Everyone Is John

1 Die Roll Go go grape juice

Ah, breakfast. The perfect way to start my day. Wait, what's this on John's clothes? It's like he's been rolling around in someone's compost heap. They're soaking wet, with god knows what. Well, beggars can't be choosers, I suppose. All I need is something to drink out of - ah, that dusty glass over there on the reception desk will do nicely.

"John, take off all your clothes, and squeeze whatever fetid liquid they've absorbed into the glass. Now, I'll just concentrate, and..."

Well shucks, it's not Welch's Grape Juice. Looks like John's going to stay hungry.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll tiebreak

Alton Brown's skill at juicing just isn't up to this kind of task, and it doesn't seem important enough to put in any extra oomph. He loses control. John finds himself totally nude, with a glass of freshly-squeezed crud on the reception desk before him. Well, at least he's made it out to the lobby. He's still kind of hungry, and now he's getting cold on top of that. John shivers. At the very least, he should put his shorts back on before—

BID!

Willpower:
Alton 7
wvlf 10
Deni 10
Acer 7
Skills 10
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zeph 10
Zerg 10

The WVLFPVP voice takes control!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Perhaps we should dispense with the willpower bidding and rely instead on Pangalin rolling a die to determine who should go next. Otherwise, this game is going to move slower than molasses.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

And how exactly did you pass up a good molasses joke?

I am concerned that the constant control challenges are not really a viable mechanic for online play.

I was speaking idiomatically.

It's a fun diversion, anyhoo. I expect we'll know who won right around the time Pang's D&D campaign concludes at Level 30 with a battle royale against Orcus and Tiamat all at once, with their pet Tarrasques and Beholders.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The game goes precisely as fast as its players, like anything else. Yes, it's dependent on people actually reading their PMs and paying attention, but so is Werewolf or whatever. There's nothing I can do to force people to send in their bids faster or to take their turn faster, so there's no use in being a wet blanket.

Zerg sent no bid on the first bidding, and Alton sent no bid on the second bidding, meaning that two of the people complaining about game speed are directly responsible for slowing the game.

FELIPE NO

Slowing down? But the rules say we can choose not to bid if we wish ._. You want me to send a PM telling you I want to bid zero willpower? I can do it if that's what you want.

'Sides, you never sent a PM and who's complaining about game speed

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Yeah, I didn't want to bid this time around, just figured remaining silent was fine, but I guess confirmation from everyone would help speed things along.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll Get man up?

I am cold and naked. There is a computer in front of me. I must be at home! Sniffing the glass in my hand (hmm... not fragrant enough), I try to pour it on the odd man sitting in front of the computer, hoping that he will get up and let me log on. Sadly, most of the liquid sprays on the computer itself. Boom.


Alas.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The Lincoln Hotel was been vacant since the 70's, but John stumbles upon someone else in the lobby. He seems alarmed at John's nakedness. With a friendly smile, John pours his glass of greasy goo all over the man and his laptop. The computer is ruined, and the greasy sludge bursts into flames. Before John can react, the flames have spread to the stranger! Oh no!


Alton 7
wvlf 7
Deni 10
Acer 7
Skills 10
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zeph 10
Zerg 10


BID! Even if you want to bid zero, please send a PM to increase game speed

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I bid negative 1 willpower. You have to pay me if I win!

(Seriously though, I think it's better to just double-post instead of edit. The reason why I didn't send in a bid for the first time? Didn't realize you edited the post.)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Fair enough. Zephyrin's Voice wins the bid!



Alton 7
wvlf 7
Deni 10
Acer 7
Skills 10
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zeph 7
Zerg 10


I was speaking idiomatically.

1 Die Roll Don't talk to strangers

Technology. NEVER works right. Why is it every time I try to send an email, Big Brother is trying to set me on fire?!@ At least this time he missed. But where are my clothes? Oh! There they are. Kinda moldy. Must've been a good night.

John throws his clothes away, and he suddenly has the desire for orange juice. He leaves the building and attempts to hitchhike a ride to McDonalds. He offers an Egg McMuffin in payment.

Use one point towards roll

DOH!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll three-way tie

Despite his entreaties, John is not nearly persuasive enough to bum a ride; he looks like he slept in a dumpster and he stinks of gasoline.

John is standing on the sidewalk outside the Lincoln Hotel. He glances back at the building, and sees an old sign painted onto the bricks of the building.



Well, that was a relief anyway. The man he left back inside has stopped screaming, but a thin, greasy smoke is seeping out of the crack beneath the door.

It looks to be about noon; traffic is pretty heavy. Directly across the street from John is a parking garage. A few feet to the left (and slightly ahead), West 2nd Street meets North 3rd Avenue West at an intersection. The light is currently green. To John's right is the parking lot for the Lincoln. Two cars are parked there currently; a green Gremlin and a beige Pinto. Most of the other buildings around are residential apartments.

In John's pockets are a keyring with 4 keys, his wallet (he has $40 in cash, but lost his ID some time ago), and a ticket stub to a matinee showing of The Little Mermaid.

BID!


Alton 7
wvlf 7
Deni 10
Acer 7
Skills 10
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zeph 6
Zerg 10

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

He leaves the building and attempts to hitchhike a ride to McDonalds. He offers an Egg McMuffin in payment.

I thought Zeph was using his "compliment obese women" skill to hitch a ride, so I was confused as to why he failed.

Oh well, time to see what happens when no one succeeds.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

DENICALIS wins the bid!


Alton 7
wvlf 7
Deni 7
Acer 7
Skills 10
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zeph 6
Zerg 10

Yeah, I don't know why Zeph failed that roll either but I'm not inclined to argue with somebody who announces their own failure.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll Make 'em a jaywalker

I cackled as I made John jerk his leg, attempting to kick a passing citizen into on coming traffic.

Spend 1 on roll.

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John's leg flies out from under him, and he falls flat on his ass. He is promptly trampled by several pedestrians.

BID!

Guys, you only have to roll to do things a normal person would find difficult You can do other things before you attempt a difficult action.


Alton 7
wvlf 7
Deni 6
Acer 7
Skills 10
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zeph 6
Zerg 10

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Retracting myself from the game. The silliness is fun, but the tempo isn't so much.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Zeph, if you want to step out of the game, you could just spend an overwhelming amount on a bid and then use the rest of your points to make John do something awesome.

I was speaking idiomatically.

"Man, the players are taking time to figure out this game we've never played before. It's almost like this trial doesn't run as smoothly as something we've done a dozen times. Instead of doing something interesting I'm just going to quit."



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll you can bid more than 3, guys

If somebody wants to bail, let them bail. No sense in squabbling over it.

Colonel Skills wins the bid!


Alton 7
wvlf 7
Deni 6
Acer 7
Skills 7
Uzuki 10
Tritoch 10
Zerg 10

FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll Big money no whammies

John gets back up on his feet. No point being a hobo when there was perfectly good laws to break.

Glancing toward the parking lot, he takes a moment to appreciate the majestic beauty of the viridian '74 AMC in the parking lot.

He is snapped out of his reverie by the odd feeling of a strong breeze upon the underside of his nutsack. Why yes, he is completely naked still. He almost forgot. Oh well, that makes his next task slightly easier anyway. Win-win.

He approaches the Gremlin while sneering at the Ford. Plebeian.

Getting up to the door, he starts attempting to gain access by manipulating the shape of his genitals into that of a key.

Contort shrinkydink into key. Need a 3. Spend 2 for ensured success.

John is happy he spent a little bit of extra time concentrating. He now has access to the car, although he feels awfully tired about it.

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Originally Posted by Denicalis

"Man, the players are taking time to figure out this game we've never played before. It's almost like this trial doesn't run as smoothly as something we've done a dozen times. Instead of doing something interesting I'm just going to quit."

You have a habit of trying to put things in my mouth, Deni; words being one of them. Stop it. I said no. Nobody listens me to, jeeze. Only food and lollipops.

pssst, I actually made John get dressed, so he isn't naked anymore.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Skills. Psssst. You didn't fail! It's still your turn!

Arguably you could just blow your last 5 Will and become an Autobot

There's nowhere I can't reach.