Totally fucked up

I had a similar thing happen, I suppose. Guy and I dated ~3.5 years, then I broke up with him at the end of his high school year/my first year in college.

It was terribly traumatizing, really, and I used to go over in my head again and again why exactly I did it. And as cliche as it sounds, I think it's because we were going in different directions. I realized that there were a lot of things about him that I could not live with: the way he handled money, his insistence on following every little ridiculous rule, our vastly dissimilar personalities...

But you know what? He's married now, to a very sweet girl who is so much more like him than I could have ever been. I think they're both kind of boring, frankly. But they found each other, and I think they are very happy. This is not to say that you are boring--chances are, you're not. But give yourself some time. Something about long-term high school relationships can make them difficult to shake off--perhaps because they are such formative years, and you find yourself forming dependence upon a certain person (if you spend all your time with him or her).

Hope that helps. Best of luck to you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

My longer-term high school relationship was definitely my first love, so perhaps I did make that mistake. Sometimes I just assume the two go hand-in-hand, but probably they usually don't.

There's nowhere I can't reach.