Don't know what to do.

So I don't know. I've honestly never felt more trapped by my own lack of motivation. It's not that I don't feel I can change and/or get out of the situation, but that I don't know what I should do or for what reason.

So up to speed. I got married (yes I think I did it too soon, too late now). Besides getting married, my job took a nosedive, I lost two cars, couldn't afford to live in Vegas anymore.

I spent a couple of years training to do automotive repair work, but the most anybody makes doing that is maybe 50,000 to 75,000 IF they're extremely lucky. (I was making 23,000) The market is failing, really, and it's extremely difficult. Not to mention you have to buy almost all your own tools. So I decided I didn't want to do it anymore.

Now I've moved back in with my folks in Idaho, with my wife, couldn't find any decent jobs, and am working night shift at an electronics manufacturing plant for little under 10 bucks.

So I figure I could go back to school, but having to work and support my ever needy/complainy wife, before I could achieve something usesul, I'd probably be 30. Then I'd probably be stuck paying off loans for another 10 years.

I like Idaho, but it's not the place I would think I'd want to end my days.

So, basically, I have nothing. No morale, no motivation, no money, and probably not that much time, either. And what makes it worse is that I'm stubborn and if I'm not aiming high, I don't want to aim at anything at all.

All this and I really don't know what the fuck I'm asking...any suggestions?

Edit: Saw Tawnee's thread and thought I was in Advice column. So I guess this could use a move.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

From what I've heard from Sass your situation is neither simple nor happy. Marrying too soon, whether it was for the right reasons or not, is not your main issue, however. Especially since you are committed to that, whether you like it or not.

If your main problem is you're not happy with your job, I'd say you're also stuck with that until you muster the funds to move or look into getting a new job. Either way, I'd suggest moving towards where people do live. I can't imagine demand for many jobs outside of farming, logging or manufacturing being too booming in Idaho.

Long story short, your goal should be to save some money and either make the best of your situation or try and move and reset your situation. This will all take time and patience, and, of course, bravery. You should set goals that better fit your hopes and intentions, should you have any solid ones. That way, you can also plan what to do to meet those goals, and build morale, conviction, hope and resolve. Your wife should be just as interested in achieving those goals with you, if you can mutually agree that they are best for your future.

School and student loans are a gamble. Would you be committed to an associate's or bachelor's degree? Do you know what you could major in? If your situation isn't good or the status quo is on shaky ground I wouldn't recommend leaping into loans before you know you could pay them off in a reasonable amount of time.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

What do you want to do, Zephyrin? (as far as profession goes?)

This sounds pretty rough. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom but I have none to offer. At any rate, good luck.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Quote:

All this and I really don't know what the fuck I'm asking...any suggestions?

Dude, you live with parents AND a wife in the same house. What's the problem?

How ya doing, buddy?

If there's others that knows what it feels like to be stuck and don't know what the hell is going to happen or what to do next with life, one of many would be me.

What interest you? what makes you happy most? what makes you go to bed at night excited to do what you love most the next morning?

Be honest with yourself, with what you want, it's about taking care of your well-being first! in this case figuring out the next step in your life, your not stuck, you obviously have options that you mentioned already. The difficult part for you is, making choosing the one that works best with how strongly you feel about that choice

Your going places, Don't give up on your self so easily!

All The Best!,

-Monk

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So what do you want to do for a job? The border patrol is hiring down here all the damn time for a reasonable starting salary. I still maintain that Arizona is a land of opportunity for most. Housing is fairly inexpensive and there are a lot of good jobs out there if you look for them.

Either way, good luck!

How ya doing, buddy?

Yea man, to be motivated you need to find something that you really want to do so you can sink your teeth right into it and never look back. Everyone is motivated in different ways, but for me when I am motivated, I am insanely motivated. If I really want something I will never stop until achieve it and even if it is physically impossible, I am stubborn as hell and won't give up until I'm completely burned out. On the flip side, if it isn't something I really want then I find it hard to get motivated.

The same may or may not apply to you, but the point I'm saying is that it is easier for everyone to find motivation in something they really want. Figure out what you really want to do with your life. Sometimes it isn't easy(I still haven't figured it out), but if you can't find an answer then just go with what feels right and what makes you happy. Talk some things over with your folks, your wife, and the people close to you for even more advice. Think it through before you nose dive into it.

I personally think it is never too late to go back to school. You are in a tough situation, but that happens sometimes. Sometimes in life you have to take 2 steps back to take multiple steps forward. I know it would be hard for you to go back to school, but then again no solution is going to be easy. If you have caring and reliable friends, then maybe they can help you out with certain things if that is indeed what you decide. I usually hate asking for help, and I like to solve problems myself, but you are backed up into a tight corner. I'm sure if you have good friends that care about you, they'd have no problem helping you out with some things. I wouldn't with my friends.

Overall it is your decision though obviously. I just think you should highly consider going back to school. What does your wife do for income? Does she contribute a lot? A little? None? School gives you so many options for so many different types of jobs. Also if you find something you really want to do, then you can go right after it through school.

Just some advice. Cool down, think it through, and make the decision that most makes you happy and what feels right(both short and long term). Remember to consider the long-term options as well. Sometimes you gotta battle some tough times early on to start to get where you want to go dwon the road.

FELIPE NO

Just to add barely nothing to this thread; you clearly do have some motivation... you want to change this bullshit I assume so there it is right there. I'm in the same boat, totally sitting here lacking any "motivation" to get my life on track but the motivation is right there in our faces if you really want to look at things rationally.

I'm in the same situation sans the wife, since I got dumped for not moving fast enough in life for her, so I understand how you feel but you already know what you probably need to do.

So step back and analyze what got you where you are and decide from there; getting married "too soon" can be rectified IF IT REALLY HAS TO BE because really, your life is your life and you need to do what you need to do to be happy. If you can't go to school without her complaining at you then you may need to just find someone else. (being totally blunt here, but I honestly believe this can be worked out without the need to drop her if you talk it out with her)

People aren't supposed to hold the ones back that they love... if they love you, they'll find a way to support you while you try to better your life. That's really all there is to it.

How ya doing, buddy?

Hm, a tricky situation.

First, I admire your commitment to trying to find a way to make it all work.

Obviously, you need to be doing something so that you can support your wife and yourself. WIth that in mind, I think you should think seriously of your life goals. Both short-term and long-term.

If that means going back to school, then do so. Realize that this may require you, and/or your wife and family to make sacrifices. You need to discuss that with them to make them understand why what needs to be done, is done. You have to make sure people aren't thinking of just themselves, but 1.) everyone as a whole (that is, a FAMILY), and 2.) the long-term (if you were to get a degree, you could a.) move out of the house (making your 'rents possibly happy and perhaps your wife too) and b.) get more money (making your wife happy)).

In fact, once you figure out what you want to do (I have one suggestion below), think about even making a small presentation to convince others. Raise all the good points, and be prepared to answer the raised concerns.

Now...as for my suggestion to you...

Going to college, especially a community college is not a far-off idea. I went to one almost ten years ago, and they had a slew of online courses. I am sure that has only increased and improved by now. And online courses rock because you can work on them no matter if it's ten in the morning or ten at night. Just make sure the rep of the school is decent, and/or that once you are done with them, what you get out of it (a diploma, a degree, the ability to work in xyz places, the ability to go to higher-level colleges/universities/graduate schools, etc).

Another benefit of community colleges is they tend to be cheaper. And classes are offered both during the day AND night because they were made for people who work both during the day (and hence need night classes) and those who work during the night (hence needed day classes). Heck, for the first year or so, ALL my classes were night classes (or online classes) which seriously ROCKED.

Keep in mind that you need to discipline yourself with going to college, especially online classes.

A few other things.

1.) You are motivated. If you weren't, you wouldn't bother making this thread.
2.) Don't worry about 'time'. What do you get worrying about time. Instead of focusing on what you can't do with the time left, think about what you CAN do with the time you have.
3.) It's fine to aim high. I highly suggest it. But set intermediate goals along the way. When I create a program, such as Boggle, I don't just think about the final goal (making a fully working game), but I think about each of the intermediate goals too (1.) Creating the algorithm to check the pieces for words, 2.) creating the graphics for Boggle, 3.) Creating a way to allow input from the user, etc.). When I accomplish one of those intermediate goals, especially a tough one, I cheer. Again, aim high, but don't forget that just like the only way to get to the top of a tall builing with a ladder is by using the much closer rungs, you need smaller goals to get you to accomplishing that big goal.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

I spent a couple of years training to do automotive repair work, but the most anybody makes doing that is maybe 50,000 to 75,000 IF they're extremely lucky. (I was making 23,000) The market is failing, really, and it's extremely difficult. Not to mention you have to buy almost all your own tools. So I decided I didn't want to do it anymore.

This doesn't necessarily sound like enough reason to give up. Do you enjoy auto repair? Could you find some chain repair shop that will hire you? Then they'll have all the tools and materials you require? You won't make as much as striking it out on your own but I imagine it must be >$10/hr, and perhaps more interesting. Maybe you just have to move to the right city where there's a shortage of people to make it work...look for boom towns. $50-75k/yr doesn't sound that bad to me...isn't that enough for two people to have a tight, but still middle-class lifestyle?

Alternately, maybe you can transfer those skills somehow. Like become a repairman to some more specific technology. Maybe Maytag would foot the bill for a 6 month washing machine repair course, and then give you a career that way? Or get into a trade, or try construction, really good money there.


If you're really unhappy and school is really the way out (not grasping at straws), then see if you can stay @ home and have your wife work part time at least to help you through it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Zeph. Pie. Loserhead. You need to get your shit together, get your wife to get her shit together, put your noses to the grindstone and bust your asses.

School, despite what all these fine folks are saying, ain't no guarantee to get you out of Idaho, an unhappy marriage, or a path to gold and riches. It's an avenue you should consider after you fix what's wrong presently.

I know some cats are going to come down on me like flies on shit for saying that, but can you afford MORE debt now? Your wife wants to go back I know - to get into the position she was in back in Vegas. Sadly, I guess she needs to get certification or some classes up there in Potato Land of Nothing before she can. She wants to go to class again, and you want to go to class again - but right now, are you in the position for more loans?

You're a team now, and you both should be pulling as much weight as possible. Lay down your priorities.

Having spoken with you MULTIPLE times about these collective problems, I think you'll be happier at work if you're happier at home, first. This is just MY perception, and I don't know how you feel about this. You're living with your folks in a tiny little place, all getting on each other's nerves all the time, I know. BUT. This is the best time to shut up and put out.

Take this time you have living with your folks to save your goddamn money. Jenn, this means you too. I know you're going to read this. You both know that you're living ALMOST expense-free.

If you guys really want to start improving your situation, start cutting back on the "nice to haves." Stick to only "need to have," as in food, debt payments, insurance payments on vehicles - whatever. Once and a while, it's no big harm to go out, throw back a few beers with some pals and enjoy a steak dinner. You should actually DO this as to relieve yourselves of your stresses - and YES, you will be stressed.

But you really, really, really need to start kicking it into high gear. I know you both want out of where you are now. It's killing you both INDIVIDUALLY and in your relationship with each other.

You need to listen to each other, you need to BOTH calm down with the defense and hear each other out.

I'm not an expert, but I hope to lend some outside perspective into what seems to be a very confused situation. You've both got to suck it up, work it off, and get your funds up so you can get the fuck out of there. No better time than now.

If this means working at a shitty factory on the night shift - DEAL WITH IT. This is life. Work isn't always fun. If it was, they wouldn't need to pay you. Keep your goals in mind and drive it home. Jenn, you should keep your head down when he goes to work. I know it hurts that you can't always be with him, and you miss him when he's gone - but what's important right now? Throw the saddle on the pony and RIDE IT.

Zeph, you're trained to be a mechanic, and I know there just isn't a hell of a lot of work around there for you. This is no fault of your own. Stick to whatever job you can get for now. Focus on your wife and your bank account. Times will get better, I swear.

(And I'll lend a hand whenever you ask me to. You know I've always tried to give and help whenever I can - nothing has changed. Just ask. Zeph, you're one of my closer friends - I want you to know that the door is always open. Jenn, of course, you too.)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

A degree isn't a magic ticket to a job, since my brother with an AS in computer networking is discovering, but your chances will be way better if you can find a way to work some classes in somewhere. Don't worry about being 30 before you can start making something of yourself - I'm gonna be 27 before I have my credentials, and I'm not sweating it. Get to it when you get to it. I have no idea what I'm going to do about the student loans afterwards, but, well see below.

Don't worry too much about putting down roots in Idaho. If you can get yourself back on track, you can always move. The more job experience you have, the easier it is to get a job elsewhere. Depending on where you end up working, you might even be able to simply transfer. And if you're really pressed for job ideas, try temp agencies and look for temp-to-hire positions. I got really lucky doing that, it might work for you.

Oh, and quit looking too far ahead into the future. That's just going to keep depressing you, trust me; when you're not yet sure what you're going to do in the long term, trying to plan more than a year ahead is frightening. Focus on life a few months at a time, it is considerably more manageable that way. A plan will come together as you go, as long as you don't let yourself be swamped here and now.

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Sass is right about everything but the booze. I don't know what your debt situation is like but you need money to invest in a better place to live etc. Bank as much as you can. Booze is expensive. I don't think it's unreasonable to be able to start a life on 7k. This is just a few months of work with no expenses.

Maybe you should chart out a timeline of where you want your finances to be compared to reasonable living expenses. That way you're working toward something.

Finally the "do what you love <3" crowd needs to shut the hell up. You do what pays you enough to improve your life. You choose to enjoy what you're doing because it makes life easier. If you don't enjoy it, do it anyway because otherwise you'll never make independence.

I would add that having "make more money" as an interim goal while you figure yourself out has worked for me.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara

Sass is right about everything but the booze.

Hey, you know I don't think "beer" falls under the department of "must have."

But neither of them are machines. They've got to find a happy place once and a while, and I think they both enjoy chillin' with some beer.

(Just please please please don't pay over $3 for one beer.)

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?