[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Both missiles sink into the leathery bastard's chainmail, but he barely seems to notice. His attention is focused entirely on the headlong charge of Argumentus, who sprints halfway down the hall before losing his footing on a loose stone. Momentum carries him forward, and he ends in a sprawl before the table — discovering, in the process, the source of the earlier applause.

4 and 6 damage, respectively. Argumentus is prone.



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Motsognir, ever the heavy sleeper, was still rising from the night's rest. Deciding not to get himself killed before he knew what was happening, the Dwarf stepped to his companions, pretending he was there the entire time.

Two Squares North

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dwarf sighed as the monstrous slow man ran off with his shield. Drawing his throwing hammer he stepped into the hallway and took three steps into its length before hurling the hammer at the dwarf with the crossbow, crying out to Argumentus as he did so: "Oi, lad! How many of them are there?"

He felt naked without his hefty shield, and the coming battle was certainly going to be a challenge. Kord would look on him with great favour, he was sure. Let them come. He would bottleneck them in this alleyway and send them all to the depths of hell. Should there be 3 or 30.

How ya doing, buddy?

"Lots! I dunno if dey all mad doe"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"Well... try not to die, mate! We'll join you shortly!" It was the best advice he had at the moment, really.

How ya doing, buddy?

The hammer smashes into the old man's forehead, blood trickling down his face. Oh, the shame.

6 damage, bloodied

As Argumentus looks about the chamber, he sees a multitude of strange faces looking down on him, many of them bemused. A middle-aged human man leans against the side of an open cage, chuckling. A cowled and weatherbeaten halfling girl grips two chains with difficulty, a gray wolf and a flightless drake straining forward hungrily at each end. An emaciated elf, laughing uncontrollably, shakily draws a wicked longsword from his belt.

"You're the funniest thing I've seen in a dog's age, big man" says the human. "But I suppose even the good times can't last forever. Nyra, show these fellows why it's rude to go around bothering strangers."

He gestures, and the halfling releases her grip on the chains.


Argumentus, Gabriel, Halfling, Human, Dwarf, Wolf, Bob, Elf, Fescue, Motsognir, Drake




How ya doing, buddy?

The stars twinkle and the planets align as Argumentus has a rare flash of brilliance. Moved out at the head of the party he is effectively cut off entirely from support in the immediate term. Backpedaling will not work since there's no reason for a group already so xenophobic to give chase. After weighing these options, Argumentus considers that a full blown assault is the best recourse and focuses on what he perceives to be the most immediate and significant long-term threat. All of these calculations occur internally, and Argumentus continues to drool profusely while making loud grunting noises.

Argumentus moves south, standing up from prone and performs surestrike on Nyra

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The dwarf sighed as he saw his new-friend spin off to the right of the doorway. "Bollocks," he muttered, and with a snarl he charged down the hallway towards the other dwarf, lowering his head and barreling into the table, attempting to hurl it with his stocky hands towards the dwarf, stuck as he was between the table and the whateverthefuckthing behind him. As soon as the table was flung, he'd draw his warhammer, holding it in both hands.

Charge forward
Fling table like WHOA
Pick up shield for GREAT JUSTICE and protection of my pretty face

There's nowhere I can't reach.

A once-majestic throne dominates this room, through the jewels are missing and the cushions have long rotted away. The room is dotted with small worktables and bedrolls of various sizes. A rusty cage lies open on the east wall, next to a door of solid stone. A huge cabinet sits on the south wall, its doors sealed with a flimsy padlock designed less for security than for empty peace-of-mind.

Also, it's full of hostiles

Rising from the floor, Argumentus drops the paladin's shield and lands an uppercut on the halfling as he stands. The pitter-patter of little teeth on the floor is soothing.

Critical Hit! 8 damage

Charging down the hall, Gabriel shoves the small table toward the enemy dwarf with all his might. Pressed between two burly dwarves, the ancient and decaying furniture simply collapses, leaving Hieronymus with just one more thing he's failed to protect. Shrugging, Gabriel spits on the offending ex-table and recovers his abandoned shield from the floor.

Nyra stares with dismay at the sight of her newly-freed pearly whites. "You'z no fum anymoah" she mumbles, driving a dagger into Argumentus' left shoulder and backing toward her lupine companion.

4 damage

Recovering from his initial mirth, the smirking human pulls a knife from his belt and flings it toward Gabriel. The paladin's neck begins to bleed as the dagger lodges itself in the masonry.

5 damage

Grunting with disgust, Hieronymus drops the crossbow to the floor. "I knew this piece of frippery weren't worth the time", he says, pulling a warhammer from atop the throne behind him and swinging at the menacing Gabriel. He misses, and backpedals away to the sound of additional jeers from the giggling elf.

Nyra's wolf lunges toward the fighter, but barely wounds him despite his preoccupation with trying to remove the foreign object from his shoulder.

3 damage.


Gabriel: 27 HP, Argumentus: 26 HP



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Battle was joined and the horde had launched into what was becoming a familiar battle plan. The large human had charged into combat and I could hear the sound of fists connecting with flesh from the direction he had gone, along with some bestial snarling and some unpleasant ripping noises. The ugly dwarf had quickly followed and was engaged in his favourite sport of not hitting things. The other two were, true to form loitering at the back of the group, the dwarf no doubt concocting a master plan, the human looking for something to steal.

Knowing my own limitations in the field of hand to hand combat as much as I knew my race's natural predeliction for bowmanship, I took aim at the enemy dwarf and sent him another arrow to add to his growing collection.

Fire bow at dwarf, innit

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Unable to draw a bead on the enemy from where he's standing, Scary Bob moves down the hallway far enough to fire into the room without entering the melee. The old dwarf receives yet another arrow in the chest, and begins weeping openly.

7 damage

Finally suppressing his giggles, the enemy elf stalks past Hieronymus to slash at Gabriel — only to cut nothing but a few millimeters of beard. Somehow his own failings aren't as funny.



I was speaking idiomatically.

The paladin laughed as the enemy dwarf began to weep, and then abruptly stopped when the elf swiped over his shield and clipped his beard. His eyes went wide, his jaw set and he slowly looked up to glare at the elf--but only after he'd watched the hair flutter to the floor between his feet.

"I was particularly fond of that tuft of beard. It'll be your ears for that, it will."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Rearing up behind the rest as quickly as I could as soon as I realized there was more trouble than expected, I heard Gabriel hollering about his beard. I remarked, "I woulda thought that you had planned on a shave and a haircut, mate, after trying to kiss that flame beetle."

I noticed the brash dwarf had not nearly enough arrows in his chest, so I added another.

Sprint down hallway.
Sky Flourish at mouthy mother fucker.

How ya doing, buddy?

Motsognir sprinted after Fescue as fast as he could, his axe drawn and ready for when his little legs would eventually reach the fight.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Fescue's shot goes wild, bouncing harmlessly off the ancient throne. it's hard to aim when you're running.

The drake trundles over to Argumentus, and before the big man can even react the reptile's jaws rip a massive chunk out of his calf.

14 damage

New round, initiative: Halfling, Wolf, Dwarf, Elf, Bob, Fescue, Drake, Human, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus

Kyra flips an off-target dagger in Argumentus' direction, and circles behind a table. She's not looking to lose any more teeth.

Hieronymus, obviously on his last legs, considers for a moment the opportunity to die with dignity.Then he flees for the far corner at top speed.

The wolf tries again to take a bite out of Argumentus, but once again gets a mouthful of empty air.

The elven barber-by-circumstance takes another swing at Gabriel with his longsword, slicing a thick strip from the paladin's arm.

12 damage

Argumentus HP: 12, Gabriel HP: 15; both are bloodied



Most amazing jew boots

Realising the importance of a solid defence in a combat such as this, I went back to retrieve my staff, the innate defensive powers of which had saved me on more than one occasion in the past.

Head back down the corridor, pick up and equip my staff and then move down to stand behind everyone else

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Store crossbow, equip short sword.
Move two down, 1 right to flank drake.
Torturous Strike on drake.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Circling behind the drake, Fescue waits for a moment of opportunity and drives his blade deeply into the lizard's back. Bones snap, blood begins to fountain out, and the drake begins to cough up fluids both colorful and repugnant.

27 damage, drake is bloodied

The drake turns on Fescue in a fury, and the reptilian jaw rips off much of his sword arm.

12 damage

Seeing his pet abused, the human draws a mace and makes his way into the melee. He aims a vicious smash at Fescue's head, but the Rogue manages to step out of the way.

Fescue's HP: 14



Using little gems to mark status until I find something better

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dwarf grit his teeth as the blade bit the soft leather between the scalemail. Blood poured openly down his forearm as he gripped his shield tighter to keep it from slipping. He took a deep, shuddering breath and steadied himself; gripping the small sword sigil in his hand hard enough to leave dimples in the leather palm of his glove. He'd expected this. He'd rushed headlong into battle with Kord's divine will. He knew his god would not abandon him to this trauma. Not in this place. Not before he had a chance to devastate his opponents. To rend their flesh from their bodies and crush their bones to dust.

His eyes glassed over for a moment as he heard the clash of battle raging in his ears, and then with a roar he swung his hammer in a wide, sideways swath, sending it over the head of the drake and slamming it towards the elf's ribcage with the power of a freight train (were they invented yet). His hands guided by the will of Kord, he struck a blow meant to snap bones like twigs.

The smell of his blood mingling with that of friend and foe put a broad grin on his face. Without looking back towards the man, the Paladin laughed and roared at Argumentus: "YOU SMELL THAT? DO YOU SMELL THAT? BATTLE, SON. NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD SMELLS LIKE THAT. BY KORD'S BEARD, I LOVE THE SMELL OF BATTLE IN THE MORNING!"

Second Wind
Divine Strength
Paladin's Judgment on elf with healing surge for The Big Slow

How ya doing, buddy?

Marshaling all his strength, the paladin swings a decapitating blow at the offending elf. He misses entirely, but Argumentus (simple as he is) still finds it pretty impressive.

Gabriel's HP: 22 (10 surges), Argumentus' HP 20 (14 surges)

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Move 1 Square East
Viper's Strike on Drake

FELIPE NO

7 damage

I am extremely terse

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

That Drake was tough. Super-duper tough. Spotting a particularly sturdy piece of the now long-gone table, Argumentus picks it up in one sweeping motion, stomping in the direction of the drake and issuing forth an unsettling hiss. He winds up...

Argumentus picks up/equips table leg

Argumentus marks drake

Argumentus performs brute strike on drake

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The drake, having already lost the use of one of its kidneys and suffering massive blood loss, suffers the indignity of being brained to death with a chunk of decaying timber.

14 damage, drake mercilessly slain in its prime (you bastard)

New round initiative: Human, Wolf, Gabriel, Fescue, Halfling, Motsognir, Elf, Argumentus, Dwarf, Bob

The smirking human takes another swing at Fescue. This time his mace is on target, smacking the rogue upside the head and leaving him dazed and bleeding.

11 damage; Fescue bloodied

The wolf lunges at the weakened thief, knocking him to the floor. Fescue lapses into unconsciousness.

7 damage, Fescue unconscious

Fescue's HP: -4



There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf muttered under his breath as the rogue dropped. He considered for a moment leaving him there to suffer an unimpressive death, after all, he had abandoned them several times. However, he had just dealt massive damage to their enemies and damnit, one doesn't simply abandon their comrade in the heat of battle. With a mighty roar he surged forward and reached down, calling out to Kord to channel his divine strength into this tiny, foolish rogue's body and bring him back towards the living. He felt the surge of heat run down his arms, and the second he felt Fescue take a breath he gripped his shield and readied himself for the no doubt vicious onslaught that was to come.

Shift forward
Lay Hands on Fescue
Total Defense

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.