a heavier head than handle, but they’re

more balanced than hammers. They’re useful for

delivering crushing blows.

Frustrated as I am by senseless death, I gather up all 18 bone daggers that have evidently strong abilities if I have combat advantage. I use them to hack off and collect all the the fingers of the dead manglers.

Denny, my loyal horse! Are you dead? No, you can't be dead. I.... I won't... I can't.... I can't leave you in a place like this. You must be buried with full Amah of Rhee honors.

Subtly shifting lower abdominal anatomy to female so as not to herniate myself, I gently caress Denny's head, and start dragging him out the amphitheater.

Changeling disguise: Testicles > ovaries; tentacles disappear
As soon as Glock starts song of rest, expend 1 healing surge.

Most amazing jew boots

Waiting on the stairs and gathering his thoughts, Glock watches with amusement as Cal drags the horse corpse by.

Suddenly, without warning, he belches a most monstrous belch right as the dead animal passes him by.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Flask of Dragon Breath all over Horse corpse

The carcass is immolated almost instantaneously, and turns into a fine black dust, only to get quickly washed away by the waters in which they reside.

FELIPE NO

What did you do that for? I wanted to bury him, not cremate him!.

I thought about kicking Clock in the crotch, but thought the better of it. It'd hurt me more than the sexless robot.

Muttering the word "asshole" under my breath, I stash the only parts of Denny that weren't incinerated: his waterlogged tail and his jawbone, in my pack.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The bewildered old man stares at Garrmondo for a long moment, searching the fighter's face for any trace of sarcasm. He looks at the giant yellow portal Garrmondo just hurled two foulspawn into, then looks at Garrmondo again. He frowns.

"Well, now. I can't say as I know where the harbinger and her acolytes have gone, friend! I could not follow her, sad to say. I have responsibilities here, among the flock! But should you wish to catch up to her and learn her wisdom directly, surely it is clear that she could only have left by one exit? The throngs outside the theatre are quite impassible, so it was necessary that they make their exit via this convenient window. I know not where it goes, young man, but surely they could have only gone on to bigger and better venues."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Song of Rest
Burn singular surge.


Clomping over to the old man, the robot silently grabs hold of him and drags him to the portal.

"Here, y'know what. I'm gonna be nice. You can see another show."

With that, he shoves the man's head into the portal but maintains a solid grip on his legs, trying to hold him onto this side of the rift.

After a few seconds, he drags him back out.

"So, what did you see?"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll Insight check on old man

The execrable bard was treating the mayor of Lamid like a piece of garbage. Doesn't he know NPCs are people too? Typical machines, with no moral compasses!

Well, his loss. If Geoff Bresnick recovers from his insanity, the bard will have made a powerful enemy.

Not that I cared at the moment. Utterly drained, physically and emotionally, by the day's exertions, I heave myself on the dry stairs. It was time to say goodbye

to a dear friend.

YouTube Video

Goodbye, my friend. Out of the ground wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
Use 1 healing surge, HP + 16 to 47.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Bresnick's dazed expression is gone when Glock reels him back in. The sudden shock of being thrust through the portal was evidently enough to clear the fog from his mind.

"Birds, mostly. They were all flying upside-down. And far above me, there was a floating city! People were walking around on it, and none of them fell off! It was very strange. There was a big tower in the middle of the city, and the rest of the place was, I think, balanced on top of it. It was a very tall tower. Even then, the bottom of the tower was pretty far away from me! Some strange people in robes were standing on the bottom of the tower, and they were upside-down too! I wonder if this magical upside-down city is Carcosa? It sounded like a very strange place when they described it in the play. I wonder how they keep all those things from falling down?"

Bresnick glowers about the ruined theatre, dismayed. "By Asmodeus' curly beard, what happened here? And where are my pants?"

Though the man's story doesn't make a lot of sense, Cal sees nothing in Bresnick's body language to suggest that he's intentionally deceiving them.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll Bluffing you

I point wearily to the bloated floating corpses and the mangled manglers, heaved a sigh, and told him:

You killed them all, sir. You said the Harbinger made you do it. But it's okay, my lips are sealed. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Radcliff sent us here to investigate and extract you. Shall we get you to safety, sir?

I was speaking idiomatically.

"Your lips are sealed, my foot. It'll be my word against yours, and I can only imagine how many witnesses saw you storming in here with your weapons out — whereas I'm totally unarmed. Did I strangle all of them, do you think? I'll find my own way out, I wager — you seem about as slimy as a salamander's ass."

Bresnick backs up against the wall, waiting for the party to cease obstructing the exit before he attempts to leave.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I could have phrased it better. By killing, I meant he killed all the people in the amphitheater indirectly, by summoning the foulspawn as per the Harbinger's wishes. Foulspawn that we've had to kill. He was obviously no hostage, we just saw the Hulk ate one of the women, after all.

Looks like Bresnick was too canny to fall for a little blackmail. Hiding my disappointment, I shrugged.

"... Whatever."

If old man Geoff is so eager to get out, let him. I move to the side of the stairwell, take an exaggerated bow, and gestured towards the entrance. It would be most amusing to see how an old man in his underwear get past a crazed mob.

FELIPE NO

Gheth manages to find time to bandage a few wounds before dimensional travel takes priority.
With the only witness seeming to be a bust at the moment, Gheth is content with Garrmondo's efforts at keeping him from hurting himself.

Use 1 surge
Stand around and look good

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Garrmondo quickly takes a look outside before letting Bresnick wander into danger.

Though it's only been a few minutes since Radcliff's troops started culling the crowd, he's making good progress: the ratio of mutant crazies relative to regular crazies in the mob seems greatly improved. Moreover, the violence has subsided significantly since Bresnick stopped issuing proclamations from within the theatre. Bresnick gives no outward sign that his madness has vanished, and the crowd largely treats him as one of their own. Garrmondo watches the old man pass through the crowd until he sees him safely reach the barricades on the other side, and returns to his companions.

Was it worthwhile to investigate the other end of the portal further? Judging from the mayor's account, they'd best find themselves a tall ladder...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I tie one end of my 50-foot climbing rope to an arrow shaft, with the other end securely attached to a pillar.

I shoot the portal with one of my disease-causing arrows. If it hits someone, they might lose a healing surge! Mwa ha ha.

If we're going mountaineering then I'll need to retrieve my climber's kit. Against all odds, the crazy old man found his way through the crowd unmolested. Surmising that a lack of pants is useful camouflage, I take off my trousers, act insane, and dance

my way past the crowd.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Cal shoots at a portal, and almost immediately after the arrow vanishes into the light a loud squawk is heard. A spray of blood spurts through the portal, along with three unusually large feathers. The rope Cal had tied to his arrow immediately goes taut, and the support pillar on the on the other end begins to creak. Cal's evidently hooked a big one.

Ignoring this unusual turn of events, Cal promptly removes his pants and mingles into the gradually-dispersing crowd. Upon reaching his wagon, he discovers a terrible thing: a nearby tenement house has succumbed to the barely-controlled fires raging in the town, and has collapsed upon his beloved wagon! Acting quickly, the pantsless ranger extinguishes the fire in the wagon before much damage is done, but he still suffers some loss of property from both the fire and the crushing force of the collapsing building.



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Nature Knowledge Check

The Universe is conspiring to destroy my property and send me to the poorhouse. But at least I am being repaid for the loss of Denny by a fine white ox

that apparently fell from a burning building. Thank the Traveler for small favors!

Clearing away the debris from my wagon, I briefly survey what other possessions that belonged to the unfortunate building tenants have found their way into my property.

I take a moment to enjoy the cool wafting breeze of the night. Pants are overrated. Besides, mine are all soggy. I ignite a torch to dry them more quickly.

While warming up my trousers, my mind drifts toward the squawk and gigantic feathers. What kind of beast could have made such a sound and has such accouterments?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Returning to the front of the gate with the rest of the group, Glock looks around for a barracks or something in which to take a god damn nap.

I was speaking idiomatically.