The One Shot Joke Thread.

Originally Posted by Acro-nym

For number 4, I suggest taking a piece of paper and drawing a line diagonally. The two edges and the line make a triangle.

YES!!!! JACKPOT!!! You're right!

How ya doing, buddy?

Lol, I'm glad someone finally got the friggin' answer. It was getting frustrating.

Here's a joke for you Canadian's, particularly those who live in B.C.

What great river flows through India and China?

Spoiler:

The Fraser River.

FELIPE NO

3 old ladies sitting on a parkbench. A man runs up and flashes them.

the first lady has a stroke
the second lady has a stroke
.....
......
.......
BUt the last one couldn't reach

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Here's an old and dumb one:
"Did you know that the next friday the thirteenth is on the fourth of July?"

We have those here to make fun of stupid people, that and:
"What is the color of Napoleons white horse?"

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Fiddlegoof

Lol, I'm glad someone finally got the friggin' answer. It was getting frustrating.

Here's a joke for you Canadian's, particularly those who live in B.C.

What great river flows through India and China?

Spoiler:

The Fraser River.

Lol! So true. Glad I live on the island and not in Hongcouver...

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Originally Posted by Vigilius

Here's an old and dumb one:
"Did you know that the next friday the thirteenth is on the fourth of July?"

We have those here to make fun of stupid people, that and:
"What is the color of Napoleons white horse?"

These are even dumber.
"Your youngest brother, is he a boy or a girl?"

Not yet!
"Who's the writer of Harry Potter?"
"J.K. Rowling."
"How on earth did you know!?"

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Ozma

These are even dumber.
"Your youngest brother, is he a boy or a girl?"

Not yet!
"Who's the writer of Harry Potter?"
"J.K. Rowling."
"How on earth did you know!?"

How is this even funny?

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What do you call a chav in a cardboard box?

Init.

What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted.

What do you call a chav in a suit?

The defendant.




Please let me not be the only person who gets these.

I was speaking idiomatically.

What do you call a gay dinosaur? A Mightysoarass. Knuck knuck knuck.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Grawl

How is this even funny?

I don't say it's to be funny, I claim it to be dump. Don't worry. I don't even laugh when I hear this, though it is stupid enough, even for a housefly.

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What did one skunk say to the other?

Smell ya later! HARHARHARHARAHRHARARARARARARAR...hack, cough.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Get ready for a lame joke.

Why don't seagulls fly by the bay?

Spoiler:

Because then they'd be bagels!

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Tip-Tup

Get ready for a lame joke.

Why don't seagulls fly by the bay?

Spoiler:

Because then they'd be bagels!

I thought it was funny, but then again I thought it was made to be a racist joke :lol:

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Krelian

What do you call a chav in a cardboard box?

Init.

What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted.

What do you call a chav in a suit?

The defendant.




Please let me not be the only person who gets these.

Brilliant!

What do you do if you run over a chav?

Reverse, just to make sure.

How does a chav switch the light off after sex?

Closes the car door.


And one my friend who specialises in bad jokes told me:

How does the man in the moon get his hair cut?

Eclipse it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

What's the first thing a chav girl says when she wakes up in the morning?

"Who the fuck are you?"

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Am I the only person here that don't know what a "chav " is?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Jesus ctu, you're on the fucking internet. Use it.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I was disappointed when I find out what a chav was. It's basically just a poor person? That doesn't make it funny at all because it could be anybody. If it were a racist joke, however...

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Divest

I was disappointed when I find out what a chav was. It's basically just a poor person? That doesn't make it funny at all because it could be anybody. If it were a racist joke, however...

You should look at this: http://www.fat-pie.com/chavs.htm
They're more like watered-down skinheads than anything else. Also, you can have rich chavs (look up Colleen McLoughlin). Think the physical equivalent of a n00b who's on a trolling spree.

What do you call a chav in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Knock Knock
Who's there
Amos
Amos who?
A mosquito just bit me.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Andy
Andy who?
And he just bit me again!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna
Anna who?
Anna nother one just bit me.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
George Washington.
George Washington who?
Don't you know me?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Harry Truman.
Harry Truman who?
Was George Washington just here?

</mashripoff>

EDIT: God I hate the damn joke-a-day calendar >.>

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lucretia.
Lucretia who?
Lucretia from the Black Lagoon.

How ya doing, buddy?

What's E.T. short for?

Spoiler:

'cause he's got little legs!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

This thread is just one big, cumulative "UUGHHHHH".

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Here's one for Canadians:

A woman goes to her doctor for advice about her husband’s low sex drive,

Doctor: Give your husband these pills and he should acting up in no time

Woman: Oh no I can’t do that, he can’t stand pills! I can’t even get him to take a vitamin!

Doctor: Well try this, I’ll give you a quick dissolve formula of the pill and just slip it in his morning coffee, he’ll take it for sure then.

Woman: Thanks! I’ll give it a try.

A few days later the woman returns to the doctor.

Doctor: How did it go?

Woman: Terrible! I did as you told me, I slipped the pill in my husband’s coffee, it happened so fast! He got the twinkle in his eye and smiled and me, we then had the most passionate, wild sex right there on the table

Doctor: I don’t understand, the pill did was it was supposed to…. Wasn’t the sex good?

Woman: Oh it was good… the best I had in years!

Doctor: Then what’s wrong?

Woman: It may have been the best sex I had in years…. But I don’t think I can show my face at Tim Hortens ever again!

I was speaking idiomatically.

So a Penguin decides to go on a road trip to California. He's driving along and all of a sudden his car breaks down. He pulls into the next service station and spots a mechanic.

Penguin: I was just driving along and all of a sudden it stopped running and starting sputtering and shooting steam everywhere.

Mechanic: Alright, I'll have a look at it, it'll take me a couple of hours.

So the penguin decides to walk around and explore the city. He's out for a stroll taking in the sights and sees an ice cream stand. He decides that something cold would be just the right thing, as he's accustomed to ice and it's a scorching day in the middle of July. So he goes up, gets a large vanilla cone and starts to enjoy it. He's loving it, but being a penguin he's having a hell of a time hanging onto it with his flippers. Not to mention the ice cream is starting to melt. So he's fumbling the thing all over and the melted ice cream is getting everywhere. Just covering him from head to toe.

So it's been a couple of hours and he heads back to the mechanic shop, still sticky with ice cream. He strolls in and the mechanic looks up and says:

Spoiler:

Mechanic: Ah there you are. It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Oh no, it's just ice cream.

nyuk nyuk nyuk

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?