I seem to naturally skip the girl part.

So yeah, I'm one of those guys who want to get MORE familiar with certain girls (school, dorms, neighborhood, wherever). But it seems I just don't know how to actually get the asking and doing parts to work.

I myself understand how to ask, but there's a part of myself that just resist that. The other day in Chem Lab, my group's professor allowed everyone to pick a partner for the experiment. I immediately asked the girl next to me if she wanted to be partners. She said yes. So, why is it I can ask her for that sort of stuff, but not to eat lunch together or whatnot? The answer is simple, I'm either embarrassed about something, or just chicken to do it.

See, I know what my problem is and the solution to it, just I can't get myself to do it!

Help me Dr. Phil GamingForce! You're my only hope!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The worst thing that happens is someone says no, or looks horrified. It's fucking school, man. You take your lumps, and the next week no one even remembers you got rejected. Plus, you might get a girl out of it. Worth the risk.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Depends on completely what school you go to. C'mon now, Private school...everyone remembers everything. And girls...hardly ever forget either <_<

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Polytechnic University. Small public institute.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Hmm it is public, seems like you have a chance to pull it off. But don't forget: "No's" and "horrific" looks are really detrimental. Hahaha ah yes~

I was speaking idiomatically.

Try this:

Talk about something that is happening at that current situation, then follow through. It's quite natural to do and you kinda lose that "tension" you get when planning what to say. For example, in your chem class the lecturer might fall down. You comment on that to the girl next to you and then maybe ask them if they're bored. Then where they're from. Then what they're doing after this "boring" lecture.

Follow through, know what I mean?

Take the current situation, comment on it, capture her attention, quick queries about her then ask if she's available after.

Neat and clean. No mess, no fuss. If she say no then move along.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by chaofan

Try this:

Talk about something that is happening at that current situation, then follow through. It's quite natural to do and you kinda lose that "tension" you get when planning what to say. For example, in your chem class the lecturer might fall down. You comment on that to the girl next to you and then maybe ask them if they're bored. Then where they're from. Then what they're doing after this "boring" lecture.

Follow through, know what I mean?

Take the current situation, comment on it, capture her attention, quick queries about her then ask if she's available after.

Neat and clean. No mess, no fuss. If she say no then move along.

Nice. Very Nice. I am very impressed with this answer, especially since I've never seen a guy think things through like that.

Originally Posted by valiant

Depends on completely what school you go to. C'mon now, Private school...everyone remembers everything. And girls...hardly ever forget either <_<

Originally Posted by Denicalis

The worst thing that happens is someone says no, or looks horrified. It's fucking school, man. You take your lumps, and the next week no one even remembers you got rejected. Plus, you might get a girl out of it. Worth the risk.

Hmmm...I have to go with Denicalis for this one. I wanted to ask this one guy out, but I didn't until one of my friends said that he was trying to lose weight in order to get a girlfriend b/c he was desperate for one. So, one day my friend decides not to wait until I give the signal, and in order to make him feel better she said, "I know someone who is interested in you." He asked if it was me and she said maybe. Then, he got one of those horrific looks (more like "Oh" and looked away silently) and he never really spoke to me again and vice versa.

I attend a private liberal arts school where there's only 1,500 students. I seriously doubt that he even remembers that day (November last year). To most students, there are more important things to worry about other than someone who asked them out months ago that they didn't want to go out with. With all the classes, work, drugs, and sex; who has time to think about things like that?

Anyway, I say go for it. It doesn't have to be an actual proclaimed date either. I don't think you even need for the lecturer to fall down either. Think of some sort of dance or dorm event or something going on and ask if she wants to go with you. Remember, if she says that she's not looking for someone, you can always save it (and turn the tables on her) by saying that you just meant as friends. That way, you keep your dignity while she doesn't worry about you drooling over her.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Visavi

Remember, if she says that she's not looking for someone, you can always save it (and turn the tables on her) by saying that you just meant as friends. That way, you keep your dignity while she doesn't worry about you drooling over her.

I have to disagree with this. Cynically speaking, she's going to know that you asked her out, not as friends, but as something else.

I would go with everyone else and say go for it, there's not much to lose. And if she ignores you after that, then she's just not worth your time.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Dee

I have to disagree with this. Cynically speaking, she's going to know that you asked her out, not as friends, but as something else.

I would go with everyone else and say go for it, there's not much to lose. And if she ignores you after that, then she's just not worth your time.

It works with men, but it's your call.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I think you're looking at events in a manner that is too concrete. As usual, I’m advocating for mindset change. Rather than view 'chem prac partner' and 'lunch date' as two distinct events, look for opportunities to either meld the two into one, or simply think of one as an extension of the latter. I think you know this already, but in such a situation like the one you’ve described, you already have a valid reason for asking. When you’re given the opportunity to work with someone, there will always be an opportunity to take things outside the context, but still keep it familiar. What is appropriate depends largely on the context… if it was an ongoing assignments, you could offer to discuss details of the project over lunch; or grab a bite to eat together and continue the discussion later (if the class structure spanned lunch). This approach can also remove yourself from any potentially damaging ‘rejection’ situations, as the work excuse allows you to keep things ‘professional’ and maintain some dignity in the event things turn sour.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Quote:

Posted by Visavi
It works with men, but it's your call.

Not as well as you think. Once you've been downgraded to "just friends" status, interest is going to bottom out. Man and women can't really be friends as long as one party still has the desire to fuck the other, and men realize this on at least a subconscious level.

My suggestion? Play the scenario out in your head, and ask yourself just how hurt you'd really be by a "no" answer. As long as you're not the type to be emotionally crushed by rejection every time, is it really going to make things unbearably awkward if she turns you down?

Just put things in context. You can get turned down by 99 awesome women, but it'll be worth the effort when number 100 says yes. Fortune favors the bold, as the saying goes. The worst that'll happen is you'll have to set your heart on someone else. Just rest assured that nobody ever told date horror stories to their friends simply because somebody asked them out to the movies.

Well, assuming your line isn't "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" or anything like that.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Not as well as you think. Once you've been downgraded to "just friends" status, interest is going to bottom out. Man and women can't really be friends as long as one party still has the desire to fuck the other, and men realize this on at least a subconscious level.
Well, assuming your line isn't "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" or anything like that.

Oh! You thought I meant it like that. I meant something along the lines of, in case the girl was taken and there's not a real chance at all, not about just being friends until she's available again. That doesn't work as well. However, I'm talking about in order to avoid embarrassing yourself if the girl is not interested in you so she doesn't run around talking about them asking her out and possibly getting her boyfriend after him.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Before the forum crash, I used to be the know-it-all with these psychological problems. Several members even looked up my profile info and msged me on AIM for further help. I was completely awed by the responses my advices have been getting. But now, I've become the victim of a problem induced by my own self.

Well, I went and asked her to go out with me, out to Chili's. She wanted to bring a friend and I just went ahead with a, "Ahh, nevermind then.." response and immediately she forgot about her friend. I don't know if it's the fact that it looks as if I were going to pay full or if there's something admirable about me, but step 1 = complete.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Mojougwe

Before the forum crash, I used to be the know-it-all with these psychological problems. Several members even looked up my profile info and msged me on AIM for further help. I was completely awed by the responses my advices have been getting. But now, I've become the victim of a problem induced by my own self.

Well, I went and asked her to go out with me, out to Chili's. She wanted to bring a friend and I just went ahead with a, "Ahh, nevermind then.." response and immediately she forgot about her friend. I don't know if it's the fact that it looks as if I were going to pay full or if there's something admirable about me, but step 1 = complete.

Awe! Congratulations . I hope you two have fun at Chili's.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Quote:

Posted by Devo
I typically find this to be total bullshit and I'm tired of people telling me that all my male friends secretly wanna fuck me, cause I know it's not true. I have a great friendship with Kuradoberi (a best friendship) if you will and I assure you neither of us is interested in the other that way (anymore). We went out, felt it was too weird, and went back to best friend status. I've noticed people like to use the above theory as an excuse for their "friendship" with the opposite sex just not working out. Get over it.

Uh, that was my point. Your friendships work out because there's no sexual tensions between you and your male friends. I read a pretty good summary of the situation somewhere: both people have to be vaguely repulsed by the other in order to be friends. You and Kuradoberi don't like each other enough to be lovers, so it never goes past good friends.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Mojougwe

So yeah, I'm one of those guys who want to get MORE familiar with certain girls (school, dorms, neighborhood, wherever). But it seems I just don't know how to actually get the asking and doing parts to work.

I myself understand how to ask, but there's a part of myself that just resist that. The other day in Chem Lab, my group's professor allowed everyone to pick a partner for the experiment. I immediately asked the girl next to me if she wanted to be partners. She said yes. So, why is it I can ask her for that sort of stuff, but not to eat lunch together or whatnot? The answer is simple, I'm either embarrassed about something, or just chicken to do it.

See, I know what my problem is and the solution to it, just I can't get myself to do it!

Help me Dr. Phil GamingForce! You're my only hope!

It would be more of a shy factor rather than embarrassed. For me, i am shy to just look a girl in the eye, but i overcome that by having almost half of my friends being girls. How does that work? Well, just pretend like you are just talking with a friend or the usual typical mind tricks. If you cannot do that then just don't think about it and just ask before your mind has a chance to catch up with your words. Or just write it out on paper and later explain to her why you did so. I mean, she cannot be angry with you for being shy...unless she is mean or something.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?