Where is my desktop?

Unforunately, I cannot tell you what I was doing when this happened because this computer was not in my posession when it happened. I am running Windows XP Home, and all of the icons on the desktop have disappeared. I've messed around with the settings, tried different themes, and restored settings to default on the menu in the screen shot. I have a check box in 'My Computer', 'Recycling Bin', etc., as you can see in the screen shot. Any suggestions?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Try...

Right-clicking on your desktop -> "Arrange Icons By" -> "Show Desktop Icons"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

try this:
Hide Desktop Icons

if doesn't work try this:

Hide Desktop Icons - Page 1 of 1 - Microsoft Windows

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Perhaps your screen somehow got resized with the icons way off of them? Try screwing around with your viewing resolution to see if they pop back in (unless these other methods are a shortcut way of doing that).

There's also a setting for these in TweakUI (just google "Microsoft Power Toys" and you'll see it on the first page). Try looking to see if they're enabled in there.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

How's about a System Restore?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Check your desktop directory to see if it contains any of the non-system icons (not My Computer, Recycle Bin etc).

C:\Documents and Settings\[you]\Desktop\

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?