Asskissers

Everybody knows the type. They'll say anything to butter up you, their supervisors, and anyone else they think might be able to get them ahead. Share your asskissers here.

We have a new guy in the office, late 20's, sharp dresser. The guy is driving everyone nuts because he goes over the top being complementary, even when it's obvious he's lying through his teeth. He's nauseatingly smarmy, and I keep expecting him to point and wink at me, or call me "slugger".

-He pestered me to go out to lunch with him so he could "gain my insight".
-He told my boss that things "went completely to pieces" without her while she was gone for a week.
-No matter what you say, he responds with "Nice!" I could tell him that I went grave-robbing over the weekend, and he'd think that was great.

There are lots of other examples, and I'm not the only one that thinks he's a brown-noser. I've learned to avoid him or act busy when he's around just so I don't have to deal with the guy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I know this one kid Gus who's a total tool. Well, this tool has a friend (the "groupie", as I like to call him) who's not unlike the dude who tagged along with that prick Tucker in Sprout's movie "Losers". That muppet is basically like Gus' left nut and present wherever Gus is. He always finishes sentences for Gus (who, by the way, I can't fucking stand to begin with), always brags about how Gus always has the best truck (Stock Chevy Silverado Z71), always points out that Gus only smokes the best weed (Mexican shit skunk) and is basically there to fellate Gus everywhere he goes.

I'm not even sure what he gets out of it because it's not like Gus is his boss or anything and I could at least mildly understand if he was kissing ass to get ahead in the workplace; depressingly enough, this is not the case. I just find it so god-awfully pathetic that I wish he'd just stop latching on to this prat Gus and go kill himself because he obviously has nothing left to live for.

There's nowhere I can't reach.