[DnD] Tomb of Horrors (GFF D&D Adventure X)

Another day another set of critters to blatter upside the head with a hammer. No Gnomes this time, Life is good.

I'm "Slim" and I don't know about the large bovine fellow he's just been staring at the grass producing methane since we arrived.


Pull hammer and everburning torch Descend as soon as the group is ready.

Most amazing jew boots

1 Die Roll eyeballs

I follow down the stairs and look around keeping well clear from either the red tile or the strongbox. Let the Halfing handle it. He looks to be a shifty little bastard so this sort of thing should be right up his alley.


percept bitch 4+2=6



Sigh I'm going to assume my +2 to find traps will not help here.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I go back upstairs and gather about a dozen large rocks. Then Head back and chunk them at the strongbox, various points along the red tiles, and the area off to the side as well. I may not be much for lock picking but throwing shit that I can handle.

Like so

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I throw my magically returning maul at the chest in an attempt to knock it down in the pit where Samwise can get at it. Then I take my rope and tie one end to the bottom of the stairs and throw the other down into the pit.

If this works would you mind tying your end of the rope to the chest? I mean if you don't have more pressing business staring off into space or killing yourself of course.

Then I go over to the hollow fresco the walking prime rib is prodding and smash the crap out of it with my hammer using my stonebreaker power if need be and making certain to stand off to the side in between the pit and the scratched tiles.

Athletics? Strength?

How ya doing, buddy?

1 Die Roll ?

Ah I love the smell of crushed precious art in the morning. Excited that my go to strategy of when in doubt smash has payed off I run around the room shouting and dispensing high (middle) fives and ending with a leaping chest (crotch) bump on Beefi.

WOOOOOOOOHHHHH YEAH DESTRUCTO FIVE

Now that I've got that out of my system I retrieve my rope then head back upstairs. Find the longest poking stick I can practically carry with me. Head back down gather gather up my trusty testing rocks.

I could see that the Furry (not that there's anything wrong with that) was amenable to my way of doing things so I lend my hammer to the cause.

Surface smash 2 the breakoning!

I was speaking idiomatically.

1 Die Roll eyeballin

This room is played out man like for real. Time to shake things up. Provided Garold hasn't just brought down hell on his own head I take a quick look around to see if there's anything amiss and boldly stride forward and burst through the door like the Instant Grog Mix Troll.

OH YEAH!! COME GET SOME YOU DEAD POET CUNT

Percept 18+2 plus an additional 2 if it's a trap

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

2 Dice Rolls midgety menace

It appears that instant grog does not delight gargoyles in the way that is does other sentient creatures of all ages. Oh well we have ways of dealing with the culturally ignorant. Aiming right for the tail stone I crack him with my hammer.

Word of Exchange miss

Hey hey hey there fella I don't think you want to do it this way. I mean we are literally as a group unqualified to do anything except murder things viciously and you're looking a lot like a hooker that no one will miss in a dark alley right now. A large beclawed hooker that could stand to moisturize a bit mind you but it takes all kinds. Just saying

intimidate not so much

I look and see that two of our group are nowhere around and aim to fix that problem.

OI!!! FLUFFY AND FLAMY STOP PLAYING GRAB ASS AND GET OVER HERE!

FELIPE NO

2 Dice Rolls healin

Hey this bastard can't just run away from me like that. I am a Kobold of high standing within this community and refuse to be ignored. As soon as I get out of here I will immediately put up posters telling of this to warn the masses.

My opponent Ward T. Gargoyle votes in favor of unlicensed cattle slaughter in unsanitary conditions and fears vertically challenged Saurian humanoids. Can you trust a creature like this to represent you in your local tombs and mausoleums?

More immediately I run at the beast sliding under the genasi's legs and ending up to the south of the gargoyle. I Swing with my pushiest blow but again whiff. Oh well fuck it I can still keep our walking emergency food supply alive so we don't have to field dress it and drag it through the whole dungeon.


Run to g0, Brutal slam on gargoyle miss for fucks sake Rune of Mending using rune of destruction to Beefi granting use of a healing surge +3hp and +2 damage to everyone til the end of my next turn.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

4 Dice Rolls howlin

Clearly my hammer is defective. I poke it suspiciously and make it clear that Mr. Smashy and I will have words when this is all done with. Time to try the less direct approach. Stone burns right?

shift to H0

Flames of purity on gargoyle close blast 3 catching everyone but sam and possibly gra fa zut depending on how that corner effects it. +3 damage to all allies in blast. flame of purity exhausted for encounter.

Ok apparently not so much but at least setting my allies on fire seems to have properly motivated them to end this quickly. Actually screw that I will not be made useless in this way. I let out my mightiest most terrifying scream and CHARRRGGGGGGEE!

YouTube Video

ACTION POINT Howling strike 19+11+1=31 HIT

about goddamn time 4+4+8 +2 for rune of mending +3 for being hit in previous turn as per my runic artistry +2 hammer daily power expended=23

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Slim runs at the pit screaming "THAT WAS THE LIGHTNING BROTHER!! HERE COMES THE THUNDER!" Skidding to a halt just short when he sees that the beast is already dead.

OH well there was always next time. Looking down I see that the minotaur is looking pretty dazed, must have landed on his head. I grab the other end of his chain and haul him up.

Try and be more careful next time would you meatloaf.

As soon as he's up I see if I can get a look at the shiny thing he grabbed and make heads or tails of it. Then I head over to the large chair the gargoyle was hanging out on and have me a little sit down burning one healing surge and taking a look down the hallway.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Try poking both the doors open with my long stick. Surely there can't anymore creatures like that one too near or the sound of battle would have roused them. Also I drop my perma torch on the ground so whoever needs it can pick it up along the way.

Happy birthday!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll ewwww

Slim sheds a single tear for fluffy. They say you can never blame the animal but only the owner. I add this to my official list of reasons why this guy has got to go, right next bad poetry and extravagant wasting of money on a tomb that so far doesn't even appear to contain dead people.

Staring at the rocks laying around intently one question burns in his mind like very the fires of the gods themselves!


Is that gargoyle poop?


relevant poop identifying skill?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Slim walks over and performs a jumping pimp slap on Beefi.

This is not nappy time you magnificent pile of mouthwatering pot roast!

I was speaking idiomatically.

1 Die Roll hit if I can

Slim stands still for a moment and ponders this turn of events. He thinks back on anything previous to this that might be mathematically relevant. His mind flashes to every choice that has led him to this point in his life. The ancient chants of his people echo through his head.

'Lo, there do I see my father.
'Lo, there do I see My mother, and my sisters, and my brothers.
'Lo, there do I see The line of my people...
Back to the beginning.
'Lo, they do call to me.
They bid me take my place among them.
In the halls of Koboldia...
Where the brave...
May live...
forever.

A smile slowly creeps across his face his worries slip away and there is only one thing left to do.

GO EAT A GNOLL DICK YOU CUNTFACED SONS OF A GNOME WHORE!

He flips the traditional one finger salute of the underdark and runs into the cave using Great Shout as soon as he adjacent to the first of it's inhabitants.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

10 Dice Rolls burn9

When he was but a hatchling Slim cried for days upon being told he'd never grow up to be a dragon. Years were spent thinking "dragony" thoughts and trying to will himself to fly ,grow to enormous size and spray fiery death at all who dared stand before him. While his wings never did come in and his size remained stunted the firebreath was coming along marvelously.


BURN! close blast 3 aimed straight ahead +11 vs AC all but burn 8 are toast. +8 temp hp for killing a dude

ignore burn 9 got carried away

Flames of purity spent for encounter

YOU! I have spared you so that you might murder your friends for my amusement. Do this and I shall kill you last!

Intimidate target of burn 8 4+8=probably not.

Shift back 1

FELIPE NO

3 Dice Rolls inteemidete-a

shift back 1 using shifty and then move back two more using a normal move

Good man I'm glad I could teach you such an important life lesson. Under other circumstances I would look forward watching your continued development and perhaps we could even be friends. Truly fate is cruel!

ranged basic attack with hammer at imp AL6

Seeing the imp explode on contact with his hammer like a rotted pumpkin drives Slim into a frothing madness.

Ver vee gu ter shmurshm der givorties BORK BORK BORK!

Swift charge used for encounter attempt to hold out my arms next to me and do a running clothesline on the front two xivorts.

Du yuoo vunt tu be-a zee boorgers?

intimidate xivort ak7

Note that I reset to 8 temp hp every time I kill something.

How ya doing, buddy?

Slim pulls two pints of oil from his pack and smashes them on the ground at his feet. Giving it just a few seconds to trickle down farther into the cave.

TEME TU MEKE THER FLEMBE!

He strikes ground with his hammer creating a spark. Turns his back to cave and saunters out without looking back as the fireball fills the entrance in slow motion.

He stands there for a moment breathing in the sweet smell of burning imp. And then shrugs and mutters to no one in particular.


21%

How ya doing, buddy?

Alright lets try this again.

Slim walks cautiously over to the Genasi suspiciously eyeballing the air. He attempts to throw him over his shoulder and haul him onto the elevator the hard way.

This isn't my preferred end of the dire boar back ride but it'll have to do.

If that doesn't work I just grab my everburning torch off the floor and climb on the elevator and casting disparaging looks Gra-Fa-Zut's way.

Most amazing jew boots

1 Die Roll cajun blackened?

MMMMMMMMmm so many fishes so delicious, I must know what kind of breading is appropriate for these creatures. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess cornmeal.

Slim stares off into the water watching the creatures move and slowly starts to drool.


Nature check on fish 5+2

These fish are best served rolled in mud and cooked in a sulfur spring.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll hammer throw

OOOOOOH if you're going to catch dinner I'll help!

Slim commences commences to use his epic hammer fishing skills while imitating Mordenkainen's Faithful Imp Zapper with his mouth and looking pointedly at Gra-Fa-Zut.

ZZZZZZZTTTTTTT POW! ZZT ZTT ZTTT

Most amazing jew boots

I attempt to lasso the platform Beefi just jumped over too. If that succeeds then I tie the rest of my rope around the platform I'm located on and throw the leftover slack to Samwise so he can do the same.

I was speaking idiomatically.

3 Dice Rolls climb?

I attempt to tightrope walk across the line I have strung to the hatch platform.

10+8 so probably not?


If that didn't work I swim for it while screaming like a little girl and climb onto the platform.

21 to swim and 20 to climb out.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll oops

Slim climbs down down the chain and helps Garold up.

Let us never speak of this again.

Rune of mending on Garold and then sit down and burn a surge myself.

one surge +6 for Garold

That unfortunate business out of the way Slim examines the paintings on the wall.

How ya doing, buddy?

Slim starts poking the black sphere suspiciously. Should that illicit no response then precedent states that it's hammer time.

He immediately starts into an elaborate dance routine at the prospect of yet another puzzle that can be solved by HAMMER TO THE FACETM.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Slim shoves his head through the canvas of the painting he's examining and takes a look.

Jam it back in, in the dark.