Connection with exhuastion and being single?

Ok.... Well, I have been single for almost two years (I am 22). Although I don't find it a really big deal that I am single (The freedom is awesome!), sometimes I feel really tired and worn out almost everyday. I never really had this problem until after this summer... where I worked over 65 hours a week for four months...

Where is the connection between being single and worn out? For me, being with someone special (as in more than just a friend), helps energize me. I am the type of person who is very happy if the people around me are. Sometimes, it would be nice to be in a relationship again. Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do... especially some of the intense volunteering I do at the racetrack in my hometown. I have no family who races, nor do I have a racecar, but I was elected as a Director last year, I have organized two major special events in the past two years, I do the website (Link on the bottom of my tag), do the point standings, cut the lawn during the summer (with help of course ), announce during the race program, submit the results to the local radio stations, and sometimes write the articles for the newspapers. I really enjoy doing those things and they keep me preoccupied with the being single stuff....

But now that I am back at University and seeing all the girls (and relationships that are going on...), I just feel that it would be nice to enter a relationship again... The problem is... There are no takers.

It not that I am being pushy (in fact, I push much less than I used to), but many of the girls I know, and who I have gotten along with VERY well, have all turned me down for dates, even casual ones...

At the same time, many of my friends (The girls) are all surprised I am single.... and wonder how the heck I have been for so long... In fact, one went as far to say "Well, you are pretty attractive, and a very nice person, so it surprises me..."

Maybe its just not my time, and most of you will probably say get a hold of yourself.... or that I am young, and have lots of time (Which I think is a terrible excuse...)

Anyway, what's you opinion? Do you feel more worn out being busy and everything, and when you have a chance to cool down with someone, there isn't really anyone there?

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I can tell you the story of me and my girlfriend.

We have been through ups and downs but the most important thing is that

she helped me succeed at school, since she beats some sense into me from

time to time. You know, you need someone who gives you this smile and this

"Come on, Lets go on, we can do everything" feeling.

Otherwise you will find yourself lying on the floor with a heart attack.

You say that you work like 65 hours a week? You really need someone,

because you will break down under the weekly pressure.

Although you do not notice it, your body and your soul suffers if you keep on

working without caring about other things like friends or relationship.

Deleb

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Thanks for the advice. I have kinda realized that I need to find myself a little... Its not that I didn't know myself, but I had kinda got lost off the track as how I approach things, inculding women. I am taking my life cool again.

Hope it works...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

During the summer, I used to stay up past bedtime almost every freaking day. This eventually led me to sleeping during the day past lunch time. Before all that happened, I was fairly energetic. But once this trend started, I began to lose more and more energy each day.

One day I tried to reset my sleeping habits back to the norm forcefully. I managed to do it and when I wake up the next day around 6:00AM, I practically ran out of energy just a couple hours after lunch.

Your working over the summer for 65 hours a week sounds like a similar cause/problem. It almost seems you hardly had enough time to rest each day. Although, that depends at what time of the day you worked. But being single has no effect on losing energy, being more tired than usual, etc. Being single is normal for anyone, unless you're an extremely socialable person who simply needs to be around others.

So, it may take you a month or two to readjust your biological clock and get your bady working right again. Although, September has already passed and we're nearing the mid point of October, I expect you'll be able to recover soon. Assuming you're sleeping good/right and eating okay. (Before I never ever had to eat breakfast and I'd still have plenty of energy. Now breakfast is just something to give me a push for the day in energy. Otherwise, I will fall asleep during class and I will daze out to the point where all sounds audible to me start to slur.)

How ya doing, buddy?

At least you guys are all dealing with it better. I was single throughout all high school, and now when I look back I realise that whenever I had a chance I blew it on purpose. Like I intentionally identified the wrong thing to do and did it. Problem is it made me so lonely that when I met my current girlfriend, I was willing to give everything up for her. I actually moved to the UK for her, I left what was left of my education, my family, everything. The first few months I pretended like they didn't exist, but now after a year everything is fine between us.

Still, I haven't picked up my education and I'm not working, but I couldn't be happier about the decision I made. Having someone, her in particular, makes everything better all the time, every day. It doesn't matter how bad things get because two emotional stabilities joined is a force not to be messed with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though you might have priorities, such as school and work, it might be worth it to take a chance every once in a while, because all things feel easier when you have someone to share them with. With my Kat, everything is always easy.

Being alone and studying/working all the time through high school did make me really exhausted. I would sleep from 4am to 7am every night because I would have so many things to do and when I finally finished for the day, I couldn't stop thinking. So when I got the chance to change my life, I took it. And it was a huge risk, but I would do it again. Even back when me and Kat were friends she would make everything feel better.

What I think is that if you have to keep all your problems and just everything in general bottled up in yourself it makes you tired. Because, when you sleep your mind deals with all the influences you've had that day, but there's only so much it can handle, and some things won't feel better by just thinking about it.

Yes, I believe that if you're alone and feel like you don't want to be sometimes it can make you tired, or make you feel worse. Hehe, you know, the moment when I realised that I've moved to another country and had nothing but a girlfriend and was finally experiencing real adult life, the one thing I kept thinking was "Wow, life is hard." Luckily, I would tell Kat, she would agree, but remind me that life doesn't affect us.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Depression makes you tired. You might be depressed and not even know it. I doubt it has anything to do with being single, though.

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Being single can cause sub-conscious depression. And sharing your problems does help with the hardships of life.

FELIPE NO

The single 'status' will only make you depressed if you qualify such a state of being to be something horrible. First of all, there isn't anything wrong with being a single person rather than someone who is in a relationship. Secondly, it's only a problem if there's some attribute of yourself that creates/causes any problems. (Such as overweightness, looking horrificly ugly, nerd glasses with carpenter tape wrapped around your nose piece, being known as an asshole, escaped convict, owning a firearm and having been known to wave it around madly, etc...). So, if you're single because you're overweight, for example, then the problem isn't you being single. The problem is you being overweight, in this case anyway.

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Well, it definitely doesn't have to do with those thing (My weight is really good... and some people think I am skinny.... which I don't know about that statement. I am considered an interesting person, honest, friendly, smart, etc), which may add to my exhaustion... maybe part of it is trying to hard to impress, and it wears me out when I don't get any results... Especially after two years.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

.....

How ya doing, buddy?

I think you need to just try and act as normal as possible. Whatever is considered normal in terms of knowing someone like you, that is. Then meet people with similar interests. Since your aim is to obtain a relationship with a female member of society, then you'd best start working on keeping an eye out. Otherwise, look on the web, there are countless of people with pics of themselves... (and listed hobbies/interests that they 'once' did before, but no longer do, or still do.)

Allowing such encounters to happen naturally and randomly will work. Because right now it looks like you're trying to find someone by sleuthing around with a magnifying glass. Just let it come to you. If you find someone you like who happens to associate their time on the same things you do, and preferably at the same areas/places you do, lock on target and engage. Chances are that one things you two do may be all you have to rely on for a relationship, but it's better than nothing, right?

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While I don't think being single is going to cause you more exhaustion necessarily (though it may frustrate you to the point of exhaustion sometimes,) I do think exhaustion will cause you more being-single.

Being a nice guy, being physically attractive, even having money from your 65-hours-a-week, all this stuff can help you, but there's something deeper going on here.

I've recently been working on this area of my life as well, since when I am single (which I currently am) I tend to stay that way longer than I'd like, and tend to encounter rejection, turn-downs and stand-ups way more than is absolutely necessary to throw a guy's self-esteem and energy in the incinerator, if you know what I mean. And I've discovered a LOT of things which I'd be more than happy to share with you. Mojougwe is right, you can't be trying so hard you look like a desperate detective searching for some clue. Relax, lean back... if you see someone attractive in some way, approach them. Be completely original and unique, don't be like the 10 other guys that have approached her that day who say things like "Hey, I usually don't do this, but I had to come say something, because you are absolutely gorgeous" or something like that. No, say something intense, unique, challenging, something that will make her stop in her tracks and notice you and respond to you with more than just "Oh... thank you." Don't insult her and don't be a dork, but find something that is totally different and will make her see you as INTERESTING. Once you're interesting, funny, and mysterious, your other natural attractive attributes will enhance that even more.

That may be a lot to swallow at one time, but let me just give you an idea of one of my favorite "openers" that I use pretty often, that will guarantee me a girl's phone number if i'm meeting her for the first time. Keep every conversation shorter than 10 minutes, usually 5 is good, and always react to things she says, especially if what's said is almost a challenge to you, with something witty, something that would ALMOST be arrogant if it wasn't so funny.

Bump into her, then look at her with a totally straight face and say "Watch it, punk." Like it's her fault. Then when she starts to get that shocked look on her face, bump her again with your hip and grin, maybe even laugh, as if to say "I'm just messing with ya." Common reaction is "You jerk..." and a punch on the arm. From there you can introduce yourself, perhaps even joke about it ("I'm Joe - no, dammit, I mean uh... Mark. My name's Mark. Seriously.") tell her outlandish tales of what kind of car you drive ("Uh, yeah, it's a 1978 Pinto, I painted it pink and green last night, wanna see?") and your job ("I mow lawns... yeah. But I do a really good job of it.") and bust on her about asking for that kind of information and trying to pick up on you with lame lines like "what do you do for a living?" If you run out of material or you're running close to that 10-minute mark, disengage from the conversation with "Well hey I'm meeting up with some friends in a few minutes, nice chatting with you" and start to leave before she can really respond. Then just as you and she kind of disconnect, turn back and go "Hey... do you have e-mail?" If she says yes, say "Great, write it down for me." (Have a pen handy at ALL TIMES.) While she's writing it down, say "Go ahead and put your number down there too." Don't ASK. Just tell her to do it. Nine times out of ten, she'll do it. And while she's writing down the number, you can ask her "Is this a number you actually answer?" or, my personal favorite is when you get the number, hold up the paper and go "Okay. You get one chance. I will call you once. If you don't answer, I will leave one message. If you do not call me back, I won't ever call you again. Don't screw this up." And say it all very seriously... with a slight smirk so that she's left wondering "Is he being serious? I can't tell... I better not flake out on him just in case."

Also, don't call right away. That's clingy. Give her about two or three days to wonder if you're going to call.

As a sidenote, if the girl is an attitude, or if she seems like she won't be giving out her number no matter how charming you are, one of my favorite things to say is this: "Listen... I'm going to tell you something, about yourself, that nobody else who has only known you five minutes has ever told you." That gets her interest at least a little, and she'll throw a "Okay, what?" at you. Then you respond with this: "You're a cool, collected lady. You've got it all together. You know what you want out of life, and you don't waste your time. But underneath that grown up... i guess SOMEWHAT flattering exterior... is a sensitive little girl. You can act like things don't faze you, just brush it off if someone says something negative toward you, but I know deep down inside, it gets to you. It gets under your skin, it's on your mind almost all day, you think about it all the way home. Sure, you never show it, but it's there."

This sets you up as mysterious, insightful guy. The kind of guy girls look at from then on and whisper to their friends "I feel like he KNOWS me... somehow. It's like a connection."
If she's still an attitude, you don't want anything to do with her anyway.

Now, as for girls you ALREADY KNOW who are turning you down... my only advice is to show them that you can be totally self-confident. Be cocky and funny at the same time, sharpen your wit ON THEM, make them enjoy your company as much as possible and always leave the conversation on an UP note... if things are feeling really good, THEN is the time to say "Hey, it was fun, I gotta run I'll catch up with you later" cause then they're left going "Hey hey wait, we were having so much fun, when can I see you again?!"

And if you think this is manipulative... it's not. It's far less manipulative than spending all your time trying to impress them or compliment them and give them things to make them like you. Don't seek approval from women. Deserve it, and know you deserve it.

I know this was long, but these really are great suggestions. Take it from a nice guy who was without a girlfriend until he was 17... this stuff works, the other stuff doesn't. You can tease and bust on women and be witty and make them laugh in that shocked way, and still be a nice guy. In fact, it's even BETTER if you bust on them, but act like a gentleman by opening doors, pulling out chairs, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, etc.

Just try it, at least. What've you got to lose by trying?

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When I was single most recently, just coming out of a shaky relationship with an ugly conclusion, I felt completely drained. I felt like I never wanted to be in that kind of position of vulnerability again. Over time, by focusing on other things (work and online gaming ) I was able to restore my energy and feel better about myself.

Of course, then I met the girl who became my current girlfriend.

But my current relationship is absolutely exhausting. We have to put a lot of effort into it to make it work. We talk on the phone a lot, we spend a lot of time together, and so on. Since I met her I only get like 5-6 hours of sleep a day, and I'm the kind of person that needs 8-10.

I do agree that being single can make you feel tired (or something like a "what am I doing it all for" kind of feeling), but difficult or complicated relationships are just plain hard work. Just don't force yourself cause you think it'll solve all your problems is all I'm saying.

By the way, if girls say they "can't believe" you don't have a girlfriend, it's usually not a good sign as such. If they really thought you were boyfriend material, they'd probably be your girlfriend. Unless they were already taken, but even then. You're probably giving off signals that say you're "domesticated" (for lack of a better word), which is a trait most single girls don't like in a guy. It makes you a good friend, but not a good lover.

EDIT: Looks like Ayos already said what I was gonna say in better words. That'll teach me to read posts, even if they're long... XD

I was speaking idiomatically.

"Better words," probably not. Longer, boring, and more specific, yeah... but yours was more concise, which is actually "better" for most people. But I do agree - being in a relationship can wear you out. All my free time (and there's not much of it!) is dedicated solely to my girlfriend when I'm with someone.

By the way, if after you've tried all that and you've gotten the girl's phone number, and you're wondering how to proceed (e.g. how to get a date without screwing up the foundation you just laid, how to get into a RELATIONSHIP from here, etc.) just say so... I've got tons of this stuff, and trust me, it works wonders - and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface.

One important thing to note with the energy thing... even if you're exhausted, be energetic and passionate about everything you do. The reason girls love bad-boy stereotypes is because everything is an ADVENTURE with them, it's always exciting, even if it's something mundane like going to the grocery store. Which is actually a fun thing to do - tell a girl you're going shopping, and she should come with you, it'll be fun, it'll be an adventure. And then you're both so excited by the time you get there that you can't help but have fun, joking about other people in the store, throwing random items at each other/in the cart... just let loose.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Ayos

"Better words," probably not. Longer, boring, and more specific, yeah... but yours was more concise, which is actually "better" for most people. But I do agree - being in a relationship can wear you out. All my free time (and there's not much of it!) is dedicated solely to my girlfriend when I'm with someone.

By the way, if after you've tried all that and you've gotten the girl's phone number, and you're wondering how to proceed (e.g. how to get a date without screwing up the foundation you just laid, how to get into a RELATIONSHIP from here, etc.) just say so... I've got tons of this stuff, and trust me, it works wonders - and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface.

One important thing to note with the energy thing... even if you're exhausted, be energetic and passionate about everything you do. The reason girls love bad-boy stereotypes is because everything is an ADVENTURE with them, it's always exciting, even if it's something mundane like going to the grocery store. Which is actually a fun thing to do - tell a girl you're going shopping, and she should come with you, it'll be fun, it'll be an adventure. And then you're both so excited by the time you get there that you can't help but have fun, joking about other people in the store, throwing random items at each other/in the cart... just let loose.

Yeah, thanks for the advice. I may have to try something like that in the future... I mean, if I get the chance.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Ayos

"Better words," probably not. Longer, boring, and more specific, yeah... but yours was more concise, which is actually "better" for most people. But I do agree - being in a relationship can wear you out. All my free time (and there's not much of it!) is dedicated solely to my girlfriend when I'm with someone.

By the way, if after you've tried all that and you've gotten the girl's phone number, and you're wondering how to proceed (e.g. how to get a date without screwing up the foundation you just laid, how to get into a RELATIONSHIP from here, etc.) just say so... I've got tons of this stuff, and trust me, it works wonders - and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface.

One important thing to note with the energy thing... even if you're exhausted, be energetic and passionate about everything you do. The reason girls love bad-boy stereotypes is because everything is an ADVENTURE with them, it's always exciting, even if it's something mundane like going to the grocery store. Which is actually a fun thing to do - tell a girl you're going shopping, and she should come with you, it'll be fun, it'll be an adventure. And then you're both so excited by the time you get there that you can't help but have fun, joking about other people in the store, throwing random items at each other/in the cart... just let loose.

Because you just know trying to find a girlfriend is as formulaic as deriving an equation in calculus. Input the right questions and you get the desired response. Have you been playing too many dating sims recently??

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by INDIGO-4

Because you just know trying to find a girlfriend is as formulaic as deriving an equation in calculus. Input the right questions and you get the desired response. Have you been playing too many dating sims recently??

When I was in highschool, I knew this cat who wrote his girlfriend a love poem about how she was like math. I've never been more amused in my life. Well, y'know, until I read Ayos.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

To be straight up honest, I'd say suck it up and put yourself out there, else you'll end up with nothing. Your tiredness is just an excuse. Go out and have some fun, stop over-analysing crap and just let go, have a good time. It'll make you confident and raise your self esteem - two factors that'll get you laid/in relationships/ have women attracted to you left, right and centre. There's no connection except for mental laziness!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by bisha

To be straight up honest, I'd say suck it up and put yourself out there, else you'll end up with nothing. Your tiredness is just an excuse. Go out and have some fun, stop over-analysing crap and just let go, have a good time. It'll make you confident and raise your self esteem - two factors that'll get you laid/in relationships/ have women attracted to you left, right and centre. There's no connection except for mental laziness!

Yeah, I do over-analyse a bit......... ok, a lot. And yeah, I need to get myslef out there and just have a good time. I guess women notice when you are having a good time that I might be exciting to be around... I guess its the initial preception that starts the ball rolling, or not rolling...

Originally Posted by surasshu

By the way, if girls say they "can't believe" you don't have a girlfriend, it's usually not a good sign as such. If they really thought you were boyfriend material, they'd probably be your girlfriend. Unless they were already taken, but even then. You're probably giving off signals that say you're "domesticated" (for lack of a better word), which is a trait most single girls don't like in a guy. It makes you a good friend, but not a good lover.

How do you mean by "domesticated"? But I am beginning to see your logic. I think my biggest problem is being too honest, and in many cases... talking to much.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by INDIGO-4

Because you just know trying to find a girlfriend is as formulaic as deriving an equation in calculus. Input the right questions and you get the desired response. Have you been playing too many dating sims recently??

I'll go ahead and assume that you're simply saying that no certain question or statement works all the time with every girl. Which I'll accept. Pickup lines are just about the worst idea in the world. The idea I'm trying to get across is the ATTITUDE behind it.

Although, I will go on record and say this... not only has this EXACT STUFF I posted worked EVERY SINGLE TIME (which has been MANY, not few) but it's also worked EVERY SINGLE TIME for other guys that I've suggested it to.

Can I tell him exactly what to say in order to get himself a girlfriend? Hell no. But I can definitely give him some examples that will convey the proper attitude, and raise his chances above those he would have if he was just your boring, everyday "nice guy" (or as some women would say "wussy") ... I'm speaking from overwhelming repeat successful experience here, I'm not just assuming based off of one or two relationships.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Ayos

I'll go ahead and assume that you're simply saying that no certain question or statement works all the time with every girl. Which I'll accept. Pickup lines are just about the worst idea in the world. The idea I'm trying to get across is the ATTITUDE behind it.

Although, I will go on record and say this... not only has this EXACT STUFF I posted worked EVERY SINGLE TIME (which has been MANY, not few) but it's also worked EVERY SINGLE TIME for other guys that I've suggested it to.

Can I tell him exactly what to say in order to get himself a girlfriend? Hell no. But I can definitely give him some examples that will convey the proper attitude, and raise his chances above those he would have if he was just your boring, everyday "nice guy" (or as some women would say "wussy") ... I'm speaking from overwhelming repeat successful experience here, I'm not just assuming based off of one or two relationships.

<RAZGRIZ-2> someone should just make me a "AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU DON'T HAVE A GF DUMBASS" macro
<RAZGRIZ-2> and mods should look the other way when i post it


Man, I <3 chat.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by RAZGRIZ-2

Yes well I totally believe this, given your post. You can just about say anything, doesn't mean I have assume it's true. Also given I am a broad, and not easily impressed, these guys must be asking out real dolls.

Yes, of course you can take everything I say to be made-up. I am a loser, who gives other losers loser-advice to make them even more of a loser, because misery loves company. None of this stuff actually ever works, and definitely not on interesting people.

I'm not really surprised you don't think any of this is as effective as I do, because you don't really seem like the kind of girl that I would be interested in socializing with. But if you have such a great idea of what WOULDN'T make someone interesting (energetic, passionate, fun) then you must know what WOULD so please give me some pointers so I can stop being such a "loser" and stop dating good-looking women who aren't emo, anti-social, neurotic, or stupid. I'd much rather find my way into the niche of "she-woman man-haters" and "rude annoying bitches." Not that you are one, but you may just give me a clue on how to get there.

Originally Posted by RAZGRIZ-2

Once again I'm hard pressed to believe that you of all people have repeat successes. Especially given your history here. Yes I do remember you.

I'm wondering if you're referring to my history of posts on the board and the general reaction to them, or my history with women? (Which by this time is over a year and a half, two years old? More than enough time to make dramatic changes, little girl.)

But hey... let's go documentary-style. I'll go find each of those women, kiss them and take a picture of it, one right after the other, and post them here. Then you'll say something about how they did it as a favor or because I dared them or bribed them in some way, and I will laugh at you. Or not, your choice.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Ayos

But hey... let's go documentary-style. I'll go find each of those women, kiss them and take a picture of it, one right after the other, and post them here.

I'm calling your bluff. You have one month to take said pictures and make a journal on it.

Drop your track or leave GFF forever.

[Edit] Dev says the girls can't be ugly or fat.

FELIPE NO

In one way, I could said this is getting out of hand... in another way, I really want to see what is going to happen here.

Hmmm.... maybe my honesty makes me seem, not so exciting...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

In one way, I could said this is getting out of hand... in another way, I really want to see what is going to happen here.

Hmmm.... maybe my honesty makes me seem, not so exciting...

Listen up, after meeting you I can acertain that you are an alright looking guy and easy to chat with. Just stop thinking asking a girl out for coffee is such a huge deal because it really isn't. Stop wondering if each girl is your potential future girlfriend and just focus on getting to know them. If you meet one and there is a spark, it might develop otherwise it might not. Just don't try to force things.

Jam it back in, in the dark.