Fake a Heart Attack to fool Burglars

Originally Posted by yahoo.news

HAMPDEN, Maine - An 80-year-old Hampden woman who was watching the Super Bowl alone faked a heart attack to scare off a man who had broken into her home and was pushing her toward the bedroom, police said.
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Daniel Thanem, 45, of Winterport was arrested a short time later and charged with aggravated criminal trespass and assault. Thanem is a convicted sex offender in Alabama, police said.

The woman was watching Sunday night's Super Bowl when she spotted a man walking through her house, said Hampden police Sgt. Dan Stewart. When she asked the man what he was doing, he grabbed her from behind and began pushing her toward the bedroom.

Ahahahahaha. Funny as hell.

SOURCE POKE!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Had this burglar also have been a necrophiliac, this story would have taken a horrible turn for the worst.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Haha, what an idiot. I never would think an 80 year old lady would even think to do something like that. Most of them would be like "Stuart is that you? Can you get my medicine for me?"

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Smart old lady. I would have never thought to fake a heart attack.

Haha, I'm surprised she really didn't have a heart attack.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Proof that the older you are the wiser you get.

80-year-old lady FTW!

I was speaking idiomatically.

I was actually once told that if you should get forced by gun point or whatever into a place - moving, on your feet - go completely limp and collapse. Act like you passed out. You're dead weight, and they may get frightened and run away. They can't usually make the effort or waste the time on CARRYING YOU unless they're REALLY DETERMINED.

Self defense ++

Good to see an old lady get SMART about this, too. I appreciate that. <3

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Yeah, that might work with you, Sass. Like moving a fucking boulder.

Unfortunately, someone smaller like myself just wouldn't stand a chance if they got any wise ideas.

FELIPE NO

Clever old lady. She's pretty sharp for someone her age, really. This reminded me immensely of Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm faking a heart attack twice to escape being beaten to a pulp.

Overall, a strangely whimsical story.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I was actually once told that if you should get forced by gun point or whatever into a place - moving, on your feet - go completely limp and collapse. Act like you passed out.

That sounds like a good idea, but hopefully he doesn't just shoot you out of spite as a result.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Cellius

That sounds like a good idea, but hopefully he doesn't just shoot you out of spite as a result.

Seems like often the gun is more of a visible threat than there to be actually used for injury or murder.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Hell, even if you are grossly overweight, you can fake a heart attack and get away with it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

when you're old you can get away with anything.
I had an old lady walked on a lunch bill at work once, she went to the bathroom and left afterwards. She was a regular and figured she just forgot so we didn't really make a big deal.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I was actually once told that if you should get forced by gun point or whatever into a place - moving, on your feet - go completely limp and collapse. Act like you passed out. You're dead weight, and they may get frightened and run away. They can't usually make the effort or waste the time on CARRYING YOU unless they're REALLY DETERMINED.

Self defense ++

Good to see an old lady get SMART about this, too. I appreciate that. <3

They say the same thing about bear encounters, too (well, sorta). "Smart" actions like that might also get you killed. Any sudden movements might actually surprise the culprit and make him shoot you instead.

I was speaking idiomatically.