[DnD] All In The Same Boat (GFF D&D Adventure 4)

2 Dice Rolls wight claw damage

In what was rapidly becoming the story of his life, Soggy found himself immobilized again. Dead sick of this sort of thing, he just begins hacking away at his own legs until they decide to behave. Negative reinforcement, that's the only way. If you're not tough with your limbs they'll never learn to behave.

The last of the walking dead, a lanky thing in a tattered robe, springs over the cart and rakes Soggy with his bony hands. Aside from the wound itself, the creature must be delivering some kind of anticoagulant — Motsognir's blood is flowing out of him significantly faster than it probably ought.

6 damage to Motsognir; 1 surge lost

In an unconventional move, Delic boldly stands on the edge of a cliff and attempts to provoke a winged thing into lunging at him. Regrettably for the careers of future bards, his provocations are ignored.

Garrmondo, Bob, Gabe, Rotwing Zombies, Chllborn Zombies, Motsognir, Wight, Delic

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

3 Dice Rolls Damage

With little room to manouver on the thin path, I ducked away from the dead things as well as I could. A fireblast would probably be the best option against the frozen zombies I figured but with them right up on us already, the risk of hitting my companions was too great. Hoping that the less frosty looking beasts weren't too cold proof, I sent an icy beam streaking towards the flying thing and the jumping thing nearest me.

Shift south (That is a path square right?), Icy rays on closer Rotwing and Wight

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Bath House Pang House

Regrettably for the careers of future bards, his provocations are ignored.

And suddenly, although barely audible, the Horde could hear a faint voice on the wind.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll to hit radiant smite

As the Wight suddenly lunged at Soggy, the Paladin's nostrils were filled with the stench of the undead. Outside, beneath the sky, these beasts dared attack a Paladin of the Storm God? Truly their foolishness knew no bounds. Even as the creature focused on his ally, the holy warrior's axe began to glow with a pure, white light. His eyes glazed over with the radiance of Kord's divine will.

He then promptly swings directly over its head, embarrassing himself horrendously. Bollocks.

With a resigned sigh, he flips off the winged horror at N7 with a divine challenge.

FELIPE NO

5 Dice Rolls chillborn slam v Garrmondo

Start of Garrmondo's turn: 5 cold damage from Chillborn aura

Grimacing under the bitter chill emanating from the frozen corpse, Garrmondo begins the onerous task of shoving it toward the precipice. With any luck the fall would break it into little frozen pieces.

Bob rolled his eyes theatrically. What was the use in dabbling in both necromancy and cryomancy if his enemies were going to send frozen ice zombies after him? He felt a little upstaged. Sure, he could always get into fireballs and all that business but the next thing you know it'd be all red dragons and lava golems at the front door. At least the dead were fairly predictable and stupid. He shot off a lance of ice at the slavering thing in the robes, which at least had the decency to act like a reanimated deader ought to instead of flying around like a ponce.

Icy Rays: 15 damage to Wight (immobilized for a round)

Chillborn Aura: 5 damage to Gabe

With no fear of the high cliff's edge the winged zombies lunge for the paladin as he flips them the bird. His middle finger extends and a nimbus of holy light emanates forth from his knuckles, creating, quite paradoxically, an obscene gesture which is simultaneously a sacrosanct and holy act. It's a great bit of luck that news of this event never spread beyond the Horde, as the ecclesiastical fallout from such a baffling theological conundrum may well have led directly into a massive reassembly of the church of Kord. Luckily, no one ever found out except the zombies, who were more interested in introducing their skulls to Gabe's than questions of faith.

Slam: 6 damage to Gabe

The chillborn zombie scowls at Garrmondo. He didn't climb out of a meat locker and scale a thrice-cursed mountain so some warmblood could push him around. He'd had quite enough of being pushed around in life, thank you very much, which is what leads one to the unwise decision of camping overnight in a Thayan meat locker which (as it turns out) only unlocks from the outside.

Of course, this line of reasoning is largely subconscious, the chillborn's active thoughts are more akin to "GRAH" or "FFFFFNNNHRRRGGH". Not that he could have explained his position to Garrmondo anyway; his tongue had snapped off and rolled downhill into the ocean a few days back.

Start of Motsognir's turn: 5 damage from Chillborn aura (bloodied). Immobility expires.

Motsognir, Wight, Delic, Garrmondo, Bob, Gabe, Rotwing Zombies, Chllborn Zombies

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

4 Dice Rolls damage wight

Taking a step back from the ice creature, Motsognir rubs his hands together furiously in an attempt to warm himself. Blasted cold fingers he thought, shoving his arms down his trousers. Ahhhh, that's better the dwarf exhaled pleasantly, closing his eyes for an instant. The warmth crawled up his arms as he opened his eyes, and he saw his elfen woman heave a bolt of ice at the foul dead. Oh, sweet lady elf. He stood and gazed for a moment, blissfully unaware, before realizing his hands had grown uncomfortably warm. Removing them from his pants and seeing their red glow, he quickly pointed his arms towards the wight. A burst of confetti sticks to the frost in the dwarf's beard, making him look like a Discordian everchurn pastry, as the fire shoots from his palms.

shift to L8
Second Wind
scorching burst at N6

8 damage to wight
CRITICAL HIT! 10 damage to rotwing

Jam it back in, in the dark.

2 Dice Rolls wight claw damage

Soggy flings forth an incandescent ball of hot hot heat, comprised of roughly half magical fire and half creepy, inappropriate elf-lust. Perhaps due to the sheer trauma of being in close proximity to so much smoldering bearded machismo, the winged zombie reacts very poorly to what is generally a fairly insignificant little blaze. Screeching wildly, the zombie flaps its wings in an apparent attempt to douse the fire — but only fans the flames. Within moments a zombie-shaped fireball is careening over the cliffside in a cacophony of shrieks and crunching bones before splashing into the sea.

Second Wind: Soggy's HP +11
Rotwing destroyed (zombie weakness)
Before you ask, no, Zombie Weakness doesn't affect the Chillborns

Pinned in place by Bob's ice blast, the wight has no choice but to lash out angrily at Gabe (whose rude gesture has perhaps brought him more attention than he might have wanted). Distracted, the paladin feels the wight's talons rip into his neck.

Claw: 9 damage to Gabe, and healing surge lost

Delic, Garrmondo, Bob, Gabe, Rotwing Zombies, Chllborn Zombies, Motsognir, Wight

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll Brash Strike

Mustering all the hate of his race from Adam on down, Delic raises his sword over his head and charges full force into his target, screaming a battle cry lost down the stretch of time longer than the existance of any spoken language.

"Cobra-LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

Charge to Enemy at P4
Brash Strike

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls *Damage

Remembering the wand I had nabbed had a handy magic missile and pushing people around function and seeing the sheer drop right behind the wight, I drew the wand and shot the wight with a magic missile, hoping to fling the undead horror over the edge of the cliff.

Draw wand, magic missile at wight, pushing it back if I hit (To M5 and therefore over the cliff edge ideally)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll Righteous smite hit

With the wight forced over the edge of the cliff, the dwarf lashed out angrily at the rotwing zombie next to him. Unfortunately he managed to miss high, like he always did, and instead burned a healing surge because fuck these dice.

I was speaking idiomatically.

6 Dice Rolls chillborn slam 2 damage

Paying the chilly ambiance of the ice zombies no particular heed, Delic whirls his mighty blade before him and aims a vicious slash at the loathsome creature's very heart. Turns out zombies don't care so much about chest wounds really.

Brash Strike: miss (a charge requires at least two spaces of movement, sorry)

Teeth chattering, Garrmondo manuevers carefully around the frozen zombie, putting it between himself and the cliff's edge. As a general rule Garrmondo didn't much care for falling off cliffs himself, although there had been some exceptions.

Start of Garrmondo's turn: 5 cold damage from Chillborn aura

Cautiously aiming his new acquisition and the untested spell it holds, Bob fires off a blast of crushing force at the ravenous wight. The pulse of arcane energy smashes into the monster's jaw, and it reels away from the paladin with a howl of pain. Conveniently, "away" means an 80-foot drop onto jagged rocks. It's impossible to say whether the wight's been finished off for good, but it won't be bothering anyone else today.

Wight pushed over a steep cliff and for all practical purposes destroyed!

The paladin was developing a serious crisis of faith. Between the indifference of the storm, the myriad voices in his head, and the absolute refusal of his axe to ever deliver a telling wound, the various benefits of a career in door-to-door sales began to seem more than a little appealing.

Start of Gabe's turn: 5 cold damage from Chillborn aura
Second Wind: Gabe's HP +12

Though the Horde was rapidly thinning the undead ranks, Gabe still seemed to be beset on all sides.

Chillborn Slam: 10 damage to Gabe; bloodied, immobilized for a round, ongoing 5 cold damage
Chillborn Slam (deux): 11 damage to Gabe

Motsognir, Delic, Garrmondo, Bob, Gabe, Rotwing Zombie, Chllborn Zombies

Look at this mess; it's like you people know how to flank and are deliberately avoiding it

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll viper's strike hit

Motsognir steps to the icy undead, swinging his axe as always. He misses, as usual.

FELIPE NO

2 Dice Rolls Strike

Missing his first strike completely, Delic notices the frustration on Motsognir's face as well.

"Hey, we're learning as we go here, okay?"

Strike against enemy at P4

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

3 Dice Rolls Elven accuracy

Having removed the immediate threat of the ghoul, my eyes alighted on the next obvious target, the highly flammable flying thing. I lashed out with a fireball, hoping to catch one of the frozen zombies in the blast and thaw it out a bit. As the flames burst close to both dwarves, it occured to me that we had never tested their combustibility properly since I resurrected them all those weeks ago and I half held my breath, hoping that the pretty one at least would not burst into flames. The ugly one I was not so worried about if I was honest. Sure, he was a plucky little chap and useful for distracting the larger of our enemies, apparently able to be punched in the face all day without going down but whilst he swung his axe with great enthusiasm, he never actually seemed to hit anything. Plus he was very ugly and smelled faintly of rust.

Seeing the fireball largely miss it's target (And appreciative of the irony of having just dissed the dwarf for never hitting anything), I quaffed back my Elixir of Accuracy, certain that the next shot would be more decisive.

Flame burst above and behind the two zombies attacking Gabe so as to hit them both without hitting him or Soggy. M5 in fact.

Not sure if you have to beat of equal their relfex to hit them. If it's beat, Elven accuracy on the Rotwing shot, if it's equal, I hit the Rotwing already and I'll Elven accuracy the other shot.

Drink Elixir of Accuracy

Jam it back in, in the dark.

*twitch* *twitch*

As his left eye started blinking and his head started shaking, Gabe had just enough time to realize that one again he was being possessed by another being. "Not agaaaa.....", he managed to mutter.

After closing his eyes briefly, he felt a new surge of power in his veins. Magically, like some higher being willed it, he could move again! And move fast.

Immobilization GONE, hah!

Unfortunately, not fast enough with all this shit he's got on.

Thinking nothing of modesty, he stripped down to his disgusting birthday suit, which fortunately was less offensive to the eyes than one might imagine. The sheer quantity of body hair present hid all of his relatively tiny unmentionables in a forest of curly black short hairs and pubic lice.

Drop all his shit on the ground. GET NAK'D

Grabbing only the rope from his pack, and booking it into the opening between the monster and the cliffside, he moved next to good old Soggy.

Move to M8

After winking suggestively at his comrade, he got to work. With lightning speed, he wrapped the rope around some of the planks of wood at his feet. And before long, had a small platform three planks wide. Just enough to sit on.

Use up some of that wood

"Hey guys", he said to the rest of the hoard, "a bit chilly, eh? These monsters reminded me that I just love snow. And you know what's fun? TOBOGGANS!"

Moving the platform and himself up to the cliff edge, sitting on it, and then pushing both it and his naked ass over the edge with his feet, the last thing anyone else could hear was a high pitched, extremely feminine wail of "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".

Followed shortly by a crunch, a splat, and some other sound effect that couldn't be descriped in just one word.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

8 Dice Rolls chillslam 2 dmg

Keepin' this brief tonight.

Start of Delic's turn: 5 cold damage from Chillborn aura
Roll D20 to see if you hit; THEN roll the damage
Start of Garrmondo's turn: 5 cold damage from Chillborn aura
Scorching Burst: 7 damage to Rotwing
Elixir drunk: don't forget to actually use the ability
Gabe dumps all his stuff on the ground at O5 and goes off to seek his destiny. A+++ would contract to murder my players again.
Of course now you guys have to win this fight with only four guys, have fun with that. Don't forget your Action Points!
Rotwing Slam: 9 damage to Delic
Chillborn Slam: 7 damage to Bob; immobilized, ongoing 5 cold damage (save ends)
Chillborn Slam: 9 damage to Motsognir; bloodied, immobilized, ongoing 5 cold damage (save ends)

Motsognir, Delic, Garrmondo, Bob, Gabe, Rotwing Zombie, Chllborn Zombies

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls save

Motsognir again takes a wide swing at the chillborn. His axe sinks in to the zombie's side, flinging it over the edge of the cliff. The dwarf takes a deep breath, relieved that he's safe in the short-term. Too distracted earlier to notice his companion's madness, Soggy sees Gabe's belongings scattered in the road. Just like that crazy bastard to drop his equipment in the middle of a fight he thought. Motsognir never was much for fair fights.

Hit chillborn
Activate Staggering Greataxe, pushing it off the cliff
damage irrelevant
Speak Inspiring Words to self

saving throw failed

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls Damage?

Frustrated with this turn of events, Delic swings wildly.

Moves to P2
Strikes at creature at O2

I was speaking idiomatically.

The sudden departure of the ugly dwarf had left a gaping hole in our defensive line which the freezing zombie was quick to exploit. I found myself rooted to the spot with cold and not for the first time, cursed whichever gods had decided that magic items would somehow know when you'd used another magic item already that day and decide to stop working, thereby preventing me from using my robe's flame powers which frankly, I hadn't been expecting to need until the dwarf buggered off.

With the zombie so close and unable to run because of the cold in my legs, I did what any sensible mage would do in the situation and cowered in terror, hoping my legs would thaw out and I could run away.

Total defense

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

5 Dice Rolls delic AoO v THIS guy?

The third monster went over the precipice, giving Soggy a chance to catch his breath — and rationalize away Gabe's apparent suicidal madness. Sure, any clan-brother got a little wiggly in the brainpan if he spent too much time under the open sun, but this kind of abrupt abandonment of one's responsibilities in the middle of battle was a little over the top. It's a good thing I have something to live for, he muses, gazing over at his beautiful, beautiful elf.

Start of Soggy's turn: 5 aura cold damage
Inspiring Words: Soggy's HP +14

Delic couldn't quite understand it. Armed with the best sword his career of boldness and derring-do could buy him, he still couldn't seem to hit even the most clumsy targets. There was really no sense in it. He'd just have to redouble his efforts. Foul sorcery was clearly afoot; his many enemies had obviously tracked him down and cursed his enchanted blade.

The zombie charges him again, and Garrmondo shoves the frozen beast back toward the cliffs again. It all reminded him of a game he'd once played in the guard barracks. The lads had compressed the sap of a tropical tree into a little ball, and it would bounce off most anything you threw it at. They spent many hours idly bouncing that ball during the graveyard shifts. What had they called it? Ah, yes. Twing-twang. "Alkatraz", they'd say. "The company twing-twang team is a man short. We may need you to play twing-twang."

Start of Garrmondo's turn: 5 cold aura damage
You used that AP up a month ago, sorry mang

Garrmondo has helpfully already shoved the chillborn zombie away from him, but the trauma of actually being hit by something is, as usual, a bit much for Bob to cope with immediately. He just stares out over the sea, a single tear forming in the corner of his eye.

Start of Bob's turn: ongoing 5 cold damage
Save versus cold damage failed

The rotwing zombie darts out in the open air, hovering there and beating its leathery wings as though preparing for a wicked dive at its prey. Swagger slashes out viciously as the zombie retreats from him, but with no luck.

The chillborn, slowly beginning to understand the threat the cliff represents, wanders away from the edge to harass the easy prey that the cowering elf presents. Bob cowers behind his staff and manages to fend the zombie off.

Motsognir, Delic, Garrmondo, Bob, Rotwing Zombie, Chllborn Zombie

Start of Motsognir's turn: Immobility expires, 5 ongoing cold damage
Bob's immobility will also expire when his turn starts

FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll hitititit?

Move to N7
Warlord's Favor at Chillborn

not 100% on the numbers of what flanking does, so I don't know it that hit
I'll let you do damage rolls if it did

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1 Die Roll Smack a cramp in that ass

The feeling came back into my legs and I wasted no time in ducking away from the undead monstrosity in front of me. With the Horde pressing the creature on all sides, there was no doubt the creature would soon be dead, well, more dead so with the Elixir of accuracy burning in my stomach, I blasted a fireball at the flying nasty.

Shift to Q5, use Elixir of accuracy power, Fireblast the Rotwing

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll Rock Throw

Though slightly pleased by the creature's willingness to be afraid of his blade, Delic still bites off a curse - "Damn your ancestors, knave!"

Warry of the creature thats moved out, Delic picks up a rock and hurls it.

Rock attack at O6

There's nowhere I can't reach.

8 Dice Rolls save vs cold, Bob

Spinning his axe about him in a wide arc, Soggy's momentum carries him a full 360 degrees for a second cut. The zombie staggers backward toward Garrmondo's waiting blade, and Motsognir gives the human a curt nod.

Flanking adds 2 to your attack roll! That's why it's USEFUL, people
15 damage to Chillborn. We'll give the +5 bonus to Garrmondo since you didn't specify

Oblivious to the beating going on behind him, Delic continues his blood feud with the rotwing. His throwing arm was ready. It wasn't for nothing that he'd been voted MVP 3 years running on the staffball team at Pelor's Grace Private School For Troublesome Boys. Scooping up a nice fist-sized rock, he casually wings it into the flying monster's jaw. The sound of shattering bone is a fair reward for his trouble.

But it wasn't a rock! It was a 6 damage.

Garrmondo smirked. There was no way he could miss this time. The zombie was paying no attention to him, with the dwarf carving it up like a St. Cuthbert's Day chicken. But then, mid-swing, he gets a massive cramp in his sword-arm. Once again, glory eludes him.

A PLUS NINETEEN BONUS and this guy still misses

With the elixir bubbling warmly in his guys, Bob feels pretty confident about his aim. That is, until he stumbles over a rock. Flailing his arms for balance and unable to interrupt the casting process, Bob accidentally shoots his fireburst almost directly upward. A passing albatross is burned to a cinder, dropping out of the sky and landing on Bob's shoulders (which, luckily, are not nearly broad enough to support your large sea birds for more than a moment or two).

Beginning of Bob's turn: 5 cold damage

The rotwing darts in back toward the cliff, trying to use momentum to smash into Delic with tremendous speed. Sadly, the rock had badly damaged the decayed remains of the zombie's inner ear, and it goes into a tailspin before awkwardly staggering to a halt upon the cliff.

Disinclined to be pushed over the cliff, the chillborn zombie starts pushing back. Sadly, being covered in ice doesn't give one much in the way of traction and the zombie's attempt to push Garrmondo back toward the wall come off as faintly pathetic. Growling, the chillborn circles around behind Garrmondo as a defense against being smashed on the rocks below.

Motsognir, Delic, Garrmondo, Bob, Rotwing Zombie, Chllborn Zombie

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Hit

Hoping that nobody had noticed my slightly wayward shot, I ducked back again, keeping pirate between myself and the chilly zombie. Taking aim at the flying beast again, I let rip with another fireball, keeping a nervous eye out for any more seabirds.

Shift to P6, Fireburst at N3

You know, conventional cartesian coordinate notation would suggest that those spaces are 6P and 3N actually

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?