I suck at dealing with girls...

Ok, so this really cute girl I work with broke up with her boyfriend about 2 months ago. I really like her but right now, she doesn't want to date anyone. Heck she had to reject like 10 guys within a week of breaking up with her boyfriend. Now I know that if ever, I'm probably not gonna have a chance with her anytime soon.

But seriously, how do you approach a situation like this? I mean it's not like she's going to announce to the world when she's finally ready to start dating again. The last time a girl I liked broke up with her boyfriend, she kept saying she wasn't over him for months. Then oneday, BAM! She had a new boyfriend.

Right now, I've just been trying to be nice to her. But the thing is I've always been really nice to her, even when she still had a boyfriend, so I think she just sees that as how I am rather then as a sign that I like her.

I don't know, from previous experience I just have this feeling that I'm gonna do something wrong and either make her mad or miss my opportunity.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Quote:

But seriously, how do you approach a situation like this?

I walk away and pick any one of the other eligible girls out there.

Seriously, emotional issues are hell. Plus I don't reccomend dating coworkers because when you eventually break up it just makes things miserable. Spend less of your life at work and go party or something or join a group to meet other people.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by Arainach

I walk away and pick any one of the other eligible girls out there.

Seriously, emotional issues are hell. Plus I don't reccomend dating coworkers because when you eventually break up it just makes things miserable. Spend less of your life at work and go party or something or join a group to meet other people.

Thing is, she's not having emotional issues. She just doesn't want to date anyone at the moment. Also, I might not be working there much longer anyhow.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

But seriously, how do you approach a situation like this? I mean it's not like she's going to announce to the world when she's finally ready to start dating again. The last time a girl I liked broke up with her boyfriend, she kept saying she wasn't over him for months. Then oneday, BAM! She had a new boyfriend.

Thats the problem with women, man. They do that kind of crap for whatever reason. Most of them won't date co-workers and/or will just say that to distract you and let you think they aren't ready yet and will secretly go find someone else anyway. WHY they can't just tell you straight up whether they like you or not, I'll never understand. But they won't.

Keep being nice to her. I mean you've got no reason not to. Maybe throw it out there that if she wants to do something one day after work or something you can go hang out somewhere(preferably in public, if she asks where you'd hang out). Just let her know it's not really a date. Just having fun. Invite some other people you both know along as well, so it doesn't seem like a date. That might make it easier for her to consider if shes still not ready for a date. There's really no right way to do this. If you ask her out early, she stop talking to you all together and lump you in with all the other guys that asked her out. If you ask her too late, she'll have already found someone else. I can't help you with WHEN to ask, just be careful and be as sure as you can shes interested.

I caution you though, this is dangerous territory you walk in, dude. This has the potential to easily turn against you and result in the "I just want to be friends" bullshit line that girls like to pull...the six most horrible words ANY guy will ever hear. Tread lightly because once you hear that crap spew from any womans mouth, you're done. Might as well find a new girl to talk too because you'll never be anything more then a friend to her.

Good luck, dude.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

She shut you out. You're not getting anywhere with her.

She's not "ready" right now for you or the other 10 men in line.

You wonder why she says she doesn't "want to date anyone," and then the next day she has a boyfriend? It's because she doesn't want to date you.

Sorry to sound harsh about it. =/

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

She shut you out. You're not getting anywhere with her.

She's not "ready" right now for you or the other 10 men in line.

You wonder why she says she doesn't "want to date anyone," and then the next day she has a boyfriend? It's because she doesn't want to date you.

Sorry to sound harsh about it. =/

Except the girl I'm talking about now only mentions that she doesn't want to date anyone right now, when she's talking about people that keep bugging her. The previous girl I was talking about, yeah I know for a fact that's why she kept saying that. This girl, that I'm talking about now, it's mainly come up because she keeps telling me all her problems.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

This girl, that I'm talking about now, it's mainly come up because she keeps telling me all her problems.

If you read any of the other threads here, you'll see that this means you're in the "friend zone" and you won't ever get to date her. And, trust me, she won't be ready to date until she meets someone she wants to date - which she obviously hasn't yet.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by christinajon

If you read any of the other threads here, you'll see that this means you're in the "friend zone" and you won't ever get to date her. And, trust me, she won't be ready to date until she meets someone she wants to date - which she obviously hasn't yet.

You could be right, but I'm not the only one there she keeps telling these things to. So I'm not sure if it's because I'm in the "friend zone" or if it's because she's trying to get attention.

You guys are probably right though. My luck always seems to be any girl that I could possibly be interested in, has no interest in me. I wouldn't be so picky about who I show interest in, but seeing the divorce one of my friends is going through kinda tells me I'm right to be picky. Something about dating a girl that has nothing in common with you just seems so... stupid.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Oh, you have every right to be as picky as you want. Hell it worked out for me. It's a good way of weeding out the annoying girls that you can't stand.
Trust me, I've dated girls before that I have nothing in common with and it's damn obnoxious because neither one of you can agree on anything. Opposites DO NOT attract.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

Also, I might not be working there much longer anyhow.

Yes, excellent! You couldn't have volleyed away Arainach's cynicism any more adeptly than you just did! The first rule towards revolutionising modern life should be to make your girlfriends last longer than your jobs.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by christinajon

If you read any of the other threads here, you'll see that this means you're in the "friend zone" and you won't ever get to date her. And, trust me, she won't be ready to date until she meets someone she wants to date - which she obviously hasn't yet.

Bingo.

"Telling you her problems" is not a way to get into the relationship door. Chances are, you'll always be viewed as "a friend." You know how women are.

Also, sorry I misunderstood what you were saying.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

This girl is full of shit. She's probably already fucking someone else. Sorry, guy.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Kolba

Yes, excellent! You couldn't have volleyed away Arainach's cynicism any more adeptly than you just did! The first rule towards revolutionising modern life should be to make your girlfriends last longer than your jobs.

I'm not sure if that was sarcasm or if you were being serious. If it was sarcasm, I really couldn't care less about my job. It's a grocery store where I'm hardly even appreciated by the people in charge even though the whole fucking front end of the store relies on me. If it wasn't for the fact that I live in Michigan and jobs are damn near impossible to find I wouldn't have even been there this long.

Originally Posted by Night Phoenix

This girl is full of shit. She's probably already fucking someone else. Sorry, guy.

I appreciate that you're trying to help me out, but I honestly don't think that's the case. I've worked with her for about 5 or 6 years. She's not really that type of girl, she just broke up with a guy she'd been dating for 5 years because he was cheating on her. I can kinda understand why she wouldn't want to jump right back into a relationship. She doesn't wanna deal with the burden of it, so she's just been partying with her cousin.

Because as I said, I haven't directly asked her out or anything. None of her "I don't want to even think of dating anyone right now" comments were really aimed at me. Unlike the previous girl I mentioned.

Again, not saying you guys are wrong. I probably don't have a chance in hell with her. But when you think someone would make a perfect girlfriend, you kinda feel inclined to at least try anyhow.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

But when you think someone would make a perfect girlfriend, you kinda feel inclined to at least try anyhow.

Boy are you in for some surprises!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

She doesn't want to date anyone?

Guess what, bucko? This includes you!

If she was interested, you'd know and you wouldn't be making this thread.

Quit'cher fussin'. Find someone else to fret over cause this particular bus ain't leaving the station with you on it.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Crash Landon

She doesn't want to date anyone?

Guess what, bucko? This includes you!

However it excludes that guy she's gonna meet two weeks down the line who makes her feel so good and who he's totally gonna like cause he's such a good friend.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Crash Landon

Quit'cher fussin'. Find someone else to fret over cause this particular bus ain't leaving the station with you on it.

That's easy to say, but the thing is, I like her specifically. I don't normally care that I don't have a girlfriend, unless there is someone in particular I like. I don't go out looking for girls, because normally I wouldn't care. If I have no chance with her, I'll just go back to not caring.

I'm not the kind of person who can stomach going to bars and whatnot and trying to sort through all the bimbos to find a girl that I consider worth my time. If I wanted to have a girlfriend really bad, I could probably go get one. But I want a girl that I actually ya know... like.

Honestly, why do people always tell me to go look for someone, when most people that end up together, it happens out of basicly pure luck rather then the fact that either person was looking for someone.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well, the thing is, chances are you did just about everything wrong regarding this girl because you like her. You probably treated her too nice, gave her too much time and attention, agreed with her too much and so on.

Unless you're dealing with a seriously emotionally damaged girl (and that's bad news no matter how you look at it), most girls like to date someone who can match them in an argument. Despite what your mother may have told you, there is such a thing as being TOO NICE. If you're always there for her listening to her problems and helping her out, that doesn't tell her you're caring, that tells her you're a pushover. Pushovers make really boring boyfriends.

Maybe an analogy that helped me get into the right mindset will help you as well: a relationship is a bit like a rope pulling contest, with you and the girl holding each end. If you pull to hard (ie. you're a complete jerk all the time) the rope will snap. However, if you don't pull at all (ie. you're a wuss that lives to serve the girl) the rope will lull and she'll find someone who's actually any good at pulling ropes to be with instead... I guess I didn't remember the analogy perfectly, but you get the idea.

Generally if you like a girl specifically, it is a very risky endeavor so you kinda have to know what you're doing. It's probably better not to be too picky at first and just date casually, since otherwise you might pass up a girl that turns out to be your perfect match. I admittedly am the same way though so I don't want to press this point too much.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Surasshu the irony of your comment about being a pushover, is that's exactly how she was with her boyfriend. She makes less then $200 a week, is going to college and she bought him an X-Box 360. And weeks before they broke up, I can't remember what it was... but she bought the guy a $600 birthday present. She was so nice to him and he started treating her like crap near the beginning of the year, blowing off plans they had. Eventually she told him either they're going to spend the day together like they planned or he wasn't going to have a girlfriend anymore, and he hung up on her. It was afterwards that she found out he was cheating on her.

But man... I just want to backhand that guy for being so freaking stupid. You say if guys are complete jerks they can't get a girlfriend. But from what I see CONSTANTLY it seems to be the other way around

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

But man... I just want to backhand that guy for being so freaking stupid. You say if guys are complete jerks they can't get a girlfriend. But from what I see CONSTANTLY it seems to be the other way around

Are you seriously trying to pull the "Jerks get all the girls" thing? Because really, that's not how it is. I'm sure he was more than nice enough to her in the beginning - if she didn't like it when he was a jerk, then I'm sure she would have broken up with him long before they reached the five year mark.

Anyways, if you like this girl so much, just ASK HER OUT and stop asking people on the internet what to do. We don't know her and we don't know how she acts around you. If she dates you, awesome. If not, move on.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by christinajon

Are you seriously trying to pull the "Jerks get all the girls" thing? Because really, that's not how it is. I'm sure he was more than nice enough to her in the beginning - if she didn't like it when he was a jerk, then I'm sure she would have broken up with him long before they reached the five year mark.

Anyways, if you like this girl so much, just ASK HER OUT and stop asking people on the internet what to do. We don't know her and we don't know how she acts around you. If she dates you, awesome. If not, move on.

Honestly I didn't really expect anyone to like solve my problem for me. But I thought I'd just see if anyone had some helpful advice since my friends are useless when it comes to relationship advice, even though they've all had sex.

I know jerks don't get all the girls, because my friends have all had girlfriends. It just baffles me though, when some guys who are complete scum seem to somehow get an endless stream of girls. It has nothing to do with this particular topic, but I knew a guy who would go on a date with a girl once, have sex with her, and dump her. I'll never know how he kept that up because he wasn't even a good actor. He was pretty obvious about how scummy he was, yet he kept getting girls who in turn were surprised when he just had sex with them and dumped them.

Anyhow, I've got ideas in mind for what to do. Thanks for all the advice guys.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Do NOT try to date a co-worker. Many businesses forbid this type of relationship, and mandate that if this IS the case, someone has to transfer (if possible) to another location. Many people don't date co-workers because if the relationship sours, things can go wrong with the working relationship.

The worse thing you can do is try to force her to date. She'll resent it. I mean, really, what were those 10 guys thinking when they went after her in the first week? She still has feelings for her ex.

So, my advice is to give up and stay her friend.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

Except the girl I'm talking about now only mentions that she doesn't want to date anyone right now, when she's talking about people that keep bugging her.

Thats the passive-aggressive way of saying "I don't find you attractive". Seriously, can the bitch and move on. Experience will show that the ones that are aware of their attractiveness are rarely the ones worth chasing after.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

That's easy to say, but the thing is, I like her specifically. I don't normally care that I don't have a girlfriend, unless there is someone in particular I like. I don't go out looking for girls, because normally I wouldn't care. If I have no chance with her, I'll just go back to not caring.

I'm not the kind of person who can stomach going to bars and whatnot and trying to sort through all the bimbos to find a girl that I consider worth my time. If I wanted to have a girlfriend really bad, I could probably go get one. But I want a girl that I actually ya know... like.

Honestly, why do people always tell me to go look for someone, when most people that end up together, it happens out of basicly pure luck rather then the fact that either person was looking for someone.

Good LORD are you whiny.

Everyone is telling you the same thing. I don't know why you're going to sit here and fight it.

If you don't believe any of us (which no one can blame you for because internet), go try asking her. See what happens. Be sure to report back!

So you like her. Big deal. This is the here and now, and why waste your efforts trying to score a person who doesn't feel the same about you?

But again, I think the only way you're going to get what we're trying to tell you is if you ask her out. Y'never know - we could all be completely wrong!

As far as the "o god i hate bars how do i meet people," you need to put yourself out there a little and take some risks. I've heard SO MANY whiny children say this shit. I'm not much of an attractive person, and I dislike bars as well, but I seem to do well for myself as far as relationships go.

And I've never once been on an actual date.

Maybe your approach is wrong. I'd say "dating people you work with" is not only a bad approach, but a recipe for disaster.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I also think the only two options are :

A : ask her out and hope for the best, liberating yourself from the awkward feelings you are having regardless of her response.

OR

B : Keep torturing yourself until she gets a boyfriend and repeat the process next time you meet a girl you like.

I used to get into this kind of mess all the time, until one day I picked my nuts up off the floor and asked a girl who had sparked my interest out. She said no, by the way, but it was due to a family matter, which she explained to me and later we started going out. That was two and a half years ago, and we're still going out.

You have nothing to lose except your chained emotions. Go for it!

Jam it back in, in the dark.