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Jan 2, 2009 - 06:35 PM |
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A Public Cookie Safety Announcement |
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I was cleaning out my cupboards today and happened across an open package of Nabisco Vienna Fingers. I recalled having purchased the package and having enjoyed several around Christmas time, 2007.
With slight trepidation I peered through the cellophane and inspected the cookies. Against expectations, I detected no mold, nor was there evidence that mice or ants had discovered the forgotten treasure.
Feeling bolder, I thrust my hand into the package and fetched a Vienna Finger. It was neither soft from moisture nor brittle from exposure. It felt as normal as the day the bag was opened. I broke it in half; the creme was still moist, refusing to fleck away at the touch.
My mind perhaps clouded by the mystery of the cookie, I proceeded to take a bite, half expecting the worst, perhaps the tastes of plywood and contact paper, absorbed via some kind of osmosis. I was instead greeted with the usual sweetness of shortbread and creme filling, with no detectable trace of pollutants. The texture was indeed as though the bag was freshly opened.
And this is why I am cautioning all of you to not purchase Nabisco brand Vienna Finger cookies:
They are made of zombies.
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