[DnD] Secret Cow Level (GFF D&D Adventure 6)

1 Die Roll brand

Gheth makes several quick experimental thrusts of his spear towards the Troll's eyes, making the Troll distracted and off balance when Garrmondo steps inside its reach and manages to bludgeon it with his shield. He dances back before the Troll's counter-swipe can reach him, and Gheth sees an opening he can exploit. His grip falters, however, and the blade skitters across the troll's tough hide.



Righteous Brand on Troll (miss)
Well that was anticlimactic

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls holy shit apparently I do

Going Before Acer in the turn order~

"Ok buddy, you can do this. Don't worry. It's not the same bear you saw. This one's cute. Cuddly. He's your friend. Remember? No harm will come of this."

Trying to convince himself it'll be ok, Glock disables his mechanical eyeballs for a moment and slowly walks up past the bear.

Emerging safely on the other side, the lights on his face reignite, and he feels like a much bigger, better roboman for overcoming his fears.

"EYE OF THE TIGER. YEAH. WHOOO."

Move to T-4

He hadn't gotten such an adrenaline rush like this since he base jumped off of a post office into a pile of homeless elves, and as such Glock's enthusiasm leads to him casually stabbing the annoying ranged shootin' dwarf RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.

"SURPRISE NIGGA"

War Song Strike
lmao, critical.
8 + 5 + 8 = 21 Damage. Huzzah.
If scout is still alive, Acer gets 1 HP () if he hits it after this. 1 HP my asshole. Totally switching this move when I get the chance.

Even with that wound, the scout spoke. He had not yet seen the robot engage anything with the stabby stabby. In fact, NO ONE HAD.

"So what type of combat training do you have?"

Glock smirked. "Fencing."

I was speaking idiomatically.

4 Dice Rolls Quarry

"Deep breath, Cal. Deep breath."

The changeling takes a moment to compose himself, comforted by the warm crackles from Helga's hearth.

The Traveler is clearly testing him here. "Be adaptable, Cal. Go with the flow. Show no one your true nature." And a most insecure true nature it truly was.

Cal pokes his head outside the door. Was that troll laughing at him? Yes, he must be. He's pointing his gigantic finger towards Cal, and grunting to himself! How dare he!

"Rude trolls who laugh at others' misfortunes must be punished!" Cal thinks to himself.

Gathering his reserves of vocal power, he swears at Gorg, while slowly walking back to the burning log:

Laugh at me, will you? I'll show you! I'm going to get you, troll! I will skin you alive, and wear your ass as my armor! I'll dig out your heart and have your bones to grind my bread!

And although Cal was essentially opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish while wagging his finger at the troll, he was already plotting what he would do to Gorg after the troll has the courtesy to die. Cal has salivated over very expensive bracers

and armor

in the past, and wonders how much Gorg's skin will fetch on the market.

Around the corner, the warforged mumbled something about hurling a ball in the trash in order to spill it? That doesn't sound right... Cal's puzzled why the robot would say such a thing. Couldn't have come from him - he's been struck mute just now and was unable to communicate any information verbally, after all.

Move to AB-3
Knowledge Check: What is the resale value of Gorg's hide, expressed in GP per kilogram? If there is value, how long will it take to skin Gorg?

Anyway, Cal won't be dissuaded from his desire to punish the rude troll. He ignites a pair of arrows, and lets them loose on Gorg. Cal hopes all the burning that's being done on Gorg's skin won't hurt the resale value of the hide.

Twin Strike, with improvised fire arrows, at Gorg.
First Attack hits, second attack misses. Gorg takes 2+7+2=11 HP damage.

Again, one of the arrows miss. A tad frustrated at his missing a creature that is twice his size -- "What kind of a archer ranger are you, Cal?!!" goes his internal monologue -- Cal punches his adventurer's pack. A bastard sword came flying out, hitting the floor Cal's standing on. The dress it fell on muffled out the sound from the drop.

"That was close!" thinks Cal. "Almost sliced my toes off!"

Retrieve and drop Bastard Sword.



Most amazing jew boots

2 Dice Rolls AGE OF AQUARIUS

Glock thinks the changeling is being ridiculous, and reminds him that they have to BURN THE TROLL TO ASH IN ORDER TO KILL IT.

While Glock is busy attempting to get this across, Gordy decides it is THE END OF DAYS for the the brothers Grimm.

While the scout was busy getting mouth shanked, the bear walked up behind him.

"OH LA LA MR. DERIK. DO YOU LIKE HAMBURGERS?"

Move to R-4
Savage Rend
11 + 6 + 2 = 19 > 16. Hit.
2 + 4 = 6 Damage.

The following is only if the scout is dead

The dwarf liquefies into a pile of entrails and urine. The bear sits back on it's haunches and claps it's hands. "HORRAY I DID IT. MR. BUM FAIRY YOU HAVE BEEN AVENGED".

A faint "horray" in a very eldergilly like voice could be heard from SOMEWHERE MYSTERIOUS

"Now it's time to TRANSMOGRIFY"

Wild Shape back to halfling

FELIPE NO

7 Dice Rolls Gheth's damage

Garrmondo whirls around in a great arc, slashing all about in every direction. Gorg looks on with a dim curiosity as the gears turn in his tiny walnut brain, and even as he swipes at the fighter he reaches a chilling conclusion.

WHO HE CUTTING? GORG ONLY ONE HERE.

MAYBE IS A GHOST. GHOSTS INVISIBLE SOMETIMES.

WAIT. GORG IS AFRAID OF GHOSTS.

THEY ARE RESISTANT TO CRUSHING. IT CONFUSES GORG.

"ATTENTION", Gorg shouts, calling on all his limited language skills to explain things to the noisy people. "SOMETHING STRANGE IN GORG NEIGHBORHOOD. IT WEIRD AND NOT LOOK GOOD. I LEAVE NOW, COME BACK WHEN THINGS LESS SPOOKY."

This was the most complex concept Gorg had ever managed to convey verbally. It made his head hurt, but also he felt kind of proud.

Since the fortress is obviously haunted Gorg's first impulse is to flee into the Labyrinth, but alas: some vicious person had left a burning log on the bridge.

MY ONE WEAKNESS.

HOW THEY KNOW?!

His only hope was to escape via the back door by returning to his pen. Yet many noisy folk blocked the way. Gorg would have to suck in his gut and sidle past. It was a risky move, but not nearly as risky as g-g-g-g-ghosts.

Fire arrows = no regen
Claw vs Garrmondo: miss (sigh)
Gorg squeezes past Gheth and moves into the hallway
Garrmondo's AoO: 10 damage to Gorg
Gheth's AoO: 9 damage to Gorg (bloodied)
Holy crap this thing is basically useless without support
Zerg, ask yourself: what sensible merchant wants to get a reputation for dealing in troll hide. A suicidal one, is what.

Gheth 13, Glock 4, Gordok 3, Cal 3, Garrmondo 3, Gorg 25

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Glock recalls something from a library book he checked out not but a few months ago. He was very glad he did. "101 Uses for Dwarf Corpses: A Lifestyle of Recycling and Reducing your Carbon Footprint." Pincushion, distraction, signage, inkwell. And now LIGHTBULB. Oh ho ho, Glock is going to have to write that author a bit of fanmail when he gets the chance.

And with that, the robot grabs the corpse of the recently slain scout and tosses it forward.

A very dead Derik to W-5.

"Troll."

Glock may be seething with anger, but he is not about to let organic EMOTIONS get the better of him as he slowly walks forward.

"You have killed the bravest, most courageous of Orcs. His ghost will haunt you until the end of time. Even the sweet embrace of death will not save you. In the afterlife he shall hunt you down mercilessly, and burn you with the strongest fires imaginable, those of the flames in his eyes. You shall find no respite in death or life from here on."

"But if you think we're going to let you live to deal with just a small haunting, you've got another thing coming."

Move to V-4.
Grab Torch on the wall.

The metal eyelids on Glock's face closed precisely 62.5% as he squinted at the beast.

"Fuck you"

Drop Torch onto Derik in W-5, turning him into a lovely bonfire that smells of vaguely of bacon, with notes of sour grapes, maple wood, and disgusting burning flesh.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

3 Dice Rolls curse damage

"Gorg! Gordok see scary orc ghost fly round Gorg head! Ghost scary! Gordok think scary ghost want Gorg eyes! Close Gorg eyes Gorg! No let ghost get Gorg eyes! Gorg!"

Gordok adds a bit of flying evil of his own to this frenzy of fears.

Eldritch Blast Gorg

"No Gorg! Scary ghost try go through Gorg now! Close Gorg eyes!"

Gorg takes 12 ghastly damage

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls damage

Gheth pauses, momentarily rethinking the stratagem of cornering something that does so enjoy the crushing part of its daily activities. Ultimately, though, he decides that he doesn't want his allies to think of him as a wet blanket where murder is concerned. After all, not killing things is totally gay.

This in mind, he charges the troll with a cry that springs to his lips unbidden:

"I...I was the first one that wanted to kill him!"

Shift to Z -5
Righteous Brand on troll with bonus to Garrmondo (7 damage)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

3 Dice Rolls Quarry

So, the Troll wants to get the delicious barbecue the robot's cooking? He can't have any, Cal's tummy is rumbling! Grumbling about freeloading trolls, Cal pierces the troll's left buttocks with a carefully-placed fire arrow.

Careful attack on Gorg: 9+12 vs 20, hit. Gorg takes 6+2+3=11 HP damage. Pang, just to cross-check my chart, did Gorg get bloodied after either one of the AoOs?

Ahh, accurate, just like the way he likes it. Let the others slash at Gorg's behind their fancy weapons. Cal will be just shootery from afar.

Maybe the human fighter can make some use of that sword that's clattered to the ground. Cal picks both sword and dress (the lizard's gonna need a new tunic after all, and might look even fetching in this dress), and deposits them into the hands of the human while passing through. After receiving the latter's own sword, Cal ends his turn on the bridge, right behind the burning log.

Pick up sword and dress. Move to AF-4. While passing through AB-5, drop them both into Garrmondo's hands. Garr, with your permission, may we assume you've dropped (or handed over) your sword while this is happening?

I'm technically taking two minors here (pick sword, pick dress), but I'm hoping Pang will allow that the action takes place in one single motion.


I don't have stats for the sword in Garrmondo's hands; based on my limited understanding of battle mechanics, Tide of Iron does 1[W]+Strength Mod. Bastard Swords are 1d10, has enchantment bonus of +1. Garr's strength mod is 5, and he's got a feat bonus of 1, so 1d10+7. Skex gave him a bonus from Righteous Brand equal to his strength mod (3), crit bonus is 1, and hitting the wall is 1. For a total damage of 22. Am I calculating this correctly?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

4 Dice Rolls wall bonus ahoy

Glock deposits Derek's still-twitching corpse on the floor in front of Gorg and, sneering, drops a torch on the duergar's limp body. The greasy dwarf's corpse ignites almost instantaneously, blocking the corridor with a foul bonfire. Thick black smoke rapidly fills the hallway, seeping under the closed doors and pouring out into the open room to the north. G-Unit couldn't ask for a more obvious announcement of their presence.

Heavy smoke spreads 1 square in every direction at the end of a round. Characters in the smoke (Gorg and Glock, as of this post) have partial concealment.

With fire both front and behind and solid walls on either side, Gorg finds himself without much hope of escape.

TOO BAD. GORG MAKE OWN OPENING.

"GORG TAKE CHANCE WITH LOG. GET OUT OF GORG WAY."

Whirling on the fighter, he swiftly grabs Garrmondo by the throat and flings him away. Hurtling through the air, Garrmondo crashes headlong into one of the minotaur statues along the west wall and slumps to the floor. His vision swims, and the blood pouring down his forehead doesn't help matters. It'll take a moment to get his wits about him.

Burned, no regen
Choke and Throw: 11 damage to Garrmondo; stunned

You grant combat advantage.

You can’t take actions.

You can’t flank an enemy.

until after Gorg's next turn, prone, bloodied

Gheth 13, Glock 4, Gordok 3, Cal 3, Garrmondo 3 (STUNNED), Gorg 25

I was speaking idiomatically.

1 Die Roll check if req'd

Hmm. The book said nothing about the smell of burning rubber and garbage. Gonna have to find a way to limit where this smoke goes.

A little LED goes off in Glock's head as he remembers his robo-grade school fire drills.

Move to R-6
Grab sheets off bed

He pauses for a second, trying to determine what that is at P-9.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit."

Running back to where the doors close. Glock proceeds to drop the sheets across the bottom of the door sill.

Judging by this

it's at the boundary between S and T.

Move to T-4
Drop sheets along that boundary.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

4 Dice Rolls Bluff Check

Cal could've sworn duergars were fire-resistant, but perhaps he's been confusing them with drows. Still, with the speed that the being formerly known as Derik is burning up, it would seem that like their troll pet, the duergar are vulnerable to fire. Not that Cal particularly cares, of course. The day's been rather eventful, with Cal going through a whole gamut of emotion in a matter of minutes.

He's gone through great fear, watching the incredible hulking Rundarr grow, then great glee as he deflated like a balloon. Cal was greatly confident as they engaged in their triumphant charge, but that turned to great dismay as enemies beset them from all sides. Then came great relief when the halfling saved them all, and great gloating as he knocked out a duergar's family jewels. He experienced great fear when the troll burst on the scene, then great sorrow as his orcish ally dies. Finally came great anger at the troll, and great frustration at his own ineptness with the arrow.

What great emotion shall Cal experience today? The troll staggers, frightened and unsure, and most unfortunately scored a lucky strike on the human. No matter, less thinking, more archerying, as the still-mute Cal places himself in great personal danger and moves back inside the castle.

Move to AB-3 and drop Bloodclaw sword.
Careful attack with improvised fire arrow on Gorg: 10+12-2=20 vs AC 20, hit.
Gorg takes 4+2+4=10 HP damage. About 47 HP remaining.

Gorg obviously is well-trained and doesn't attack duergars. Since ol' Derik's producing what seems to be an alarming amount of obscuring smoke, Cal, with a great sense of caution, takes the opportunity to shapeshift into Helga. The dim-witted troll would never know the difference, Cal silently cackles, especially if he can't see me transform.

Changeling Disguise to Female Duergar Theurge (Helga). Bluff Check (5) + Class Bonus (5) + Bluff Score (13) = 23.
Gorg must beat 23 on his insight check to see through the ruse.


FELIPE NO

2 Dice Rolls healing

Gheth thought he saw the changeling open his mouth to say something, but then he closed it again.

It was just as well. Things had gotten complicated enough with the troll and the hurling and the pulverizing and the glaiven-hulg-gloiven. A quick reassurance sent the fighter's way would surely help him back to his feet, however.

Privately, Gheth wondered if he might be having a stroke. As far as everyone else was concerned, he made quite a heroic figure as he thrust his spear towards the troll once more. He missed, but in purely heroic fashion.

Righteous Brand on troll
Healing Word on Garrmondo
Sleep loss clearly catching up with me

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

3 Dice Rolls curse damage

Smoke! Gordok knew what smoke was good for! Chasing away bees! But there were no bees here and that meant no delicious honey for Gordok to steal. With a disappointed frown Gordok walks out into the hallway and closes the door behind him securing all air flow with the bedsheets Glock had dropped before. There would be no use sending smoke into that room. No bees. No, Gordok, no bees.

Turning around Gordy decides to shout something to Gorg in order to forget.

"Gorg! Scary ghost heading for bridge! Gorg! Scary ghost passing through you again! Look out Gorg! Gorg!"

Move T-5
Close doors so they close on top of sheet, blocking smoke
Eldritch Blast Gorg

Gorg eerily receives yet another 12 ghastly damage.

"Gorg! Gordok tell Gorg these things. Why Gorg no listen to Gordok? Scary ghost at bridge. Stay inside! Scary ghost gonna get Gorg! Gorg!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

4 Dice Rolls insightful?

Glock and his strange little companion act quickly, slamming the northern doors shut and stuffing sheets in the gap beneath. No smoke would be escaping in that direction, anyway.

"ENTIRE PLACE IS FULL OF GREY GHOSTS!", Gorg bellows. Thinking quickly (by troll standards), he devises a way to eliminate the threat of the burning log. Snatching up Gheth, he flings the cleric in the direction of the bridge. In a great stroke of luck, Gheth lands heavily directly atop the log, his heavy armor snuffing out the flames almost immediately. Gheth's head also collides with the stone bridge, knocking him for a loop.

Gorg charges toward the bridge, his escape assured — except that Gheth still clumsily waved his flaming spear around in the air. Gorg had not thought this plan all the way through.

"GORG NOT TRUST", Gorg shouts at Gordok through the thick smoke. "ALWAYS WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT GHOST, A GHOST ATTACKS. YOU IN CAHOOTS!"

Gorg looks quizzically at "Helga", and then, even more baffled, at Helga's dead body a few yards to the east. But then he shrugs.

"GOOD JOB ON KILL DOPPELGANGER!" Gorg shouts in Cal's face. "HE VERY NOISY. I GLAD HE DEAD. HELP ME MOVE DUMB LIZARD, OKAY?"

Gordok actually misses due to Gorg's concealment
9 damage to Gheth (stunned for a round, prone)
Garrmondo cured of stun

Gheth 13 (STUNNED), Glock 4, Gordok 3, Cal 3, Garrmondo 3, Gorg 25

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls Uncle Grinch needs a 2 or more

"Helga" is as terrified as can be. Being this close to Gorg is one of the scariest experiences he's ever had yet. His shapeshifting appears to have repaired his vocal cords. Thank the gods for small favors, Cal thinks, as he surreptitiously stashes his longbow in his pack.

I am going first in the move order.
Minor: Stow longbow

"Manners, Gorg! I'm not deaf!" she cackled at the troll. "And asking a lady to do a man's job, well I never!"

"But..." Helga pauses as she considers his request, "I reckon you deserve a reward for your good work in killing this filthy lizard. He's twitchin' jes' like ya cuts off a lizard tail."

"Tell ya whats, Gorg!" Helga continues as she starts dragging the dead cleric, whose flailing is clearly his muscles going into rigor mortis and is not indicative of signs of life in any way. "I'll makes a deal with ye."

Gorg does not consider me a threat, so I won't attract any AoO from him. Gheth's movement is forced, so he won't attract any AoO either.
Move: Drag Gheth away from the bridge. I am assuming I'm slowed in doing this and can go 2 squares. I end up at Z-4, Gheth remains prone at AA-3.

"After we kill all them fake ghosts," Helga winks suggestively at the muscular hunk of troll meat, "we have a rough little tumble in the room up yonder?"

"What do you say, Gorgy--"

Helga breaks into an extremely loud and obnoxious burp, followed by a wet slippery passing of air. Which completely takes Gorg by surprise, making him less prepared for what the human was about to do next.

Major: Aid Garrmondo's attack, bolstering with Lucky Charm if need be. 8+4=12 vs 10, succeed.
Garr gets +2 to hit in his next attack.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

3 Dice Rolls curse damage

Gordok runs down the hallway gasping for air all the while shouting through the fog.

"Gorg what Gorg doing? No go bridge Gorg! Scary ghost out there! Listen to Gordok. Gorg come inside. Gorg!

Move to Y-4
Diabolic Grasp Gorg

A dark sinister hand grapples Gorg and drags him thrashing about out onto the bridge before giving the cave troll his last waking moment before plummeting down below into pit of broken corpses and excrement.

Gorg receives 23 damage and is dragged from ac-5 to ad-6 to ae-7

"GORG! NO! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!!!"

But it is far too late. Gorg is gone now. One day you'll have your very own cave troll buddy, Gordok. Today is just not that day. Yes, Gorg will be missed greatly by all.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Helga" watches wistfully as the mischievous ghosts push poor Gorg into the abyss. It took a while before an audible SPLAT could be heard.

"An' here I was, lookin' forward to a good-size meal o' rocky cave oysters!"

She coughs a little bit. It's getting rather smoggy in here.

I was speaking idiomatically.

His fears confirmed, Gorg is swept to his doom by what is clearly a spooky giant ghost hand. He has one solace as he tumbles down toward the jagged rocks below: it was extremely likely that he would return to haunt them. A ghost troll! Imagine it. You'd be twice as invincible. Twinvincibilty, you'd call—

splut

The troglodytes feast well tonight.

VICTORY! 2300 XP + 200 XP Achievement Bonus (Big Game Hunter, Perfect Fit) = 2500 XP / 5 = 500 XP each.

AP awarded due to excessive combat budget.

1 healing surge deducted due to smoke inhalation.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Shrugging, Helga picks up the Bloodclaw Sword and stashes it into her magic pack. She goes on to plunder the real Helga of her clothes for use as disguise tools, having already donated the filched peasant smock to the naked lizard with the flaming spear.

Trusting the robot to take care of the grease fire he started, Helga goes on to actively explore the surrounding areas (and corpses) for loot. Respectfully steering clear of Doorman Orc of course, Gruumsh rests his soul.

Gordok tags along with your permission, Acer? to aid in spotting things like hidden treasure, knickknacks, trapdoors, etc.

What's Helga wearing? Can I lift it?
Gather up all the findable loot from all available corpses except Doorman Orc.
Go through the doors encircled here

and carefully but silently examine the rooms for plunder. Sort everything in a nice little pile.

Of course, there's also the matter of getting usable biological treasure from Eunuch Erik. Helga drags him to the bedroom and thoroughly ties him to the bed. While he is unconscious, Helga begins harvesting his beard quills.

FELIPE NO

Glock whips out his waterskin and proceeds to pour it all over the flaming dwarf corpse, putting the fire out. He's a robot. What the fuck good is water anyway other than for short circuits and sexy t-shirt contests?

Both Helgas (dead and otherwise) didn't have the chesticles for it anyway, so no big loss.

While the...what did his midget friend call it? Changething?

While THAT was dragging a punctured and battered dwarf into a bedroom. By him(it)self. While assuming the form of a woman... Glock came to wonder just how the hell he managed to group up with the one individual on this entire plane who's sexual shenanigans outdid his own. Absolutely bizarre.

Glock found the body of his poor best friend, and quickly padded it down for two things. Assuming the orc would wear his dog tags around his neck, he searched for those as a simple momento and his back pocket for Doorman's wallet. Glock was hoping he could, at least, get an address off his SPEAR USERS LICENSE in order to send the wife a condolences letter. Maybe send a cheque or something if they need help staying afloat without the wage earner around.

Grabbing Doorman's corpse, he carefully brought it near the rubble in the east hallway. Laying it out respectfully, he slowly sang as he piled the rubble atop the body.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Funeral dirge doubles as Song of Rest
Everyone gets +4 HP regained per healing surge during this short rest

Getting one final idea, Glock reached into the rubble and grabbed the orc's right arm and pulled it free. Grasping one of Doorman's middle fingers and extending it while bending the arm straight up, so that when rigor set in, even in death, Doorman's epic bird flip spreads his message of telling the establishment to go fuck itself.

Everyone who passed by would know that here lies someone who would mess your shit right up. So pay your respects.

Lastly, he writes a rhyme on the wall.

HERE LIES DOORMAN, GREATEST OF ORCS.
SO LISTEN UP, YOU LAMEST OF DORKS.
HE DIED FOR YOU AND ME
SO WE COULD WORK HAPPILY
SO BOW YOUR HEAD DOWN, FOOL
BEFORE THIS MAN, THE GREATEST OF COOL

Shedding one final tear, Glock proceeded to gather the brimstone from the exploded hammer of Helgas, searching the entire room for every possible scrap and piece. BE DILIGENT, ROBOT. YOU MUST FIND ALL OF IT.

Burn two surges for healin'
Gather up every spec of that brimstone.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1 Die Roll character check

Gheth leaned heavily on his spear, trying to clear the white fuzz that seemed to be filling his vision. That last punch had certainly knocked him for a loop, but though dazed, he was able to see the troll manhandled over the edge of the bridge without further injury on their part.

As he looked around, he took note of Cal, the changeling, busying himself with the lone survivor. To Gheth's dismay, he realized Cal had more than mere interrogation in mind for the helpless dwarf.

The dragonborn was not sure how to feel about "harvesting" their recently defeated enemies. He had been raised to treat any adversaries, large or small, with respect as peers in battle. Not as usable meat. This seemed to go against everything he stood for. Plus, the changeling was hovering over an unconscious dwarf and plucking his beard. The creep-factor of their companion had just skyrocketed.

"First you want to boil them, and then you want to groom them. Changeling, I think you need a vacation."

"Do what you will for the moment. But I have an eye firmly on you for the future."

Healing surge to full
Restraint roll passes-- barely!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Helga looks curiously at the overgrown lizard -- who introduced himself as Cheth -- with more than a hint of incredulity. These.... dark dwarves.... these fire-vulnerable poison-resistant creatures... these cruel slavers... they are subpar beings by dint of their acts. Surely they do not deserve the dragonborn's mercy!

Besides, it's not as if the team is going to let him live. That warforged bard looked angry enough to rip him to pieces, for one. And they certainly can't have him going off and preparing his compatriots for their presence.

Helga tut-tutted at the cleric's naive idealism. Holding to your ideals might do very well for a scholar ensconced in a library, or a cleric in a monastery. But showing kindness or mercy to one's enemies would certainly be misconstrued as a sign of weakness. In such a dog-eat-dog world, where one must kill or be killed. Eat or be eaten. Circle of life, after all.

Any hint of irritation the changeling felt is quickly suppressed. She clearly has lots of practice in deception.

"Honorable dragonborn, I... admit I was not thinking clearly when I boiled the dwarf earlier. I was blinded by a bloodlust driven by avarice then. That is no longer the case now. Rest assured that if he dies, it will not be by my hand."

"No, brother. I only do this to ensure that he does not try anything funny during our interrogation. It won't do to have him puncture us with poison, would it?"

Helga continues plucking out Erik's beard hairs until he's as smoothly-shaven as a baby. She stashes the poisonous quills, brimming with a surge of satisfaction.

Spend one healing surge. Regain 11+4 = 15 HP

Upon leaving the bedroom, Helga notices the robot on all fours, frantically scraping at the walls and floor. Poor thing, he shouldn't be consoling himself like that. And in public too. What was his name again? Oh yes, Clock, wasn't it? That's what Cheth told her. What a team they were. Cal, Clock, Cheth, Carrmondo, and Cordok.

"There there, honeybuns," Helga says as she sidles up to Glock. "Ah know it's hard, but what can we do but to move on?" Helga slips off her lucky charm, and adorns the warforge's neck with it.

"Sugah, ah've seen what you can do. And ah shure like what ah see. Look me up tonight, it'll make us both feel better" she whispers in what appears to be his ear.

Give Lucky Charm to Glock and equip Amulet of Health.
Pang, it appears no one was interested in Delic's Holy Symbol of Amaunator. Can we just retroactively say I picked it up? (It's one of the treasures from the kruthik encounter)

Most amazing jew boots

2 Dice Rolls Cal bluffs vs Erik

Cal pokes around, opening doors which likely only lead into smaller rooms and searching for loot. Sadly, there's not much loot to speak of. There's a small chest by the foot of one of the beds in the smaller bunkrooms, but it's unfortunately locked. The dead orc's halberd looks significantly more ornate than you would expect from an orc's weapon, but it's fairly likely the warforged wouldn't look kindly on Cal swiping it.

LOOT: 4 warhammers, 2 crossbows, 10 bolts, 4 sets chainmail, 3 sets hide armor, 3 clubs, 1 halberd

Pondering on this, he then plucks Helga's tattered robe from her corpse and packs it away. The sight of a naked duergar corpse is best unremarked upon.

Puttering back down the hall, Cal drags the barely-alive scout back to the bunkrooms for an interrogation. Waiting for the dwarf to stir, Cal idly plucks out his beard. Just to be a dick, I guess. Who knows.

Then, in an ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE interlude, he gives away his lucky charm.

After a brief interlude of of flirting with robots and justifying grotesquery, the dwarf begins to stir. Almost instantly upon waking he glances down to find his chin bare — then he glances up to see Helga apparently in parley with the invaders. His mind races.

"Madam Theurge, what is the meaning of this?"

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Bluff check I think?

Glock reminds the shapeshifter that HE KNOWS HE'S A SHAPESHIFTER, and there is no pretend morphing poonany is in his future.

"Couldn't you have transmorphed into Amaemar the Hot or something and before talking like that?"

Hearing the dwarf stir, Glock brushes past his increasingly disturbing party member and quickly considers throwing him into the fireplace.

Considering the more pressing matters to attend to, though, he reminds himself that that'll always be an option in the future, should it come to it.

Grabbing the dwarf by the collar, he drags it all the way back to the bridge, and pushes it up to the edge.

The vitriol in his voice was impossible to miss.

"You. You killed my friend. Your pet may have done the act, but he was only following orders. Your orders."

"So now we're going to play a game. You tell me what I want to know, and I don't kill you. You lie to me, and I start removing fingers. If you piss me off, you'll wish fingers were the only thing I'd have cut off."



"What is the remaining defensive contingent within the fortress? I want troop numbers, placements, types."

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?