Seeking Approval

A lot of us do it without even knowing it: seeking approval from our peers, our parents, our bosses, our spouses.

We do a lot of things to be validated in our own little worlds.

Which facets in your life are you guilty of seeking approval from? Do you know you're seeking approval? Do you reject the need for approval all together?

Tell us about how you seek out your approval from your fellow man.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'd definitely say I'm guilty of seeking approval from women more than from other men, but with me it's hardly ever in an obvious fashion, and I usually don't realize I'm doing it until afterward. I'll find little subtle ways to discover if she enjoyed the time she spent with me - sometimes I'll ask her straight-out if she had a good time, but usually I just ask trigger questions or say something that will make her gush about how she felt it all went.

If all I get is an "it was okay" or worse, then I get pretty disappointed and immediately try to find a way to make the date/hang-out more enjoyable.

I am trying to get myself to where I don't feel I need approval and validation, and I've come pretty far from where I used to be - I used to practically beg for it, and so of course never get it - but I've still got a ways to go. Approval from women is still very very important to me. I could care less if a man completely disapproves of me and/or my actions, but it's hard for me to shrug off a woman's disapproval, even if it's all entirely her problem.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm constantly seeking approval from others. Not to validate things that I do, because my idea of who I am and what I am capable is strong enough that I don't require approval from others, but having approval makes me feel good. I'm especially guilty of seeking approval of my singing, but I've been known to look for approval of writing, work, time management, occasionally opinions, cooking, and other things.

The draw isn't so strong online - my online persona is quite a bit more sure of itself than I am in real life. I'm weird like that.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm not sure how exactly I seek approval. There's always the womanly 'look good = feel good'. Every now and then there's the small project I think of that always get the comment 'oh you shouldnt have', which makes me feel good.

But I'm probably the opposite of Drex in that manner... I usually ask for criticisms when it comes to my writing... I always feel that people are too soft and kind about it, and I know that isnt how publishers will act.

Approval from people who know what they're doing (such as published authors, or older members of a forum) are usually what get me going.

How ya doing, buddy?

Good point, there - I do seek for criticism of most things I do, but it's best tempered with compliments.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Consciously or otherwise, I keep finding myself seeking professional approval, to phrase the idea badly. I'm always annoyed when my abilities are marginalized by others, and regardless of how good a job I do of it, I always keep trying to get people to acknowledge me as a competent, reliable person.

Of course, then I turn around and actively try to keep a low profile and avoid drawing attention to myself, which is completely self-sabotaging. Old habits die hard.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I seek out approval from men, especially. I think alot of that has to do the fact that my father never seems to approve of me. =/

My acting is something I need constant affirmation on, too. While I definitely have other areas where I want/need approval, acting is the biggest example. Which is devastating, really, because you can't act very well at all when you're worrying about what people are going to think.

How ya doing, buddy?

Oh yes, I do seek approval in many areas. Everything from my cooking to my looks. When it comes to my looks, I usually seek it out from women, but when it comes to my cooking, though, I seek approval from both sexes. I guess I just need confirmation that I'm in going in the right direction. I don't really get sad if it's not the way people expected and they don't really like it, I'll just try to take it as constructive criticism and make it better the next time around. Of course, I'll need their approval that time as well. It's a never ending spiral of approval.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I used to seek approval constantly, mostly from my father, when I was younger. Then I hit a rough spot in life and now I don't care what people think. Whether they approve or disapprove of my actions, so be it. It's a lot easier to ignore it than actively seek it. Causes too much stress and takes too much effort for me to give a damn anymore.

Unless said approval was in the form of money and/or sex. lewl i likes money

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm pretty bad at doing this around certain friends. I'll usually pass myself off as being nonchalant, but I always inadvertently wind up trying my hardest to impress them. :/

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm particularly bad around my mom since she expects a lot from me and I try my darnest to deliver. Away from home I think I tend to fish for complements through my dress, and I constantly have to keep an eye on how I look when I'm not in my room alone studying.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Hello.

I might argue that receiving approval in certain arenas--in the professional world especially--is necessary, to an extent. Verification from a boss that a job has been completed satisfactorily and completely, for example, shows how well you are doing and where improvement may be needed (or if the danger of being fired is approaching--Eee). Approval-seeking mutates into something negative when an employee seeks approval (or perhaps compliments) for the purpose of ego-puffing or self-centered, feel-good reasons. So, in short, a wrong attitude toward seeking approval is where a possible problem arises, not the approval itself; at least in the realm of a person's career.

Mayhaps I'm wrong, though. Just a thought.

Personally, I tend to seek approval in social and creative areas. And it's more than just approval, really; I'm often looking for compliments (creatively) and for a positive, flattering response (socially). Most people want that, though, methinks.

But frankly, I don't give a burnt piece of toast whether or not I receive complements/approval/gold-sticker-esque rewards for my outward appearance. I am perfectly content to accept my mirror-breaking, run-away-screaming, and alarming looks and move swiftly onward (breaking mirrors and scaring people as I onward go, of course). Right.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I'm guilty of seeking approval from my parents even if I no longer live with them. I make most decisions on my own, but there are certain issues that may force me to ask what my parents think even if I know that their response will be favorable.

I only consult my few close friends about issues that I feel need approval. Sometimes I don't like deciding on something without talking to someone else about it first.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Of course I seek approval. I want it more online than in real life, though, because in real life I already have friends and people to talk with. Online, I don't. It's also easier for me to get on someone's good side in real life than it is online, so I'm always worried that someone thinks badly of me online.

How ya doing, buddy?

I tend to look for approval, but its mostly through my actions and what I do. Like, when I organize a certain event, I ask people what they thought of it and find out their opinions. I guess sometimes, in the end, I am just seeing if they are willing to give me credit. 90% of the time however, I really want to see what needs improvement and what was great. I try not to make things too personal and ask for approval. I haven't always been that way though... not until the past couple to three years.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by christinajon

Of course I seek approval. I want it more online than in real life, though, because in real life I already have friends and people to talk with. Online, I don't. It's also easier for me to get on someone's good side in real life than it is online, so I'm always worried that someone thinks badly of me online.

You know, I've experienced that on THIS board. There's only one other forum I visit regularly, and I've known those guys for 4 years now. I have a lot of respect for this forum, and as a newbie here I want to be able to contribute, but also have my contributions recognized among the "old guard." Interesting, I hadn't thought of it until you posted that.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Quote:

I seek out approval from men, especially. I think alot of that has to do the fact that my father never seems to approve of me. =/

Interesting idea.
My father and I had a very unhealthy relationship and I believe this has affected my relationships quite negatively. He was very distant, cold, and used to constantly criticize my actions (very vocally and violently so I might add). Because of this, I have grown up with a very stunted self-esteem. I constantly seek approval from my friends and acquaintances.

I know I behave this way, and I try to remedy it as best as I can, but it's very difficult. I think people who have had healthy relationships with their parents don't really understand how crippling this can be.
Though, I have noticed the attention whoring behavior diminishing with age. This is due to both the normal maturing process and the fact that I don't live with my father anymore. I feel more emotionally stable and just happier in general.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Where to begin? Almost everything I do is serching for approval. I have a lot of paranoia about being judged and all that BS that I should have grown out of when I was 16. I seek approval from anyone who'll offer it which is probably why a lot of people don't like me.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I know I often seek approval, I see no reason to deny it, but a part of me rejects it all the same.

I'm guilty of seeking approval from lovers. I try to do what ever I can to keep them satisfied, and I need to know when I'm doing just that. I need to know when I do something they like, or if I went about something the right way. The list goes on.

Sadly enough, a large part of me regards that as pathetic in myself. When other's do it, it's not a problem. But in me there is a part the regards that as a weakness to be exploited by society.

I'm odd like that.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I always used to seek approval from my teachers in school, not in an arse licking way but more I liked to keep quiet and get on with my work, achieve good grades, and teachers praised me for that. I was never a suck-up though.

Apart from that I can't really think of anything.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I seek approval from just about anyone. I have fairly low self esteem, so that doesn't help too much in that aspect.

I try my hardest to make -and- keep friends, and of course I hope that they 'approve' of me. I've had lots of people talk down to me or act as if I'm not nearly good enough, so any approval I get makes me extremely happy. Of course, I have terrible luck, so most friends I make I tend to lose after a while. (Not by death or anything.. we just usually drift apart or I piss them off, etc etc.)

I also seek approval at my job. I try to do my best there, but never get recognition for it.

My parents want me to do perfect in school, which is difficult, so when I don't, I feel terrible since they didn't approve.

Meh, I didn't mean for this post to be so dramatic.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I am guilty of seeking approval, I am seeking it from my b/f mother, or his whole family for that matter. My family adores my b/f, but only his father likes me.

We are planning to marry, but his mother does not like it at all.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

All the time and it has caused me to lose a lot of friends. So I just try to do the best that I can and hope somebody likes it or whatever.

FELIPE NO

Society is set up to require approval. You only win at the game of life if you can defeat this boss at the end of the dungeon, and separate from what others think of you. Be selfish, and life your life to the fullest.

Oh, but yeah, I'm guilty of it, too. Sorta. I don't know how, it's a mindset.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?