[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Unnerving green light pours from the various tiny cracks in the crab's carapace, but at first it does not seem to notice. A moment later, a whistle accompanies the escape of pale green steam from within the crustacean as it is cooked in its own shell. This is so inhumane.

4 damage, crab weakened

WEAKENED

✦ Your attacks deal half damage. Ongoing damage you

deal is not affected.

Bob instantly whips around, striking the undead horror with a blast of devastating cold. Icicles begin to form on the creature's body, and its vicious maw creaks wide open one last time before it topples to the floor in a little snowdrift.

9 damage, ghoul killed

New round: Crab 26, Beard Guard 25, Gabriel 23, Crossbow Guard 22, Bob 21, Fescue 19, Argumentus 19, Mage 18, Motsognir 10

Steaming merrily away, the Giant Enemy Crab scuttles forward in a panic and plows directly into Bob, sending the wizard stumbling backward.

BULL RUSH: STANDARD ACTION

✦ Target: You can bull rush a target adjacent to you

that is smaller than you, the same size category as

you, or one category larger than you.

✦ Strength Attack: Make a Strength attack vs. For-

titude defense. Do not add any modifiers for the

weapon you use.

Hit: Push the target 1 square, and shift into the

vacated space.

✦ Impossible Push: If there’s no square you can push

the target into, your bull rush has no effect.

The bearded guard reaches out with his halberd and stabs at Gabriel while keeping his distance. He sneers, taunting the paladin.

"You don't frighten me, Dwarven pig-dog! Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person!"

8 damage, Gabriel 17/5 & is marked.

MARKED

✦ You take a –2 penalty to attack rolls for any attack

that doesn’t target the creature that marked you.

MAP:

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf scowled darkly beneath his heavy brows, his taciturn nature taking hold as he gripped his holy symbol in the shield hand. He muttered scripture quietly under his breath: "And Saint Attila raised the weapon up on high, saying, "O Kord, bless this thy warhammer, that with it thou mayst smash thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And Kord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu.." He glanced up and gripped his warhammer tightly.

"Sod it. I move..." he narrowed his eyes and set his feet, "for no man."

And with that the little dwarf launched himself towards his foe and lashed out with his weapon.

Lay hands self.
Move diagonal up-right one square
BOLSTERING STRIKE

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second — OH HELLS, MY ARM. YOU SON OF A WHORE."

8 damage. Gabriel 24(2)/4

"Oh, you absolute bastard. I think it's broken! Oh, gods. How am I going to pay for this?"

Having already been nearly hacked to death thanks to Bob's magics, the crossbow-wielding guard wastes no time in firing upon the elf from his hiding place.

9 damage, Bob 10/5

MAP:

Bob at bat.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My moment of triumph was cut short as a crossbow bolt sunk deep into my shoulder. I staggered back from the impact of the blow, a fountain of crimson blood spurting across the room. I wrenched out the bolt with a bellow of pain, the adrenalin coursing through me invigorating me and dragging me back from the brink of death.

I turned to face my assailant and sent a bolt of pure cold streaking back towards him.

One of those second wind helaing thingys then Ray of Frost at the corssbow wielding coward in the the corner (The guard, not Fescue)

I was speaking idiomatically.

"DON'T FREEZE ME, BRO!

I SAID DON'T FREEZE ME!"

9 damage, guard is slowed. Fescue at bat.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"Need......Advil.....Wait, I'm not making any sense."

The headache split my head in two.

Second wind.

FELIPE NO

Um.

Fescue 10/3

Argumentus at bat, you know, any day now.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Argumentus bounds down the hallway, not about to let the crab get away. Adrenaline pulses through his veigns as he attempts to strike the crab yet again.

Argumentus experiences a healing surge
Argumentus moves south of the crab, flanking it
Argumentus spends an action point and attempts Reaping Strike on crab

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Argumentus takes a moment to gird himself for more combat, then sprints at his full speed toward the crab. His momentum carries his hammer's swing deeply into the crab's flesh, and the crustacean's bluish blood sprays out amidst a torrent of flakes.

Arguments 22/12. 12 damage, crab is bloodied

Utterly dissatisfied with the performance of Magic Missile, the thoroughly-irritated mage steps forward and simply smacks Gabriel upside the head with his staff.

3 damage. Gabriel 23/4

Motsognir at bat. Still unable to move his legs. =/

MAP

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Soggy was fairly annoyed. Not only were his legs still not working thanks to whatever was in ghoul drool, but his convenient human chopping block had scampered out of reach. On the bright side, the ghoul was now a corpsicle, so he could look forward to no longer being chewed on by an undead cannibal.

Feeling a little better, He shouted to no one other than himself "Come on Soggy! You can do it!", but upon realizing how pathetic that sounded he decided he should just hit whatever's in reach, and decided to take out his frustration on the beardy guard. That pathetic facial hair was an affront to dwarves everywhere. He was sure Gabriel would agree.

Inspiring word on self
Viper's strike on bearded guard with possible bonus to Gabriel

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Damn you all! This beard is a family tradition! Now it's ruined. I'll have to march home bare-faced and ashamed. Still, maybe I can buy some kind of face-wig. With the money I'll be making, you know, for killing you."

4 damage, Motsognir 18/4

New round: Fescue 22, Argumentus 22, Gabriel 21, Motsognir 21, Crab 20, Bob 7, Beardy 7, Sleepy 7, Mage 6

Fescue at bat. (No longer dazed)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Taking a similar stance to the guard in the opposite corner, I settled down, drew my crossbow, put away my sword, loaded a bolt, and fired at the wizard who seemed to need a taste of his own medicine.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Not to let a good thing pass him by, Argumentus continues wailing on the crab with his warhammer. It'll be crab cakes tonight.

Reaping strike on crab

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Basic Attack (Crossbow): 17 + 4 (hit)

The crossbow bolt slices right through the wizard's arm in precisely the same way that a loaf of bread wouldn't.

7 damage to mage

Reaping Strike (Warhammer): 2 + 9 (miss)

Argumentus' little sprint leaves him winded, and a clumsy swing only connects with the crab's flailing claws.

2 damage to crab

Gabriel at bat

FELIPE NO

The dwarf glowered at the mage as he thumped him lightly with the stick. He rubbed it with the back of the hand, and for a moment the two looked awkwardly at each other. Like two people who had just met and shagged in the bathroom of a Burger King. The silence that followed was heavy with the discomfort of two people that have just witnessed something truly unfortunate.

"Dick move."

Then the bolt broke shattered the moment, and as the not-a-loaf tore threw the mage's arm, the dwarf shuffled to the side and swung his hammer violently at the same appendage.

Shuffle Step to right
Bolstering Strike

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Bolstering Strike (Warhammer): Natural 20 (critical hit)

The wizard's arm shatters in multiple places, and the staff slips from his useless hand.

13 damage to mage, Gabriel's HP 23(2)/4

Motsognir at bat (still immobile, what the fuck)

MAP:

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The dwarf grinned. "Now -that's- how you swing pipe, son."

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Motsognir attempted to use the sheer thinking power of his intellect to command his feet to follow orders, but they remained disobedient and still. He looked down at the frozen corpse of the ghoul with an ever-growing urge to kick it out of spite, but then realized with anger that he couldn't accomplish that either. He settled for spitting on its icy remains, then for lack of anything better to do, turned and took another swing at beardo.

basic attack on bearded guard

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Basic Attack (Battle Axe): 7 + 3 (miss)

The guard takes a single step back, and Soggy frustratedly hacks away at the air.

The panicked crab rushes past the obstacle that is Bob, and runs headlong into yet another hindrance. Snapping at Gabriel, the animal's claw attack significantly overestimates the paladin's height.

Bob at bat.

MAP

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Leaping high into the air, I swung my staff around my head before whipping it downwards, sending another bolt of ice towards the cowering guard in the corner.

Jump in the air, Ray of Frost at matey with the crossbow.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Ray of Frost (Staff of Expansion) 19 + 6 (hit): 6 damage, guard killed.

The heavily-battered thug is coated with ice, and his crossbow slips from his hand as he slumps to the floor. Melted by the heat of the brazier, water begins to puddle around his body.

Realizing he has no sensible reason to stand around and be battered by an immobile midget, the remaining guard steps back and jabs at Motsognir with the advantage of his halberd's long reach.

"Eh, look at me! I'm cuttin' up a defenseless man! I'm so bloody brave!"

5 damage, Motsognir 13/4 and marked.

Embarrassed in his attempt at bludgeoning, the mage steps away from Gabriel and fires off another Magic Missile. It strikes Bob square in the chest, knocking the wind out of the elf.

8 damage, Bob 2/5 and bloodied

New round: Motsognir 20, Gabriel 18, Guard 17, Bob 14, Crab 12, Mage 12, Fescue 7, Argumentus 7

Motsognir at bat. Free at last!

MAP

Most amazing jew boots

"It's a legitimate strategy!"

As he shouted he realized one of his feet moved. After a moment of dumbfounded staring at his boots, he yelled "I'm FREEEE!" He had a sudden urge to run around the room like a madman, but realized that he'd probably get a halberd in the back if he did so.

Noticing that the mage was on a roll, he yelled "Keep those icy blasts coming lad, I like my enemies on ice!" before moving up to deal with the remaining foes.

Inspiring word on Bob
Move two right
Viper's strike on beardo with possible bonus to Gabriel

FELIPE NO

Bob 10/4, Motsognir 16/4 (miscalculated the earlier Words)

Viper's Strike (Battle Axe): 10 + 3 (miss)

Motsognir pursues the retreating guard, but his axe founders against the challenge that is a moving target.

Gabriel at bat.

Map

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The Paladin blinked as the crab snapped above his head, turning around he wore a slightly shocked expression, as up until now he hadn't noticed the giant creature.

"Zoot alors, I have missed one!"

He hefted his hammer to his shoulder and shuffled sideways to put his back against the wall. "Sacre bleu, what is this? How on earth could I miss such a sweet little succulent crab. Quel Domage! What a loss! Here we go, in the sauce. Now some flour I think just a dab. Now I stuff you with bread, it won't hurt, 'cause you're dead! And you're certainly lucky you are. 'Cause it's gonna be hot in my big silver pot! Tout-aloo, mon poisson, Au revoir!"

It was, of course, his father's famous crab gumbo song. And it just sort of came out. As did his hammer. Violently. For the crab's carapace.

Shuffle diagonal right to be between wall and crab.
Sing a little song.
Bolstering Strike

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Bolstering Strike (War Hammer): 10 + 5 (miss)

Despite the elaborate promises of Become Thou A Most Excellent Bard In Thirty Days Or Thy Wealth Returned To Thee, Gabriel's jaunty song does nothing to improve his combat effectiveness. The crab, however, does indulge in a brief soft-shoe up until the moment Gabriel attempts to crush its superstructure.

"Ye gods, why do you hound me so?" shouts the guard. "I am sorry to say that I am just not that into you!" He jabs his halberd viciously into Motsognir's throat.

12 damage, Motsognir 4/4 and bloodied

Bob at bat.

M:

There's nowhere I can't reach.