Missing out on dating?

Say that you've been in a relationship with someone straight out from high school and you're very serious. Nothing was rushed, everything just went into place naturally and you've been together for a year and half. More than likely, things are going into the direction of marriage - or at least being together for a long time. Lately, though, it has come to your attention that your partner feels like s/he's "missing out". They want to see what its like to be with their friends and try and meet new people and kind of just date around. How do you feel about this? Do you feel betrayed? Do you let that person go then take them back with the whole "if you love them let them go and they'll come bacK" thing into practice? Personally, I don't think I could forgive that person. The only reason I could think of someone wanting to date other people is that they want to look for someone else and when they aren't satisfied, you're where they resort to in the end? Fuck that. I guess they didn't love you enough to begin with.

What would you think or do?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'd figure it's better for them to experiment with it when they're 20 than when we're 40.

How ya doing, buddy?

I think that a lot of people don't spend as much time with their friends as they would like to when they are in a serious relationship. For some reason a lot of people think that you are supposed to 'give up' that aspect of your life, in defference to your partner. So I'd be more than happy to have my SO hang with friends, and go out have a good time etc. It's good for everyone involved.

The missing out on dating other people is a different story entirely. You are right, they are trying to find someone else, and if/when that doesn't work out, you'll be 'good enough'. I have never seen this work out for people I've known so far. And I'd not be one to entertain the idea.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

It's certainly an understandable impulse to feel that you've missed out but I can't see any good coming of indulging it. I've been going out with the person I first started dating in mid high for 6 years now and we recently got engaged. I know we both to a certain degree feel liek we've missed out if nothing else based off the fact that we have no reference point to judge our relationship off of. But we also understand that it was cause no one any good for us to break up for awhile date around and then get back together.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

-_-;;

This could be a nice way of saying "I don't want to be with you anymore", but more likely the person saying this would just rather be with someone else who isn't you. When someone says this, they probably have someone already lined up, and they want to explore what it would be like with them. Do I think it's wrong? It all depends on what your relationship is based off of. If it's a loving relationship but those involved have never made the future concrete, then it's completely in his/her right to leave, although he/she is probably not doing it in a very good way. If the couple was planning a future and one leaves, then yeah, that's not right.

I've heard some girls say that they've done this to see how much they'll miss or if they'll want their boyfriend back, but in all honesty, that's probably a cover.

Originally Posted by CetteHamsterLa

I've been going out with the person I first started dating in middle school for 6 years now and we recently got engaged.

That's pretty cool, by the way.

I was speaking idiomatically.

One of my friends did that. Never got back with her old boyfriend again. In my opinion, I don't think you're missing out at all. For me, I would rather be in a relationship at the moment than date around. Sounds quite the opposite of what many people want. If you're happy in a relationship, there's no need to "see other people".

How ya doing, buddy?

Mmm. This sounds like a personal ANGST thread disguised as a regular QP thread. I'm going to respond as if you told us it's about you. =p

If she feels like she's missing out, then she probably is, and you're not meant to be together. At least right now. Feelings of "missing out" don't go away if you stay together, they just get worse. Your best hope of getting to stick with her in the future is to break up now with the possibility of getting back together later, if that's what she wants. The only thing that will be accomplished by your trying to hold on to her is to make her more resentful and have your relationship end slowly and badly.

Present the idea of a "break" to her and see if that's really what she wants. And understand that she might not come back, and that if she doesn't, it's because you weren't meant to stay together in the first place. The "fuck that" attitude doesn't help anyone, and if you really feel like you're meant for each other, getting angry cause she wants to make sure you're the one will just make your situation worse.

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If they're young, it's better to let them go. More than likely, they haven't seen and experienced enough of life if they feel they're "missing out". Of course I would be hurt, but what can I do about it? As my family tells me, you can't make a person stay with you.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

what is there to see? Unhappy relationships? I don't quite get where this idea would come from but i mean, sure sometimes it can be nice to see friends but in the long run if you are in a good relationship at the moment then why go around 'play dating'?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I think the real harm that happens in these situations is when the person that was left pines and waits for her/his lover to come back. It's just a bad time followed by a very unhealthy relationship if they (temporaily) get back together. Things just don't go well when one person has been walked all over, and the other doesn't much care that they walk all over their partner.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Do you think that the hypothetical couple you just talked about would be a good couple in the first place?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Perhaps they are looking for some more excitement. Having everything go to plan may not be exciting enough for some people. However, wanting to 'date around' sounds suspiciously like a variation of the "We should see other people" theme. Certainly not a good sign if one party is still interested in maintaining a degree of exclusivity in their relationship.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Eimin

They want to see what its like to be with their friends and try and meet new people and kind of just date around.

Translation: You're on the market again.

As has been suggested, temporarily break it off with her (lol "temporarily") but by no means sit around waiting for her to come back. She won't. If having a significant other is important to you, you're going to need to find a new one.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by RacinReaver

Do you think that the hypothetical couple you just talked about would be a good couple in the first place?

Absolutely not. It's over. The only choice that can be made at that point is how your let things play out after that. If you allow yourself to believe the whole he/she will come back and all will be well stuff, then you are doing yourself a great diservice.

How ya doing, buddy?

So in that case the 'harm' done would probably be good in the long run for the person being stepped on, since otherwise it might have gone on for the duration of the relationship (no telling how long that could be, since they might be ultra-forgiving for any sort of transgressions the other person might commit).

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It still can go on. If the person comes back, and this does often happen.* The person who is stepped on will continue to forgive, at least on the surface, while being stepped on all the more. It's a situation that lends itself to abuse or at the very least a very uneven relationship.

*The person that leaves gets lonely, and decides to settle for the person that they can manipulate.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

It's kinda funny cause a bunch of friends and I were discussing relationship scenarios and this was one.
A couple said: screw that, if she has commitment issues, dump her
A couple said: if its meant to be, then nothing can come between you
Some decided to guilt her: Say okay, say like you can try for like 2 months and we'll see what happens, BUT say, i definately won't date anyone else becuase im completely commited to you

Good luck

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Suppose you're in a relationship, and you're pretty happy. Your boyfriend has a type of personality that you enjoy, and you work well together and all that. Then another fellow comes along, and he has a different personality. Everything about him is different. You wonder how you'd get along with that type of person. It seems kind of dumb, in the abstract, to arbitrarily limit yourself to one kind of experience, just because it is satisfying.

Suppose there is someone else out there, with whom it is a certainty that you would have a better relationship than your current one. Suppose also, for the sake of argument, that you know this to be true. The right and proper thing to do in that case would be to permanently end your current relationship, and go enjoy the new one. Nothing else makes sense.

Ok, so in reality you don't actually know that such a person exists, or if you find a likely candidate, that there is any certainty of a successful relationship. In that case, the appropriate thing to do, seems to me, would be to break up the current relationship, try the new guy out, and if that fails, you at least have a better appreciation of your first relationship. How is that so bad?

We're talking inexperienced people here. They don't know how well they'll work with a broad variety of personalities, and it seems kind of stupid to burn your bridges on the way to finding out, if you don't have to. The judgement that if you're going to break up, you should do it permanently seems like an arbitrary one.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara

Suppose you're in a relationship, and you're pretty happy. Your boyfriend has a type of personality that you enjoy, and you work well together and all that. Then another fellow comes along, and he has a different personality. Everything about him is different. You wonder how you'd get along with that type of person. It seems kind of dumb, in the abstract, to arbitrarily limit yourself to one kind of experience, just because it is satisfying.

Suppose there is someone else out there, with whom it is a certainty that you would have a better relationship than your current one. Suppose also, for the sake of argument, that you know this to be true. The right and proper thing to do in that case would be to permanently end your current relationship, and go enjoy the new one. Nothing else makes sense.

Ok, so in reality you don't actually know that such a person exists, or if you find a likely candidate, that there is any certainty of a successful relationship. In that case, the appropriate thing to do, seems to me, would be to break up the current relationship, try the new guy out, and if that fails, you at least have a better appreciation of your first relationship. How is that so bad?

We're talking inexperienced people here. They don't know how well they'll work with a broad variety of personalities, and it seems kind of stupid to burn your bridges on the way to finding out, if you don't have to. The judgement that if you're going to break up, you should do it permanently seems like an arbitrary one.

This sort of reminds me of the movie, Serendipity. In case you haven't watched the movie, I'll give you a summary of the beginning. There are two couples, lets say 1 and 2, couple 2 are engaged. The girl from 1 and the guy from 2 meet and get along great. The guy from 2, despite his engagedness, decides to hit on girl 1.

But yeah, back to your scenario, I have no idea what'd i'd do. In a way you're doubting your relationship, so does that mean you should leave?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I think it should only be done if that person was the ONLY person you've ever been with for your entire life. My first love and I have done it a couple of times to see if we were what we wanted. It turns out that after years of dating, he moves and ended up turning into a cheating homosexual.

Most likely, if they have dated before and want to see what else is out there, then they were probably getting bored or uninterested in the relationship and wanted to see what else was out there. I would feel a little offended if this were to happen since I would feel that he was settling for me. I guess it depends on your personal preference.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Devo

If your significant feels the need to date around then it should be realized that you aren't the one. Cause she would know it couldn't get much better.

While that might be partially true, at the same time, you must keep in mind the ages of the people involved. As mentioned, they're pretty young. That said, it's natural to feel somewhat worried about your relationship, no matter how wonderful the other person is. Going on a few dates with some other people would be a very good idea because:
1) If the couple in question is not meant to be, this truth will be discovered now, and believe me, better to find that out now than 10 years from now when there are kids involved.
2) If the couple in question IS meant to be, then both parties will have been through experiences that prove that, and there are no reamining "what if...?" questions lingering over both their heads.

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My sister was going steady all through highschool. She had never been involved with anyone but this one boy; when she got to college, she wanted to take a break from Steve--not his real name, but we shall call him that--and date other people. He protested, but there is no arguing with my sister. And so, it was that they separated for a year. She saw three or four other guys...

The result? She realized that she could never love anyone like she loved Steve. No one else was the same, and she constantly felt a pull back to him. To this day, they have been happily married for ten years, with two kids and a third on the way. They have a comfotable home, she has a career, and he loves to cook italian for the family.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by ElectricSheep

My sister was going steady all through highschool. She had never been involved with anyone but this one boy; when she got to college, she wanted to take a break from Steve--not his real name, but we shall call him that--and date other people. He protested, but there is no arguing with my sister. And so, it was that they separated for a year. She saw three or four other guys...

The result? She realized that she could never love anyone like she loved Steve. No one else was the same, and she constantly felt a pull back to him. To this day, they have been happily married for ten years, with two kids and a third on the way. They have a comfotable home, she has a career, and he loves to cook italian for the family.

That's a really cool story. Lately, I've been really cynical with...well, the opposite sex in general. ^_^;; But I guess some really do this to allay any fears they have of if they're with the right person or not. Of course, maybe every other guy your sister dated in college was a jerk, but that was a touching story, nonetheless.

FELIPE NO