No one to depend on

I can't stand it when I'm alone. I do individual activities, like reading books or playing one-player video games, but I can't seem to accept the fact that there is not going to be anyone who's always there when I need him/her when I'm down. I tried searching in many ways-
1. Parents: No way. I feel disgusted to even stand close to my mom and I'm not too good with my dad either, since I get the feeling that he cares about my grade most.
2. Friends: I'm currently in the toughest year of high school, when everyone is studying hard to pass the college entrance exam coming on next year. With everyone so busy, I'm afraid I'd hold them back on their studying schedule. Besides, most of my friends are "fun" pals, not those "sentimental talk" ones.
3. Boyfriends: No. I'm too busy and I don't see anyone suitable for me at the moment.

I think I'm pretty much out of source. Perhaps I ask too much of others. What I'm asking for is that they need to always (or almost always) be there to listen to my complaints when I'm at the most downpoint. Many people had been my consultants, but they have their own life, too. They'd say that they are busy or they have their own major problems at the moment, too. Sure, I'd accept that and let them go, but I'd be even more miserable. It somehow within me created a misbelieve for people. I don't really trust things others say and believes that everyone will abandon me sooner or later.
But there's one more thing I don't understand. I'm already treating other people with the ways I wish to be treated back. I always keep my cellphone on and with me in case anyone calls and tells me that they want to die. I don't want them to feel deserted, thinking that there's no one out there to help them. I do that because I have experienced many times the pain about not being able to reach anyone when feeling terrible. But I really don't feel that I'm being treated fairly. Nobody listens to me!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by thirdjean

What I'm asking for is that they need to always (or almost always) be there to listen to my complaints when I'm at the most downpoint.

I think that is your problem. Friends will be there for you as much as possible, but they can't always be there. You need to be able to cope with things on your own. If you're only down once in awhile, then your friends should be able to help you out, but if you're always sad, they won't be able to help you. You shouldn't depend on others to make you happy.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I've been in the situation where I had nobody to turn to. I have ended up becoming a stronger person for being able to figure out and overcome my problems on my own. It can sometimes seem incredibly hard and painful at times, but most problems can be overcome through time and determination. Consider your friends a bonus, and not a dependency. When your friends feel that you depend on them for help, they may feel a bit overwhelmed or lose faith in you. Being there for everybody, all the time is a chore within itself. I always was there for my friends, and I even dated a psychotic schizophrentic with the intentions of helping her overcome her problems. I did have the intentions of treating people how I want to be treated, but I never seemed to get the same amount of respect in turn. The only time I really got the respect of my friends and coworkers is when I turned my back to them over the small stuff, and then helped them when they really had it bad. Life is complicated sometimes.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Quote:

Posted by thirdjean
But there's one more thing I don't understand. I'm already treating other people with the ways I wish to be treated back. I always keep my cellphone on and with me in case anyone calls and tells me that they want to die. I don't want them to feel deserted, thinking that there's no one out there to help them. I do that because I have experienced many times the pain about not being able to reach anyone when feeling terrible. But I really don't feel that I'm being treated fairly. Nobody listens to me!

Sucks, don't it? One of the unfortunate truths of the world that you're quickly going to have to accept is that you are an abberation. You're thoughtful above and beyond the standard, and no matter how much you want them to, other people aren't going to live up to the same standard. Your friends don't deserve you; they probably never will. Whether that fact bothers you is up to you.

As a general rule of thumb, friends are thoughtless and unreliable. This is why we differentiate "friends" from "best friends". One group is just the random people we hang out with, the others are the ones you can actually count on half of the time. It's just a sad fact of life that the second type of friend is in short supply.

What you need to do is know that there really are very few people you can rely upon like you want. Just keep looking, be prepared for disappointment, and always make sure you can tell the difference between real friends, and just the casual variety.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've always been a big believer in being able to handle these things yourself. Most people only seem to share pity, nothing useful.

But if you insist, you might try:

1. A psychologist. Perfectly healthy people do occasionally visit them irregularly to have someone to talk to someone honestly, bounce ideas off of, and get a healthy direction for their life

2. Religion. The book or the preacher

3. Start a journal (offline or online anonymous) so you're "talking" to yourself

Originally Posted by Fatt

...and I even dated a psychotic schizophrentic with the intentions of helping her overcome her problems.

Oh God. I bet that story has an unfortunate, unfortunate end. Boyfriend != brain chemistry altering pills.

Originally Posted by Fatt

...but I never seemed to get the same amount of respect in turn.

Of course not. You're being to available, helpful, and supplicating. Most people will perceive this as you having a lower social status and seeking approval, rather than choosing to be nice from some moral high ground.


...Whoa, what the fuck

Originally Posted by thirdjean

I always keep my cellphone on and with me in case anyone calls and tells me that they want to die.

How do you figure this is your duty?! Talk about unreasonable stress.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by How Unfortunate

A psychologist. Perfectly healthy people do occasionally visit them irregularly to have someone to talk to someone honestly, bounce ideas off of, and get a healthy direction for their life

Seems you missed a small detail :

A psychologist. Perfectly healthy people do occasionally visit them irregularly to have someone to talk to someone honestly, bounce ideas off of, and get a healthy direction for their life...for a price.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Quote:

Oh God. I bet that story has an unfortunate, unfortunate end. Boyfriend != brain chemistry altering pills.

Yeah I ran blind straight in to that one. I actually was friends with her for seven years before we dated. I saw her change from happy go lucky flower girl in to a drug addict who lost her mind. I still love her, but I couldn't date her. She refuses to talk to me after I tried to dump her gently.

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Of course not. You're being to available, helpful, and supplicating. Most people will perceive this as you having a lower social status and seeking approval, rather than choosing to be nice from some moral high ground.

That is a damn good, solid analysis.

FELIPE NO

Quote:

That is a damn good, solid analysis.

Hence why nice guys finish last.

Girls want to date the alpha male. It's a biological fact. They want the guy that seems to have dominance over others in his peer group. This isn't necessarily a conscious decision, it's something that operates just below surface consciousness.

Human platonic relationships assemble themselves in a much similar fashion. Males and females sort of stratify themselves amongst their peers, the alpha male domineering (sometimes "asshole") personalities tend to attract others of the same. So, the other less forceful personalities tend to group together, thus establishing a "pecking order."

Although, this is a very basic description of an increasingly complex system, which is based on series upon series of interactions.

While, yes, nice people are comforting to be around, because you feel that you're not in contention with them. That they pose no threat to your social status. However, because we're not really living in a primal state, being amiable and showing compassion is often mistaken, even today by the subconscious mind, for weakness.

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Originally Posted by thirdjean

I think I'm pretty much out of source. Perhaps I ask too much of others. What I'm asking for is that they need to always (or almost always) be there to listen to my complaints when I'm at the most downpoint.

Well, You have to be there for them as they have to be for you! & since you're already like that, maybe it's time to find friends that will listen, for you too!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Duo Maxwell

Hence why nice guys finish last.

Girls want to date the alpha male. It's a biological fact. They want the guy that seems to have dominance over others in his peer group. This isn't necessarily a conscious decision, it's something that operates just below surface consciousness.

Human platonic relationships assemble themselves in a much similar fashion. Males and females sort of stratify themselves amongst their peers, the alpha male domineering (sometimes "asshole") personalities tend to attract others of the same. So, the other less forceful personalities tend to group together, thus establishing a "pecking order."

Although, this is a very basic description of an increasingly complex system, which is based on series upon series of interactions.

While, yes, nice people are comforting to be around, because you feel that you're not in contention with them. That they pose no threat to your social status. However, because we're not really living in a primal state, being amiable and showing compassion is often mistaken, even today by the subconscious mind, for weakness.

Yes, this theory has been discussed before and I believe it to be true.

It actually depresses me a little bit to think about it because I am more of a ''nice guy'' personality rather than an ''alpha male''.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by How Unfortunate

How do you figure this is your duty?! Talk about unreasonable stress.

The idea behind it is the person is showing that she is a mutual friend and will be there when someone needs to talk stuff out. Also when in social rock bottom you will listen to just about anything. I've been there before. But social rock bottom is not the end of the world because lets face it; life is easy with the less amount of people you're involved with.

How ya doing, buddy?