Will I get expelled from University?

I have just be sent an e-mail telling me that due to my poor attendance this term I will be appearing before a standing academic committee to plead my case for being allowed to continue at university. While my attendance has been very poor this term, I do have an explanation, although as to whether it will be accepted is up to the committee, what do you think.

I accidentally got a girl from home pregnant, and so between that and taking her for the subsequent abortion regular attendance has been difficult. (I will flesh this out later).

I have an interview with the undergraduate tutor before I must stand before the committee so I plan to admit my mistakes and tell him the whole story and see what he thinks, but for now please let me know if you think that this is an acceptable excuse.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'd make up a different story if I were you.

I'm not sure if you realize how vague your story was either. I mean, you got a girl pregnant and now you're taking her to the abortion clinic for regular check-ups and umm... that was your reason for not attending school? Was there no one else that could have taken her? Did you absolutely have to be there?

Admittedly I'm no guru on your University's lieniency when it comes to attendence but that doesn't sound like a very valid excuse to me whatsoever.

For fuck's sake man, just forge a doctor's note or something else that you think you'd be able to get away with.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

In 'flesh out later' I mean I will put the detail in the post later, this is NOT made up, sorry I should have been clearer in my post. As for her wanting me to take her, she didn't want her family or boyfriend to know. I know in retrospect I should have acted differently but the thought of having to get married at the the age of 20, and the fact that I had to take her back to the hospital a few days after since she was bleeding quite a lot meant I wasn't really thinking my actions through as carefully as I should have been.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Then you should think your next action carefully through, which would be making up a damned good lie.

To me that doesn't sound like a reasonable enough excuse. Then again, I'm not on the committee that's going to be reviewing you. If I were though, I'd definitely not find that a reasonable excuse.

She should have taken the bus, a taxi, got a ride from a trusted friend, anything.

Here's something I'm curious about. Was she with her boyfriend at the time you impregnated her? How do you even know it was yours?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

To be honest, I don't agree with Divest.

In being there for her, it means you hold yourself to your own obligations. It takes a bigger man to not ignore his mistake - I assume you think that this was a mistake, as I presume she got an abortion...?

Some people may disagree with this opinion, but I think you show a tendency to live up to your mistakes and obligations, and try to rectify them, as evidence with this girl from back home. (On a more personal note, kudos to you for being there for her)

I really hope it works out, by the way.

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I'm confused on the policy at the university and general. So you have poor attendance, and the first communication you get from uni about it "Your attendance has gotten so bad we're thinking about throwing you out?"

What happened to gradually escalating problems? That's bull shit right there.

On the other hand, if last month you got a communication saying "Hey thar, you're not attending regularly enough, please improve." And you didn't do anything about that, then dumbass.

In the situation you're in now, I think you've got a valid reason, you know, with vagaries and all explained. People generally tend to be understanding. If your academics themselves haven't fallen into shit, and you have a reason like you know, acting in an ethical and humane way toward a person you banged back home, then you shouldn't really have a problem.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

She was with her boyfriend, but he's on the other side of the country at the moment and we were both drunk, plus I'm an idiot. She doesn't really have many trusted friends apart from me. I was aware that it might not be mine and if she had decided to keep it I would have gotten a paternity test before proposing, but still I'm not going to let one of my closest friends go for a surgical procedure that can be a very distressing thing (she's not the most emotionally stable person at the best of times) and then deal with it on her own. I would say that all in all I missed about three weeks of university due to these events, the main reason I have to go to the committee is because I missed a meeting with my tutor to explain my absences (computer troubles). I am aware how badly I have handled the situation.

Thanks for the support, although if I were a decent guy I wouldn't have had unprotected sex with a drunk girl who is in a relationship. As far as I am concerned the blame for what happened should be leveled squarely at me. My main plan for the committee is to tell them that I am aware that my attendance has not been satisfactory this term and that I am sorry, but my absences were due to a one-off personal problem that I would be prepared to explain if they wish. As I've said I have a meeting with my tutor lined up beforehand so I'll run this by him and see what he thinks.

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I assume you think that this was a mistake, as I presume she got an abortion...?

It was a mistake, however I am pro-choice and so I told her that what ever she chose to do I would support her 100%. Thankfully she chose to get an abortion because I really don't feel that I would be an adequate father.

FELIPE NO

I might drop the part about her being in a relationship. Telling them you banged some dude's girlfriend while she was drunk probably won't buy brownie points.

Other than that, I think you're much better off telling them what happened and how she's really close and whatnot and how you really had to be there for her since nobody else would/could.

If they see it's a one-time event that you really did have to take care of, then I don't think they'd be inclined to kick you out, especially if you've been good during all the other terms you've been there.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by kinkymagic

She was with her boyfriend, but he's on the other side of the country at the moment and we were both drunk, plus I'm an idiot. She doesn't really have many trusted friends apart from me. I was aware that it might not be mine and if she had decided to keep it I would have gotten a paternity test before proposing, but still I'm not going to let one of my closest friends go for a surgical procedure that can be a very distressing thing (she's not the most emotionally stable person at the best of times) and then deal with it on her own. I would say that all in all I missed about three weeks of university due to these events, the main reason I have to go to the committee is because I missed a meeting with my tutor to explain my absences (computer troubles). I am aware how badly I have handled the situation.

Explain that all to the board, and maybe it will count in your benefit.

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Thanks for the support, although if I were a decent guy I wouldn't have had unprotected sex with a drunk girl who is in a relationship.

UGH. DUMBASS. ;_;

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As far as I am concerned the blame for what happened should be leveled squarely at me. My main plan for the committee is to tell them that I am aware that my attendance has not been satisfactory this term and that I am sorry, but my absences were due to a one-off personal problem that I would be prepared to explain if they wish.

Be sure to have some proof - just in case. I've never been in the situation, and I don't know how university inquiries go. Myself, out of ignorance, would treat it like a court case. Couldn't hurt. ^_^ (Responsibility and all that)

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It was a mistake, however I am pro-choice and so I told her that what ever she chose to do I would support her 100%. Thankfully she chose to get an abortion because I really don't feel that I would be an adequate father.

Was she having unprotected sex with her boyfriend too?

Man, what a situation you're in. That must certainly be an emotionally toll on you, whether or not you were the father.

I know this is kind of off-topic, but I'm curious: How did her current boyfriend (or then boyfriend?) react? Does he even know??

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Originally Posted by kinkymagic

\
Thanks for the support, although if I were a decent guy I wouldn't have had unprotected sex with a drunk girl who is in a relationship.

Uh, ya think buddy? I know sex with a jimmy hat can hamper the experience, but at the very least you should have been wearing one or she should have been on birth control. Anyways, life's a bitch and I hope you get this situation worked out.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Be sure to have some proof - just in case. I've never been in the situation, and I don't know how university inquiries go. Myself, out of ignorance, would treat it like a court case. Couldn't hurt. ^_^ (Responsibility and all that)

Any ideas as to what I could bring?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Was she having unprotected sex with her boyfriend too?

She told me she hadn't had unprotected sex with him for about 3 months, she was two months pregnant.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I know this is kind of off-topic, but I'm curious: How did her current boyfriend (or then boyfriend?) react? Does he even know??

She doesn't want him to know and I'm certainly not going to tell him.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by kinkymagic

Any ideas as to what I could bring?

Proof of the abortion (to give a time-frame at the very least), and maybe a certified, written account from the girl?

Maybe medical records? Just to show you're not making this shit up, you know? Because, I mean, it sounds like it could be made up. Not that I am saying you did make it up. But you can see how the administration could think that.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

How are your grades? Have you ever missed like this before? Prior to this whole thing, did you miss very much at all?

And it's not too bad having sex with her, I mean, dude you can't take all the blame. She was willing to do it too. As for having unprotected sex, I mean, did you blow your load inside of her? If you did then yeah, that was pretty stupid, but if you didn't then you should have had a condom but mistakes are mistakes.

How ya doing, buddy?

I'm genuinely curious here, how many people have attendance taken in their university classes? I have never had attendance taken at a university class. The profs generally don't care if you show up as long as you get the assignments in and do fine on the tests.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by knkwzrd

I'm genuinely curious here, how many people have attendance taken in their university classes? I have never had attendance taken at a university class. The profs generally don't care if you show up as long as you get the assignments in and do fine on the tests.

Each time (lols) I went to university, I was permitted no more than 3 absences per semester in each class. Some profs were more lenient, but I'd say maximum absences = 7 or 8 per semester.

(Mine kept track in almost every class)

FELIPE NO

For me, attendance was taken at the VERY beginning because of student grants. You'd have to get the prof's sig to show you are attending the class. After that, they didn't care.

I am fairly surprised they are checking attendance. At my Uni...like, if you were a regular attender, they knew you by name and face, but otherwise they NEVER took regular attendance. Well...at least in my courses. I always felt it was because 1) you're an adult and can make your own choices and 2) it's your (okay, maybe not) money for classes.

I am even more surprised they want to talk with you about all of this. I mean, for me, the ONLY time the uni I went to had talks with a student is when that student plagurized something (I remember it too, because he had this ghost-white face and then later that day one of my profs had to leave early to listen about 'a student who plaguerized'. Didn't take me long to put two and two together, and for that matter to realize that if said prof was going to be listening and deciding on that student's fate, that the student was screwed).

Even more surprising is the uni never really contacted you before this? I guess they buried this policy in the rules somewhere but usually you are given a few warnings.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by knkwzrd

I'm genuinely curious here, how many people have attendance taken in their university classes? I have never had attendance taken at a university class. The profs generally don't care if you show up as long as you get the assignments in and do fine on the tests.

Depends on the classes and professors, I'd say. Attendance was never taken during any of the big lecture classes that I was in, but they're always taken in the smaller classes.

Anyways, I agree with Sass on all this. Own up to it, bring as much evidence as possible, and tell them everything you can. Make sure you take responsibility (As in, use the words "I take full responsibility" and mean it), because that shows responsibility, and your willingness to make it all up.

And whatever you do, don't lie. Someone gets word that you lied and they'll kick you out of school without giving you a second chance.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

My Real Analysis prof had a policy where if you missed 10% of the class sessions you failed. I disagree with the whole evidence thing. You need to think about the image you'll be projecting to the people who are going to be judging you.

Sure, if they bring it up, offer to provide them evidence, but don't go in there acting like no one will believe you and you need documentation to back up everything you said.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Divest

How are your grades? Have you ever missed like this before? Prior to this whole thing, did you miss very much at all?

Currently I'm on track for a 2:2/2:1. I haven't missed much although I did miss some time last year due to my fathers death.

Originally Posted by Divest

And it's not too bad having sex with her, I mean, dude you can't take all the blame. She was willing to do it too. As for having unprotected sex, I mean, did you blow your load inside of her? If you did then yeah, that was pretty stupid, but if you didn't then you should have had a condom but mistakes are mistakes.

I pulled out but I probably didn't do the best job considering my level of inebriation. While I recognize that I can't take all the blame I still feel as guilty as hell.

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I'm genuinely curious here, how many people have attendance taken in their university classes? I have never had attendance taken at a university class. The profs generally don't care if you show up as long as you get the assignments in and do fine on the tests.

They take attendance at one of my lectures and at two of my seminars.

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Even more surprising is the uni never really contacted you before this?

They did contact me a week before this but the situation was still on-going and my computer was in the shop. In retrospect I should have been more attentive.

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Sure, if they bring it up, offer to provide them evidence, but don't go in there acting like no one will believe you and you need documentation to back up everything you said.

I will probably go with this as I can provide evidence, but don't wish to unless it is necessary because I don't want to grossly invade her privacy unless it is absolutely essential.

I have aslways had a good relationship with my tutors and have found them to be very empathetic people. They offered me a lot of support and understanding last year after my bereavement, I just hope I haven't used up all their good will.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by kinkymagic

In 'flesh out later' I mean I will put the detail in the post later, this is NOT made up, sorry I should have been clearer in my post. As for her wanting me to take her, she didn't want her family or boyfriend to know.

You are my new hero.

Just be straight up and honest with the board. If you get kicked out, dont worry, it's not like your future is over. You can just apply for another university or possibly just change course.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

DON'T make something up. Chances are that they will find out or not believe you, and in this case, they wouldn't believe your real story, either. I think that this is definitely an important issue, and my uni has support services for precisely this purpose - so you can go talk to someone, who will help you sort things out. Be honest.

I was speaking idiomatically.