Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

I was so glad I didn't read spoilers for the film. Very happy that the surprises, aside from the obvious lead-in to the next film, were kept safe.

A great summer movie, that's about all you can say, really.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'll go ahead and be the one who goes against the grain and not like it. Copied from my journal-

Plot? Story? Character Development? Sub-characters? Cohesion? Who cares! CAPTAIN JACK IS BACK!

If there are two things this movie did right, it would be the two actual fun scenes in the movie, one occuring about 10-20 minutes in, and the other one 2 hours later. This movie is entirely too long at 2 hours and 30 minutes. There is too much NOTHING going on. There are no sub-plots that I gave a damn about enough to remember until the VERY FUCKING END. Sub-Characters? The only one with any substance is Davy Jones, and they only explain why through folklore. Give me a break.

Orlando Bloom is okay, but I really don't give a damn about Will Turner, or his father who he HAPPENS TO FIND ON THE FLYING DUTCHMAN OMG! Then they try to force this retarded father-son drama upon us and it just does not work for me. Keira Knightly is OVERRATED and a SHITTY ACTOR in this movie. I don't buy her as being a tough girl, I'm sorry. I don't buy many women being tough since they are not by default in real life. Don't worry, she does do something actually realistic by confusing drama for logic and ending up causing a huge brouhaha at the end that almost fucks everything up.

Captain Jack is the only decent thing about this movie, and he falls flat compared to his brilliant performance last time. I thought he was fantastic in the first one. This time, it's just more of the same, and less of the unique. I'll give him credit in that his first and last appearances in the film are nothing short of fucking brilliant, but other than that, it's just more of the same. We've seen it all before.

And don't worry, the third one will inherently suck since the whole movie will be...

Spoiler:

Orlando and Keira looking for a way to bring Jack Sparrow back to life since he fucking suicide swan-dived into the mouth of the Kraken (which, while badass, was stupid). Of course, I doubt he will be dead, since the whole reason people see these movies is for Jack Sparrow. Also, OMG, BARBOSA IS GONNA BE THEIR NEW CAPTAIN! PLOT TWISTS THAT DEFY LOGIC AHOY!

This movie just sucked. I saw way too many things wrong with it to be enjoyable. It's another tragic example of trying to cash in on the trilogy marketing ploy. They could have easily cut this movie in half, making the crappy twist/cliffhanger ending the midpoint, and making At World's End the second half of the film, because I guarantee that will be just as overblown as this pile of celluloid shit.

4/10


Also, wow, broke some serious opening day records yesterday with $55 million. It will definitely beat Spider-Man's opening weekend numbers now, which is unfortunate.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Shit, I enjoyed it.

The Disney/Video game fanboy was disappointed with the lack of Sora/Luxord references/cameos, but that's just me being stupid.

It was a hella fun ride. Granted, I don't remember the original too well because of Kingdom Hearts adaptation, but...

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Originally Posted by Sin Ansem

The Disney/Video game fanboy was disappointed with the lack of Sora/Luxord references/cameos, but that's just me being stupid.

Heh, Luxord... He of the goatee and weird-ass boss battle.

Honestly, I was waiting for more Monkey Island references. If you watch this movie as a more serious version of Monkey Island, it kinda makes up for the times when it drags. There's a voodoo lady, goofy cannibals, lots of fun random islands, swordfighting (not quite insult-swordfighting, but...), a rowdy pirate bar, "ghost" pirates (and I swear I remember LeChuck playing the organ at some point), quirky humour, and of course, good use of monkeys.

Quote:

It was a hella fun ride. Granted, I don't remember the original too well because of Kingdom Hearts adaptation, but...

The Kingdom Hearts version sorta condensed the movie's more memorable scenes and core plot into 25 minutes, and added the aid of a kid who fights with a key. A lot of the major bits were still there. Though you wouldn't know it sometimes, since the NA version censored at least two scenes in the Pirates level for retarded reasons. I have the Japanese cut scenes to prove it.

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Originally Posted by Amanda

Though you wouldn't know it sometimes, since the NA version censored at least two scenes in the Pirates level for retarded reasons. I have the Japanese cut scenes to prove it.

Really? Which ones were those?

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Stoob

I dunno, it was a great movie, but it wasn't what I was expecting.

I kinda thought the humor was a little too goofy, and also a little too forced.

I thought that too. I thought some of the humor was pretty cheap. I remember at least ten or fifteen jokes that were play-offs of the "Why is the rum gone" scene in the first movie. Three or four of them were genuinely funny, but not that many. I felt like they were trying to hard to make us laugh, and just kept resorting to that scene.

Spoiler:

The movie overall, in my personal opinion, was darker and drearier, and a little hard to follow at the beginning. I feel like it's trying to turn into a huge dramatic epic trilogy, like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars, and that's not what it's cut out for.

One of the qualms I had was that for the most part it was nonstop action. I loved the waterwheel scene with the three-man swordfight, but some of the other scenes got to be too much. Like the scene on the island with the tribal society at the beginning - what purpose did that serve in developing the plot? And while watching that chunk of the movie, was anybody besides me thinking, "wow, they're trying really hard to imitate King Kong! Too bad they forgot the gorilla!"

Overall - too much nonstop action, and too dark to follow the more light-hearted and genuinely fun path set by original. Not really what I was expecting. It wasn't terrible, so, I guess I'll chalk it up to the Sequel Curse.

Oh, and CHEERS to Geoffrey Rush making a comeback! I have faith in him. He will save At World's End for me. I know most people liked Davey Jones as a villain but I preferred Captain Barbossa. A shallow, treasure-hungry jerk with a brain and a goal, not a once-tragic-hero-turned-evil-talking-sushi. Rush's character was more fitting for a fun summer pirate movie.

I think that people worried about spoilers should not be reading three-page discussions of movies released days ago that they haven't seen yet, as there are bound to be spoilers in them. I mean, I don't read them. But there we are.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Jesus, man, use the damn spoiler box that vbulletin has.

It looks a hell of a lot cleaner, and it helps people avoid spoilers easier.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

This thing has smashed weekend boxoffice records at least it's estimated it will at www.boxofficemojo.com

They're saying a 3 day total of over $132 million

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by naturally_tipsy

I think that people worried about spoilers should not be reading three-page discussions of movies released days ago that they haven't seen yet, as there are bound to be spoilers in them. I mean, I don't read them. But there we are.

Looking for opinions on the movie and looking for the whole thing to be ruined are concepts exclusive of one another.

Also "days ago" != free reign when a convenient and considerate alternative is provided for you jesus christ why do I have to explain these things.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by BigHairyFeet

I don't know why box offices get worked up over record setting box offices...the fucking population is growing all the time, of course you're going to get more people in to movies.

I highly doubt the percentage increase in population is anywhere near the percentage increase in film sales.

That's about a 10% jump since a few years ago, is North America ten percent bigger?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by SpaceOddity

Really? Which ones were those?

Observe!

Images behind the cut.:

Will's threat of suicide (Japanese version).


Will's threat of suicide (NA version).


So basically, the NA version has Will just rambling vaguely about pulling the trigger while the gun is pointed at the deck rather than his head. The suicide threat sort of loses its impact.

Jack impaled (Japanese).


Jack "impaled" (NA).


Yep, sword's gone. So in the NA version, the shot before this (as Jack is stabbed and stumbles back) is really, really odd and awkward since you don't actually see him get stabbed AND don't get to see the sword sticking out of his chest.

So by NA censorship logic, it seems that people killing themselves/each other is a-okay only as long as you don't actually see a conventional weapon involved.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I really thought this movie was ok. For all the hype, its not THAT good.

The first movie was great, then again, it came out of left field with no expectations. It was such a fun and original flick, great music, good characters, funny while dramatic with good action. It had it all.

This movie has... well, stuff. It feels stuffed to the brim with nothing. The sword fighting was ok, but mostly ridiculous. The whole island thing early in the movie was full of scenes that were too goofy. Aside from the Ms. Swan/Cpt. Sparrow conversations, the dialog was pretty boring or predictable.

I enjoyed the movie, don't get me wrong. But this isn't a great movie. It is a tried and true summer flick. Nothing more. It aspires to live up to the original, but just pales in creativity, witty dialog, captivating characters, action scenes (what happens NOT the FX). I recommend seeing it because its fun but not nearly as great as it's made out to be.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by BigHairyFeet

I don't know why box offices get worked up over record setting box offices...the fucking population is growing all the time, of course you're going to get more people in to movies.

Well we all know that the 2/3 year old demographic makes up for a huge percentage of box office sales.

FELIPE NO

me thought it was a decent movie. some of the old jokes are little over done.
i was told that there's gonna be a third one so i kinda expected a cliffhanger.
the second half of the story is fairly predictible.

but i definately did not see that ending comming (but i love it !!). i guess that kinda saved the whole story

6.5/10

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Amanda

Observe!

So by NA censorship logic, it seems that people killing themselves/each other is a-okay only as long as you don't actually see a conventional weapon involved.

LOL, I guess you're right. What makes it even more lame is that's what Will actually does in the 1st movie - I guess the kiddies just can't handle watching the same thing in video game format. *rolls eyes* But thanks for the info - definitely amusing.

How ya doing, buddy?

Wouldn't the increase in box office money be attributed to the gradual inflation in ticket prices?

I mean, even over the past couple of years tickets have gone up at least 50 cents a piece.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Does anyone think the movie is racist? I keep reading journal entries about how the movie is very racist. I haven't been able to see it, but is it true? Or are they just blowing it out of proporation like "The Passion of the Christ" and "Dogma"?

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Originally Posted by SpaceOddity

LOL, I guess you're right. What makes it even more lame is that's what Will actually does in the 1st movie - I guess the kiddies just can't handle watching the same thing in video game format. *rolls eyes* But thanks for the info - definitely amusing.

It's not really Disney censoring it to be bastards so much as they're censoring it to make E10+ rating as to not lose sales.:lolsign:

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Visavi

Does anyone think the movie is racist? I keep reading journal entries about how the movie is very racist. I haven't been able to see it, but is it true? Or are they just blowing it out of proporation like "The Passion of the Christ" and "Dogma"?

I think the racist hoopla was the "misrepresentation" of the carib people. There are protest that say that caribs are protrayed excessively as cannibals.

For goodness sake, this is just a movie. They might as well protest that Davy Jones was misrepresented as a fish monster.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Rikimaru

For goodness sake, this is just a movie. They might as well protest that Davy Jones was misrepresented as a fish monster.

I guess Disney can expect an angry letter from all the Deep Ones offended by their insensitive portrayal of slimy fish monsters. And considering Davy's resemblance to Cthulhu, maybe an accusation of insulting their religious beliefs.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Best movie of 2006 so far.

And to some of the idiots DUR THE ENDING "DEFIES LOGIC" I GIVE IT A 2/4..

.. Defies logic? It's a fucking pirate movie with a 4000000 foot squid. . Will you just ENJOY a movie and not pick the damn thing apart?

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Rikimaru

For goodness sake, this is just a movie. They might as well protest that Davy Jones was misrepresented as a fish monster.

I'm sure people said Natural Born Killers was just a movie too, but that doesn't mean it didn't influence individuals' behavior in unforseen ways. I'm sure you're familiar with the copycat killings surrounding the movie.

Now, does that mean this film will turn anyone or even a significant portion of people into racists? Not necessarily. But to say that it has no effect is false, because you're speaking for not just yourself, but everyone who goes to see it.

People tell themselves they won't be affected by things all the time, but they don't always follow up so well.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

It is the best movie that has come out so far this year. So what if there are few things that defy logic and physics? It doesn't matter. It's funny, clever, creative, interesting, and although it may be a little too long, that trait wasn't very noticeable for me until I thought about it afterwards.

How ya doing, buddy?

I hardly think reusing the same damned "Rum" gag over and over is what I would consider "clever, creative, interesting".

There's nowhere I can't reach.

And somehow that overshadows everything else the movie does? It's a summer blockbuster. Meant to be big, fun, exciting, and keep people in their seats. It lives up to that, and expectations from the first. Good enough for me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.