My Grand Romantic Gesture (thread 2.0)

Hey all... For those of you who were following this thread back before the forum crashed, I have some updates for you.

For those of you who remember, originally, the grand plan of mine was to go down to NYC on Valentine's Day to tell a girl how I feel. She's no ordinary crush, though. I want to marry this girl someday. So I figured, this is the best way to go about telling her how I feel and get the gears moving.

Well, Feb 13 rolls around, and my plan got shit on. The plan called for her to be working, which she normally would on a holiday like that, but, for some reason, they gave her the day off. Not only that, but she wasn't even around to hang out because she was hanging out with her friend and was taking an acting class. So, my plan got buttfucked royally.

I figured it wouldn't stop me, so I kept going, trying to get every single free weekend or day I could to go down there. Of course, every single time free time rolled around for me, she was busy with something that would screw my plan up.

Good timing with women has never been my strong suit. It's just the way the universe works for me. I have the single worst timing with women, period. The original plan always was to tell her over Spring Break, but, since I was literally getting physically ill from not telling her, I decided to do it on Valentine's Day.

Well, Spring Break has come and gone, and so has my trip to NYC. I finally did it. And, well, it was a 50% success.

50% good in that I finally got to say my piece, and as expected, she was totally flattered by it. She gave me 2 big hugs, said I had big balls for doing it, and said that she was on the verge of crying. I also finally gave her my valentine's day gift, which was this, the ShitBitch Bear. She totally FLIPPED when she saw it, and loved it to death, so that's good. Also, it was my first time seeing the city, and it was incredible.

50% bad in that my 2 worst fears came true. Since day 1, the reason I wanted to do this before Spring Break was to make it more likely that she would be single at the time. No less than 2 days before I went down, she met some kid from New Jersey thanks to her friend.

Worst fear number 1 - she and some other kid being an item. As she put it, she is "kinda sorta but not really" dating him, because she doesnt really want that right now. It wouldn't be so bad if the kid wasn't a complete fucking toolbag, but he is. He's a typical college moron who wears American Eagle, blasts rap music, has no wit, but makes up for it all with his good looks. It's totally disgusting and makes me sick to think of her having feelings for him.

Worst fear number 2 - said kid being there when I was. Sure enough, him, his friend, and her friend who introduced them were hanging out with us the entire 2 days I was there. I only had a small amount of alone time to actually tell her how I felt about her, but still, I had to be there when he was, and it was awkward as hell. Again, it would have been better if he was a decent person, but he's completely far from it. It sucks to see her getting with this kid, who isn't her type at all.

She is a lonely girl out there, so, I imagine this cuddle buddy of hers is just to relieve her of her lonliness. I hope its temporary, because phase 2 of my plan to win her over comes in a month and a half. Plus, they've been seeing ALOT of each other because the past few days, neither of them have been working, and he's been on spring break. Either way, regardless of whether or not she is still kinda sorta but not really dating this kid, I am going to move along with phase 2 when the time comes.

There you have it. I end this post with a question for you people who have been following this - Do you think this fling with shithead boy will be a temporary thing? Granted, you don't know much about him, but I promise you they are incompatible in many senses. I don't often see these things last long (being introduced to someone by a friend).

That's all for now... I'll keep you guys updated with any other developments in my neverending quest for this girl's heart.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"Worst fear number 1 - she and some other kid being an item. As she put it, she is "kinda sorta but not really" dating him, because she doesnt really want that right now. It wouldn't be so bad if the kid wasn't a complete fucking toolbag, but he is. He's a typical college moron who wears American Eagle, blasts rap music, has no wit, but makes up for it all with his good looks. It's totally disgusting and makes me sick to think of her having feelings for him."


Well if that is the case, you shouldn't really be pushing it at the moment either if she really isn 't looking for a boyfriend/relationship. Also it sounds like you are griping a lot about him...that shouldn't be the case for this clearly exhibits envy. You shouldn't wish for others to break up due to your insatisfaction, that is totally wrong. I say you fix that first before you even start a relationship for...even if that is a natural reaction, it isn't appropiate. How would you be able to handle this green envy when you "allegedly" get married and she spends time with "friends" that are men in which you misinterpret this for "flirting." I say you somewhat fix this first for you seem to be venting a lot at this guy (heaven forbid calling him a shithead boy <_<)

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Alright, let me tell you exactly what I think, from what you described.

First of all, you don't know this fellow very well -- you only feel like he's a "fucking toolbag" from your limited interaction with him. Maybe he is an asshole -- but he could just have rubbed you the wrong way, based on his appearance. So, he could be a jerk, yes -- but he could be a nice guy, for all you know.

Frankly, I think your feelings about him are skewed by your liking for this girl. I know that when I had a crush on a girl a long time ago, I was hoping that her boyfriend would turn out to be a jerk -- of course, he was a wonderful guy ( who seemed to be a typical azn ricer to me at the time), but I just couldn't see that.

The next thing I want to say is that whatever happens, please, please respect her feelings. If she decides to stay with this guy, or date him exclusively, that's HER decision, no matter what your feelings are. YOU may feel that they are incompatible, but in the end, it's HER judgment that counts in this case -- whether she wants to be with him, or with you. It's really not your place to decide whether he's "her type" or not.

I don't mean to talk down on you, because I can guess that intellectually, all of this should be very obvious to you -- but where crushes are concerned, what you know intellectually and what you feel inside may end up very different.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't go for it -- i think it's awesome that you have the courage and the will to try to win her heart. I'm just saying that in the end, if she decides to get with this guy, respect her feelings. Let her go, and move on. Easier said than done, I know, and it'll take a long time, probably.. but it has to be done if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

And if she goes for you, well.. then please accept my early congratulations.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by valiant

Well if that is the case, you shouldn't really be pushing it at the moment either if she really isn 't looking for a boyfriend/relationship. Also it sounds like you are griping a lot about him...that shouldn't be the case for this clearly exhibits envy. You shouldn't wish for others to break up due to your insatisfaction, that is totally wrong. I say you fix that first before you even start a relationship for...even if that is a natural reaction, it isn't appropiate. How would you be able to handle this green envy when you "allegedly" get married and she spends time with "friends" that are men in which you misinterpret this for "flirting." I say you somewhat fix this first for you seem to be venting a lot at this guy (heaven forbid calling him a shithead boy <_<)

All I wanted to do was tell her how I felt. I needed to get it off my chest. I'm not gonna pursue a relationship until later on.

As far as being envious goes, you're damn right I'm envious. He didn't earn the position he's in. They just met, damn it. I don't show it in front of her, though, so don't worry. And believe me, he is a tool. I know the type of person he is. He's just a typical college kid. Doesn't have any interesting qualities about him at all.

One thing I absolutely love about her is she has a really sharp wit, something I also have. Her and I can go back and forth and it's great. With him, it was always one sided, with her winning any ball busting sessions. It's little things like that that I love about her, and I notice these things all the time. He's just not as bright as she is. He's nowhere near her level of brain or coolness.

Honestly, it's very awkard to see her with a guy like him. He's too typical for someone like her. She's so much better than that. But, I do respect her happiness. If she is truly happy with this kid, then, so be it. I won't give up on her at all, under any circumstances. I won't push for them to break up though, if that's what you're thinking.

My feelings MAY be skewed, but even in a situation like this, I know when someone is a good person or not. He's nice, yeah, but he's in it with her for all the wrong reasons. She's into hollywood style romance and lovey dovey stuff. They met while getting drunk at his apartment. i mean come on now. I'm sure he's a fun kid to hang out with, but how long can that shit honestly last? I'm going into this thinking of it as a temporary fling based solely on attraction. Still, every minute they're together is gonna drive me up a wall, and I can't help but feel that way.

I can't help but feel like if my timing had not been buttfucking me and I had gotten this done last month as intended, the outcome would have been different. Regardless, I didn't expect a sweeping romance from just telling her how I feel. Next time I see her, I'm going to sweep her off her feet. I have the plan all laid out, and it's gonna be amazing.

Also, what should I do if she asks me what I think of him? I'm tempted to say "do you want me to be nice or do you want me to be honest," but I dunno. We have a very open friendship where we're honest about stuff to each other, so, it could be either good or bad if I get down on this kid. If I were to tell her how I really felt, I wouldn't totally slam him, I would say basically what I said here. He's nice, but he's not good enough for you, and I can tell he's in it for the wrong reasons.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Just be careful doing that. If you start trashing him you'd better have a damn good reason (one better than "He's a tool with no wit who makes up for it with good looks"). Otherwise you're going to come off as the immature, jealous, rejected guy.

I also wanted to say that a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE part of a relationship is respect. Assuming that you know what is best for someone even more than they do is extremely disrespecful. There's a lot that has gone on in their relationship behind closed doors that you don't know anything about. As Ginko pointed out, this guy could be the best thing that ever happened to her. Assuming that you know better than she does whether or not they're right for each other is condescending as hell.

Good luck to you, whatever happens. I do think you need to realize that if this girl was interested in you, you'd know it by now. It's not like she's married to this guy. I mean, they had only just started dating right before she found out how you feel about her. It's not like there was some serious commitment between them. My advice would be to move on, but I know you guys are stubborn and are really good at telling yourself lies in order to justify the fact that you want to keep hanging on.

Best of luck to you.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

My advice would be to move on, but I know you guys are stubborn and are really good at telling yourself lies in order to justify the fact that you want to keep hanging on.

Best of luck to you.

Gee thanks

Normally I would move on. Historically, I'm pretty good at moving on at the snap of a finger for shit like this. Not her though. She's too damn special to me. I'm serious when I say I want to marry her someday. I've never felt this way about a girl in my life, and I won't let this be the end of it.

You make a good point in saying it's condecending to think I know what's better for her... In retrospect, I'm not saying I do, I'm just saying I know HE'S not good for her. I know her well enough to know that. Friends of ours who I've discussed this with all agree with me too.

And in all honesty, yeah, maybe I am being a bit stubborn over him. But for someone like her, who I know so damn well, it just PAINS me to see her dating this typical college prep with nothing going for him. She deserves a guy who actually has some special qualities to him that don't involve his image and the amount of alcohol intake he can muster. Seeing her with a college john doe is just sad. It's sad to see her so lonely out there that she resorts to someone like him for comfort.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Perhaps the stage of liking this guy will pass, who knows. Since you think this guy is attractive, then maybe his attractiveness allowed her to keep seeing him. Hell, if I was approached by an attractive guy right now, I wouldn't mind dating him around for a bit. Same could go for you if an attractive girl came up to you and asked for a few dates. Doesn't necessarily mean a committment.

And as a college student myself, it seems insulting you are generalizing him for where he goes to. Are you and her out of college?

It seems slightly obsessive the way you talk about her, and how you want to marry her someday when you haven't even been in a relationship with her. I would suggest opening up to other girls and letting your options loosen a lot. I don't know how she feels about you, but the way it looks realistically, you're not the first guy on her list at the moment. =\

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Dee

Perhaps the stage of liking this guy will pass, who knows. Since you think this guy is attractive, then maybe his attractiveness allowed her to keep seeing him. Hell, if I was approached by an attractive guy right now, I wouldn't mind dating him around for a bit. Same could go for you if an attractive girl came up to you and asked for a few dates. Doesn't necessarily mean a committment.

And as a college student myself, it seems insulting you are generalizing him for where he goes to. Are you and her out of college?

It seems slightly obsessive the way you talk about her, and how you want to marry her someday when you haven't even been in a relationship with her. I would suggest opening up to other girls and letting your options loosen a lot. I don't know how she feels about you, but the way it looks realistically, you're not the first guy on her list at the moment. =\

I don't generalize him for where he goes, I generalize him for what kind of guy he is. I go to a school overrun by preps/jocks/partiers. He is the spitting image of all those other kids, except he goes to a different school. He would fit right in here.

Yeah, it's an asshole thing to do, but what can I say. I don't like preppy kids. They annoy me. Guys who do nothing but get wasted, listen to retarded rap music, spend too much time working on their hair and clothes, and drive their Civics or Corrolas like assholes. They're all alike. She isn't like that. That's why I don't understand the attraction. It probably IS because he's a decent looking guy, but meh, I thought she was better than that.

I do sound pretty obsessive... But I've never felt this way before. I probably sound like a complete moron to most of you, but to all my friends up here, not on the internet, I sound pretty sane. They all think that we'd make an extremely solid couple. That is one of the things that keeps driving me. It's not just me that sees how great this would be, my friends do too. Their support helps me out a great deal when it comes to relationships.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

What relationships? It doesn't sound like you've had one of note, to be honest. This is the first girl you can't "up and walk away from" after all. It seems to me that all you're doing now is justifying your continued action concerning her. Using the guy she's with, what you think, what your friends say, and your feelings as excuses. But let's face it, you did the best you could--and it was a helluva lot--and she said no. That "dumb jock" made for a good out in her mind, I'm sure, but it was really just another way of saying no.

I know I probably sound harsh, but I'm really just trying to make you see the truth.

See what I did there?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well, she didn't say no. She didn't say much after I said my piece except what I said she said. To reiterate, she said that she was glad I told her, I had big balls for doing it, and that she was about to cry (dont know how true that last one is). Either way, I still never got a definitive yes or no answer on this whole thing.

Believe it or not, I have had a few relationships . Only one was serious, but I digress. I have liked many girls and been with a few of them. None of them have given me this much of a charge or anything like she has.

If she had said "sorry, I don't like you, and I don't think we have a future," believe me, I wouldn't be dwelling over her still. I know when to give up. Since I didn't get a "no" answer, I won't give up that easily. If there's still even an inkling of a chance, I'm gonna go for it. Girls like her don't come around often.

Also, as said before, she's not completely committed to this guy. They're just sorta cuddle buddies. Nothing is set in stone with them. Maybe she didn't want to make things complicated by telling me she feels the same way. Maybe she doesn't like me but didn't want to tell me. Maybe she doesn't want a long distance relationship but didn't want to tell me. There are all sorts of scenarios I'm running through my head right now.

I appreciate all you guys's feedback. It's definitely helping out.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Just so you know, it's VERY RARE that a girl will ever come right out and say, "Sorry, I don't like you and you don't stand a chance." We try to cushion the blow by saying things like, "I don't want a relationship right now" or "I'm flattered that you feel this way about me." 99.99999999% of the time when a girl says something like that, she just isn't interested in you romantically and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Also, just because you two would make a great couple doesn't mean you ignite anything in her. She can think you're the greatest guy ever and know intellectually that you two would be great for each other, but if that spark isn't there, it isn't there.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by sprouticus

Well, she didn't say no. She didn't say much after I said my piece except what I said she said. To reiterate, she said that she was glad I told her, I had big balls for doing it, and that she was about to cry (dont know how true that last one is). Either way, I still never got a definitive yes or no answer on this whole thing.

That to me sounds like a no. When it comes to turning guys down, especially decent guys, it's really the hardest thing in the world for me. There's no easy way to do it. Just prepare for the worst. Perhaps you took it the wrong way and she meant it as a nice turn down. Usually if I say things like that to a guy, no matter what I say, he'll feel bad about it.

If she likes you and you did all of that for her, most likely she wouldn't have said those exact words. I would literally be thrilled if the guy in my mind did that for me. Did you take note of her body language, like did she burst into this uncontrollable smile? Or did she have stars in her eyes?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Just so you know, it's VERY RARE that a girl will ever come right out and say, "Sorry, I don't like you and you don't stand a chance." We try to cushion the blow by saying things like, "I don't want a relationship right now" or "I'm flattered that you feel this way about me." 99.99999999% of the time when a girl says something like that, she just isn't interested in you romantically and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Also, just because you two would make a great couple doesn't mean you ignite anything in her. She can think you're the greatest guy ever and know intellectually that you two would be great for each other, but if that spark isn't there, it isn't there.

Hahah ever a chance though that she might ever take an interest? Despite this rejection <_< (yes...it is lame being a guy XP)

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Dee

That to me sounds like a no. When it comes to turning guys down, especially decent guys, it's really the hardest thing in the world for me. There's no easy way to do it. Just prepare for the worst. Perhaps you took it the wrong way and she meant it as a nice turn down. Usually if I say things like that to a guy, no matter what I say, he'll feel bad about it.

If she likes you and you did all of that for her, most likely she wouldn't have said those exact words. I would literally be thrilled if the guy in my mind did that for me. Did you take note of her body language, like did she burst into this uncontrollable smile? Or did she have stars in her eyes?

She most definitely smiled... It looked less like an "OMG :biggrin: " smile and more of a genuine happiness smile. I think any feelings she had got pushed aside when the prep came into play. I really sensed vibes of her liking me a month ago when I was originally going to do this. Again, my timing is atrocious.

I didn't feel bad about her reaction because I was so glad to get it off my chest. I would have felt bad if she flat-out didn't appreciate it. Like "wow, I wish you hadn't said that." That would have humiliated me and maded me felt like a damn fool haha.

Alice - Since the prep came into play, I knew my chances of her having feelings for me at this moment were definitely much less than they were. I'm going to try and ignite said feelings next time I see her.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

You think that might work? Winning someone's interest is quite challenging especially when it comes to women (who are eclectic beings...)

FELIPE NO

I feel confident that I can... She's into hollywood romance. I do ALOT of listening around her, and if she's serious when she says she likes that sort of stuff, I can deliver it with gusto. I'm trying to get her up to my school for the school's yearly film festival, and if she comes up, I'll have something great planned.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by sprouticus

For those of you who remember, originally, the grand plan of mine was to go down to NYC on Valentine's Day to tell a girl how I feel. She's no ordinary crush, though. I want to marry this girl someday.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND

Okay man, how old are you? You might get away with this shit if you're 14. Emphasis on "might". You're going to marry this girl when she doesn't even know you like her? Do you kill kittens and leave their organs on elementary school entrances?

Move on. GTFO. Women like this are the undoing of too many men, myself included. They aren't worth the effort, the time or the years of bitter resentment than will tent your entire life.

I've been here, I've done this - don't do it yourself.

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Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. =/

And anyway, you're wasting your time with sprouticus (no offense, sprout). You see, sprouticus is one of those guys who sees what he wants to see, who interprets every smile as proof that the girl likes him even if she doesn't realize it yet. He's the kind of guy who knows what's best for the woman in his life, and what's best is definitely him!

Best to move on LeHah. This one is going to have to learn the hard way.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Quote:

“Do you think this fling with shithead boy will be a temporary thing?”

Quote:

”kinda sorta but not really” dating him.

Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I mean you’ll never know where you stand with her if you don’t follow that sort of thing up. It’s either YES or NO (or leaning towards one way or the other), and for your own peace of mind it’d be wise to get clarification. If she was able to tell you to your face, then you’d know the answer to that first question.

Anyway, it sounds like you might have a fight on your hands. Sounds like you’re planning to get more involved, which is good because you could just as easily have decided to put it all in the too hard basket and walk away. Ignore the doubters and give it your very best effort -then you won’t be disappointed no matter what the outcome is.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Quote:

”kinda sorta but not really” dating him.

Originally Posted by Pez

Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

That's how SHE put it. Don't ask me what it means But anywho... I don't think that matters anymore. I think she's through with him. I don't know for certain, because I don't really feel like saying "so hey, how are things with whats-his-face", but I'm kinda sensing that they aren't together anymore, based on her away messages and the fact that they dont hang out at all (as opposed to every day).

Meh, can't say I didn't call that one. Anyway, perhaps some day soon I'll outright ask her, but for now, I'm going to wipe my hands on my pants and continue going about business as usual.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?