D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt

"Well, I'm not quite willing to credit lord grabby-hands here with anything just yet. I will admit that sometime during the course of the fight my sinuses cleared up, but that might just be the smell around here."

Cyrus looks at the grotesque gauntlets with suspicion. He's hardly about to take off his reliable old gore-soaked chain gloves for the sake of these things, even if they're more rust than iron at this point. Still, he hooks the gauntlets on his belt. They might come in handy sometime. Smiling, he pokes the left gauntlet in the eye. For luck.

Burn 2 surges (48/54)



How ya doing, buddy?

Make that THREE surges.

Damn, expected the automerge to catch that.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

5 Dice Rolls Slipping and Sliding

Ladies and gentlemen! You're in for a real treat now! For the first time ever, a dragon has decided to grace this arena with his presence! He came willingly along with his champions to exact revenge on the evil creature that slaughtered his kith and kin!

Mr. Dragon, what have you to say to Beegraks before we start?

Prepare yourself for oblivion, foul dragonborn! I have come to punish you for your crimes against the dragonkin!

Well said! Well, I don't know what he just said, but Beegraks seems to understand! Before things get out of hand, let's have our force field in place. Wizard?

With all those poison and ice-breathing dragons around, who knows what else is going to hit the audience? That's more like it, folks. Now it's a little less dangerous for us all!

Moving into the space occupied by the force field inflicts 3 force damage.

Now without further ado, let us start Round 2!

The kobolds are moving... oh! Close call with the glass ol' Von Brandt thundered up! They can't reach him to attack. Looks like they're bracing themselves for attack!

Total Defense.

Beegraks (+1 x4), Young Blizzard Dragon, Von Brandt (+1 x4), Dragonkin Champions

Additional Spam:
Defenses:

Dragon: AC 21 Fort 19 Ref 20 Will 18
Dragonkin: AC 22 Fort 19 Ref 18 Will 17

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls slang knowledge v. kobolds

"See, this is why I only pick on people my own size. Or smaller. The important thing here is that whatever you did, you obviously left witnesses alive. Rookie mistake there."

Knowledge check on both enemy types

I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls *Call social services

"GGRRRAAKKKK! What iss thisss? You not even bring any females."

And he's off! Pissed off, that is.

Charging Ardent Strike at Championne C
12 damage to championne C

Most amazing jew boots

3 Dice Rolls *Claw pain

Knowledge Check Results:

Cyrus notices the following things about these kobolds:

1. They appear oblivious to their surroundings, and yet stare fixedly at Smothas with hatred.
2. They don't look so tough either. Are these really champions?
3. They appear to have thickened soles that suggest a certain degree of resistance to lightning.
4. Kobolds, of course, are small natural humanoids who can see in the dark. They're fast on their feet, able to move up to 80 feet at top speed in just six seconds.
5. Strangely enough, these champions don't appear to have a bluish gray scale embedded on their chest, as most other dragonkin kobolds are wont to have when serving their master. They must either be "loaners" from another dragon, a summoned familiar, or...?

The dragon is a bit harder to read, but Cyrus knows for sure that:

1. The dragon is a youngling as far as dragons go. Still by human standards a large elemental magic beast.
2. It breathes ice, and in fact has a rapidly swirling mass of cold five feet around it.
3. Dragons can fly, although younglings like this one probably can't fly very well. For their size, they're extremely agile, capable of reaching a top speed of 162/3 feet per second.
4. Blizzard dragons are extremely destructive catastrophic dragons with an intense hatred for Raven Queen worshipers. For this particular dragon to pursue a Zehirite must mean that its quarry must have done grievous unforgivable wrongs to it or its allies.

Beegraks charges the closest kobold and oh! It's already down! That's some grade A groping, folks!

That doesn't seem to sit well with our dragon. He's flying now, heading directly towards Beeg-- wait, he's a she. Oh, I'm really sorry, ma'am. She's roaring now, and... talking to Von Brandt?

This isn't your fight, half-elf. Stay out of this and I'll let you live. Attack us at your own peril.

Did you see that? A cold blast of wind's surrounding her, extending fifteen feet all around. Wow, I wouldn't be caught dead in that arena, no sirree. She's raking Beegraks all over with claws and teeth. Oh man, that's got to hurt!

Bite: +12 vs AC. Immobilized till dragon's next turn ends if hit.
Claw: +12 vs AC. Target slid by 2 squares if hit.

10 cold damage to Beegraks; slid to N8
Aura increases to 3 squares (deals no damage).

Von Brandt (+1 x4), Dragonkin Champions, Beegraks (+1 x5), Young Blizzard Dragonness

FELIPE NO

5 Dice Rolls bzzzaaap

"That's an excellent point. I'll just get of your way then, shall I?"

Cyrus sidles along the narrow gap between the force field and the dragon's freezing nimbus.

"Anyway, I don't like Bad Touch over there any more than you do. Look, I'll even help you out. I made you this magic orb, you just throw it at him and — whoops! Butterfingers. Crap, was he expensive? I bet he was."

Cyrus throws up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender.

"Totally meant to kill the dragonborn. Here, I'll make it up to you. Take this, you shameless pervert! Oh. Oooooh."

Cyrus' nose wrinkles as the rich aroma of flash-friend kobold wafts across the arena.

"Well, I'm guessing they were both also perverts. Kobolds have a reputation for perversion, you know. I'm really doing you a favor here, though I emphasize, again, that those were total accidents. Oh my goodness look out, he's sneaking up behind you! How dreadful."

Move to L16 along the diagonal
Thunder Bomb vs Champion D and Dragon
Trade in 3 of my +1s for a +2, apply the +2 to attack roll vs Champion D
22 damage to both; Champion killed, Dragon slowed
Action Point!
Lightning Strike vs Champion A
Even if Dragon is providing cover p. sure that's still a hit
14 damage to Champion A, arc it to Champion B for 6 damage. (Applying Storm Power bonus to the secondary target.)
Should kill them both, resistance be damned.



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

2 Dice Rolls Draconic Inspiration bonus

Thunderbomb still misses vs. Minion D. 5+2+12=19<20=18+2 (Total Defense, remember?)
Lightning Strike against Minion A is not possible, because there's no line of effect due to cover. Let's be charitable this once and say you actually meant to sizzle D instead

Shameful and cowardly tactics, little man. Very well, on your head be it.

Von Brandt's got the dragon fuming mad now. I'd be mad too - surrendering like that, pretending to attack Beegraks, and slaughtering two of her champions that quickly!

The last champion's moving in. Circling around and flanking Beegraks with his dragon mistress. Beegraks will be nursing that stab wound for a while!

8 lightning damage to Beegraks.

Beegraks (+1 x5), Young Blizzard Dragonness, Von Brandt (+1 x2), Dragonkin Champion

Jam it back in, in the dark.

6 Dice Rolls *he does too, apparently :o

"Hey missster wizard man. Leave some for Beegraks! And you, fat drrragon lady, you jussst crying because you got rejected. I should have ended your life the last time we met."

Shifts to M8
Channels Divinity: Divine Strength
Dragon Breath to the South
Action Point!
Arcing smite on remaining enemies
12 damage to both



There's nowhere I can't reach.

10 Dice Rolls Beegrak's OA

Beegraks is pouring on the scorn. He's killed the last of her champions now, and is hitting her in the face. He shouldn't have done that...

2 corpses in N7. Difficult terrain.

Chill Rebuke. 11 vs Fort. Slowed on hit.

14 cold damage to Beegraks. Slowed (save ends).
Beegraks ends turn in aura; slid to L9.

She's mad. She's really angry now. Folks, you do not want to piss off a dragon! She's pouring on the cold now, it's extending twenty-five feet from her. Von Brandt is just out of range, but he's sure to feel the chill from there.

She has Beegraks now. She's gonna bite him in the... oh man! Let's just say Smothas has just fallen out of the gene pool!

Let's see how you like it when someone feasts on your reproductive organs!

8 cold damage; immobilized until end of dragon's next turn. Bloodied.

She's not done yet, not by a long shot. Here comes the claws. I can't watch.

Oh, it bounces off Beegrak's armor. His kidneys are safe for now!

And as for you, little man...

She's ignoring Beegraks for now. He swings at her... but she's too fast. She's barreling towards Cyrus now. Uh oh.

Now that's what I'm talking about! Never, ever pick on someone bigger than you. Words to live by, eh Cyrus?

Action Point. Double Attack against Cyrus (reach 2). 25 cold damage, bloodied. Immobilized until dragon's next turn ends, and slid to M16 (pow! 3 force damage) and then M15.

6 necrotic damage to Dragon (Divine Challenge).

Von Brandt (+1 x2), Beegraks (+1 x6), Young Blizzard Dragonness

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls *sand damage

"Lady, you got no sense of manners. Now, I tried my best to help you out. Admittedly things went a little haywire but that's not my fault. Now here you are, pushin' me around, backing me into a corner.

Do not back me into a corner, you frigid bitch."

And with that, Cyrus reaches out and digs his thumbs into her eyes until he feels the orbital bones scraping under his gauntlets. They're really big eyeballs, it's an easy shot.

"You see what happens, missy? You see what happens? This is what happens."

19 damage to dragon, and Cyrus is Concealed for a round



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Hehehehehehe! Big lady thinks she hurts Beegraks!"

Says he as he sticks his head in his cloak and covers himself with it.

Second Wind using Cloak of Walking wounded, spends two surges to get to full health

"Good thing I had thisss balm for my ballsss. Now, come back here and fight, oh fat one!"

Shield the Virtuous on Cyrus



I was speaking idiomatically.

8 Dice Rolls And then the claws

Augh! My eyes! Where are you, you little...

Oh look, Beegraks is as good as new, did his ... just grew back on? Fascinating. The dragon's looking confused, looking around for Von Brandt. It's a downright nasty blizzard down there folks, and Beegraks' jibes about her weight is only fueling that...

Rising Winds: close burst 5 against enemies, +10 vs Fortitude.
9 cold damage to Von Brandt. Slowed and blinded (save ends both).
Zing! 6 necrotic damage to dragon. Meddling shield!
Aura resets to 1.
Freezing Winds: Beegraks slid to L10, Von Brandt slid to N14.

Wow! Did you see that?!! She's just unleashed all that wind around the Arena! Looks like Von Brandt's barely holding on. Beegraks doesn't seem affected at all - he must've felt this before.

What did you just call me, you insufferable aaahhh!...

Von Brandt's opportunity attack hits for 10 damage.

Well, she's forgotten all about Von Brandt, but he hasn't forgotten her yet! Is she just shaking it off? She's launching towards him now, jaws aimed at Beegraks'... oh man.

Critical hit! 2d8+3 = 19 cold damage, immobilized until dragon's next turn ends.

I guess Beegraks is officially an "it" now. Again.

Von Brandt (+1 x2), Beegraks (+1 x6), Young Blizzard Dragonness

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Cyrus staggers away from the dragon as best he can, rubbing his eyes and shivering.

"Argh. Hate you. Hate you so much. Hate you the most. One time I cut a man into three hundred tiny pieces. Then, I hired a necromancer — at great personal expense — to reanimate each and every one of those individual bits. Do you have any idea of the expense of three hundred castings of Raise Dead? When you have such a small corpse, ha ha, to work with, often the ritual fails. So you pay the cleric again. And again. Eventually we got them all, three hundred copies of the bastard. In chains. How they hated the sight of one another. Then, dragon, we filled the chamber with a mild acid. Slowly. Perhaps a tenth of an inch every day. The acid of a gelatinous cube is really quite weak, you know. It's the entrapment that makes the cube dangerous. I kept the necromancer on retainer, mind you. Every morning he'd go in there and heal their wounds. His wounds. It took months before the acid outstripped his capacity to keep them alive.

YOU, though. You I dislike."

Flee to L16
Second Wind
Plot an exacting, grisly revenge involving fire ants



How ya doing, buddy?

3 Dice Rolls *I'm confused

A bit befuddled by the wizard's ranting, Beegraks finally gets a hold of himself just in time to see the fat dragon lady land next to him.

"Good. Good. Come clossser."

Unyielding Faith
14 damage to big butt
Divine Challenge baby



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

4 Dice Rolls Slow and Blinded no mo?

I--I'm bleeding...? Impossible. I can't die here. But... Hey you!

M-me? Ma'am?

I don't like this shield dome. Pink's not my type. Take it down at once!

Ma'am. With all due respect, it's for the safety of our--

RIGHT NOW!!!!

Y-yes Ma'am. I'll get our security wizards right on it Ma'am. Hey you! You heard what she said! I don't care if it takes time, she wants it down yesterday!

Well folks, I'm not sure what that's all about. It seems Beegraks has drawn blood at last. Question is, what's going to happen to him now?

There you are, little man. Three hundred pieces? Well now, I like the way you think. Let's see now, you accursed scion of Tiamat. Here's piece number ONE!

Looks like Beegraks is keeping his foot. But she's carving a few chunks out of his face!

15 damage to Beegraks. Immobilized no more.

The wind's sure picking up again, isn't it? Let's hope she can control it well enough for our safety.

Von Brandt (+1 x3), Beegraks (+1 x7), Young Blizzard Dragonness

Jam it back in, in the dark.

2 Dice Rolls *Fry.

"What are you fools doing taking orders from this cow? If we win do you have to do what we say? I mean, apparently Chilly Willy here is Queen Of The Fairies so I'm just wondering how the succession works. If I do get to become the new queen my first decree is to have you all executed as enemies of the crown. Just sayin', theoretically."

As he's talking, Cyrus forms a massive claw of crackling electricity in the air. It closes around the dragon's throat, electrocuting her and dragging her toward the sorcerer.

"My second decree will be free puppies for everyone, if that helps my case at all."

Move to K17
Shocking Magnetism vs Dragon
25 damage
Pull dragon 3 spaces so it occupies K14-L15



There's nowhere I can't reach.

Ok whoops, there's a path that goes to where you're dragging the dragon which doesn't require an Acrobatics Check to not slip and slide. Carry on.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls *Big mama gonna bleed some mo

Seeing that his buddy had finally found an opening that would allow him to leave this pile of rubble, Beegraks proceeds to put his newly regained mobility to good use.

Move to K13
Renew Divine Challenge
Resurgent Smite
26 damage to Big Mama
Cyrus can regain 21 HP if he wants to spend a surge




I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

3 Dice Rolls Von Brandt OA vs Dragon

Man, oh man! They're pouring it on. Is she gonna make it? She's flying away! Terribly bloodied by Beegraks' parting shot, but still alive!

I-I shall return!

Looks like our intrepid duo survives this round! We'll have to clear the arena of corpses. Here's some cookies for you two while you wait for our cleaning crew to finish!

Zap it, boys!

3 free heals equal to your surge value, distributed as you please.

Well, it looks like our dragon coughed up a little something in her rush to escape. You can have this pair of partially-digested soggy boots

. Well, I wouldn't want it, but there's no accounting for taste, right?

Oh, and the prize for winning this tier is... 344 GP! Congratulations!

I won't be tracking gold individually. Right now the party has 810 GP, including the spoils here.
Enforced short rest. Do whatever, move wherever.

How ya doing, buddy?

"Well, that was strange. Could have sworn she looked really dead for a second there. Like, completely and totally dead. I was going to messily devour her heart in front of all these people, too. And what's worse, I don't get to be the new Dragon Queen. What shitty luck, eh paladin? I mean, didn't she look really dead there for a second? Shit, maybe she's a dracolich now. That would be interesting.

Anyway, you can have these puke boots if you want, seeing as you were generous enough to give me these fucked-up gloves. I can't imagine they'll be flooding the arena with hot grease anyway, unless things get really out of hand."

Cyrus munches idly on a cookie as he waits for the next opponent to arrive. Probably a domesticated tarrasque or something; they sure weren't pulling any punches today.

"Is there any way I can persuade you guys to turn the field back on just as the next opponents are entering the ring? Because that would be hilarious.

Heh, heh. BONK!"

Spend a surge from Beegraks' Resurgent Smite and eat 1 cookie, healing up to full
Return to my corner at R10



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Eat two cookies
Grab boots of soggy and put them on

As Beegraks was devouring the two cookies his wizard companion had left for him, he noticed the boots lying on the ground and decided to try them on. The SPLOOTSH sound they made when he put them on brought him right back home to his dank swamp, and he loved it.

When he finally reacted to the fat dragon lady getting up to leave, he got out his grappling hook as fast as he could, and swung it through the air in her direction. It was too late, however, as she had once again escaped his judgment.

"Grrrakkkk!!! Nexxxt time we meet, you will tassste death! I sswear thiss to you on the wizzzard'ss head!!!"

Moves to P9 to get closer to his buddy

How ya doing, buddy?

10 Dice Rolls Combat adventage

Beegraks is now immune to slippery glass in the Arena.

Folks, you're in for a real treat, a real treat. The next round is---

What the hell? Who let those Holy Worms out?!! Shield dome, now!

...

Well, uh. Ladies and gentlemen. That's why magic can't be rushed. Worst aim ever (please pardon the vomit-colored shield dome). Not to worry, you're safe from the worms.

All right, all right. Force fields and shield domes are different. Shut up.

Well, Beegraks and Von Brandt? Looks like you've just been drafted as our exterminators. Try to finish them off quickly, eh?

The right worm's slithering towards Beegraks... Oh, it slipped on the glass left by Von Brandt's lightning strikes! Is it still going to attack Beegraks while upside down?

Wow! Did you see it move? I didn't. That was some shift, folks! It's biting Beegraks all over. Oh, the other worm's here too - flanking Beegraks, but he's far too quick!

Rake - +12 vs AC, shift 2 before or after attack.

8 radiant damage to Beegraks. Ongoing 5 radiant damage (save ends).

Beegraks (+1 x8), Von Brandt (+1 x4), Holy Worms

Defenses: AC 21 Fort 18 Ref 20 Will 19.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

5 Dice Rolls *Virtuous damage on B

Somewhat surprised by the two giant tubes that just came out into the arena, Smothas takes a step back out of pure survival instinct.

Shift to Q9

Getting a hold of himself, the dragonborn brings the aggression down upon the worms in a timely fashion.

Dragon Breath to the North!
Virtuous Strike on B
Dunno what hit or not
12 damage to worm B


Decidedly, the worms were expecting the stinky breath. So sad.



Jam it back in, in the dark.

6 Dice Rolls *kaboom!

"What in the name of Lolth's smelly thorax is a Holy Worm? The last time I heard the word "holy" applied to a big squirmy tube, I was... well, suffice to say I was a younger man, and I was gentleman enough to warn those lovely ladies before I burned the inn to the ground. Of course, they still didn't make it out in time — they could barely walk, you know."

Cyrus flashes the audience his best smirk.

"Still, if I absolutely must deal with such impressive worms, I guess it's only responsible to blow them."

Cyrus darts forward, moving past the worms before they can react, and spins on his heel, gesturing as a vortex of wind and sand rises out of the arena floor. His ally stands baffled in the eye of the storm, untouched as the winds smash the enemy worms to the ground.

Lightning Shift to L16
Whirlwind centered on Q9; exempt Smothas
11 damage to both Worms; both knocked prone

"I could have done a better job blowing them, I guess. I should remember to include the balls."

Aw hell, why not. ACTION POINT GO
Thunder Bomb centered on O9
16 damage to both Worms; both slowed for a round
This post is bad and I should feel bad



How ya doing, buddy?