Darwin Awards 2006

Originally Posted by Alt Nation

And the candidates this year are.............
MICHIGAN...
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


CALIFORNIA...
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.


NORTH CAROLINA...
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


CALIFORNIA...
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.


DELAWARE...
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyvill, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.


HONOURABLE MENTION:

NEW JERSEY...
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

WASHINGTON...
TACOMA, WA.........Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."

Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER: FROM G-E-R-M-A-N-Y is....
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated."

Holy shit. My personal favorites are the New Jersey couple and Kerry Bingham in Tacoma, WA.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Haha, these things are always great. Death by elephant poop is not one that I'd choose for myself - or anyone else, for that matter.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Here we go again =D

Quote:

DELAWARE...
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyvill, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Maybe it is because its late but I don't quite understand this one. In essence, did the guy put the gun in his mouth and pull the trigger? It says he wouldn't do it but he did it anyway?

Heh Darwin awards. Reminds of the series Dead Like Me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The friends bet he wouldn't do it. He won the bet.

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Death by elephant poop. Is it wrong that I laughed tremendously at this? XD

I was speaking idiomatically.

Nope! Also, not to be confused with the methods of Death by Chocolate, which is an ice cream flavor. I would not so relish a similar application of this potential catch phrase.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Drex

The friends bet he wouldn't do it. He won the bet.

Haha, I got it about 2 minutes after making that post too .
66% chance of killing himself, I wonder if he was held at gunpoint when making that move =o.

I'm surprised the thread maker didn't include this link but here's the past Darwin awards if anyone needs a good laugh: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/

FELIPE NO

I know it's kind of wrong to read this stuff, but I have to agree, some of the things that happened here does certainly make you wonder, "why do people do such stupid things?"

Although it's not mentioned here, a particularly "interesting" incident was where a guy was opposed to the US government telling people to buckle up their seat belts when riding in a car. He felt the government was trying to control them, and it should be up to the person whether they want to buckle up their seat belt or not. I think he was quite "vocal" about it too, posting on blogs and what not. He was also a smart student too, good grades and everything.

Later on, he was killed in a car accident when he was thrown out of the car he was in. The other two people with him, who were wearing their belts, survived with relatively minor injuries.

This incident is a textbook example of the word "irony". He died for refusing to do the one thing the government said you should do to be safe while riding a car.

Here's the link to the article I'm referring to:

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2005-15.html

EDIT: By the way, it seems that the elephant poop one listed by the OP is just an urban legend (albeit an interesting one lol):

http://darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-09.html

However, an incident involving elephants really did happen (although it's just one of a few):

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2005-01.html

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I've read the hole in the sand and the elephant one before. However, the rest seems new.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I've read pretty much all of those before, so they're not new for 2006.

The version of the couple in the car I heard was that a guy was trying to scare his girlfriend as he drove by by throwing something, maybe an m80, out the window at her feet as he drove by. Unfortunately for him, the window was closed and it landed in his lap, permanently preventing him from passing on his stupid genes to children.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I think the best one I ever read was about a guy who bought a new RV, put it on cruise control, then went into the back of the RV to get a cup of coffee. He almost died when the RV went off the road.

He later sued (and, I believe, won) the RV company for not stating in the RV's manual that cruise control does not actually drive the car around corners and such for you.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Brent

I've read pretty much all of those before, so they're not new for 2006.

The version of the couple in the car I heard was that a guy was trying to scare his girlfriend as he drove by by throwing something, maybe an m80, out the window at her feet as he drove by. Unfortunately for him, the window was closed and it landed in his lap, permanently preventing him from passing on his stupid genes children.

I know a kid who did something like that. Except it was an egg. I think I died laughing. =D

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It's just a little depressing that all these idiots are male. Have any women ever been nominated for the Darwin awards?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Wow, I think the elephant thing sucks the worst. The guy already has a crappy (for lack of a better word -_-) job... Getting knocked out and suffocated... bet he didn't see that one coming.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Ulysses

It's just a little depressing that all these idiots are male. Have any women ever been nominated for the Darwin awards?

Oh plenty, including this little gem of stupidity:

"Personal Account: Lion Lunch

As a Ranger, I am inured to the stupidity of the public when confronted with wild animals, but my daughter's experience in South Africa takes the cake. She worked in the Kruger National Park, where park authorities are scrupulous about warning people to remain within their cars at all times. A tourist driving through the park was motivated to ignore the rules when she spotted a lioness and her cubs. The woman's husband recalls her saying the cubs were not posed correctly, so she nipped out of the car and picked one up to move it closer to its siblings. Needless to say, the lioness shared her with the cubs."

I think the Bungee Jump one was best, either that or the one with the Jogger; talk about spaced out >.<

FELIPE NO

Ones involving photography always freak me out, because my mom is a photographer and when she's 'in the zone,' so to speak, she doesn't necessarily notice everything around her. I could almost see her doing something like that. Luckily she's not too keen on wildlife, and the big Africa safari trip people on her forum are doing this summer didn't pique her interest enough for her to buy into it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Its almost too sad to be funny.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Almost.

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Quote:

Originally posted at http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2006-06.html
(17 April 2006, England) There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed.

However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn't live without that cigarette."

Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up... inhaled... and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel.

The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno "cremated" his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care.

Thought that one was better than the current front-runner in the race for 2006's Darwin Award. Apparently we can vote on these things.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by SouthJag

Holy shit.

No kidding!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Asterix

I've read pretty much all of those before, so they're not new for 2006.

Yeah, it seems like i read a slightly different version of the 'elephant kills zookeeper with poop' story every year. I'd venture to say that about half the stories on Darwin Awards are true, and the other half are just made up so they have enough content on their site.

I was speaking idiomatically.

NEW JERSEY...
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

I remember that one actually happening back in New Jersey. That proved a good laugh on the local news

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It doesn't sieze to amaze me what humans are actually (in)capable of. Bah! What in the world were these people THINKING?! @_@''

FELIPE NO

The Darwin Awards are always good for a laugh. I'd like to hope that when I die, I don't go like those people.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Oh plenty, including this little gem of stupidity:

"Personal Account: Lion Lunch

As a Ranger, I am inured to the stupidity of the public when confronted with wild animals, but my daughter's experience in South Africa takes the cake. She worked in the Kruger National Park, where park authorities are scrupulous about warning people to remain within their cars at all times. A tourist driving through the park was motivated to ignore the rules when she spotted a lioness and her cubs. The woman's husband recalls her saying the cubs were not posed correctly, so she nipped out of the car and picked one up to move it closer to its siblings. Needless to say, the lioness shared her with the cubs."

I think the Bungee Jump one was best, either that or the one with the Jogger; talk about spaced out >.<

What? Did she think it was Disneyland?

Jam it back in, in the dark.