NSFW - Serious sex discussion

Yep. HUGE untapped potential here and I do wish for it to be completely serious. I do not wish to see it heading down to sewers though. So lets keep this clean shall we? But if the admins/mods do wish to move it so, I'll be fine with that.

Let me start off on a quite popular topic.

How do you come across the idea of sex and when?

If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?

If you HAD talked to your parents about sex before, is it helpful?

Feel free to share your experiences here and ask questions as well to continue the discussion.

I came across this when at school in 5th grade, someone brought it up somehow and it lead into an outrageous tell-all story about it works (with all the wrong reasons and wrong little facts). But sex then at itself lend me the idea that couples get together intimately to either have love or have kids, as the most basic level of thought I could think of.

I had talked to my grandma about sex several times and she would often say be sure to find a nice guy (quite often... with a good reason... she married a bastard). And I can talk to my brother as well about sex since I am a virgin and he had done it. I asked him about not so specifics like when did he lost his (which his story actually surprised me to no end) and was it worth it with a current gf he has and so forth. But never beyond that. As for sex topics in general with the rest of the family... I found a lot of facts of THEIR lives actually revolved around sex since which still cease to amaze me. o.O' Needless to say... they're just all whores. xD

Anyway... the stuff my grandma told me or my brother told me isn't really all that specific of course. I'm assuming they don't even know either.

Which brings me to this next question. Why is it our own family so DAMN shy when it comes to sex discussions compared to our stupid friends? Seriously I learn more shit about sex from my own friends. And its often WRONG too.

Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?

Is your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited? Or is it the opposite? xD I kept imagining that prudes are outrageous nymphos after they discover pleasure after their sexual awakening...

I'll admit that my own strict christian upbringing was my sole reason for waiting til I got married. Thankfully I had a great guy and I have no regrets. Although... it kinda lost its point when I lost my faith to begin with. However, before we got married, we were quite frank about it and talked about it a lot. Mostly my fears and his as well. But after we got married, it worked out so well I couldn't believe it. I thought I was liberated and really don't feel the pressure anymore to believe that sex itself was a necessity as long as the release/pleasure itself was achieved. THAT in itself gave away for a lot of leeway into having a great bedside manner... :X

And well as for my friends' experiences, lets just say, they're worse than my family. They're young and dumb. I knew better to follow their mistakes.

There ya go. My apologizes for such a long post... hope that helps to start it off.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I normally come across the idea whenever my girlfriend is within 10 feet of me. She just has this look that I find completely and utterly irresistible.

I do talk to my parents about sex. My dad loves to hear it, since it makes him proud that I'm knockin' boots. My mom... she gets this look on her face when the idea pops up that says "Oh my god, my baby just grew up before my very eyes... damn." My dad is usually pretty helpful when it comes to talking about it, because the way he works lets me know that I'm not doing something wrong. I'm not talking about wrong in a "YOU SINNER" sense, but in a general moral sense. My mom accepts it, but that's really it.

I generally allow my own experience to teach me. My friends usually spout elaborate tales of grandeur that make absolutely no sense, usually things like how to go down on a girl, and the like. I tried one thing my friend suggested, and it worked like a charm, but the next few things I heard failed miserably, and subsequently led me not to trust my friends sexual perspectives.

As for religion, I'm an atheist, and my girlfriend is a non-denominational Christian, but that doesn't stop us from going at it like wild rabbits. We figure that the Catholic doctrine of "If it feels good, stop" is a load of crap.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Long post is looonnnnggg....

How do you come across the idea of sex and when?
Well it was a multi-stage process for me: I was around 5-6 years old and did cute things with a childhood friend like kiss and even do a little exploring of eachother's bodies. Really innocent stuff though. All I knew was that what I was doing was strange, fun, and something I wanted to experience again.

Jump ahead a few years and I sneak off with some friends to look at my dad's playboys. That was the first real look at a woman from a sexual standpoint for me.

If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?
I know its something that should be fine to discuss openly, but for some reason the most I'll get towards that area is admitting to my mom or dad that I find a celebrity good looking or not. I can't even (Parents are divorced) make myself really listen when my mom mentions finding another man in her life. That along with sex in general are two things I don't want to know about or discuss with her. Yes its irrational and maybe even a bit juvenile but that's how it is for me.

Why is it our own family so DAMN shy when it comes to sex discussions compared to our stupid friends?
I really don't know... Its certainly easier (Although I should point out I never really did like talking about it at all, meaning I would hardly ever bring it up in discussion on my own) to discuss it with friends rather then relatives. I honestly don't know WHY though.


Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?
I used to let it get to me, but I've learned overtime to regularly tune my bullshit detector, and now I'm much less worried about it, and get jealous far far less often, to the point where I only get irritated if they should rub it in my face. I guess since I grew with many of my friends through teenage-hood, the desire to get it on was just something that came naturally and well, I wasn't getting in on that action unlike them. That did piss me off at the time, but looking back, I probably avoided some bad drama.

s your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited?.
I remain eternally single so most of this question I can't answer.
However, my religious beliefs are somewhat... in a state of flux right now so I'm not really sure I can answer this truthfully. I have not had pre-marital sex, if that counts for anything.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by dark nation

s your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited?.
I remain eternally single so most of this question I can't answer.
However, my religious beliefs are somewhat... in a state of flux right now so I'm not really sure I can answer this truthfully. I have not had pre-marital sex, if that counts for anything.

Thanks to Malak and DN for keeping this clean. >.> Noticing Miles checking in onto this thread lol, and don't ya worry, I'll be sure to report a racy post or something to save you from !

Anyway, DN, I guess the question would be IF you got a girlfriend, is your religion a source of PRESSURE to NOT have sex or perhaps is your social culture a pressure to DO SO? I can see it really depends on the girlfriend and how she thinks about it as well. But I'm talking about you though. I imagine you'd give in quite easily under whatever circumstances... o.o' No offense.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I don't remember exactly when the thought of sex came to me. I believe when I was in grade school, fourth or fifth grade perhaps some kids were talking about it. Though I do remember one time they were asking me if I knew what 'virgin' meant. Being my naive self at the time, I thought they meant the astrological sign Virgo, and not having sex. I believe they explained that being a virgin means you like to have sex with a dog or some bullshit like that.

I've never had a conversation with my parents really about sex. As I was getting older my mom talked to me about sex by directing me towards a PBS program about sex. And she'd just make the off comment remark, use protection if I was going out with a girl and assumed I was having sex. That's pretty much the extent. My dad, never really mentioned anything about sex. In general, I really wouldn't bother talking to my parents about sex. I feel I'm knowledgable enough on the subject and I can look something up myself if I have any questions.

Why is my own family shy about talking about sex? I dunno, because of it being 'icky' or something? I've been pretty disconnected from my family in general recently so I guess that has something to do with it. Sex as a conversation starter would probably be a bit much at this point.

For the most part I take my friend's sexcapades with a grain of salt. I generally do not ask them, they just flat out tell me whether I care to know or not. I really don't let them influence me in sex relationships and relationships in general.

Religion has not played any part for me. Well I guess since I'm an Atheist that it would play some part. But regardless I find the notion of no sex before marriage to be illogical, bullshit and unrealistically ideal that really serves no point at this day in age. My girlfriend is Christian, but her faith sometimes teeters on the edge and she likes to pick and choose from the religion it seems. She's not a virgin at all, long before me and we go at it like rabbits.

I was speaking idiomatically.

How did you come across the idea of sex and when?

As a kid of 5-6 years old, I would sometimes study myself alone in the bedroom, although it was nothing bad because of course I had no knowledge of sex back then. A few years later when I became 9 or 10, I went down to the basement of a relative's house with a cousin of mine and we decided to take a look at each other's private areas. It was the first time I got to see a female in the nude, but again, this was nothing dangerous. A little while after I found one of my dad's Playboy magazines and I guess it just went on from there.


If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?

I'm very shy discussing this kind of subject to my parents, so no, I wouldn't unless I was forced to. We have talked it before, but that was years ago when I was trying to figure out what sex was. The way they explained things wasn't helpful much to me, I'd rather surf the web for all of the info myself - and I've learned a hell of a lot through Wikipedia, Sewers threads, etc.


Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?

I don't have too many friends, though I've listened to what they have said. Most of them are virgins - the one that isn't had a brief relationship but they split up later on, and thankfully there were no hard feelings from either of them afterward. Everyone has their own experiences and I'd rather not let theirs decide mine - I have enough of a conscience to know that 90% of breakups result in drama, and I really wouldn't want to have to endure that.


Is your religion a HUGE reason why the sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited?

I don't have a girlfriend, so I can't really answer this. Being a Christian, however, has shaped my viewpoint on the matter. I've had to attend several dozen sex ed classes and all of them have been telling me to wait until marriage before doing it - they gave out proof of this claim by telling us about personal stories of other people, and all of them ended up in either the guy or the girl (most often the girl) being depressed for several years due to having premarital sex and then breaking up afterward. So yeah, I'm going to wait until I can marry a girl until I decide to do it (there's masturbation in the meantime... >_>).

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Philia

How do you come across the idea of sex and when?

Hell, I can't remember any certain incident. I did a lot of reading when I was younger and probably came across the specifics in a book somewhere or other. Later I discovered the Internet.

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If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?

Define "In General". I'm sure we've occasionally had the general discussions about "if you have a kid before you get your college degree your life is probably fucked" and "STDs are bad blah blah" talks, but a true detailed discussion? I fail to see the point. At this point in time, I'm 20, I'm quite aware of everything I do, and responsible for the consequences.[quote]

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Why is it our own family so DAMN shy when it comes to sex discussions compared to our stupid friends?

Wrong question. Why are we so shy when it comes to sex discussions with family compared to friends? Answer: Probably because you're not afraid your friends will be dissapointed in you. I think the American system of "morality" where it's OK to show people getting dismembered and blown apart but ZOMG ITS A NIPPLE HIDE TEH KIDS is bullshit.

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Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?

Most of my friends are single and most of their sex lives don't exist at the moment (although most of them have lost their virginity at one point or the other). If any one of them started hugely bragging of course I'd be suspicious, but for the most part, we don't go around bragging or exaggerating that much to each other.

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Is your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited? Or is it the opposite? xD I kept imagining that prudes are outrageous nymphos after they discover pleasure after their sexual awakening...

Prohibited? It's not something we bring up every day, but it's far from prohibited. As far as religion.....I'm atheist and she's generic-brand christian.

FELIPE NO

Interesting topic! It's not often you come around a serious topic about sex.

I started thinking about sex around the age of 12-13. Like most young boys I'd looked at porn and such and started imagining what it must be like. I distinctly remember thinking that blowjobs are probably the most satisfying(?!). Although I had a few girlfriends, it wasn't until a few years later that I got comfortable enough with a girl to ask her if she would sleep with me.

The actual experience was well, amazing. I know a lot of people say the first time isn't that good, but that certainly didn't apply to us--it went really naturally (everything "fit" ) and it was just, well, spectacular. I was with that girl for over a year before it went truly sour and we broke up. We still talk.

After that relationship I've slept with a few other girls, but to be honest that's still my favourite relationship on a sexual level. I think we just matched up really well, or perhaps I was really in love with her. I make it a point not to have sex with girlfriends too early, before I know I really like them.


When it comes to my parents, I'm sure they know I slept with some girls, but I never talked to them about it. They once talked to me about using condoms and/or making sure the girl is on the pill, but other than that they're leaving me to my own devices. Which is just fine, really--that stuff is super uncomfortable.

I don't talk about sex with my friends. There's one friend I talk to for picking up girls, but when it comes to sex, we don't talk about it. Not sure why, I don't think it's a shame issue--it's just not a subject that comes up.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Thank you all for good clean replies, much appreciated.

New questions:

To guys: How do you view masturbation DURING marriage?

To women: How do you view your LOVER (ie not husband) masturbating?

I was surprised to find there's a LOT of pet peeves about masturbation in general. There's a lot of women without an education (will source upon request) post high school that did not masturbate. And then in turn, there's a lot of cultures that look down on female masturbation as well as small sources of communicating about it.

To everyone, how do you feel about a woman finding pleasure with herself?

To the previous question, I figured its depend on the circumstances... but I understood even prior to the relationship that I wanted him to masturbate freely on his own accord as long as he kept check on himself. My only worry was that too often the images/content used were progressive in some form and just pray it wasn't heading to negative.

And as for the woman, as a woman, I'm rather surprised. To be honest with you, I NEVER thought its even possible. I heard about it but I figured only with a dick toy or a vibrator or a shower head. o.O' And that's a new thing for me still. o.o'

Jam it back in, in the dark.

What, you've never heard of fingering? Of course female masturbation is possible.

Personally, I don't see the big issue. People have different sex drives and some people require it more often than others. Part of this in a relationship is comprimise - obviously, one person will probably be having sex less than they want and one may be having it more often than they'd otherwise desire, but relationships are all about comprimising so that both people are OK with it. If one person wants to masturbate, then I fail to see the issue as long as it doesn't replace contact with the other person, only supplements that which is already there.

This is especially true given the fact that after getting married most womens' sex drives plummet very rapidly to zero, whereas men are horny bastards until the day they die. Something's got to give here.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

How did you come across the idea of sex and when?

I think I saw something on TV which filled me in on what "sex" actually was. I tried to ask my step-mother at the time what sex was (I was maybe 6 or 7), and I remember exactly what she said: "Sex is the difference between a boy and a girl!"

From that point on, I didn't trust anyone to actually tell me the truth.

If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?

Never have, never will. There's no reason to. My father tried to have that "talk" with me when I was about 16. I was already on birth control, sleeping with my then boyfriend, and so on. I told him he was a day late, a dollar short. I assured him I knew what I was doing and that I wasn't being an idiot about it.

That's the last time my father and I discussed sex in a personal sense.

But we're a pretty open family. We joke about it a lot, on a general level.


Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?

I've never listened to anyone around me about sex. I knew that could possibly lead me down a road I didn't want to go down. I wasn't a dolt about it, and I was pretty educated on the issue. I didn't need any input from my friends. In fact, even today, I don't discuss sex with my friends unless it's in a general sense.

Is your religion a HUGE reason why the sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited?

I have been an atheist for a very long time, so no. Religion never effected my sexual practices. Logic maybe, but not religion. I resent the idea that religion would interfere with my bedroom.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

How did you come across the idea of sex and when?

I think I saw something on TV which filled me in on what "sex" actually was. I tried to ask my step-mother at the time what sex was (I was maybe 6 or 7), and I remember exactly what she said: "Sex is the difference between a boy and a girl!"

From that point on, I didn't trust anyone to actually tell me the truth.

That is so different from what my Mom did. When I was...5? Or so? There was this picture book my mom had. "Where to babies come from". Written in huge font and such like all those other children's books. Had little cartoony drawings of naughty bits and such. Probably pretty informative for a grade 1 kid, in retrospect.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"How do you come across the idea of sex and when?"

That's incredibly difficult to say. I remember my first idle worship of a classmate, a celebrity, et cetera. However, I don't remember the gradual process of sexual attraction.

"If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?"

I suppose so, but that's misleading, in my case. I feel that I'm incredibly trustworthy in this case, and that (as I'll mention later) it's largely irrelevant to them, seeing as how I'm a theologically conservative Christian.

"If you HAD talked to your parents about sex before, is it helpful?"

Of course. They handled everything quite well, which surprised me at the time. I sensed some awkwardness on their part, but they were prepared with facts and some general parental whitewashing over any overly explicit sections.

As for advice on ongoing relationships, see "premarital sex, Christianity and prohibition of."

Unfortunately, I haven't any interesting experiences that involve myself to relate here. I went to a Lutheran grade school (through 8th grade) and have only been, embarrassingly, present during sexual escapades, not involved.

"Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt?"

As a male, I feel like it's almost a necessity to do so. ("No, dude, seriously. I crashed the bed through the floor below. Totally serious here.") I only have a couple of close female friends who talk frankly about sex, whether it's casually or simply explanatory. They have no reason to exaggerate with me, so I take them seriously.

"Is your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited? Or is it the opposite? xD I kept imagining that prudes are outrageous nymphos after they discover pleasure after their sexual awakening..."

The current situation is a long-distance one for me, so I actually think that my religion-based continued chastity (and hers, though hers is out of waiting for someone "special," not for marriage specifically) is helpful in my case. If the relationship entered that realm of physicality, I can only imagine that seeing each other 2 weeks for every 10 apart would greatly disturb things.

...On a side note, have any people who remained virgins of their own volition had it trouble or ruin their relationships? I'm not conceited (DISCLAIMER: No, SERIOUSLY), but most women seem to find me handsome, so (to avoid any explicit stories) I'm a virgin out of actual choice. Unfortunately, with some people, this has been an immediate or eventual dealbreaker, which is rather frustrating.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Colonel Skills

That is so different from what my Mom did. When I was...5? Or so? There was this picture book my mom had. "Where to babies come from". Written in huge font and such like all those other children's books. Had little cartoony drawings of naughty bits and such. Probably pretty informative for a grade 1 kid, in retrospect.

Yea, my ex step-mother was extremely sexually repressed, due to her being Catholic. SUPER EXTREME Catholic.

So, you know, I guess she would have rather avoided the topic all together until I was popping out babies at the ripe old age of 13. Even then, I doubt she would have embraced the idea of birth control. =/

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Philia

How do you come across the idea of sex and when?

I was seven at the time. Thankfully it was nothing scarring, such as walking in on my parents or something but we were watching a comedy show and a character made a joke about periods which I didn't understand. I asked my mother and she explained everything quite calmly.

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If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?

Christ no. They are so uncomfortable around the subject themselves, let alone the embarrasment I would feel talking about it. The closest we ever got to the subject was when I was interested in certain punky types of clothing and my mother remarked, "It's bad enough that you're having sex, just don't have kinky sex."

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If you HAD talked to your parents about sex before, is it helpful?

Well I'd had it explained to me but I never really had any questions about it if that's what you mean. I never needed to ask anything (not that she told me everything; that's a journey of discovery within teenage years), but what she told me anyway was helpful. Even if schools decided to help us learn about it anyway.

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Feel free to share your experiences here and ask questions as well to continue the discussion.

What I'm quite curious about is how far sex education goes in the rest of the world. Over here, at the age of 14 I had a sex education lesson where we were taught how to use a condom and given leaflets on the nearest family planning clinics and the pill. Who thinks that's more of a hinderance than a help?

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Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?

Sometimes I do, but only recently. A few of my friend's experiences seem rather far-fetched, and I would never take advice off someone who prides themselves on being a whore. It's just a stupid way to go about the whole business. I never let honest friend's experiences influence me however because I was the first of all of us to have a sexual experience and I've seen a hell of a lot more than they'd ever think of anyway. I don't want anyone else to influence the way I see sex.

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Is your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited? Or is it the opposite?

I have no religion, unless you're of the school that believes athiesm to be a religion of its own. It is no reason to hold me back in a sexual relationship.

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How do you view your LOVER (ie not husband) masturbating?

Fine by me. Admittedly we're in a long distance relationship but the thought of him pleasuring himself whilst I'm not there has never really bothered me, even when we could see each other every few days. He has always held the same thougths for me, even if I don't.

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how do you feel about a woman finding pleasure with herself?

I may not be partial to this myself but a lot of my friends do, openly. Whatever floats your boat. Masturbation can reduce stress amongst other things. From the boyfriends of those who have them, I gather they actually quite like the idea.

FELIPE NO

Wow, thanks for the well thorough input guys! Keep them coming. Reading from a few of yours, I keep seeing the same result.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

I have no religion, unless you're of the school that believes athiesm to be a religion of its own. It is no reason to hold me back in a sexual relationship.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I have been an atheist for a very long time, so no. Religion never effected my sexual practices. Logic maybe, but not religion. I resent the idea that religion would interfere with my bedroom.

Perhaps it'll help if I rephrase the question whether or not if religion influences your sexual preferences (and I don't mean hetro/gay preferences alone) but rather CULTURE around you. Religion is often a bit more like culture that your own family had taught you since you were small.

I find it hard to believe that atheists don't have any sort of restraint upon sex other than general preferences of their opposites themselves. Does having no sort of basis of faith pushes you to HAVE sex immediately? o.O' That's what I mean.

I guess I'm going for the detail of WHAT drove you to be open about sex in general or rather what didn't prevent you from having sex at all. Is it more of a causal spontaneous kind of thing that you guys just didn't really think about or it was genuine when you love your partner then?

Which brings me to the NEXT question.

Is it possible to have lustful sex when you're in love with this person?

I know this sounds SO dumb, but I realized its kinda impossible to "make love" when I saw that I'm rather kissing my husband to show that I love him so much but when it comes down to sexual pleasure, its more of indulging into pleasure itself from each other that didn't seem like "love-making" itself... o.o' Maybe I'm not there yet to experience this lol!

Even so, I realized that in some insane concepts that a person can love this person so much that sex would appear as a dealbreaker because it would possibly tarnish their image of these said beloved people. O.o' Thus avoiding sex altogether for the name of love? o.O' Such oddest thing but I had heard of it...

But I hope that helps to explain what I'm confused about in regarding "love-making" which is really strange concept to me. If you could, could you help me by explaining it or describing it to me? If too much, you don't have to reply!

Second question, when you truly LOVE this person, how do you display love to this person?

I just kiss my husband a lot... he calls it rape since I pounce on him sometimes. xD LOL. He's hilarious, but its true though, there was NOT a day go by that I wouldn't kiss my husband. That's love to me for sure since its not either pressure or whatever, but a spontaneous feeling of love. I hope that helps explain a bit of what I mean by genuine love displays.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

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How do you view masturbation DURING marriage?

I view it as a healthy, non intrusive way to release oneself. If I'm not getting sex, or if I'm too far away from sex, I'd rather sit down with a porn and masturbate. I know some women would hate that I idea, but then I present this to them; would you rather the husband jerk off or go sleep with another woman for pleasure?

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I find it hard to believe that atheists don't have any sort of restraint upon sex other than general preferences of their opposites themselves. Does having no sort of basis of faith pushes you to HAVE sex immediately?

No, entering into adolescence and hearing about it from friends or even from watching movies or whatever certainly push in that direction. If I had done things differently in high school, I would've lost my virginity long ago. Being a virgin doesn't really mean anything significant.

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Is it possible to have lustful sex when you're in love with this person?

Yes that is possible. Lustful sex is just tearing off each other's clothes and going at it like bunnies. Love is generally slower, longer and more sensual with alot more foreplay and kissing. I'm not too big on kissing, but my girlfriend is. Are most women like that, really into kissing? Though I do enjoy giving my girlfriend pleasure in many ways.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by guyinrubbersuit

Are most women like that, really into kissing? Though I do enjoy giving my girlfriend pleasure in many ways.

LOL I have no clue but yeah for me guyinarubbersuit, I really love kissing. I have a very good set of lips for such action. O.o (Think fish face and NO LIPS face. ETC flexibility of lips.) But that's not what really gets me to kiss him so much personally, I found its HIS scent that drives me wild. Kissing him just brings his scent closer.

And I guess its kinda weird for me to see a line between lust/love during sex because we are somewhat in between since we're still in learning phases.

Anyway you brought up an interesting point about all sorts of pressures to have sex. Is expectation of pleasure a huge one?

For the longest time I was raised to believe that I am the one to give that expectation to the man I marry. o.O'

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Philia

Anyway, DN, I guess the question would be IF you got a girlfriend, is your religion a source of PRESSURE to NOT have sex or perhaps is your social culture a pressure to DO SO? I can see it really depends on the girlfriend and how she thinks about it as well. But I'm talking about you though. I imagine you'd give in quite easily under whatever circumstances... o.o' No offense.

Well... personally I'd say it would boil down to more of... the circumstances and situation involved. Like I know I would likely be ashamed if I were to pay a hooker or something crazy like that (I wouldn't), but if it were more of, say, dating someone for a year and getting busy at the anniversary, well I wouldn't really object.

The culture pressure to do so was a big one, and as I might have explained in my previous post, my friends 'success' a few years back made me jealous (Juvenile I know, but that's how it was), but now there's probably a greater chance I would resist if I wasn't comfortable with how things might be going. Still... you're probably right, I would likely cave in with only a little resitance

See the thing is, I've read from your experiences and others as well that some couples treat sex as less of a 'forbidden thing' and more as just another expression of their love for each other, and by doing so, they bring some sense of normality and take that act off its pedestal. In doing so, I imagine they made things involved with it less anticipatory and less nervous. Just a theory though.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Philia

Perhaps it'll help if I rephrase the question whether or not if religion influences your sexual preferences (and I don't mean hetro/gay preferences alone) but rather CULTURE around you. Religion is often a bit more like culture that your own family had taught you since you were small.

Culture obviously goes in both directions. Both sides of my family are Catholic, so the whole "no sex until marriage" thing comes in there (which is part of the reason I don't discuss any of this stuff with my mother, even though I'm sure she's quite aware of everything I do, even if she doesn't know specifics)

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I find it hard to believe that atheists don't have any sort of restraint upon sex other than general preferences of their opposites themselves. Does having no sort of basis of faith pushes you to HAVE sex immediately? o.O' That's what I mean.

There's literally no restraint. Nothing forbidding it, and nothing pushing for it other than the fact that humans are inherently horny. The thing that would make people wait is respect for other people and probably the desire to get to know someone before you have sex (which is obviously not true of everyone but certainly is in some instances). With my current girlfriend, we certainly made out quite a bit, but we never truly "had sex" until six months into the relationship. By that time, neither one of us really felt pressured or unsure of feelings or anything of the sort. Obviously, plenty of people get into things much quicker in a relationship, and some wait even longer. It all depends on the people themselves and whatever they feel comfortable with - there's no universal answer.

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I guess I'm going for the detail of WHAT drove you to be open about sex in general or rather what didn't prevent you from having sex at all. Is it more of a causal spontaneous kind of thing that you guys just didn't really think about or it was genuine when you love your partner then?

I've seen instances of both.

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Is it possible to have lustful sex when you're in love with this person?

Of course. There's time for passionate lovemaking, and there's time for raw animal sex. Both can occur in loving relationships.

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I know this sounds SO dumb, but I realized its kinda impossible to "make love" when I saw that I'm rather kissing my husband to show that I love him so much but when it comes down to sexual pleasure, its more of indulging into pleasure itself from each other that didn't seem like "love-making" itself... o.o' Maybe I'm not there yet to experience this lol!

What, if it feels good it can't be love? Intimacy (especially kissing) can be both psychologically AND physically rewarding at the same time. There's no rule against that.

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Even so, I realized that in some insane concepts that a person can love this person so much that sex would appear as a dealbreaker because it would possibly tarnish their image of these said beloved people. O.o' Thus avoiding sex altogether for the name of love? o.O' Such oddest thing but I had heard of it...

I don't know about "tarnishing their image of someone", but some people have valid reasons to be concerned. Either they have to overcome their own insecurities about sex or their self-image (both of which are common; I'm as guilty as the next guy) or they're genuinely worried that it could harm the relationship. Once sex is introduced into the relationship, there's always the worry that the feeling could leave the relationship and it could degrade into a purely sexual affair. I'd say that as long as the partners truly have feelings for each other and are willing to invest time this isn't really a concern, but it doesn't stop people from occasionally fearing it.

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But I hope that helps to explain what I'm confused about in regarding "love-making" which is really strange concept to me. If you could, could you help me by explaining it or describing it to me? If too much, you don't have to reply!

I look at lovemaking as more of a drawn-out passionate affair, concentrated more on being close to each other and enjoying the other person's presence than raw sexual gratification.

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Second question, when you truly LOVE this person, how do you display love to this person?

In the context of intimacy or in the context of the relationship in general?

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Originally Posted by Philia

Perhaps it'll help if I rephrase the question whether or not if religion influences your sexual preferences (and I don't mean hetro/gay preferences alone) but rather CULTURE around you. Religion is often a bit more like culture that your own family had taught you since you were small.

I grew up in a fairly strict, European home with a lot of outside influences. The culture around me never really affected how I thought about sex, honestly. I mean, maybe it's the regional thing for us New Englanders that sex is the individual's business: so long as you hurt no one, you're cool in our book.

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I find it hard to believe that atheists don't have any sort of restraint upon sex other than general preferences of their opposites themselves. Does having no sort of basis of faith pushes you to HAVE sex immediately? o.O' That's what I mean.

Wow. O_O Thats an interesting perspective.

Having no faith or religion doesn't really impact your sex life, from what I can tell. I mean, it's not like a faith would keep you in line as far as sex is concerned, you know? Just because Person A believes in a god and Person B has no god doesn't mean that Person B is more likely to be a harlot, or vice versa.

I guess what I am saying is that if you've got a brain, you can determine when you're ready for sex.

Some people value sex more than others, though. I don't view it as a life-changing event, a sacred experience, or something you should wait until marriage for. It's just sex, and it's really not a huge deal. It's fun, and everyone should try it, so long as they're smart about it. (You know, using protection and all that happy shit any adult should be aware of)

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I guess I'm going for the detail of WHAT drove you to be open about sex in general or rather what didn't prevent you from having sex at all. Is it more of a causal spontaneous kind of thing that you guys just didn't really think about or it was genuine when you love your partner then?

I loved the guy I first slept with, thats for certain. Hardest fall I ever took in my life when we broke up, and rather silly in retrospect. Just, you know, for the record.

Now, for everyone, it's a different case, but for me, I didn't have anything but myself to hold me back from having sex. When I wanted to do it, I did it. I don't find anything morally wrong with that. I was 15 at the time, and we were careful about it. It was something I wanted to do and didn't regard it in a poor light.

I don't like spontaneous sex. Some people do. I prefer to have some sort of a future with someone I bed with, but sometimes, shit just doesn't work out. What're you going to do? =/

Which brings me to the NEXT question.

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Is it possible to have lustful sex when you're in love with this person?

I know this sounds SO dumb, but I realized its kinda impossible to "make love" when I saw that I'm rather kissing my husband to show that I love him so much but when it comes down to sexual pleasure, its more of indulging into pleasure itself from each other that didn't seem like "love-making" itself... o.o' Maybe I'm not there yet to experience this lol!

Well, uh. Again, that's an odd perspective.

I'd hope that you love the person you're with and they get you hot. I don't think I have that whole...divide in my mind like you seem to. I really don't think about it that much. Maybe I just don't put that much emphasis on sex. To me, it's something that people who have feelings for each other do. (Sometimes, people do it without havings feelings out of pure lust. Which is also cool, but not part of my creed)

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Even so, I realized that in some insane concepts that a person can love this person so much that sex would appear as a dealbreaker because it would possibly tarnish their image of these said beloved people. O.o' Thus avoiding sex altogether for the name of love? o.O' Such oddest thing but I had heard of it...

Yea, I really don't villainize sex like that at all. "Tarnishing" their image by having sex? The hell?

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But I hope that helps to explain what I'm confused about in regarding "love-making" which is really strange concept to me. If you could, could you help me by explaining it or describing it to me? If too much, you don't have to reply!

You want me to explain "love-making" to you.

I'm probably the wrong person to ask.

Maybe it's that Christian guilt you're feeling or something, but I mean... if you love your husband (which you do), wouldn't you want to share this experience with him? I mean...not that you wouldn't, but if you love him, then you're making love, I guess. It's an experience you (personally) would only give to a person you love. (Again, not true for everyone, but "love-making," I assume, is just a term)

I guess it's the more kind, tender version of saying "Yea, I'm banging her" ^_^

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Second question, when you truly LOVE this person, how do you display love to this person?

I just kiss my husband a lot... he calls it rape since I pounce on him sometimes. xD LOL. He's hilarious, but its true though, there was NOT a day go by that I wouldn't kiss my husband. That's love to me for sure since its not either pressure or whatever, but a spontaneous feeling of love. I hope that helps explain a bit of what I mean by genuine love displays.

Displaying love is an individual thing.

I know GFF won't care to know, but I show affection in (enter the fat jokes) biting. It's not a sexual thing - it's a pleasantry to me (which some do not so much enjoy). If I love you, I will bite you.

Kissing is an intensely intimate thing - some think it's more intimate than sex itself. If you want to display love to your husband in kissing, thats excellent and not strange at all.

Sex isn't the end-all, be-all for showing love for a lot of people.

And uh, sorry for answering you personally? I don't know if those questions were posed to everyone, so. SORRY~

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Philia

To women: How do you view your LOVER (ie not husband) masturbating?

Well, as my boyfriend and I don't live with each other and we're both still technically under the laws of our parents (i.e, "as long as you're living under my roof..."), sex is quite rare for our relationship. I expect / am sure he masturbates when I'm not around for days. I just don't want/ need to know about it. Once I know about it, I will start getting curious about how he does it, what he uses to get himself off, etc. and it's just too much to obsess over, so I generally give him the benefit of the doubt he does it on his own accord when he wants to, and I just generally keep that out of my mind.

However, if we are in bed together, then I don't mind masturbation tied-in together with foreplay... it's almost like you're putting on a "show" for the other person when you're pleasuring yourself while he/she is watching. I guess that's the fun of it.

Additional Spam:

Originally Posted by Philia

Is it possible to have lustful sex when you're in love with this person?

OF COURSE!! Sex doesn't always have to be beautiful and "holy" in the sense that it's an act of love; it can be entirely out of hunger and lust for the action too--though I personally think the excitement and affection counts especially for the person you're in love with.

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Second question, when you truly LOVE this person, how do you display love to this person?

This one's a bit hard to answer as it can depend on the situation. I try to display love in more subtle ways, especially in public. Couple years back I didn't mind making out in public, but nowadays I'm not really comfortable being too close, too touchy, not to mention making out in public...a hug and a peck on the cheek is probably what I allow as public show of affection recently. However in private, I generally do things I know he enjoys, but it's a collaborate effort too. Whether the affectionate display of love is sexually related or not, I believe the door swings both ways.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Thank you for the replies everyone. I appreciate it, and um... I just wanted to learn a bit as well as learning a bit about everyone here. That is all.

FELIPE NO