I hate people.

I've been becoming extremely misanthropic lately.

Originally Posted by Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

mis·an·thro·py
Pronunciation: mi-'san(t)-thr&-pE
Function: noun
: a hatred or distrust of mankind

Okay. I know I'm young - I'm rounding out my first year of college right now. I'll probably have so many more experiences with people and at least one has to prove me wrong. At least, that's the idealistic thing to say? I'm starting not to believe that at all.

It seems like everyone I know - family, friends, partners; they've all failed me. Which sucks. I don't expect perfection but I do think that every human being is entitled to certain things in a relationship. Honesty. Respect. At least attempts for understanding...? I feel like I've put so much into relationships with others that you'd even call me "self-sacrificial". But I feel like I get nothing in return.

Perhaps I've been looking in all the wrong places but I've been vehemetly stepped on, time and time again. Once again I realize that I haven't been here as long as most but you'd think that someone would've cut me some slack by now.

Yet, it's not only personal relationships; I've also been overwhelmed by looking at the "big picture". Fucking wars over some petty shit. Killing ourselves and our planet. Corruption lurking in every nook and cranny of society. I look around and it seems like no one cares about anything.

But I'm not trying to sound elitist. I realize that I am a person, the same as everyone else. The same type of fallible, selfish being that I've been growing to dispise so much lately. As you might imagine, this hasn't been good for my psyche.

So I wonder... at times, I think of myself as "enlightened," being able to see all things things. At others, I think I'm a whiny little pussy. Still, during other times, I suspect that the two might coincide. But most of the time I just feel like I'm really lost and that I really don't want to be a part of what I'm seeing anymore.

I'm hoping that you - the good people at GFF would give me your thoughts om my situation. Is it just a phase? Do any of you feel the same way? Is this something I'm just going to have to deal with until I keel over and croak?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

If you let everything work out, your mentality will find out how wrong it was. I think this might be best done through experience.

Otherwise, I'd have to say, isn't this just the normal par for the course for teenagers/"young adults"?

I mean, I went through this same phase in high school. Then I got into college and I went "Wow, it's as I expected, in the most unexpected of ways."

How ya doing, buddy?

first year of college was killer for me. felt like that, too... but it'll get better. just keep an open mind. try to do different things; meet different people that way... that's all it really took for me... stay out of the "alone" shell because all that does is deepen the hole you're in. I spent a lot of time alone in 1st year and it wasn't until i decided that it was a total waste of my time when there are so many people waiting to be met that it got better.

What you also gotta do is stop focusing on the negative and look at the good stuff that's happening. despite the crap that's going on in the world, there's still decency and beauty left and while the news and most classes focus on the bad points of humanity it's up to you to notice the other stuff... then you won't feel so bad.

Really, it's all about twisting your view and changing your focus. nothing's always depressing and icky.

Hope that helps a bit.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well, my friend - I don't think it's people - I believe it's you, and in fact, I even have a mathematical argument for you. At your age, you've probably had at least a couple 10 thousand interactions. And given the average 18-year old or so experience of having had a few by that point, the probability that you haven't had any pleasant/good interactions is extraordinarily slim. Slimer still if you're saying that they've all been bad.

I think you're probably looking at your bad interactions too critically and your good interactions unappreciatively. Try to feel good about the good things that people do for you - like taking care of you, paying for your education, hearing you out when you've got problems, having been good friends up until they disappointed you, etc.

And as for the world entire, as humans we tend to be more interested in tragedies than in triumphs so we tend to focus on those things (look at every story you know - there's always some tension/adversity for the protagonist that holds out interest) But there are many big and little things that we do for each other each day that when described ends up sounding kind of kitschy, but ultimately, I think we do ourselves right enough to earn our right to exist.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've been feeling the same way latey. I look around at my peers/parents ect, and I just can't stop noticing how much they aggrevate me... whether it be the way they treat me, each other, or just the way the go about their day. Part of it may just be me being an elitist and thinking I'm better than everyone else, and part of it may be that a lot of these people really are assbandits. I probably should focus on the things they do right, but at my age (17) and this scenario, I can't help but become more and more annoyed.

That wasn't really any help, but I thought I'd share some thoughts.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Sorry that I can't add too much further insight because my advice has pretty much already been stated. To me this does seem like a case of just focusing too heavily on the negative side of things. It's similar to how the news shows which stories to broadcast, they'll focus many more times on the bad stuff than on the good stories, even though there are probably just as many good things going on out there. In a sense, you're constantly exposed to pretty much how everything sucks.

I feel like you're starting to use the disappointments you've had in your past relationships and apply them prematurely/too broadly to all cases and people.

Relationships definitely do get more complicated as you get older. You're treated nicely (for the most part) as a child and a certain level of expectation is created for that as you grow up. But as you get older, people are more apt to take advantage of you and you become more wise to the faults of certain people. However, you don't achieve acceptance of this at the same time you people wise to it, which leads to a conflict between expectations and what's actually going on.

It may be too simple to just say "life doesn't suck as much as you think" and to just "wait it out". But I guess that's what I'm getting at.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I hate to say it but I understand what you're feeling. People do suck, why lie. But what I've realized is that it's better for everyone to keep things in a bit of perspective and perhaps a bit of ignorance of the world around you. Don't obsess over wars you can't help or people you can't affect. If you want to do something, contribute money or your time towards the cause of making the world a better place, instead of sitting at home with your critical eye.

If you feel like your friends or family have failed you in some way, then talk to them. Things will never be resolved if you don't take the first step. I know what you're thinking (maybe). Why should I take the first step, they're the assholes in this scenario, why should I make myself vunerable in that position blah blah, etc and so forth. Well, gain some maturity and start fixing the world around you instead of complaining about it, it'd do the world and you loads of good. Even if it's on a small scale and maybe if it doesn't even work, at least you tried. The world isn't perfect but there is some good in it, it'll help if you went towards the cause of positive rather than negative.

And I don't think everyone realizes that deep down, their family loves them more than they will ever know. So call your mom and maybe tell her you love her, it'll help with that disillusion issue.

FELIPE NO

Firstly, thanks to everyone who's replied so far.

Okay. For the record, it's not like I sit in a dark corner of my room, trembling an X-ACTO between my fingers, with CNN (my personal Linkin Park) booming in the background all the time. I go out, meet new people, do new things. I socialize, and do have "fun". Dare I say I'm even "popular" among my circle of acquaintances. I still find everything strangely unfulfilling.

I've been having to do some volunteerwork for one of my courses. You'd think (at least, I'd thought) that it'd make me feel better about myself, but it seems to depress me even more. "A bunch of poor kids who are three grades behind in reading level, and can't afford soap to wash their ears." I can spend a few hours with them a week, going over phonetics and donate cans of ravioli, but I get this overwhelming feeling that it's just that much more pointless and everything sucks.

As for the patching things up with friends/family/everyone else thing; I've honestly tried. I used to hold them up to standards, thinking things like "it's because they think it's best; they really care"; but I've gone through a lot of things that brought the reversal of that throught process. Reaching out to others does make you so vulnerable - I know this, and I've been shot down so many times. I think that everyone would agree when I say there's a point where you have to let go and give up, right?

...And that leads to my overgeneralization. I feel that it's the human thing to learn from my mistakes; therefore I'm supposed to be giving up hope. However, I haven't quite done that yet (which is something I feel is exceedingly naive). Still, it makes me think - if there's good in the world, why is it so hard to find? I don't think I'm turning a blind eye to it; at least, I hope I'm not. As I said, I believe I put 110% percent into relationships and I just want... I don't know, something in return.

I'd have to agree with the frame of mind thing... that I'm focusing too much on the bad. But I find it difficult to do otherwise when it seems like it's such an overwhelming presence in my life. Exactly how does one go about changing their whole outlook on everything, anyhow? I imagine that it'd be terribly difficult, especially after so many years of hardwiring certain thought processes.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Okay here's my reaction to the follow-up stuff you put up:

You can be popular and still lonely. you know that "alone in a crowd" kind of concept? Anyway, like I said, I went through that for my first year. Had great friends could talk to them about anything and whatnot. Still was definitely unfulfilled.

Volunteering. That's great. I do that, too. Again you're focusing on the wrong part of it. What you're doing is helping them. Look at how they react when they finally get what you're teaching them. Do they depend on you? Do these kids LIKE you as a person? Their clinging to you and saying good bye or talking to you about other mundane things says a lot. You should treasure that. That's the great part about doing volunteer work. You aren't getting paid with money to help those who need it most.

As for the relationships thing: focus solely on your own personal standards. You can't please everyone. I've tried doing that and it only put me through many a breakdowns. And yes, not all relationships will work. If the problem is beyond your reach then let it be. No matter how hard you try, it's not up to you to fix it. And not everyone will give you 110% back. In fact, rarely will anyone do that. Sometimes you needn't bother yourself with making the extra effort to make those other people feel extra special. You have to think of yourself more in this case.

We've all been hard-wired to generally focus more on the negative. It's just a matter of taking a step back from that negativity and over-analysing the situation (just like school taught you!!) and that way you can think, 'oh wait, i never saw it like that before... hmm doesn't look as bad as I thought!' Yes you can't escape all the negativity. But that's not the point. It's about rounding your view so you see everything rather than just one side.

hope that helps some...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I guess everyone reaches a point in their life where they feel like this. You feel everything's wrong, the world's fucking with you, Jesus is fucking you in the ass, and God watches gleefully. The people around you don't make sense, you don't make sense, yet you think you make sense more compared to the people around you. So you try to find an answer, you seek clarification, an explanation for the things happening around you. You ask people, ask wisdom, ask for anything they can share to lighten this sack of shit you've been carrying around. Your travel takes you to places you've never been to, people you didn't knew existed, creatures so vile you wish you didn't bend down to pick up the soap. And after years and years of endless questioning, you finally find the answer. You realize what's wrong. You realize the cause of the overflowing shit. You realize it was you. Sucks to be you.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by vemp

I guess everyone reaches a point in their life where they feel like this. You feel everything's wrong, the world's fucking with you, Jesus is fucking you in the ass, and God watches gleefully. The people around you don't make sense, you don't make sense, yet you think you make sense more compared to the people around you. So you try to find an answer, you seek clarification, an explanation for the things happening around you. You ask people, ask wisdom, ask for anything they can share to lighten this sack of shit you've been carrying around. Your travel takes you to places you've never been to, people you didn't knew existed, creatures so vile you wish you didn't bend down to pick up the soap. And after years and years of endless questioning, you finally find the answer. You realize what's wrong. You realize the cause of the overflowing shit. You realize it was you. Sucks to be you.

Quick question: Why?
Because he expects more from people?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

You gotta love yourself before you love others

in my point of view, I don't think you're comfortable with being yourself or that you're afraid to actually be yourself. I could be wrong... and the way you think so negatively but also try so hard to reach out and help those around you... how about you try being selfish? Cuz from the things you told us... it seems like you're doing more for other's than you are doing for yourself.

Do something for yourself instead of others. You devote so much time to other people that you don't get enough time for yourself. And remember: You gotta love yourself before you love others.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Thanks, guys for the additional posts. I'd respond to them all but I'm sorta in a conundrum right now. I'm disoriented and very upset. I really don't know who or what to turn to.

Spoiler:

Even my fucking shrink has been cancelling on me lately.

Consistantly.

Seriously, what do I do? What did I do? I probably sound desperate right now, but that's because I really am.

Most amazing jew boots

Speaking from a similar perspective, I'd like to note that repeating the same old positive-thinking arguments over and over really doesn't make for a compelling case. Lots of people espouse the old "look at the glass half-full, change your thinking, don't focus on the negative" approach, but unfortunately that solution reeks of self-delusion more than anything else. And when you find yourself holding your fellow man in contept, it's hard to believe the popular masses really have any idea what they're talking about.

For a little more insight on the subject: Lee-chan, is it people's failings, or their seeming inability to learn that you're disgusted with? You can't hate people for making mistakes. Screwing up is part of the human condition. As fallbile creatures, it's often the only way we learn. What I find is that a depressing number of people seem to actively choose to NOT learn from their mistakes for one reason or another, instead remaining blissfully ignorant while they sit in their own filth. Perhaps that's what you're really raging against?

Also, what are you seeing a shrink for? Psychiatrists don't do anything except walk you along to conclusions you could have reached all by yourself, without paying exorbitant doctor's fees. My aunt bounced between shrinks for years, and not a damn one of them figured out the problem was that she was in the closet. About all they seem to be good for is diagnosing ADD and bipolar disorder in everyone and writing Zoloft prescriptions.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I guess it's a lot of both. "To err is human," I know this well. But to what extent? Lately I feel that being "human" is analogous with being a "ruthless selfish bastard". I let people step on me time and time again. I'm slow to confront them about things, and when I do, things rarely change. As you said, there are so many people who choose not to learn from their mistakes.

Given, I feel that there are a lot of mistakes people shouldn't make in the first place. That can't possibly not know how selfish their actions are. They know they're only looking out for themselves and they're going to hurt others. Yet they still persist. I find that disgusting.

Heh. Well, I've been diagnosed with depression as well as some anxiety issues. While I realize how seemingly ineffectual seeing a shrink is (I know what most of my problems are, and the guy with the diploma acknowledges that)... I guess I've been using him as "paid support"? Like a hooker for my emotional well-being. I don't trust most people for support, but I believed that the psychiatrist would be relatively on top of things because it's his job and he gets paid for it. Obviously I've been proven wrong as of late.

FELIPE NO

Heh, emotional hooker. Interesting thought. But, assuming you're being smart and only paying him on a per-session basis, he's not getting paid for it. Really, he's shooting himself in the foot by constantly blowing you off. He's pretty damn stupid if he thinks it's okay to keep cancelling appointments with someone who's depressed. Consider changing shrinks if nothing else.

Maybe you should make yourself more unpleasant to be around. No, really; if it becomes more of a pain to interact with you than it's worth, people will quit trying to mooch favors out of you. Heck, just learning to firmly say 'no' to people tends to make you look like an asshole. While not quite the solution you're looking for, it'll make your life a little less stressful, without all those people walking over you. If you can't learn to quit being too nice for your own good, ward off the situations where it becomes a liability.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I can understand how you feel Lee-chan, presonally I still believe that humans are the most sorriest thing to happen to this planet. Humankind began innocently enough, but now look at us, war, pollution, over-population.
Human nature will unltimatly bring the end to itself.

However... the fact remaines that we are here and existing. I thought everything sucked in high-school, but now I am graduated college, working, got a great boyfirend, and living life better dispite the downside to humankind.
When you look back at the good things you have done and have someone special that you can talk to, life and humanity does not have to suck as much. Have a open mind and you will get though this. We are all going to die anyway, so may as well enjoy the simple things in life while we still can.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Hello,

I agree with most of the earlier posters. There's something I feel a need to add, though.

Your state of mind seems partly similar to mine, and we both appear to be aware of it. I'm not in any way claiming a revelation of The Truth here, I'm just of your opinion. I'm aware of the nice parts of life, honestly, but being let down over and over again has led me to your - our - opinion. To cope, I've developed a love and trust in myself that's almost perverted in all its egoism. I mean, wherever I go, atleast SOMEONE (read: me) will be an OK company. It does a appear a bit freaky, having it written white on navy blue. Try it, love yourself beyond everything. Possible side effect: loss of ability to trusting anyone else...

I know what you're all thinking; "so THIS is what the crazy old lady with the cats was like in her teens." I do my best being nice to people though There is never an excuse to selfishness. Let me cap that: THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE TO SELFISHNESS.

I suppose that this reply is trying to warn you from losing the edge. Sometimes I'm dangerously near to slipping into apathy, but so far I've held on. Sweetheart, don't be swallowed into apathy And also, don't love yourself overly much, or you will find it difficult to trust anyone else, as I mentioned.

It's funny how all my thoughts and forums posts seem to lead to the same bleeding conclusion: there is no definite solution to anything, since reality is as shapable as Play-Do.

Take care!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I went through that exact phase last year, when I felt that I hate everyone but realized I was also just another part of everyone.

Thinking about it just made it worse, but trying not to think about it implies thinking about it as well. The best solution is to get distracted from these thoughts. There are good and bad ways to do that. A good way would be to go out and meet more people, start meditation, get more excercise. If you sit around too much you tend to think more, which isn't ALWAYS good, as the Taoist monks have concluded.

Bad ways are drugs/overeating.

Good luck.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I wander back into the ANGST forum and I see this topic. I'd forgotten people had replied, heh. This is a bit unorganized because I'm not exactly thinking clearly right now but hey.

About the shrink: I wasn't paying for the sessions... directly, anyway. A certain amount of free visits are paid by through my health fee (something I'd have to pay regardless). Since my last post here I was able to see him and found out the deal with all the cancellations (apparently scheduling problems). I was a bit skeptical of that but I was so overwhelmingly glad to have my outlet back I didn't really care. That, and the fact that I'm probably ten times more forgiving than I should be.

But due to lack of housing I had to come back "home" over summer break. It SUCKS. I've been so depressed lately. I obviously haven't been able to see the on-campus shrink, and there's not anyone here who'll lend an ear. Actually, it's been quite the opposite.

So over the past few months, I've been doing my best to find "distractions"; hobbies and the like. I've played games, been exercising, reading, cleaning, all kinds of stuff. But regardless of what I'm doing there's a time that I just get overwhelmed and have to quit because I just feel so bad, as emo as that sounds. I push a lot but I just feel that sometimes I have to quit. Maybe that's a fault?

I'd love to be more selfish, but every time thoughts like that cross my mind I remind myself of the people who've disappointed me and are a big part of why I feel the way I do. It's quite similiar to the topic starter in this post. I know that constantly making gross sacrifices isn't exactly healthy, either. I guess that's something I have to work on.

And yeah, people in grade school always told me I'd grow up to be a "cat lady". Heheh. Anywho, thanks again for the responses.

Most amazing jew boots

Maybe it's time to go spiritual?

I've been through your situation (except that I had an awesome girlfriend who would listen to me) and sometimes I feel like The World is Not Enough (unintentional cliche). Sometimes I feel like no one cares and that there's a greater purpose for me in life.

I suppose my dad felt the same way and recently he's studied Buddhism and Feng Shui. Right now he's loving life again because of this new path he's taken. Financial struggles didn't matter anymore. Family pressures didn't matter anymore (my mum, bro and myself became the "second most happy thing" to him). Although it's pretty bad now that we're second my dad's really got that energy again and most of the time he isn't misanthropic.

As with me, my girlfriend and random searching on the net about different subjects/issues or topics (eg philosophy, current issues) are what help me keep interest in people and the world. Why are people like this? Why to they think this?

So three suggestions: Start relationship (if you want), read or try studying something spiritual.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I would shy away from starting a relationship. If you have an emotional void and fill it with a relationship, usually it doesn't work out. That's just from my personal experience though.

In your first year of college, you have a lot of stuff to learn, as do the people around you.

I don't understand what the exact catalyst of your misanthropy was, but it wasn't always that way, right?

If you think that you let people step all over you too often, it's probably true. There's a fine line between sacrificial and passive. Stand up for yourself if you think they're screwing you over. You deserve it. If you let them do it and you don't immediately respond, what's to stop them from doing it again?

Also, make sure you aren't just being emo over nothing. Maybe your shrink really had scheduling problems. It's a campus shrink and I'm sure it can get really busy. I'm just saying that the probability is pretty likely, so why be skeptical? Maybe you have your reasons, but I mean, don't sweat the small stuff... more likely than not, there's a good explanation. Ask them about it first. If you don't want to hear their side of the story and just sulk, that is entirely your decision.

I'm not saying that absolutely everyone is looking out for you and makes you their top priority, but I think that it's tempting, and easier, to pity ourselves than to talk to people on a deeper level.

But again, I hope I'm not being too harsh... I'm just going on what I've read. I don't know the details of your situation, so I won't say much more.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I often feel misanthropic UNTIL someone talks to me and I find out that we have something in common. People have told me countless times that it was my attitude, but I'm generally the cynic that doesn't want to accept change, because I've dug myself a hole of repressed anger, frustration and hate. It has become the only world that I know best and have become adapted to. It's really a messed up state.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by vemp

Stop talking random anime phrases in real life. It will allow you to gain more friends.

Um... what?

Like I said before, I have plenty of relationships, with people I have things in common with and things like that. But it all seems so superficial and so unfulfiling. A lot of the times, I find myself thinking, "what's the point"?

I also feel that diving into any kind of deep relationship at this point would probably be a bad idea. Which is why it's something I've been avoiding. But at the same time I feel like taking this on my own is too much. While I have to find some kind of inner strength, I feel so weak because I don't have a support system. But I should rely on myself, right? Saying things like "I don't have anyone" seems like an excuse to me... this is a conundrum that I often think about.

And I realize that I'm not going to be everyone's number one, and I don't expect that. I expect common decency, and I expect the same respect I give people (especially those that I'm relatively close to) to be returned. I don't treat anyone like shit. I don't think it's fair that's happened to me so frequently.

Oh yeah, I patched things up with the shrink. He's got some kind of position at his office so he's busy a lot. That whole ordeal just happened at a really bad time for me, which might explain the overreaction.

In truth, I've been toying with the idea of some kind of spiritual convocation for a while. I grew up in an almost suppressive Southern Baptist environment, so I've been aversive to anything resembling religion for a long time. But lately I've been feeling like I need something. I'm looking into it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Humanity on a whole sucks a load of balls. Get over it and deal, because you live in a world dominated by humans. You can't avoid it your whole life ^^, might as well get it over with now and stop being such an outcast.

That's what I told myself to get out of my angst stage a long time ago.

Most amazing jew boots