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Different interests
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River Chocobo


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Old Jul 30, 2006, 11:14 PM #1 of 18
Different interests

I'm curious about what the statistics say about people in a relationships with different interests. Do these kind of relationships last?
Any effective ways of making it happen?

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Cal
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Old Jul 31, 2006, 12:09 AM Local time: Jul 31, 2006, 03:09 PM #2 of 18
Just make sure you both hate the same things.

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gidget
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Old Jul 31, 2006, 12:59 AM Local time: Jul 30, 2006, 09:59 PM #3 of 18
I don't think you should worry about the statistics. Just do your best to make it work and find things that you're both interested in.

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Fleshy Fun-Bridge
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Old Jul 31, 2006, 01:19 AM #4 of 18
My Father is a Chemical Engineer, an ENTJ, highly logical, fairly organized, highly focused, an avid bird watcher.
My Mother is an english major, an ESFP, highly emotional, fairly disorganized, has ADD, enjoys reading and collecting humming-bird related paraphanalia.

Together they have been married for more than thirty years, raised four children, have three grandchildren, and are looking forward to a happy retirement.

I would say that they are a good example that different interests can work.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
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FallDragon
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Old Jul 31, 2006, 04:52 PM Local time: Jul 31, 2006, 11:52 PM #5 of 18
I'd think successful relationships depend most upon what both you expect out of each other concerning the relationship, not whether you both like boats.

I was speaking idiomatically.
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River Chocobo


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Old Aug 1, 2006, 12:15 AM #6 of 18
Any tips on what to do when I run out of conversation topics?
Randomly making up things to talk about will make her bored.

I think I need to learn how to communicate and start conversations that will make me more interesting. Suggestions on books that I can get?

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gidget
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Old Aug 1, 2006, 01:08 AM Local time: Jul 31, 2006, 10:08 PM #7 of 18
Do you mean books to teach you how to be more interesting or books that are interesting that you could talk about? If it's the former..I don't think they exist. Why don't you try talking to her about funny things that happened in your past (like stupid things you and your friends have done or embarrassing moments that you can laugh at now)? She might open up and start telling her own stories.

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Cobra Commander
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Old Aug 1, 2006, 05:02 AM Local time: Aug 1, 2006, 12:02 AM #8 of 18
Yeah I dunno about this one, it is very complicated because i am currently looking for a partner, but I dunno who would suit me more. A lot of people think I would fit well with someone who is like me , but I dunno, because I can be pretty boring and actually want someone who will force me to do things.

But in the end I have no idea which is better.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
Radez
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Old Aug 1, 2006, 05:18 AM #9 of 18
Don't focus so much on yourself. If you want to be more interesting in a conversation focus on her. Keep a look out for potential topics she mentions, remember them and ask about them when the conversation lulls. Of course, this is what I was taught to do in a business setting where you're talking with near strangers. Not sure you can pull it off forever in an intimate setting.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Bernard Black
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Old Aug 1, 2006, 10:28 AM Local time: Aug 1, 2006, 03:28 PM #10 of 18
Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara
Don't focus so much on yourself. If you want to be more interesting in a conversation focus on her. Keep a look out for potential topics she mentions, remember them and ask about them when the conversation lulls. Of course, this is what I was taught to do in a business setting where you're talking with near strangers. Not sure you can pull it off forever in an intimate setting.
I don't think you would have to pull it off for the length of the relationship; I imagine that the more you use this technique, the more you would open your partner up, and so you'll eventually end up not needing it, knowing them so well anyway.

I guess you could also just try introducing a few topics about things you are interested in so you can find out her opinions. Remember to keep an open mind and don't be offended if she doesn't like something you do. I find that people appreciate the ability to mock things you like instead of standing your ground and being defensive, but obviously make sure you're not giving the impression that you are trying to suck up to her in any way.

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Summonmaster
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Old Aug 1, 2006, 10:54 AM #11 of 18
Lots of evidence for couples with different interests. I mean, many of my friends have parents that seem like polar opposites, and I think a good number of people have their favourites which differ from others.
I don't mean to overgeneralize or stray from the topic on a weird tangent but a mom and a dad could have totally different tastes and maybe even hate many of the things each other likes. If they had a kid, and that kid was you, then you know that relationship worked out .
You could like videogames, and she could loathe them. She could have a blast clubbing, and you wouldn't. If you two are still interested in seeing each other, then no matter what, for some reason, it's still worth a go.

How ya doing, buddy?
gaming
River Chocobo


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Old Aug 2, 2006, 12:35 AM #12 of 18
Originally Posted by Cobra Commander
...but I dunno, because I can be pretty boring and actually want someone who will force me to do things.
I think that's a bad move.
Women wants a real man who's in control, and does things for her in a protective way.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
Thanks to Fjordor for the funny image!
gidget
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Old Aug 2, 2006, 12:51 AM Local time: Aug 1, 2006, 09:51 PM #13 of 18
Originally Posted by gaming
I think that's a bad move.
Women wants a real man who's in control, and does things for her in a protective way.
Some women do, but not all.

I was speaking idiomatically.
Cobra Commander
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Old Aug 2, 2006, 01:39 AM Local time: Aug 1, 2006, 08:39 PM #14 of 18
oh and when i said I can be pretty boring, I meant that I don't do a lot of the things people my age do like clubbing and partying. I am much more of a sit back at starbucks and have a long chat type person. But I think that would get old real fast.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
gidget
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Old Aug 2, 2006, 02:56 AM Local time: Aug 1, 2006, 11:56 PM #15 of 18
Originally Posted by Cobra Commander
oh and when i said I can be pretty boring, I meant that I don't do a lot of the things people my age do like clubbing and partying. I am much more of a sit back at starbucks and have a long chat type person. But I think that would get old real fast.
That would depend on what the conversations were about. Long conversations with a person can be amazing if you're both interested in the topic(s) being discussed.

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FallDragon
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Old Aug 3, 2006, 02:02 PM Local time: Aug 3, 2006, 09:02 PM #16 of 18
Originally Posted by Cobra Commander
oh and when i said I can be pretty boring, I meant that I don't do a lot of the things people my age do like clubbing and partying. I am much more of a sit back at starbucks and have a long chat type person.
Most people do both of these things instead of picking just one.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
Luckee Cookie
Chocobo


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Old Aug 5, 2006, 08:10 AM #17 of 18
What I find is that couples with too many similiar interests don't mix very well. Perhaps because it's easier to stir up some serious arguments because of having both being knowledged in a field? Beats me, but I had a bf that pretty much had the same hobbies as I did (bikeing, gaming, violin, origami...) and every time we'd talk about one of these shared intrests we have (ie. critiqueing how his violin player wasn't stylisticly right for a song) gets off on the wrong foot and makes one of us look stuck up about it. That relationship didn't work out for me :\

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Max POWER
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Old Aug 6, 2006, 08:46 PM Local time: Aug 6, 2006, 07:46 PM #18 of 18
Honestly, I think a couple has to have at least some common interests with each other. It's nice to have some variety in a relationship, but if most of your interests are polar opposites, not much good can come from it. For starters, both of you will be doing what you love away from each other, and not spend as much time enjoying things with each other, because you both know the other isn't very interested. Secondly, one or both of you may end up compromising their own interests, or pretending to enjoy activities that they really don't. Having some common ground when it comes to hobbies and interests I feel is important for a solid relationship.

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