Dating people who have no friends

At one time, I thought it would be cool to date a girl that has no friends since she wouldn't ditch me to go hang out with them and she would be less likely to break up with me.

But, a friend of mine is dating a girl that has no friends. And I gotta say, it's not going well for him. It's not that they're fighting or anything, it's just that he sometimes makes a comment like he's tired of her being on top of him and he gets tired of her bugging him all the time. (When he comes over to my house, she's behind him 80-90% of the time.) When he tried to break up with her for other reasons, she sent him a text message and he got it when I was next to him. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed "....don't fit in with anybody anywhere. You're the only..." Later on that day, he said something along the lines of "I can't let her go. I'm all she has and I don't know what she'll do if she's alone."

Now, I'm not here to start an angst thread about my friend's relationship because that's his business. I'm just using it as an example to point out some of the negative aspects of dating friendless people.

When it comes to the positive aspects... maybe the person who has no friends would be less likely to break up and cheat on the other person since they would be more likely to appreciate the relationship & attention?

Discuss.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I think it's probably very unhealthy to date someone who has no friends. There is a huge chance they will be insecure and clingy--and also jealous. If you have friends, that will make things doubly hard.

One definitely needs friends when one is in a deep relationship. If that person becomes your whole world, and then they leave... Well, you're in for trouble.

I can just see disaster on so many levels. I could imagine where it would be tempting, though. You would be that person's entire life... Lots of attention and affection. I think after a while, though, you would realize it was overbearing.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

So she doesn't have any friends. Why does that justify her dependance on him? Surely if she has an ounce of empathy in her soul she could see how suffocating complete dependance on a person can be. There has to be an equilibrium in a relationship. It's very hard to find a partner who is just like a best friend. Having friendships is healthy because it doesn't marr the relationship in any way. Maybe he should be her first friend, finding a way to show that someone understands and then allows her to have a friend and find a new boyfriend.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

i think this whole concept is wrong, you shouldnt date someone just because she has no friends just so you have like an insurance from being ditched, you should date someone becuase you enjoy spending time with her

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I think it would be better to just remain as friends rather than date a person with no friends. As mentioned, the clinginess would probably lead to complications especially since she has no one else to go to. At least as friends, it's easier with the fact that there's less obligation to be together constantly unlike with a relationship situation in which she might actually become more of an annoyance. Plus, she'll still have at least one person to hang out with if he remains friends with her, and it doesn't have to be as boyfriend girlfriend. If he sees her as an annoyance, then that sort of defeats the purpose of dating.

I was speaking idiomatically.

There's something to be said about her personality if she can't even manage to make any friends. Unless you're a clingy jealous person as well, I don't think most sane people would want to be involved with someone like that.

But that's just me. And appreciating a relationship and not cheating with others doesn't stem from the number of friends someone has, it's about loving the other person for who they are and morals and all that shit.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Sounds to me like she's so scared of being alone again all logics going out the window in her mind, fear is a powerful thing after all. I think the guy has to be patient with her, but also take her to situations where she learns to really talk more with people. You don't get someone that paranoid unless something fucked up happened to them when they were younger and she really needs to deal with that.

FELIPE NO

I've always wondered what it would be like to date a chick with no life. I've heard accounts. I have enough of a clingy chick already, though. I'd hate to see how much worse things can get if she were insecure. Run the opposite direction unless you share an equal lack of confidence with her. Then you guys might be a match made in heaven, feeding off of the voids that you can both passify but neither can fill. It's what you make of it, really always is.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I'm new, and I thought that I would respond to this thread.. by giving a perspective of someone who doesn't have any friends.

That's right.. I'm Ann, and at this time in my life, I'm officially friendless (and I also have the guts to admit it).

I also have a good paying job, and I have travelled the world completely on my own (which, apparently, is a brave thing to do ), and I have enjoyed it thoroughly. I don't sit around wishing for friends, but have a whole bunch of solo projects on the go. I'm happy with the way things are.

over-dependence and insecurity is not limited to those without friends. I have known many, many people who had oodles of friends, who were also one step away from being sectioned by the mental health act, or arrested for stalking. Just because someone has many "friends" (and I use this term very, very loosely) doesn't mean that the friendships are good or meaningful.

In this particular girls case, I think her friendlessness is merely a symptom of something deeper going on, and not the main cause. Your friend could have run into this problem if she were the most popular person on the block. I also think Sapphires assessment is spot on. Thanks.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I guess really that if he wants to let go, he's gotta tell her that she isn't alone in the world, and introduce her to some friends if she has trouble finding them on her own, then when she feels comfortable knowing that people will be there for her regardless, he can let go

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Ann

I'm new, and I thought that I would respond to this thread.. by giving a perspective of someone who doesn't have any friends.

That's right.. I'm Ann, and at this time in my life, I'm officially friendless (and I also have the guts to admit it).

I also have a good paying job, and I have travelled the world completely on my own (which, apparently, is a brave thing to do ), and I have enjoyed it thoroughly. I don't sit around wishing for friends, but have a whole bunch of solo projects on the go. I'm happy with the way things are.

over-dependence and insecurity is not limited to those without friends. I have known many, many people who had oodles of friends, who were also one step away from being sectioned by the mental health act, or arrested for stalking. Just because someone has many "friends" (and I use this term very, very loosely) doesn't mean that the friendships are good or meaningful.

In this particular girls case, I think her friendlessness is merely a symptom of something deeper going on, and not the main cause. Your friend could have run into this problem if she were the most popular person on the block. I also think Sapphires assessment is spot on. Thanks.

Wow. Hi Ann. Welcome to GFF. I'm impressed with you already.

I'm a friendly person. I DO have friends, but I don't really need them. I don't feel obligated to keep friends or friendships. I am not much of a clingy person, either.

Some people just do alright without friends - some people eve prefer it in some cases. Especially when you're working and you're in school all the time - you have no time to make friends and maintain those friendships - so you go without.

You really need to take things on a case-by-case basis. Not ALL friendless people are clingy assholes who will threaten to kill themselves when you leave them. Some people just prefer it that way. (Albeit the MINORITY are like this)

Just be analytical and watch for red flags if you decide to date a girl with no friends. Consider her age and profession as well.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

What you have to watch out for are the people who dump all their friends once they're in a relationship with you. And if you're thinking of doing this yourself (this usually sounds like "I need to spend more time with my girlfriend and less time with my friends" in your head), don't. Most relationships don't work out and friendships usually last indefinitely. Bros before hos isn't just some crass misogynistic aphorism for "players". It's good advice. If you haven't exchanged rings yet, shes still a "ho" no matter how you feel about her (I don't normally use these words).

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Minion

Bros before hos isn't just some crass misogynistic aphorism for "players". It's good advice.

I couldn't disagree with you more.

The phrase puts the priority of your friends in front of the priority of your partner. I think thats absolutely RETARDED.

Family is likely the only thing that a person can arguably be put in front of your partner/spouse/whatever.

That's some of the worst advice I've ever heard. DO NOT put your friends before your partner. You'll find yourself a lonely bloke with a shitload of friends.

(At the same time, exercise some fucking self-control. Don't go one way or the other to the extreme).

Quote:

If you haven't exchanged rings yet, shes still a "ho" no matter how you feel about her.

Even AFTER you've exchanged rings, marriage don't mean shit. People can still leave a marriage and/or destroy them.

And your terminology leads me to believe you're bitter about something.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

At the same time, exercise some fucking self-control. Don't go one way or the other to the extreme.

Thats the only part of your reply that made any sense, Sass. Putting anyone before anyone is stupid to begin with. If someone in your life is impeading you from being friends with the other person, then theres obviously a problem that needs to be fixed.

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Originally Posted by Leveless

I have enough of a clingy chick already, though. I'd hate to see how much worse things can get if she were insecure. Run the opposite direction unless you share an equal lack of confidence with her.

With all due respect, I really hope you both share an equal amount of confidence together because viewing your partner as too clingy is ultimately not healthy. Granted that no one is perfect, you should still be comfortable with your partner.

With regards to your friend's situation Joe, it's been previously noted that perhaps a decent approach to this would be to make friends with the girl first. There's certainly nothing wrong with this, and without the presence of a relationship being there - at least immediately - this would prevent any emotional attachment. Perhaps after being friends with her for a while, he could introduce her to some of his friends and she could join his circle of friends.

I like how Ann pointed out that having friends doesn't necessarily imply that one will be completely happy. It takes loyal friends and a healthy lifestyle I suppose.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by LeHah

Thats the only part of your reply that made any sense, Sass. Putting anyone before anyone is stupid to begin with. If someone in your life is impeading you from being friends with the other person, then theres obviously a problem that needs to be fixed.

Yea, the point is, "bros before hos" is among one of the worst pieces of advice I've heard when it comes to relationships.

You're right - no one should be put before another - but sometimes in life, some hard choices need to be made. While everyones' priorities differ, "bros before hos" will probably not get you too far in a relationship.

Just sayin'

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I tired to explain that I disagree with the phrasing of the sentiment, but oh well.

The thing is, someone you're dating is not your "partner" yet. That's what I'm trying to say. "Don't lose friends over a significant other" is about as succinctly as I can put it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I think there's a problem with someone purposely looking for a person with no friends merely for the fact that they'd be more loyal. How insecure do you have to be to try to find a person like that? Not to mention, people with no friends... either by circumstance or whatever... why would they not have any? It's hard to make friends if you travel a lot, but I would be wondering why people have absolutely no friends at all. That would worry me.

If she pulls the "Don't leave me, you're all that I have" guilt thing, that sounds just like this psychotic aunt in law that I have. My uncle won't leave her because I think she threatened to kill herself. Not to mention she's just a horrible bitch with psychotic tendencies yet he still stays with her because he feels like he's responsible for her well being. This woman has NO friends because she has no tact or anything that resembles a likeable personality.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

For me, if someone doesn't have many (if any) friends means they are very shy, and have a lack of self security and confidence. This may not be the case for every person but I find it can happen very often in that way. I mean its one thing to have many different friends from many different groups and not being attached to one specific type of group, than just being a bit of a loner.

But you never know, maybe dating someone who has few friends may be good for them and also good for you. Hopefully you are both mature enough to encounter new and different people.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Friends or no friends, it still depends on the individual you're dating. If they're a reserved person, mostly keep to themselves, well, no wonder they've got no friends. But to stick and cling to another individual, boyfriend or girlfriend, from a reserved state of being is a phenomenol thing. There simply has to be something so largely appealing of that other.

If they're a wacky kind of person, outgoing and much like a explorer, then who knows why they don't have any friends. Maybe they're too bossy. Maybe they're uninterested in staying put for so long. Perhaps he/she is a serious schedule-maker or something. So they're constantly on the move.

Judging by the inital poster's post, his friend may of simply struck at the wrong time to ask that girl out. She's probably too young to understand what that guy wants.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

sound like a weak sense of security.
Both sides of the relationship feel as though they need each other for their own purpose. Having friends from both sides of the relationship can be a healthy thing for a couple but feeling as though you have to be needed by someone can take a turn for the worst as it may take away some independence.
If my boyfriend were like that then I'd have him meet some of my friends to build up some self esteem and feel as though he shouldn't be hiding from the world. Hopefully go make his own friends and find that the world isn't against him.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Joe Wiewel

At one time, I thought it would be cool to date a girl that has no friends since she wouldn't ditch me to go hang out with them and she would be less likely to break up with me.

You are a sad human being. I would seriously consider going into therapy, because it sounds like this isolationist "She'd only have me" thing is the beginning of some type of control fetish. I'm not talking the generic "Get In That Kitchen And Wash That Floor!" stuff either. It sounds like you have the gleam of misogyny in you - this idea that women would leave you right off the bat screams of insecurities.

I don't know about your friend, except that he should probably bring her to a therapist too. It's certainly not good to be alone and to be dropped like that might make her dangerous to herself.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

If anyone is curious (or has some extra time on their hands) Then an interesting book to read would be "Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto."

In my opinion, I dont' think Joe's friend's girlfriend is a loner. However, I think there is more to the story of his friend and his girlfriend. In all relationships, It takes two to tango. Some people complain about behavior that they actually seek out and encourage. It would be interesting to find out whether most of the girls this friend goes out with have the same patterns of insecurity.

FELIPE NO

Okay, so there are alot of posts in this thread and this is what I've picked up

-Girl likes Boy
-Girl has no Friends
-Boy doesn't know what to do

So yeah, sure the guy doesn't like always being around the girl and the girl wants to be with him 24/7. First question I have is did your friend tell her that he can't always be with her? Your friend should try to introduce her to some of his friends or something like that.

I highly doubt she doesn't fit in anywhere unless she actually tries. I haven't really seen anyone not fit in because if you don't fit in, you'll fit in with the don't fit in-ers.

So yeah...just try to get some of your friends to befriend her.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Joe Wiewel

When it comes to the positive aspects... maybe the person who has no friends would be less likely to break up and cheat on the other person since they would be more likely to appreciate the relationship & attention?

Or they would be more likely to break up because there are no other attachments...


Your friend needs to determine if there are actual conflicts between the girl and his friends or if she just wants to be clingy to him and only him. I was in a relationship situation where the girl had no friends and clearly wasn't interested in trying to mingle with my friends and spent a large amount of time criticizing them when we were alone. Some people are happy with just one-on-one, some people need friends, and some people don't care too much.

Jam it back in, in the dark.