[DnD] Tomb of Horrors (GFF D&D Adventure X)

3 Dice Rolls inteemidete-a

shift back 1 using shifty and then move back two more using a normal move

Good man I'm glad I could teach you such an important life lesson. Under other circumstances I would look forward watching your continued development and perhaps we could even be friends. Truly fate is cruel!

ranged basic attack with hammer at imp AL6

Seeing the imp explode on contact with his hammer like a rotted pumpkin drives Slim into a frothing madness.

Ver vee gu ter shmurshm der givorties BORK BORK BORK!

Swift charge used for encounter attempt to hold out my arms next to me and do a running clothesline on the front two xivorts.

Du yuoo vunt tu be-a zee boorgers?

intimidate xivort ak7

Note that I reset to 8 temp hp every time I kill something.

How ya doing, buddy?

I was intrigued by the sounds of argument from the next room. My mother had always taught me to be polite and I didn't see why that should stop just because I was in a crypt full of death traps.

I knocked on the door and awaited a response.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Well this was fascinating. While his body must be frozen in the tomb, he seemed to be here in a completely separate world. It appeared to be a very limited world, but it was still a remarkable copy of reality. It reminded him of his favorite serial in Alchemical Fiction Weekly, which was Astral Expedition: The Second Generation. Most episodes revolved around discoveries while exploring the sea of stars, but occasionally they featured the ship's entertainment room, which was capable of magically creating people, places, and things to form an artificial world.

He'd always wanted to discuss the possibility and limitations of such a room with other readers of the series, but they only ever seemed interested in arguing whether the captain was better or worse than the captain in the first Astral Expedition series. Either that or just stating how superior it was to the Astral Battles novels, usually with the intent of drawing opposing fans into an argument.

But, here he was inside such a room at this very moment! Too bad it only seemed to be populated by grumpy gnomettes and crates. Still though, he would have to try and discover as much about this artificial world as he could while he had the chance.

He sat down at the desk and started sketching triangles on the provided paper. Not with any real intent to solve the puzzle though, he just wanted to appear to be working so he could ask some questions. He figured most would probably be answered with "Shut up intruder! Get back to work!" or something similar, but he couldn't resist trying to find a weak spot in this fake world.

"Since we may be here a while, my name is Garold. What are yours?"

"How long have you been here?"

"Where is 'here' anyway?"

"How did you get in here with all the crates stacked to the ceiling like this?"

"What's in all these crates?"

"How do you get food and water?"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

10 Dice Rolls imp sting 8

With a snarl, Slim smashes the two nearest xivorts' skulls together, dropping them like dirty rags.

"Indeed, what hell this world is that two men of such like mind must be opposed in this futility. Whichever of us shall persevere, let no one say that we — GMMPH!"

The xivort's last words were interrupted mid-sentence by Slim's hammer as the xivort attempted to circle around him. It was a tragedy; they could have been fast friends, had the xivort not been so blue and ugly and suspiciously gnomelike. The final xivort meets a similar fate in the same way; slow learners, these things. Maybe that's why he'd never seen any of them before. Perhaps this was some strange sanctuary, a private preserve where the dumbest of nature's creatures could survive in a tiny world free of orcs and dragons.

Perhaps he, Uxig Uxigson, was the very engine by which the xivort race had just been rendered extinct.

At any rate, the only remaining threat to him at the moment was a great swarm of imps; provided you use "threat" in the loosest possible sense of the word. The way a snowball is a threat, for example.

Slim takes 10 damage from gettin' stung
Did you know? 4 tiny creatures can fit in one space!


————————————————†”———


Beefi knocks on the south door, while Sam sidles up next to him curiously.

"OCCUPIED!", shrieks a reedy voice on the other side of the door. "Wait your turn!"

Perhaps 30 seconds later, the door opens from within. Two shirtless, oily elves saunter out, fastening their belts with an air of irritation. They stop in their tracks momentarily, looking on Sam and Beefi with amazement.

"My, my. Aren't you the brave little thing."

"Do be gentle with him, you brute."

The elves scamper away, giggling amongst themselves; if they even noticed the three adventurers trapped in stasis, they give no sign. The next room lies nearly as bare and empty as the current one, though the stone floor has been replaced by a ceramic tile. The chamber is decorated only with a small heap of straw and the occasional unidentifiable puddle. Yet another door bisects the south wall.


————————————————†”———


"Our names? Um. Er. I'm Triangle Puzzle Attendant 1, and these are my good personal friends Triangle Puzzle Attendants 2, 3, and 4.

"We have been here—"

The gnomes quietly confer over a small pamphlet.

"—since earlier this afternoon. And by 'here', I mean—"

The pamphlet is consulted again.

"—Wands & Things, a magical accessories wholesaler in Anytown, Thay. I have no idea how that happened to the crates; I'm sure the help just fell behind on sorting the inbound shipments again. It happens. The crates are, as you may have surmised, full of quality magical goods which we intend to sell at wholesale prices; we cut out the middleman and pass the savings on to you, Name Of Testee — er, Garold. Yes. None of us are really hungry at the moment, and I'm sure the issue with the crates will be sorted soon. If not, Attendant 3 is quite the ritual expert and she'll be glad to cast Traveler's Feast for us in the event of an emergency."

There is a long, awkward silence during which the four gnomes examine their pamphlet at great length.

"So, how's the triangle thing coming along? Any progress, there?"

FELIPE NO

Slim pulls two pints of oil from his pack and smashes them on the ground at his feet. Giving it just a few seconds to trickle down farther into the cave.

TEME TU MEKE THER FLEMBE!

He strikes ground with his hammer creating a spark. Turns his back to cave and saunters out without looking back as the fireball fills the entrance in slow motion.

He stands there for a moment breathing in the sweet smell of burning imp. And then shrugs and mutters to no one in particular.


21%

How ya doing, buddy?

1 Die Roll Being nice is good

I was aware of my somewhat sheltered upbringing but on my travels I had visited many strange cultures and I was certainly aware of the cult known as the Humus-sexualists. From what I had heard, they shunned the normal mating practices of their respective races, prefering the company of their same gender and delighting in performing bizarre rituals featuring root vegetables.

Very conscious that again, I was at risk of appearing the rank amateur of the group, I strode boldly into the room.

"Hello there chaps. Now I don't want to be one to judge and of course what an elf gets up to in his own home is his own business so let's all just agree to get along, what?"

I continued in a conspiratorial whisper.

"Between you and me, these fellows are, well, rather of a violent bent and I'm not sure they're quite as au fait with alternative cultures and lifestyles as I am so it'd probably be best for everyone if you could just give us a quick heads up about this here crypt. You've obviously been here a while so you must have some idea of the lay of the land, no? We've been sent down here to get rid of some frightful undead sort who's building an army or some such nonsense. Anyway, chances are it'd be a jolly bad showing for everyone if we let him get away with it so if you could just tell us about any undead lords you've seen down here and maybe fill us in on how to get into the depths of this crypt without triggering too many more of these accursed traps then we can be on our way and you can get back to, well, whatever it was you were up to. OK? Yes? Deal?"

I had had a great deal of success with negotiations of this type in the past although strangely, these attempts at parlay were often the trigger for my funny turns and more often than not, by the time I woke up everyone seemed to have eviscerated themselves and usually, all over me and my axe. Quite an objectionable turn of events to be sure so I gritted my teeth and prayed that I would not be beset by ill health on this occasion.

diplomacy check to get info from the Elves

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Garold sighed. It appeared that he was not in an artificial reality after all. The vision room of the tomb must have used some combination of time stop and astral projection spells, and this "world" was no more than a stage populated by actors, if you could call them that. How very disappointing.

Well, time to get this over with and get out of here. No sense sticking around any longer. Garold pushed away the paper and gathered the iron rods in front of him.

"Ok, you haven't been terribly specific, so I am going to make some assumptions here. Stop me if I'm wrong. First, judging by your lack of a forge and metalworking tools your design requires no cutting or bending of the rods, yes? Second, for maximum Garold made air quotes with the index and middle finger of each hand (and rolled his eyes) "triangle power" each triangle has to be wholly on its own plane, so no laying any rods across other rods. Alright?"

Garold waited for a sign of approval before continuing.

"If that's the case, each rod has to be a side of an equilateral triangle..."

He continued talking as he placed three of the rods into an equilateral triangle on the table, then picked up the other three.

"...which means the optimal shape is a triangular pyramid, having four faces, and each being an equilateral triangle."

He held the three other rods up with his fingers to make the pyramid he described.

"Happy? Can I go now?"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The cow wandered into the room to make pleas. I was unable to get past my initial shock of what I'd just heard. As such, I threw my hat on the ground and yelled after the two elves, who despite being shockingly gay, were still no more gay than most normal elves.

"SERIOUSLY? BETWEEN THE TWO OF US YOU THINK HE'S THE TOP? COME ON. HE PRACTICALLY WEARS A SIGN THAT SAYS I'M A POWER BOTTOM!"

This? This right here? This is why I hate elves. Not that I'm gay. I mean, at least not all the way. We've all gotten drunk and gone home with a half-orc. And god knows that gender choice is a coin flip, at best. Also, at that point, does it even matter? But elves just have no sense of sexual placement. I'm butch, goddamnit. And if I'm going to be gay, I'm going to be a goddamned top.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Slim turns and strides away from the cave as the flames erupt behind him. His work was done here. He suddenly finds himself back in the tomb, landing painfully on his tail as he falls out of his mid-air paralysis. Looking down, he sees something new wrapped around his waist — maybe his dragonly ambitions were easier than he thought. He certainly felt more draconic.




————————————————†”———


Dismayed by the relatively mundane nature of the vision chamber, Garold provides the gnomes with a solution — pouring on heaps of contempt along with it. The gnomes look on his solution with interest, but are disappointed in the end.

"Four triangles? That's the best you could do? Look, if you make a triangle and then lay it down, and put another triangle on top of it... see? Six triangles! Plus a hexagon in the middle. Hexagons are dangerous, but we have safely trapped this one with Triangle Power.

Your solution isn't even as good as the one we thought of ourselves! Get out of here, you jackass. It's clear you don't understand Triangle Power."

Garold finds himself back in the vision room; all but Gra-fa-zut seemingly recovered. The halfling and the minotaur seemed to be engaged in dialogue with a pair of elves. Unlike the rest, Garold returned with no reward for his strange experience — at least, none that he immediately noticed.


————————————————†”———


The elves seem immediately taken with Beefi, fairly fawning over him and his burly physique.

"Aren't you just the nicest thing. You know, I'll get in trouble for this, but — well. Cyril and I never really wander too far from our appointed chamber here while we're on duty; it's frightfully dangerous round here as I'm sure you've noticed. But we do know a few things, pieced together mostly from folks like yourself who got turned around or were just out-and-out fleeing.

First thing: never go through the misty archway without pressing the keystones first. I don't know what happens but nobody ever comes out. When I think about it, maybe that's not necessarily bad news. Maybe there's a hidden paradise in there and nobody ever wants to come back. Awfully selfish of them in that case, though.

Second thing: I once saw something come OUT of the devil's head, so it's possible to pass through it. Maybe it's only one-way, though.

What else... oh! The first gargoyle is kind of a jerk, but the second one's very quiet and polite really so there's no point harassing him unless you need to. Some bastard broke one of his arms off a few weeks ago and he's been inconsolable ever since.

Best of luck with everything, you two. Most adventurers just run screaming when they encounter us, such an insecure bunch in general really. At least we're a step up from the 15 lightning traps that we were hired to replace. I think it's quite an improvement in matters really, don't you? At any rate it's teatime and it's frowned upon to socialize overmuch with intruders, so we'll just get out of your way."

Cyril knocks on the east wall and the stones rumble aside, revealing a cramped but tastefully appointed little apartment on the other side; the elves hurry into it and close up the secret door again, leaving Beefi and Sam alone in the room.

How ya doing, buddy?

1 Die Roll ear to door

Stupid gnomes, he had clearly told them that his design wouldn't cross rods over each other as to create improper triangles. They obviously didn't know what they were talking about anyway, as their design really had 8 triangles in it according to their rules. Two large ones and six small ones.

At least that was over with. Of course now he was back in a tomb designed to kill him, probably after being subjected to a lot more bad poetry. Well whatever, time to get on with it. He followed Sam and Beefi into the southern room, and immediately crinkled his nose in disgust. His canine senses were detecting evidence of acts committed in this room that he would have really been much happier not knowing about.

Garold gingerly tiptoed through the room to the opposite door, being careful to avoid the unidentified fluids on the floor. He didn't want to remain in the steamy biological fumes any longer than he had to, but he supposed it was still preferential to rushing straight into waiting death.

Perception check to listen for what might be on the other side of door

I was speaking idiomatically.

What a thoroughly nice pair of chaps the elves had turned out to be. Taking their advice to heart, I wondered what the keystones might be. Surely it couldn't be anything as obvious as the gems mounted around the edge of the arch? Perhaps the riddle on the floor was in some way related to a sequence in which one had to press the buttons, I would have to ponder that later once we got back there, assuming we didn't find an alternative route through these endless doors and chambers. It crossed my mind that an architectural feat such as this crypt would surely have some fairly comprehensive blueprints lying around somewhere and perhaps it might be safer to spend some time in the local libraries looking for tham rather than wandering around aimlessly as we currently were. I suspected however that the rest of the team wouldn't be quite so interested in that line of investigation so kept my thoughts to myself for the time being.

The wolfman was checking out the next door and we were still waiting for the elemental to join us so I had a better look at the abacus I had been given, to see if was just an ornament or something more significant. After that, I mosied around the room a bit, looking out for any other secret doors or cubbyholes.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Beefi looks over the abacus, but it seems to have no special function or magical significance. It's just a really nice abacus. He also spots no hidden doors in the room (save that belonging the elves, and nice as they are they seem unlikely to invite him in)

Garold puts his sharp ears to the south door, curious about the next challenge. He hears the sound of gently churning water, as though a river was nearby.

FELIPE NO

Garold reported hearing nothing but running water from the next room which in itself seemed a bit odd for an underground crypt nowhere near any rivers. Still, I didn't fancy going back through the weird dream puzzle room again so onward seemed the only option. Tentatively, I pushed the door open with my axe, unless it was a pull door, in which case I pulled it open with my hands.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Sam keeps a close eye on the door as Beefi pulls it open, but nothing untoward seems to occur. The room beyond is a small one, roughly 10x10, with a floor of metal panels. Strange glass levers are set in the east and west walls, with two more levers on the south wall; all four are set in the upward position.

A placard set on the whole above the southern levers reads: "DESCENDER WILL NOT OPERATE BELOW FULL CAPACITY. WHEN READY TO DESCEND, PULL ALL LEVERS SIMULTANEOUSLY."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The room ahead of us seemed to be some kind of mechanical lift contraption if the sign was a truthful one. Sadly, there only appeared to be space for four of us. Luckily, one of us was still messing about in the vision room.

I suggested to the shifter, kobold and halfling that we should perhaps all climb in and pull the levers.

How ya doing, buddy?

Alright lets try this again.

Slim walks cautiously over to the Genasi suspiciously eyeballing the air. He attempts to throw him over his shoulder and haul him onto the elevator the hard way.

This isn't my preferred end of the dire boar back ride but it'll have to do.

If that doesn't work I just grab my everburning torch off the floor and climb on the elevator and casting disparaging looks Gra-Fa-Zut's way.

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My head hurt. Stupid orc with its stupid fucking questions... but I finally had it. "HEY IDIOT: DO THIS"

*    *    *

  *  *  *

*    *    *

Everything seemed to vanish, and I saw my comrades... looking at me.
"What the fuck is everyone's problem? Also where the hell did you come from?" A door was open, and I immediately took my chance to dash headlong through it. I felt like being reckless.

How ya doing, buddy?

The ogre seems shocked and saddened by Gra-fa-zut's sudden angry outburst, but nevertheless his solution seems to be correct; he finds himself back in the tomb, a small mahogany box in his hands. A single fresh oak leaf is nestled within.



Shouting insensibly, he barges into the cramped lift (adventuring parties being 25% larger than they usually were in the days of the tomb's construction) and the levers are pulled. With a creak, the floor panel swings away beneath their feet and the five of them plummet into a portal looming beneath the floor of the lift.

A split second later, they materialize just below the ceiling of a flooded chamber. Tumbling down, they fall onto hexagonal platforms; each of them landing at least 10 feet away from the other. A sixth platform stands empty, a simple iron trap-door built into its surface. If there's anything else of interest in the room, it lies drowned beneath deep, brackish waters. Dozens of sleek silhouettes dart back and forth beneath the surface, curious about the new arrivals.

I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls do I know them fish?

Being a sage of Melora's wrath, Garold has an expansive knowledge of horrid animals. He attempts to recall what danger the party currently faces, and what the best method to avoid a painful death might be.

Nature check on aquatic animals.
Perception check to get a good look at one first, if necessary.

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I knew little of aquatic dangers. On the odd occasion when I had needed to traverse any bodies of water, I had called on the services of my trusty steed, a shark I had named Bubbles, whose ferocious visage whilst quite at odds with his placid nature, had served to frighten off anything that had been interested in eating me.

I was quite perplexed as to why someone would have bothered to make it so hard to get into this crypt. The pallbearers must have had a devil of a time getting the coffin down here when Von Brandt had died. Still, this latest obstacle was nothing a bit of lateral thought wouldn't solve.

I had a chain and a grapple that might serve as an improptu bridge although I wasn't convinced any of the others could hold my weight. Holding one end of the chain, I swung the grapple and tossed it towards the trapdoor, looking for a purchase.

I wasn't sure what, if any climbing equipment the others had brought but it seemed to me that if one or two had ropes or chains we could toss the ends to each other and form a sort of web of ropes that might prove easier to cross than a single line and I vocalised as such to the others.

FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll cajun blackened?

MMMMMMMMmm so many fishes so delicious, I must know what kind of breading is appropriate for these creatures. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess cornmeal.

Slim stares off into the water watching the creatures move and slowly starts to drool.


Nature check on fish 5+2

These fish are best served rolled in mud and cooked in a sulfur spring.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Garold and Slim lean out cautiously from their respective platforms, peering into the murky water in an attempt to examine the local fauna. The water teems with swarms of excited piranha. When sufficiently hungry, piranha in such numbers can easily skeletonize a minotaur in less than a minute. When not starving and desperate, however, the fish are much less dangerous than their reputation would indicate — but if these piranha have a food source other than hapless adventurers, it's not immediately evident.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

2 Dice Rolls wandering eyes

Garold raised his sun rod and looked around the walls and ceiling of the chamber to see if there were any features that would make good rope anchors, or otherwise prove useful, with a good long look at the rusty thing south of Beefi and west of the trap door.

After relaying any findings to the party, Garold decides to sharpen his spear fishing skills.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll CHECK PLZ

"Hey look! Fish!" I like fish... except when they have pointy teath that are for the eating of my flesh. After looking down and failing to have anything important to add, I decided to do my fall-back option of sensing if anything magickal was going on.

Arcana Check on water/fish/room

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll hammer throw

OOOOOOH if you're going to catch dinner I'll help!

Slim commences commences to use his epic hammer fishing skills while imitating Mordenkainen's Faithful Imp Zapper with his mouth and looking pointedly at Gra-Fa-Zut.

ZZZZZZZTTTTTTT POW! ZZT ZTT ZTTT

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