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Mar 11, 2013 - 01:55 PM |
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I'm frozen in fear.. |
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It's been almost 3 months since the accident and I honestly thought I was going to be okay. I figured that I would just do the samething that I do with everything else that stresses me out. Joke around about it, laugh and power through it.
I don't know if I can do it this time. The accident has made me questioned my own existence to the point where I'm afraid to move. And by moving I mean, I don't want to do anything. Most days, I want to just sit in my room and hide instead of accomplishing anything or even interacting with anyone. I find myself stuck in my head considering questions like "Why am I here? How have I survived living this long when there are people that have done so much good in their lives and the lives of others yet, they've died before their prime? Am I on the right path? Am I using my life to the fullest? Should I change my ways?"
But instead of changing my ways, I'm gripped in panic and fear. I feel stuck because I'm afraid that the choices that I'm making or that the choices that I will make are wrong. I'm even questioning my choice in major. What if I'm not cut out for Psychology? What if I'm not cut out for anything other then grunt work? I'm questioning friendships and relationships.
I tried to talk to my therapist about it but I'm not sure how to bring it up. Part of me wanted to talk to him about it but I just played it off that I was just bummed about the money issue and the lost of the car. I'm going to make another appointment and give it a try again. I hoping that this time around that I can talk to him about it and get some answers. He probably won't have any answers for me but I got to try.
I'm not a harrass to myself but I do worry about my own sanity because I'm losing alot of sleep to this. I find myself waking up in cold sweats. Having shitty dreams about the accident and even having panic attacks on the road even when I'm not driving.
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