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I've always been pretty curious about pachinko. Wait, no. Not really that curious. Sort of like half an eyebrow raise, so that people will look at my face and think I've had a stroke. I mean, I love pinball, and everyone and everything seems to call pachinko a cross between pinball and slot machines. But whenever I've checked out photos or whatever... it's just balls falling down pegs, where are the FLIPPERS. WHERE ARE THE THINGS.
I recently downloaded MAME again after four years or something, was confused to see it has a 1930's DOS layout now but hey. Grabbed some Teddy Boy Blues and Space Harrier, but while I was in the SSSSSSSS section, I saw SEXY.
Spoiler:
"I am a sea slug, buuuurrrrrr, hahaha!"
"Pssst, I have hamsters hidden under here, hahaha!"
"I also have back problems, hahaha!"
"Phew, by making sure I hit this ball, I've saved the world from nukin-... fuck!"
"MY HAIR IS VERY SWEATY TODAY"
"I can smell this drink"
"Would you like to smell this drink?"
SEXY REACTION PACHINKO
So sure, why not. I don't think I'll be walking over to Japan to check out the LIES of cross pinball action, so a very professional video game version of it will do!
First off you choose one of those three girls, I'll go with this thing.
Brief story... or something. Official translation.
The whole object of this is to win enough balls to force the girls to dress up in junk they don't want to. It's very awkward. Very sexy!!! Today!!!
The top part is how many balls you have. Impressive. The bottom is the SAMMY BRAND launcher.
Look at all this action. So you can tilt the launcher around, to shoot the balls to the left or right. Or middle. Or. Most of them simply just fall through the pegs and become lost souls.
I'M ALREADY BEATING BOWSER.
Yay! Tits! Getting the balls to land in the fancy red Tamagotchi things causes the slot machine part to be a slot machine.
This is supposed to be FEVER GO, I was just mashing the screenshot key because everything was making loud noises all the time! What the hell is FEVER GO? Something I'll need to see Dr. Mario for?
Okay, so it seems my balls now have the power to make the background explode if they roll down certain parts. That is fantastic, explosions make everything better!
GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU'RE BLOCKING THE EXPLOSIONS.
I think I won the everything?
Oh my.
"I am going to audition for the next X-Men movie"
"NO, DON'T LISTEN TO MY PLANS. I WILL HIT YOU WITH MY POPEYE ARM"
Well that wasn't a very sexy reaction.
But then she's all happy to show me her retarded new costume! Yay! Let's have pudding and puppy dogs! ^_^
New costume, wow! The things you can find at the dump these days.
Wait, this machine layout is the same, except for a different coloured background. It could pass as a Street Fighter sequel for sure.
Oh boy oh boy, will I match three up?! You don't even get to stop the bits yourself, all automatic. Ultimate interaction.
No =(
But then I did! =D
FEVER GO! CHILL! ROTATE THE PILLS!
Robotnik's down, time to run around Green Hill Zone.
BWOOP BWOOP
IT IS NOT SAFE FOR THE WORK:
"When I go for X-Men, I'm going to suggest my power will be about ham"
"Yes yes, my character eats ham all day. That's her power, she never gets tired of ham! It'll be awesome and worthy of an oscar like Grand Theft Aut-"
"...."
"NOOOOOO I SOMEHOW LEFT THE CURTAIN OPEN AGAIN, PART OF MY FINGER IS ATTACHED TO THIS RED THING"
She doesn't look happy, it must really have that classic dump smell to it.
Uh, alrighty then!
MUST FURIOUSLY LAUNCH BALLS LIKE A SHOOTING GAME.
Wuh oh, down to ten within a second or two! No success!
Okay!
NNRRRRRROOOOWWWWWW, action.
You can keep spamming the ball launcher when all this rubbish is going on, must... destroy... core.
But I don't have any balls left.
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY BALLS LEFT!
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY BALLS LEFT! "Oh!"
A tire falls on her head for being so thick.
Nah.
Fuck pachinko. >=(
Currently Playing: Alabaster - Someday the dream will end
