Grammar question

I'm currently writing on a review for the movie The Prestige but I don't know which variation of the following sentence is grammatically correct.

It’s dark and twisted but not too dark and weirdly confusing thanks to the great screenwriting by a collaboration between Christopher and his brother Jonathan Nolan.

It’s dark and twisted but not too dark and weirdly confusing thanks to the great screenwriting by collaboration between Christopher and his brother Jonathan Nolan.

It's basically only the a in a collaboration which bothers me.

thanks

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I can't answer your question, but I'll give you an old ninja trick: when you're unsure about grammar, change the sentence structure to something you're more familiar with.

On a related note, I think your sentence could use improvements on many other levels than actual grammar. "It's dark but not too dark"? Come on. Is it really the kind of stuff you'd expect in your average movie reviews magazine? Formal doesn't mean laboured: make shorter sentences, and make sure they are crystal clear. Avoid repetitions and useless words: saying "the great screenwriting by Christopher Nolan and his brother Jonathan" is more than enough for anyone to figure out it's a collaboration. Not to mention it solves your grammar issue.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I don't think either version is correct, and, as Face said, you should just change the whole structure, because it's really quite clumsy. Personally, I might write something like this:

It's dark, twisted and eerily confusing, however not overly so, owing to the great screenplay, which is a joint effort of Christopher Nolan and his brother Jonathan.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I think that the sentence is probably to long, and you have tried to put too much into it.
I would go with something along the lines of what Aardork has written.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Yep, change the structure and maybe cut down on the adjectives. "Weirdly confusing" sounds awkward to me.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Aardork

I don't think either version is correct, and, as Face said, you should just change the whole structure, because it's really quite clumsy. Personally, I might write something like this:

It's dark, twisted and eerily confusing, however not overly so, owing to the great screenplay, which is a joint effort of Christopher Nolan and his brother Jonathan.

Too many commas

It's dark, twisted and eerily confusing without being overdone, owing to the great screenplay by Christopher Nolan and his brother Jonathan.

Make your sentences flow.

Edit: beaten by Face

Most amazing jew boots

Thanks ya'll!
I normally reconstruct the whole sentence when I'm not sure but I didn't know that this one was so wrong.

FELIPE NO

The initial sentence, though very poorly put together doesn't break any rules. At least, that extra "a" would not count as a mistake. Removing it makes the sentence sound wrong. Hm, let's have a go at this thing.

"Though dark and complex, the plot is not overly convoluted, thanks in no small part to the superior writing talents of Christopher and Jonathan Nolan."

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dark plot is complex yet lucid, thanks to superb writing by Christopher and Jonathan Nolan.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The crepuscular yet luminous plot rocks my world to its very foundation; mad props to the dynamic Nolan duo, Chris and Jonny.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It's intricate but comprehensible because the Nolans sure can write some good shit!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I thought contractions in formal writing were always a bad thing.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

If you're writing for a technical document or for the ivory tower, yeah. But if you're writing for a magazine, contractions aren't so bad.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Elrasiel

I'm currently writing on a review for the movie The Prestige but I don't know which variation of the following sentence is grammatically correct.

It’s dark and twisted but not too dark and weirdly confusing thanks to the great screenwriting by a collaboration between Christopher and his brother Jonathan Nolan.

It’s dark and twisted but not too dark and weirdly confusing thanks to the great screenwriting by collaboration between Christopher and his brother Jonathan Nolan.

It's basically only the a in a collaboration which bothers me.

thanks

How about:

"Although dark and twisted, The Prestige doesn't lose the viewer thanks to the excellent screenwriting collaboration of Christopher and Jonathan Nolan."

NEVER start a sentence with "it." You will be asked for the predecessor.

How ya doing, buddy?

Remember back to your elementary teachings. More than 2 'and & the' words = run on sentence. Of course, you later learn there are tricks to manipulating a sentence's structure so you can have more than two. But, when you're confused, do what you did before that got you to where you are now.

FELIPE NO

Here's my suggestion:

It is dark, twisted, and oddly confusing. Fortunately, the dark is not too overwhelming. This tone for the movie was established by join screenwriters Christopher and Jonathan Nolan.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

It is dark and twisted. It also happens to be oddly confusing. Fortunately, the dark twists are not overly overwhelming, nor are they over-the-top or played out. This dark, twisted tone for the movie was established by two conjoined screenwriters. Their names are Christopher and Jonathan Nolan. By the way, they are also brothers.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

LOL. Want to see tautology in action?
Check "Your occupying romances" in TQP out.
(Can't link the thread because the system says I haven't posted enough yet)
It's a winner.

Originally Posted by Denicalis

There's this dude on the intraweb named Kevin Wong. I think he and this dude should be chivalrous together.

An excerpt:

"As Launa was staring at the beautiful grounds below her balcony, Kevin decided to enter Launa's room to let her know that he was here. However, just as Kevin was about to approach Launa to let her know that he was here, Launa suddenly left her balcony and immediately went into her bathroom; she had not noticed Kevin's presence.

In her bathroom, Launa had drawn a hot bubble bath for herself, and the tub had just become full when Kevin began approaching Launa, which was why Launa suddenly entered her bathroom instead of receiving Kevin. The bubbles and temperature of the bath were just right at this moment for Launa — with pillows of steam and thousands of delightful bubbles rising from the tub — and so Launa wanted to enter her bath right away. Plus, Launa did not know that Kevin was in her bedroom, and so she had no reason to stop her plans of taking a soothing, steamy-hot bath. As such, even though Kevin was standing in the very next room, Launa sexily dropped the pink bathrobe that she was wearing straight to the ground, revealing her absolutely stunning nude body and her untouched virginal skin. Placing her delicate right foot in first to test the water, Launa found it to be just perfect, and so she proceeded to place her other foot into the wonderfully comforting bath, and then she lowered her entire sultry body into the pure, steamy water that was now entrancingly settled beneath her.

As the sweltering water wrapped around and soothed her aching muscles and nerves, and the sensation of the soapy bath began to enter her body, mind, and soul, Launa soon began to daydream. With the pleasurable heat of the water surrounding her and entering her, and her body naked and free as it was, Launa could not help but fantasize about the love of her life, Kevin, as she sat blissfully in her bath. As Launa dreamed of Kevin, she unconsciously and slowly began caressing her body with her hands — from her head, all the way to her feet. As Launa did this, her body quivered with excitement, and tiny goose bumps began to ripple all over her body, causing it to tingle with joy. After losing herself thusly in her dreams for a couple of minutes, Launa suddenly realized where she was and what she was doing, and she bashfully smiled and began to clean herself appropriately — like she was supposed to be doing all along!

After Launa began taking her bath, Kevin could not help but sneak a peek at his beloved through her open bathroom door. As Kevin looked through the bathroom door, he saw Launa bathing her delicate body with a pink bath pouf, and when she was finished, she proceeded to wash her hair with a rare shampoo that kept her hair shiny and healthy. Then, using clean water from the bath's handheld showerhead, Launa rinsed her long and lovely hair, and she cleansed the cloud-like pillows of soap that had collected all over her body during her earlier fantasies. Although Kevin was glancing occasionally at Launa while she bathed herself, Kevin behaved gentlemanly, and so he did not look at anything of Launa's beyond what would have been chivalrous; Kevin just wanted to see how beautiful Launa's face was, as she gracefully bathed herself in her bubbly bathtub. Besides, if he and Launa were ever to get married, Kevin wanted to save the mystery and the once-in-a-lifetime experience of seeing Launa naked for the first time, for their wedding night. And so, as he became entranced with the beauty and the purity of his lover Launa, Kevin could not help but remember how special and magical it was that he and Launa fell in love in the first place, and about the day when he first learned that Launa loved him, as much as he loved her..."

Fuck, I wish I was making this shit up.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by einherjar

LOL. Want to see tautology in action?
Check "Your occupying romances" in TQP out.
(Can't link the thread because the system says I haven't posted enough yet)
It's a winner.

That kid is my fucking hero, Einherjar. Seriously. I grade papers far too often for my liking, and the only thing that gets me through is knowing that one day, maybe one of these little bastards I just gave a 40% to will be the next Kevin Wong.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Hahaha! I don't envy you Denicalis. It's tough to read crap and not be influenced to write crap after a while. My girlfriend's mum is an English teacher and she showed me some bad essays once. After a while of reading you begin to question yourself on basic grammar like subject-verb agreement and whether you were right to begin with

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?