Unreliable friends

Geez, I feel so stupid for even writing this. No no, don't get me wrong, I don't mind posting in the Quiet Place, not at all. It's just that right now I'm so filled up to my ears with anger about something I should be used to by now. The same old routine of planning - or at this point even trying to plan - some activity with certain friends and in the end they can't make it because of ... something, sometimes even shit they must already have known about when I talked to them the other day.

It isn't so much that I might end up with an evening full of time to spare - usually I'm able to think of something to amuse myself. No, it's this profound lack of respect for me as a friend or even as a person I see in that kind of behaviour. Maybe I'm entertaining some wacked out expectations here, but I really do believe that it should be common courtesey to be well organized enough for being able to tell a friend when I'm free to do whatever might be at hand and then just either be there or inform my friend as soon as whatever disturbance might've come up.

As I mentioned before, I know the drill already. I just cannot consider people who do this to me on a regular basis "friends". I'll keep quite about it on some occasions, point it out on others and if things don't improve, our ways will eventually part. I have a few friends who are as dependable as they come but they're not the only people in the universe either...

Anyway, thx for reading this. I'd appreciate any comment or experience on the topic.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

From past experience, I've realized that these types of people weren't true friends in the long run. In particular, there was this one friend of mine who did something similar, although it was more like promises that she had no intention of remembering or keeping. Some people had told me that if she didn't respect or care about me that much, then she probably wasn't a good friend. Well, I ignored those comments, thinking that my friend was just, by nature, a forgetful person. Eventually, I noticed that she had no problems keeping other people's promises. Before long, she just completely stopped talking to me, except for when she needed help. That's the time when she pretends to be my best bud.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, from experience, these people aren't really worth your time. If they don't care, then you're in a tough battle if you try to care, unless, of course, they habitually, but unintentionally forget things like that. Or, perhaps, they have a perfectly legitimate reason for not being able to keep their plans.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Since you experience this on a regular basis and feel as if they may not respect you, then I suggest distancing yourself from them for a bit in order to see if they end up seeking your time for once.

How ya doing, buddy?

Maybe you should just start to leave this friend of yours out of the loop for a while. See how they react, but don't give the cold shoulder, you don't quite want to offend them. For the time being just be a spectator and watch them. See if what they're doing to you is just standard procedure. Just leave them out of the loop for a while and see if they really care or not. Sometimes if I believe a particular friend is being disrespectful just to me I'll tap into my other friends and see what kind of experiences they've had with the guy.

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People have criticized me for having a low tolerance when it came to people. Maybe that's true, but when people are constantly late, constantly flaking, there comes a point where I'm just not going to invite you anymore. I am ALWAYS early or on time. I don't mind waiting because I am early, but I get seriously pissed off when I am waiting because they are running late. People who do that have no respect for your time.

I know my close friends wouldn't let me wait. Or if something came up they'd tell me. I don't like being around flakey people who make false promises. Some people might not think it's a big deal, but when people don't even have the common courtesy to let you know in advance or cancel, that's just flat out rude.

I noticed in California people run on a different clock. I now find myself showing up either right on time or slightly late, and I am STILL early. At this point in my life, I have my close friends that I like to hang out with and sometimes, unless I meet some really cool people, I am pretty picky when it comes to who I want to be friends with. Sometimes though, even when you're actively distancing yourself from them and dodging all occasions to see each other, people just don't get the hint.

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I find this to be par for the course. Most "friends" in life aren't really friends - more like casual acquaintences. People just don't put much commitment into friendships. The rule here should be "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." If your friends are going to continually be so flakey, just quit planning anything with them at all. It's obvious they don't care anyway.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

See, my world is almost the exact opposite.

Maybe because my standards for people are impossibly high? Because I get fucked over a LOT, not just with my friends but with coworkers, family members, et cetera~

I do all of the organizing. My friends say "HEY. We wanna do something." This is code for "Danielle, you need to organize something." I've tried ignoring such a statement, or easily just telling them "Okay. So do something." I don't always need to be involved.

But they seem to think that I must always be there. Thats probably because I always get the dirty work done. Need reservations at a restaurant? Call Danielle. Need to get something on the car fixed and need a lift? Call Danielle. So on and so forth. It gets really exasperating.

I don't know. I get really frustrated with people who can't entertain themselves, I guess. It seems to be some kind of plague among people these days. They require something to hold their attention - they can't do it themselves.

I would say enjoy your time alone and try/learn something new or something.

How ya doing, buddy?

I have to agree. If they pretend to be your friends they don't care about you. Really. There's this girl in my class who's very nice and such to me but... I've heard bad things about me from others that came out of her mouth... So, yea, I suggest you distance yourself from them.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

When people constantly bail on plans and/or you yourself, they're usually not people who actually look forward to hanging out with you. It usually means you rank low on their priority list.

Take heed and find new friends - people who will ENJOY you and look forward to hanging out.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I think I've ignored the reality that some people only are friendly with you when they need your help. It's unfortunate, but also confusing:

I've known this one girl since the start of high school and we've never really hung out but she's always asking for my help and wanting to "check her answers" if we ever have the same work. However, even if we don't have the same things to do, she'll always invite me to sit with her or give me a hearty "hi" whenever we see each other. I think this stems from the fact that we met in the first day of Grade 9, but I really don't want to believe that she's just using me for help. She's a friendly person too, but we really don't share any interests or links other than the fact that we went to the same high school.

There's also this one girl who was in the same class as me last term, and out of nowhere this term decides to talk to me. It became really obvious though that I was her work checker because she always has to talk to me and see if my answers for a test match hers, or if the stuff I did last term might help her with the stuff she has to do this term. I've accepted that it's a purely academic relationship.

Whenever I plan something like a get-together, then my friends will cancel 50% of the time. Apparently, they forget about it or have "prior commitments", and I usually end up getting more excited about the day than I really should. My best girl friend is rather flakey and comes half/a quarter of the time, but when she does come, she really enjoys the experience and we all have a blast. I really have to get totally excited and plan the event months in advance to make sure that it does happen. I'm hoping my plans to head to Wonderland after exams will pan out. In this case, these are good friends of mine, and I don't believe they rank me "low on their priority list."

One of my friends who I have always invited to things has only shown up twice in 4 years to things I have planned! On the rare occasions that she has something planned, she will invite me and I go anyways.

I hardly get invited to stuff because I'm not really a "party" person and my friends aren't good at planning things anyways. I usually end up being the coordinator for things as well.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

God, everyone in my family is like that. "Yeah, we'll call you tonight!" NOT. "Sure, I'd love to take Ty to Chuck E. Cheese's! We'll be ready by 6:00!" Shyeah...I won't hold my breath. lol!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

A girl that I'm "friends" with has been putting me through this kind of crap for 3 years. She refuses to plan ahead because she's a "Day to day" person, so that translates to not hanging out because unfortunately I live in the real world and I have a job. Infact the only time we ever really hung out it was for 1 hour and that was back in 2004 when she came by to get the christmas present I got her. Aside from that the closest thing to hanging out was when we went with a group of people to see a few movies that she was so obsessed with that god himself couldn't have stopped her from going.

Every other time has been some BS excuse, when I was off work for 3 weeks recovering from surgery she didn't visit me once. When she came back from college last summer and had no school or work for 3 months somehow she was too busy. So... yeah, I decided to quit pretending that she's my friend unless she decides to pull her head out of her ass.

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I've practically had the same experience each and every week and quite frankly I've given up. I probably do the most work out of everyone; that includes arranging my day so I can have enough time for study, work, friends, AND family. But noone seems to care really. They don't even have the courtesy to text a cancellation so I'm left hanging by myself.

I've even given up on the person who calls himself my best friend cause frankly he cares more about the fake bastards he has only known for a few months over me who he's known for over five years and was there through thick and thin.

So in conclusion there is no God and I have the fakest friends on the face of the planet.
Take comfort in the fact that you're not alone

How ya doing, buddy?