Significant others that snoop (dogg)

What are your feelings about about significant others that snoop through your private belongings or journals? I get the feeling that most people would disapprove and say that it's wrong to do, but how many people are guilty of this themselves?

My boyfriend and I have both done it to eachother (we read eachother's private journals once), although I'm getting the feeling that he's continually doing things like checking my emails, private messages, facebook, etc. when I'm not around. Yes, it upsets me because he says he has issues with trusting me at times, but he never finds anything because there's nothing to find. Is he looking for something just to try to prove himself right?
Maybe it's because he's Mexican

Do you have spouses/partners that snoop, or have you had ones in the past?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by samari

My boyfriend and I have both done it to eachother (we read eachother's private journals once)

Just coming in to say that what you really need to do in accordance with this thread title is hide until you catch him doing it one day, then spring out and announce he needs to drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot.

ahahaha rap

There's nowhere I can't reach.

No snooping here.

Both of us know things about accounts down to bank account pins, but neither of us really do anything about it. He never logs on to my GFF account (or any other account), and I never touch his.

He reads my journal, I read his, but that's only because it's right here and we're both active members.

When we browse the internet, we're in the same room, but we never really look to see what each other is doing unless we're asked to. We stay out of each other's business as far as tinkering with electronics, reading emails or IMs, anything of that nature.

I won't even open his mail without permission. It's addressed to him - that means it's his business.

We trust each other. Not to imply that other couples who don't do what we do DONT trust each other, but we consult each other if we want to, but we never really stick our noses into each other's business. There's no need to. If there's a problem, we'll talk about it, from bills to phone calls to internet drama.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I wouldn't trust my bank info to anyone unless our finances were legally tied, although I do know my boyfriend's ATM pin (he doesn't know mine).

One time I got a major-league bug up my ass about his private journal entries, and pestered him to let me read them. He had previously made a big deal about how he never so much as grouses to me to even his closest friends, which I found out wasn't true - it was immature high school shit, you know how that goes. I also found out that he basically acted around his friends the way sixteen year olds do, which kind of skeezed me out. I sort of knew it was happening though, from other things I've found that wouldn't be considered private.

My reason for getting that bug in my butt was because I felt like he wasn't being open with me about a lot of things, and it turned out that he wasn't, and there were some valid reasons for it, and it was otherwise part of his personality. If I got to that point again in a relationship, I think I would rather break it off, to be honest, than monitor emails.

The only thing I use email for is work-related and ocassionally buying overpriced shit on the internet. I wouldn't give anyone my password but I'd let them read it. I do all my conversing over instant messages, chat and shit like that - I wouldn't care if anyone read the public shit and I don't save logs for the private shit.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

No snooping here.

Both of us know things about accounts down to bank account pins, but neither of us really do anything about it. He never logs on to my GFF account (or any other account), and I never touch his.

He reads my journal, I read his, but that's only because it's right here and we're both active members.

When we browse the internet, we're in the same room, but we never really look to see what each other is doing unless we're asked to. We stay out of each other's business as far as tinkering with electronics, reading emails or IMs, anything of that nature.

I won't even open his mail without permission. It's addressed to him - that means it's his business.

We trust each other. Not to imply that other couples who don't do what we do DONT trust each other, but we consult each other if we want to, but we never really stick our noses into each other's business. There's no need to. If there's a problem, we'll talk about it, from bills to phone calls to internet drama.

I'll agree with sass on this one as well. I'm getting married in less than six months me and her have access to just about everything. We know each others bank pins, we all know the passwords to our email or any other forum sites we frequently visit.

We just have that level of trust that we don't have to keep anything from each other, the only thing we are protective over is email or actual mail. I could read her email and all of her private messages if I really wanted to, but then I would be losing her trust.

We never open each other's mail unless we have each other's permission to do so. If anything does come up we always talk about it and try to come up with a positive solution.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I think it's interesting to observe how a boyfriend or girlfriend would act when they're not having to put on a performance for me. When they are unaware that you are going to ask, or unaware that you're even prying, the behavior is that much more unadulterated by any kind of bias they have towards you.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

If they have a valid reason to do so, that's fair enough as far as I'm concerned. Avalokiteshvara does raise a good point. I'd be interested to see how my boyfriend acts when he's not around me, but I can't see myself doing anything to find out.

My boyfriend isn't a member here, but he once made an account just so he could find out who I was and read my journal on here =/ He can be quite suspicious of me, but I don't think that's any fault of his and if reading it assured him I was being faithful then I see no harm in it (although I would never cheat on him, the thought occurs that I probably wouldn't write about it on the internet if I did...). He does know a few of my passwords, and I trust him enough to let him know my pin number, look through my phone, he could even read my actual journal if he asked. The feeling isn't mutual it would seem. Sometimes it irks me that I seem to be the only one who is quite so open, but mostly I know it's his choice and I can respect that.

FELIPE NO

There are some things I honestly don't want to know about my girlfriend. I'm sure that as much as she loves me she still gets a little angry with me from time to time, and if she were sending PMs about that to her friends, I'd rather not read exactly what she wrote.

We're members of the same forum, so we see a lot of each other's internet happenings, anyway. That's how we met. It wasn't on GFF though.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Soluzar

There are some things I honestly don't want to know about my girlfriend. I'm sure that as much as she loves me she still gets a little angry with me from time to time, and if she were sending PMs about that to her friends, I'd rather not read exactly what she wrote.

So you'd rather her bitch to her friends on the internet than to come to you and talk to you about what problems she's having with you?

How very strange that you'd prefer to deflect communication.

((Unless you're talking about the typical girl gossip shit that happens. ie: "The other day, Bobbie thought it would be cute to give the hamster a bath" or some shit))

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Man, even if I wanted to spy on my current girlfriend I couldn't. I think she speaks Russian or some shit and I can't understand anything she says/writes anyways. I couldn't even be bothered to remember her real name for the longest.

When a significant other starts spying, it usually means the end of a relationship is coming. Or things are going to start getting REALLY rocky.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

So you'd rather her bitch to her friends on the internet than to come to you and talk to you about what problems she's having with you?

That's not what I meant, and I admit that the way I chose to put that was completely wrong. What I mean is that I know there were times in the past when we had issues. I believe those issues to have eventually been resolved. Like you said, we talked about it, and eventually some things changed on both sides.

I'm not interested in snooping on her anyway. She tells me everything that's important, as far as I know, but if I were to read her private communications, I'd be able to see anything that she said to her friends at those times, and frankly I find that a frightening prospect. Although we eventually resolved our differences, I think I would still find any such communications a disturbing read.

Does that make any more sense? I'm not saying that I think she has any cause to vent right now, or that I'd rather her vent her frustrations to her friends than talk things over with me. I'm just saying that in general, the snooping partner takes the risk of reading things that they might find uncomfortable about the past, or worse... the present.

I'm sure I don't have any reason to worry right now, but still the prospect of learning something unpleasant about the past would upset me. We've resolved our differences right now. If there was something additional that she didn't tell me at the time, but that she said to her friends, does it really do me any good to know? I assume it would be something minor, since we appear to have resolved the major issues, but it could still be something quite hurtful to read.

Some things are best left in the past.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Bitch don't pin this on me. If you didn't start snooping, you wouldn't have found out I was cheating in the first place. God I'm so sick of you always trying to dodge responsibility!"

Divest <3

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Divest

When a significant other start spying, it usually means the end of a relationship is coming. Or things are going to start getting REALLY rocky.

That would also be my opinion.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Well of course things would get rocky if your significant other were spying, with or without basis. The question is, do you care about the relationship enough to ride it out?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

LOL internet snooping. Well SD and I are fine with anything we do so there's no biggie. He'd post on my account once or twice by mistake (because I posted on his computer and forgot to log out) and I forgot to log out of his and etc. Its all very minimal. Journals on the other hand, I find them to be very helpful in reminder of our innermost thoughts then.

The only time I checked up on him was on GAF to see what threads he had found interesting to post about. Usually with good kind of information on games I'd miss out on. That board moves so quickly anyway.

FELIPE NO

I cracked my GF's Windows login PW with her full knowledge and consent because when I'm at her apartment asking her to enter it when one of us has to check stuff online is tedious. That's about it.

The inevitable 'why didn't you just ASK her' question is more of a 'because I'm bored, love crypto, and wanted a challenge' answer. Also, because LM hashes are stupid-easy to break, especially when you have rainbow tables at your disposal.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

All the time. It was fucking annoying. Broke it off when I found that a lot of my stuff were eventually "misplaced" or suddenly disappeared.

Jam it back in, in the dark.