Ever hurt yourself stupidly?

as a 4 year old, as most 4 year old boys do at one time or another, I had to pee REALLY bad. so instead of going potty, i just stood there in the backyard holding my little peter to keep pee from coming out as 4 year old logic explains. my dad soon realizes this and yelled for me to stop holding myself and go to the bathroom. this for some reason, made me mad at my dad. I went inside, cleverly locking the door once I got in, to forever leave him out in the cold FOREVER.

in my hurry to relieve the little smokey of it's golden water, I ran towards the bathroom, dropping my pants along the way because I REALLY HAD TO PEE. as I reached the bathroom door, I tripped over something. whether it be my own feet or the bath mat, I introduced my forehead to the corner of the sink. that was the moment I realized you could bleed and pee at the same time. my mother (pregnant at the time with my little brother) found me on my knees in a puddle of piss and blood and of course screamed her f'ing head off for my dad, who was at that point, unable to get inside the house because i'd locked him out.

the rest is foggy to me. I remember sitting in my mom's lap in the car on the way to the emergency room with a cold wash cloth on my head, laying on the operating table and feeling what i thought was stitches in my forehead (turns out to be some sort of numbing meds) as the plastic surgeon fixed my head and then going into the little kids toy room to get a toy as a reward for causing panic, fear and a nice hospital bill. Oh and then we went from the hospital to my cousin's birthday party.

that was the coolest day of 1983 and not even The Return of the Jedi could top it....

so regardless of the fact that I was 4 years old, it was stupidity and ignorance that caused me to live with a scar for the rest of my life.

i'm including a picture of 4 yr old me, stitches and glittery pink panther shirt included, as a reminder to never run with your pants down when you have to pee really bad after locking your father outside in the cold when your mom is pregnant.



Jam it back in, in the dark.