Douchebag Roommates

God only knows everyone who's been through college had one at some point. I was reading someone bitching about it on another forum, and I was reminded of the painful company I once had.

Does anyone have any scarring stories to tell of their own douchebag roommates?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Back in 2001 I was in an apartment with three people who like to drink. I'm a social drinker myself for the most part, but these three fuckers would get shitfaced EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. School? "Haha fuck that" was their typical response. Moved out after one semester.

Most amazing jew boots

I have horror stories beyond belief, let me tell you. The current guy, who just moved out, was one of the most selfish people I've ever met. I'm trying to have a phone conversation with my mother, and about 45 seconds in, he turns his music way up, and tells me to go outside because he "doesn't want to hear me."

It's also apparently OK for him to be really loud when I'm trying to nap or sleep, but the reverse is definitely not OK.

Basically, he's a selfish jerk. So glad I'm moving back in with family next semester. I know that sounds strange, but it's definitely better than the assholes I've had in the past -- trust me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

luckily here in england you only have to share the communal areas and get your own room and sometimes bathroom, but still, you encounter jerks.

one of my flatmates had no regards for others whatsoever:
- playing music at obscene volumes at the wrong hours (late at night or early in the morning) and it was decent music either -.-
- taking over the entire fridge/freezer when me and the other flatmate had gone home for the holidays
- pretty much always setting off the fire alarm whenever she cooks, she has an inability to stay in the kitchen and what what she does, instead she pots whatever she wants to cook on the stove or in the oven and leaves... only to come back for it when the place starts smelling of smoke
- makes a complete mess whenever she cooks, ie sauces spill all over the stove and she doesn't even attempt to clean it up
- leaves her left overs out in the open, and with summer coming... you can guess what the result is
- leaves her dirty dishes in the sink for weeks on end
- oh and she's decided to use every single cupboard, table and chair to put her things on so you can't actually sit at the table and eat anymore, have to do it in your room.

sure they don't seem that important, but i come from a catering background, so messes in the kitchen area is a nightmare of mine

How ya doing, buddy?

I'm sure many of you have had worse than I have, but I've only had one year living in a dorm and I've already got some roommate funtimes under my belt. I had gone through three roommates by the end of the first semester, and the fouth guy is rooming with me again next semester because we've become friends.

First two: my double was, for a time, a forced triple. While neither of them were really anything terrible, they had certainly become friends with each other more than with me. We were all just in different places, they were more athletic, I was far more nerdy. One of them dropped out after two weeks, and the other one was drinking under his parents noses, so they both decided it would be a good idea to bring a drunken party into the room. Bad news, fellas: You live on the school's Chem. Free floor. Roommate 2 left the next day, Roommate 1 was kicked out of the room for having alcohol.

If you look up the word "polyamorous" in a dictionary, Roommate 3 might have his picture next to the word as an example. And he wasn't even attractive. This is the kind of guy that pisses off my friend Eric, who really tries with women and never succeeds. Anyway, I lost track of all fo the women, also lost count, but he seemed to remember all of their names. He left of his own accord because he didn't really 'fit in' on our floor. Final notes: I totally love hearing the same Staind song at least twice every single night. I also love when someone makes a setlist to play on repeat that consists of seven songs total. Especially if one of them is that god-awful Hawthorne Heights single.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by GRUN-2

I'm sure many of you have had worse than I have, but I've only had one year living in a dorm and I've already got some roommate funtimes under my belt. I had gone through three roommates by the end of the first semester, and the fouth guy is rooming with me again next semester because we've become friends.

First two: my double was, for a time, a forced triple. While neither of them were really anything terrible, they had certainly become friends with each other more than with me. We were all just in different places, they were more athletic, I was far more nerdy. One of them dropped out after two weeks, and the other one was drinking under his parents noses, so they both decided it would be a good idea to bring a drunken party into the room. Bad news, fellas: You live on the school's Chem. Free floor. Roommate 2 left the next day, Roommate 1 was kicked out of the room for having alcohol.

If you look up the word "polyamorous" in a dictionary, Roommate 3 might have his picture next to the word as an example. And he wasn't even attractive. This is the kind of guy that pisses off my friend Eric, who really tries with women and never succeeds. Anyway, I lost track of all fo the women, also lost count, but he seemed to remember all of their names. He left of his own accord because he didn't really 'fit in' on our floor. Final notes: I totally love hearing the same Staind song at least twice every single night. I also love when someone makes a setlist to play on repeat that consists of seven songs total. Especially if one of them is that god-awful Hawthorne Heights single.

Five out of five douchebags.

Isn't it a great part of the college experience, learning to adapt to having assholes around? I always hope this kinda shit has a pruning quality to it.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My older brother, who's a total homophobe, had his roommate come out half way through the first semester of his first year :/

FELIPE NO

I think I could write a book about how douche my roommates are, but you can chose which ones you want to read about if you like:

Roommate #1: Black racist

Spoiler:

1. She was black, which was cool since I never really met a black person before, but she was one of those black people who didn't think that white people were ever right. First of all, I told her that I was 1/4 Cherokee and she said, "It doesn't matter, you're still white." Secondly, we got into an hour long argument because I called a white guy a "Wigger" (I'm sorry, but if black people can call one another the "N" word, then why can't "white" people call eachother the "W" word)? She would always come to me and vent, but when I tried to vent to her she would go off on me about me blaming her for all my problems (which I didn't). Then, one day, I try to stand up for her Jewish friend and her other black friends went off and try to get this GIANT 6'6 black guy to beat me down b/c I said "Jews don't go to Hell, b/c if they did, than Jesus would be there." I told my roommate to get her friends to back off, then she went off on me and cause the school to send me to a psychatrist b/c they thought I wanted to kill myself. Turns out, I am 100% sane, in fact, from what I've faced in the past, they were surprised to see how well I turned out. She still believes that John Smith married Pocahontas. Honestly, I think African Americans (mostly guys that aren't into the gangsta movement) are awesome, but there is a serious problem with racist women on campus (that I haven't mentioned here).

Roommate #2: Never shown up, very good roommate indeed.

Roommate #3: Pregnant

Spoiler:

Roommate #3: They forced her into my room during the second semester so they can "collaborate" rooms (even though no one new was going to move in...dumb@$$es). She was half African American and half Caucasian, but she actually had a sense of humor and was even able to joke around with me. She even acted like she cared and wanted to hang out with me. She was great...until she became pregnant. The school didn't give her any special housing, so there I was stuck with classes and work from 9-4 (no lunch) everyday and I had to wake up to the sound of her vomiting. Then, she would skip all of her classes and work b/c she didn't fell well (which I can understand all of this, seriously).

However, she would be feeling great at night and she would keep me up until 3 or 4 a.m. every night b/c all of her other friends were asleep and I was the one in the room. She wasn't as bad as the first one, but I'm lucky that I haven't killed anyone because of lack of sleep and food. However, with all the moodswings and such, I now have a deeper respect for guys with pregnant wives.

Roommate #4: Da*n Yankee

Spoiler:

Roommate #4: Yankee. Now, there are some really cool Yankee's, but this Yankee is so horrible that I started to see why the south wanted to separate. Anyway, I guess this person thinks that her best quality is her intelligence (lord knows she's limited in other things). She is your stereotypical Yankee: Loud, obnoxious, rude, blunt, arrogant, etc (there are great Yankees out there, but please destroy her before she poisons more minds about how Yankees are). Anyway, first of all she thinks that -25° F is NOT COLD, so we fight back and forth over the heater (I tried turning it off once and she said that she couldn't stand the silence). I like the light and she wants the room pitch black all the time. She farts very loud in her sleep and she does this whale impression where she will raise her head and legs in the air with her torso on the bed (she's as big as one too).

She always interrupts people and talks all the time, but when you say something she doesn't want to hear she will actually cover her ears. She has chased away all of my friends (half of them are Asian and they won't get near me whenever she's around) because she's so loud and obnoxious. She did a "gagging" motion when one of my friends was using my phone to call her boyfriend to walk her home at night. I was one time wearing a spaghetti-strapped shirt (not showing and clevage or stomach) and she walks into the room and the first thing she says was, "I hope you're not wearing that. B/C first of all, you look like a slut. Secondly, that shirt is too small on you and it looks like your boobs are being held by 2 pieces of string". 2 weeks later, she's wearing the SAME EXACT SHIRT (except 10 times larger of course).

Also, she's one of those people who believes that she knows EVERYTHING. I told her that this book had small type and she said it was normal size. I said it wasn't and I thought the subject was dropped, instead she pulls out one of her papers and grabs my book from my hands and compares the 2 fonts. She agreed that it wasn't 12, but she said "Yeah, it's probably 10 though" when I said it was size 8. She wants me to read ALL of her papers to correct them (which I stopped doing that near the end of last semester). Once, I told her that this one country wasn't doing so bad economically, and she said, "You got a point". THREE DAYS LATER I was walking into the kitchen and she said, "Oh, by the way, you were wrong about the country...it's 153 out of 215". Like I give a flying f**k after three days!

She claims that she doesn't have any friends, yet she would occasionally hang out with people. However, she spends most of her time in the room, which is bad b/c I need my privacy (at least one hour, I beg you). She claims to be Pagan, but she wants to work as a judge on the Supreme Court, so she lies about her religion and claims she's Roman Catholic. However, I once convinced her to change her religion 6 times in one hour by saying "Are you sure you're not atheist?" and then she would say, "You know, you have a point..." then I would say, "That sounds more Buddhist" and she would say, "You know, I might be Buddhist..." seriously, religion isn't like changing socks!

Also, this is how my roommate describes the Yankee culture: She says that it is ruder to let a stranger sit in the same booth as you in a crowded restaurant than it is to shove their stuff into the floor. That if you talk about any member of your family (like some sotherners have the habit of doing when they meet people) then that is very rude. That being blunt and rude is nicer than constructive criticism. Seriously, this is what she tells me. I'm leaving out half of the injustices, but yeah if this doesn't qualify as being a douchebag then I don't know what does.

Roommate #5: She signed up for my room one day then changed her mind the next day.

Roommate #6: Don't know who she is, but I have the feeling that this one may make me want to stay in Sunderland. Seriously, I don't understand sometimes how these people get boyfriends (well, roommate #3 was awesome, I just cherish sleep).

Originally Posted by evergreen

Five out of five douchebags.

Isn't it a great part of the college experience, learning to adapt to having assholes around? I always hope this kinda shit has a pruning quality to it.

I think I'm trying to catch up to your record. I've had 3 roommates that actually made it to living in the room with me and 2 that either didn't show up to college or found someone else to room with (which one of the two I knew was going to be AWESOME).

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Fire On Ice

My older brother, who's a total homophobe, had his roommate come out half way through the first semester of his first year :/

Wait, who's the douchebag in this situation?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm sooooo fucking glad I don't have to deal with that bullshit. Living with parents for free rent rocks!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by guyinrubbersuit

I'm sooooo fucking glad I don't have to deal with that bullshit. Living with parents for free rent rocks!

it does indeed, unless you have parents like mine; last year when i was at a different university and living at home i wasn't allowed to go to any of the society events in the evenings because "there'll be guys there", i kid you not, those were my parents' exact words except in chinese.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

You know, my parent use to say the exact same thing to my sister when she was in High School.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Oh sweet jeebus - I have had two roommates who fit the douchebag category.

Roommate #1:

Now I am Christian. I believe in God and such, but I'm not gonna take my beliefs and ram it down your throat. Roomie 1 was a super-religious nutcase who decided it was his business to convert me to his denomination because what I thought and believed about how I should live my own life wasn't good enough. Even better - (and keep in mind that this is a freshman dorm studio where it is only one room) - lets decide we want to play a little game we like to call "Let's have bible study in the room and not ask your roommate if its OK!" Thats OK that your roommate has been on his feet all day in classes, then had to work that afternoon, and is really tired and just wants to lay down and take a rest! Noooooooo. That is unnaceptable because how sleepy you are doesn't matter when you're a god warrior! YAY!!!! now don't get me wrong - like I said, I'm a christian. But I also know how to respect other people: how hard would it be to maybe move that to the student lounge so your roommate could get some sleep or maybe tell him before hand so there are no problems? Shortly after that I became his "pet project" as he was determined to convert a filthy heathen such as I and thats when enough was finally enough. :P

Roommate #2 was just a dick, plain and simple. One day i came home to find the toilet seat inexplicably missing. Considering my roommate was never in as is, I had no idea of finding out what became of it. Ignoring my notes about this, and getting tired of having to go into military squats just to take a shit TWO FUCKING MONTHS LATER i skipped my classes and work in the hopes of catching him at home. It worked. Boy howdy, wasn't it ever fun when I discovered that he'd taken off the toilet seat to the apartment to use as some kind of freaky dada-ist sculpture based art project rather than just buying one at Wal Mart? HOW TOTALLY UNSANITARY IS THAT SHIT!!?!

This was also the same douche who liked to play Counterstrike, crank the volume up to eleventy-bajillion and blast away at anything that moved without the respect of his roommate or the people next door or the people above him who constantly banged on the walls to turn that shit down. It's fun answering the door to screaming next door neighbors at 3 in the morning because he refused to put headphones on due to them taking away the "magic of the Counterstrike experience!" FUN FOR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Last term I was in a room with three spiteful cocks who talked shit about everyone (and each other) and refused to shut up. On more than one occasion I had to sleep outside.

One particular instant comes to mind. I have some kind of bizarre allergy thing which occurs randomly (no time to explain) by which my throat closes up and I turn red and itch all over my fucking body. The medication fucks me up even further, so I usually get rid of it by standing under a hot shower for an hour. On more than one occasion one of the assholes thumped on the shower room door until I left. Thank god I'm roomed up with a friend this time.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Dubble

Roommate #1:

Now I am Christian. I believe in God and such, but I'm not gonna take my beliefs and ram it down your throat. Roomie 1 was a super-religious nutcase who decided it was his business to convert me to his denomination because what I thought and believed about how I should live my own life wasn't good enough. Even better - (and keep in mind that this is a freshman dorm studio where it is only one room) - lets decide we want to play a little game we like to call "Let's have bible study in the room and not ask your roommate if its OK!" Thats OK that your roommate has been on his feet all day in classes, then had to work that afternoon, and is really tired and just wants to lay down and take a rest! Noooooooo. That is unnaceptable because how sleepy you are doesn't matter when you're a god warrior! YAY!!!! now don't get me wrong - like I said, I'm a christian. But I also know how to respect other people: how hard would it be to maybe move that to the student lounge so your roommate could get some sleep or maybe tell him before hand so there are no problems? Shortly after that I became his "pet project" as he was determined to convert a filthy heathen such as I and thats when enough was finally enough. :P

Yeah, two of my roommates did similar things. The first one would force me to wake up around 5 a.m. every morning b/c she thought that sleeping in until noon was a waste of a day. She was trying very hard to force me to go to her church even though I'm an Alternative Christian. She finally got mad and left me alone.

The fourth roommate, the Yankee, would invite this very obnoxious guy into the room after I had showered and his high-pitched, nasaly voice kept trying to convert me into watching Harry Potter (along with my roommate). Think of Randy and Eustis from King of the Hill and you probably know what this guy looks and acts like. Seriously, I don't know why they couldn't hang out in the lounge so I wouldn't walk out of the shower in a pair of shorts and a nightgown and have some odd guy looking at me. She normally won't warn me when he's in, or if she does, she'll say, "He outside the door right now, I'm letting him in."

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by evergreen

Wait, who's the douchebag in this situation?

Well it's kinda wierd. He's just made uncomfortable by gay references and being around gay people he doesn't know. He doesn't think that gays go to hell or that it's "wrong" he just doesn't like it. Plus this roomate of hi was apparently a jackass and screwed around with my brother's stuff and when he complained, the guy said it was because he had issues with gay people. Probably should have mentionned that before. I don't really understand why he's homophobic in the first place but hey, it's part of who he is and at least he's not a jackass about it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

My current roomate is a total bitch. I mean there are no other words that could possibly describe her better than "Stank ass cunt", "Chonga", and the nefarious "Herpes Simplex C Chimera" This girl loves to leech off of people, and ironically as of the last 5 months, I alone have been paying the electric, the rent, and possibly everything else that we have to pay. She used to sit at home and do nothing but drink, snort cocaine, and have sex with her 40 year old boyfriend ,who reminds me of a rejected guitarist (Seriously, the man has no potential for a good future...), on my fucking bed. Not only does she do that, but shes broken 2 of my work laptops and gotten me fired from 2 jobs in the last 4 months because she decides to come over and create a scene about why life is so miserable, with thin cuts on her wrist.

She clearly is a waste of airspace and organic material, just like having a pet roach, its fucking pointless! So now I am moving out, finally, and going with my friend alan. Sweet....

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Alterminded

My current roomate is a total bitch. I mean there are no other words that could possibly describe her better than "Stank ass cunt", "Chonga", and the nefarious "Herpes Simplex C Chimera" This girl loves to leech off of people, and ironically as of the last 5 months, I alone have been paying the electric, the rent, and possibly everything else that we have to pay. She used to sit at home and do nothing but drink, snort cocaine, and have sex with her 40 year old boyfriend ,who reminds me of a rejected guitarist (Seriously, the man has no potential for a good future...), on my fucking bed. Not only does she do that, but shes broken 2 of my work laptops and gotten me fired from 2 jobs in the last 4 months because she decides to come over and create a scene about why life is so miserable, with thin cuts on her wrist.

She clearly is a waste of airspace and organic material, just like having a pet roach, its fucking pointless! So now I am moving out, finally, and going with my friend alan. Sweet....

I felt filthy just reading that; I've had one roommate where, as annoying as he was, you at least knew he wasn't going to get any. EVER. However, all the same, I've had a roommate where girls have been dull enough to fall for him and so have had to hear empty-headed giggles all through the night.

Oh and to remind anyone just in case, cause I know this is a prevalent douchebag trait for a roommate: guitar playing. It's cool, and I respect knowing the instrument. But when you play the same damn song, solely to get laid (i.e. "Tears In Heaven"), it's maddening. Especially if you like the song.

And since I just remembered, I had someone play, since I forgot, Band X all the time, their single. I liked Band X, way back then, before I had this person as a roomie. I thought they were really good. But then not only did I have to associate their damn songs to this prick whenever I listened to them myself, he played their single alone so many times that even if he wasn't an idiot, it'd still be unbearable.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Another one in the "living with parents" category most thankfully.

All I have to say is....
Visavi - GOOD LUCK! That Yankee sounded like a bitch and a half to live with! That's why I wanted to room with current friends rather than risk getting morons like that.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm sure my other roommates would describe me as an asshole too. I'm sure I did some stuff to piss off the others without knowing it.

My one of my roommate thought that it was cool to blast out his rock music from his pretty shitty speakers. Also, he would watch movies with his speakers too. At first, I tried just using my headphones and asking him politely to lower his volume or use his headphones. Later I just got tired and decided to be the asshole and blare music out of my shitty speakers. I finally got the message, and started using headphones. At least my roommate was somewhat compliant.

I think it should be a rule that if you're sharing a room with someone, you have to have headphones. I really don't want to listen to your shit. I probably need a room to myself.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Oh RIGHT. The LEECH archetype. Someone brought that up before but I had to relate a very striking story. I had one roommate, same one who made me hate Band X, who never used anything of his own. Seriously. He had a computer but his parents somehow forgot to make him pack that most important thing. So my other roommate, who was a nice guy, lets him use his laptop. Funny thing? This leech ends up using the laptop more than he. All the time, he'd be blaring some shitty music from a laptop that wasn't even his. My other roommate even told me this disturbing tale in which even open water bottles of his were not safe from this leech's over dependence.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I'm married so I dont have any real problems other than my husband's friends coming over and eating our food and making a bigger mess of our already messy aparment. My sister lives at home though and she's sorta high-maintainence... She might be one of those aggrevating roommates if she ever moves out and has to have a roommate.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My roomates weren't bad, but they had a few things that pissed me off. One hated using a dryer (OH NOEZ MY CLOTHES SHRINK IN THE DRYER) and would hang his damp clothes over my fucking desk.

Both were of Korean descent and also loved to spam decent tasting but very awful smelling food.

Next year I'm rooming with friends. In a better dorm than fucking Glenn. My brother was right in that the room smells worse than prison. Georgia Tech does that to people.

FELIPE NO

My roomate is...erm, well, too agreeable lol. I'm pretty sure he has opinions, but I don't know what the hell they are. I ask him a question and he just shrugs his shoulders and says "whatever." I mean it is kind of nice to have an affirmative . Or a negative. That said, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a little bit of an asshole. I'm always up until 5:00am pounding away on my LOUD keyboard, and at least until he goes to bed, blasting my death metal & power metal on my speakers. I'm nice enough to turn it off before then though . I'm in my room a lot though, so its a good thing he has headphones .

Pretty much I've noticed on my floor everybody leaves everyone else alone. On the rare occasion you do get asked to lower volume or whatnot, people do it. So I guess I came out pretty lucky.

Nothing compared to some of the horror stories I've heard here =(.

There was a guy last semester though that lived on a different wing (same floor still) that would always come in our room @ 11:00pm and insist on watching South Park, no matter what. We didn't really mind I guess, I mean that was just his personality, but still, there were times were I would have rather spent that time studying.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Man, I'm going into dorms next year for the first time..and reading all this is making me Soooo excited! I sure hope I get the yankee..or maybe the cocaine/sex addict. Ooo, the cult religious guy sounds fun!....siiiigh

Jam it back in, in the dark.