[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

The horde were ripping chunks out of the goblin with the silly hat and the sight of them all playing together so nicely brought a smile to my face. The big goblin was clearly a dead goblin walking so I turned my attention to the other beast.

I fired off a frost ray at her, then ducked back into the corridor for cover, in case she had any more of those nasty looking javlins about her person.

Ray of Frost on female goblin then move back into corridor out of harm's way

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The frost strikes the goblin squarely, but she doesn't seem overly concerned about it.

4 damage, goblin slowed

Brushing the ice from her garments, she turns away from the retreating wizard only to have a crossbow bolt fly narrowly past her head. Fescue curses at his unreliable tools.

Upcoming: Gabriel, Skullcleaver, Goblin Warrior, Motsognir, Argumentus, Bob, Fescue

M

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf glared at his barely functional new weapon, spat on his hands and then slowly shuffled up a single step and swung the axe one more time at the gentleman in the fine looking hat. Gabriel may not be a high falootin guy with a fancy hat, but damnit, he sort of wanted one. Maybe he would take this guy's.

Shuffle up to surround the poor bastard. BOLSTERING STRIKE TO HIT.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Gabriel steps up to the bedraggled and battered skullcleaver, and casually lops his head off.

12 damage, my precious axe maniac killed before he can do a goddamn thing ;_;

Seeing her leader so easily put down, the remaining spearfighter makes a dash for the exit. Fescue fires at her as she escapes but it's no use.

A WINNER IS YOU. 850 XP (170 XP each). Each PC should have 1105 XP; LEVEL 2

The sounds of battle have finally ended, though the occasional cry of pain echoes through the kobold warrens.

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The dwarf hefted his axe easily in his hand. "Knew it was a trick" he muttered under his breath and stopped the rolling head of the goblin by stepping on its cheek. Reaching down he plucked its very fine hat and checked to see if it would fit before scanning the room for anything else interesting.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Motsognir examined the dead Goblin's axe, on the offchance it might be magical or something. He was feeling a little inadequate after Gabriel's latest round of item-getting.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

With a moment to rest and examine his new weapon, Gabriel begins to understand its inherent qualities.

For whatever reason, he also places the elk skull the goblin was wearing on his head. Beyond the novelty of wearing a skull for a hat, nothing remarkable occurs.

Motsognir examines the Skullcleaver's axe and discovers nothing intriguing about the weapon, but the goblin's forearms are wrapped in black iron bracers etched with runes.

What's left of the kitchen is comprised mostly of splintered tables and goblin corpses. Nothing about it is particularly remarkable unless one is in a gustatory mood.

Sheathing his knife, Fescue heaves a sigh at all the bodies around him. "Lads, it's been fun, but you're all a little bloodthirsty for my taste. I think I'll be going my own way from now on. Whatever might be ahead can't be any more dangerous than keeping company with you lot."

Meandering into the north hall, he discovers an intriguing pink diamond left abandoned on the floor. "Don't touch—" shouts a nearby survivor, but it's too late; Fescue clutches the gem and vanishes in a brilliant flash.

The rogue wakes up in a strange and surreal chamber, bare of any detail save a lonely scroll in the corner and exits leading in three direction. There's no obvious source of light in the room, but the walls all glow an unnatural orange.

Despite his odd surroundings, Fescue feels happy; he can't keep the smile off his face. He reaches into his pack for a snack, and finds all his supplies have been replaced by a single juicy mango and an oddly bluish mace. Shrugging, he bites into the fruit and strides boldly forth into the darkness.

My, that was a yummy mango.



FELIPE NO

Before I had the chance to properly take stock of the situation, my necrotic underlings were already stripping the bodies of the dead. The rogue mumbled something then headed off round the corner. Strangely the sound of his footsteps suddenly ceased and I had a strange feeling we might not be seeing him again. It was no great loss though, he had seemed a thoroughly disreputable chap and was a real negative influence on the morale of the group.

I gave each of the dead goblins a kick to see if they had jangly purses about them anywhere. Obviously I was above such materialistic thoughts but the coins made for useful reagents from time to time.

Despite the rigours of combat, I felt strangely more powerful follwing the fight, as if my mind had somehow assimilated new knowledge out of thin air. There was definitely something odd going on in this dungeon and I was more determined than ever to get to the bottom of it.

Seeing nothing of further interest in the room, I waited for the horde to get their collective breath back (An odd turn of phrase when remarking on the actions of the undead, granted). They all seemed to be experiencing similar feelings of new-found power to myself and I felt that we needed a few moments to adjust.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Bits of Skullcleaver clinging to his warhammer, Argumentus tries on the bracers and feels suddenly more better. He begins clanging the bracers, making his own simple jungle rythm. "You mind I take, short man?"

Rest up, use surges to heal
Investigate the rest of the kitchen

How ya doing, buddy?

Soggy looked both ways, real careful like. "Now's your chance, Soggy. You can get the edge!" He awkwardly struggled the armbands off the goblin corpse, pausing on occasion to seem in control, only to have the big retard grab them from him.

"YES I MIND YOU TAKE, SLOPEFACE. YES I MIND!"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Argumentus looks confused for a moment.












"HA! THAT GOOD SHORT MAN!" Argumentus said as he pats Soggy's shoulder. "I not have much mind!"

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Motsognir considered trying to pry his discovery from the human's arms, but eventually settled on slowly and repeatedly hitting his head against the west wall.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Poking around the ruins of the kitchen, Argumentus finds several delicious edibles, giving him the fuel he needs to become uncomfortably energetic.

31 HP/12 surges

After a humiliating attempt to retrieve the bracers for himself, Motsognir resorts to searching for secret doors with his skull. As a consequence, the poorly-constructed wall of mud and clay collapses under the pressure of his cerebral attack. Beyond the shattered section of wall lies a heap of humanoid bones, none of them seeming especially old. A shoddy wooden signpost juts out of the boneheap, reading "Dead Adventurer Storage".

I was speaking idiomatically.

The more intelligent of the dwarves had discovered a secret chamber. Using one's head for mining seemed an odd concept but perhaps that's why dwarves are so short? Generations of cranial excavation had flattened the entire race.

The goblins having provided nothing of discernable value, I checked the newly discovered bodies for anything that might be of use to us. I also helped myself to a quick snack from the kitchen. All the fighting had made me hungry.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The dwarf wandered up to his kinsman, hefting his axe up onto his shoulder and sighing slightly as he looked at the sign.

"You know, I had a whole diatribe about how you didn't see a dead adventurer storage sign outfront of this room, but that sign has sort of bollocksed it up." He grumbled under his breath and sort of meandered off, looking for something to munch on in order to bring his strength back up. "Still, storing dead adventurers ain't my fucking business."

The dwarf wandered towards the north hall, picking up his throwing hammer, taking a sip from his water skin, and carefully stepping around the place the little thief had disappeared. Safety first. Clearly Kord judged the man and found him unworthy. Of course this would never happen to him, but still. No point in taking unnecessary chances, now is there? He glanced his head slowly around the corner to see just what was down that hallway.

FELIPE NO

Bob rifles through the brittle bones, but the dead adventurers have been stripped of all their possessions. One skull, however, retains several gold teeth. Cha-ching!

Gabriel creeps hesitantly out in the hall. The gem that spirited Fescue away is gone, but a fine pink haze still hangs in the air, stinking of strawberries. The corridor continues some 45' to the east, and several kobolds of various sizes block the way to the room full of cots and hammocks visible at the end. The wizened individual in the robe is closest, and as Gabe enters the corridor he becomes visibly startled and darts into a doorway on the north side of the hall. An animated conversation soon emanates from the room he enters, all in the incomprehensible yapping the kobolds consider a language.

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Argumentus not wanting to feel left out enters the hallway after Gabriel. He approaches the kobolds, raising hand in greeting.

"HELLO DOGGIES!"

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The robed kobold pokes his head out the door. Seeing the dimwitted human taking point, he smiles.

"You!" He points at Argumentus. "You do... good fight. You are strongest and best. Now get best good prize. Get candy! You follow me, get plenty candy."

He ducks back into the northside door.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf glanced between the kobolds and the large human. Candy? That really doesn't bode especially well given their current situation. There's not a lot of candy in a dungeon.

The dwarf and his new skull-hat, which he had named Murray, went bouncing down the hall after his friend. The teeth of the skull clattering as he skittered around the corner after Argumentus.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My heightened elvish senses alerted me to impending danger. I looked around and saw that the ugly dwarf and the human had disappeared off round the corner.

I gave up trying to wrench the gold teeth out of the corpse in front of me and hurried to join them. Then, as an afterthought I went back in to the kitchen and used a knife to hack one of the hands off a dead goblin, just in case the situation arose later when it would be hilarious to offer to "Lend someone a hand". I also retrieved my wand from where I'd dropped it and tucked it into my belt.

I hurried up to where the dwarf and human were and took up a tactical covering position, safely behind them both.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Argumentus's mouth salivated with the prospect of sugary goodness. The smell of strawberries was also particularly enticing. Argumentus had been denied such sweets by the sisters of the convent, as had all the other super special children. His desire for candy was an adventuring motive just barely below food and secondary to the opportunity to hurt stuff.

A line of drool streaming down his chin, Argumentus follows the robed kobold.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Argumentus follows the elder kobold into the northern chamber. The entire area is a slaughterhouse; the bodies of goblins and kobolds alike lay scattered about the room. A tallish kobold clad in leather regards Argumentus skeptically.

"You there. Listen well. To the east, beyond our shattered gate, lie ancient stairs. Fearsome monsters dwell below, guarding a fine and wondrous chalice of jade. With this, the powerful Chalice of Maguffin, we may repel our enemies and, at last, find a way of escape from this miserable labyrinth."

He hesitates, and confers for a moment with the elderly individual before addressing Argumentus again.

"Also, the chalice is full of delicious candy. But you must hurry, should you wish the candy for yourself. You are not the first I have sent to a delicious fate, and others will surely wish to keep the scrumptious flavors to themselves."

He then gestures wildly to a doorway on the east wall, while his advisor pantomimes vigorous eating motions.

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The dwarf glanced between the Kobold and the door with pure skepticism. Though it was hard to see from behind his new hat. He was not, however, going to deter Argumentus. As he was, of course, quickly lusting for more combat. Kord desired further sacrifice, after all.

"Right. Glory, blood and monsters for all."

How ya doing, buddy?

Somewhere in Argumentus's tiny brain, a synapse fires.

"Spose I eat the candy 'n never giveyu it. What you give me?"

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I realised that someone needed to take charge of the situation. "Right then. It seems clear to me that you furry fellows need this cup thing but are incapable of recovering it yourselves. Now I don't know why you need it so badly but I'm blowed if we're going to go and get it for you out of the goodness of our hearts. Seems to me you chaps want to be offering us some kind of reward and probably a few choice trinkets before we set off. So what are you offering then? And bear in mind that should you mess us about, my slighty dead colleagues here won't hesitate to tear you all into very small pieces".

Jam it back in, in the dark.