Totally fucked up
 

Since my 4 year girlfriend dumped me I've had this severe fear of being boring on a 1 on 1 basis. I spent ALL my time 1 on 1 with this girl, and now that it's over, I'm afraid it was because I was boring.

How do I fix this? I don't feel like I can talk to anyone anymore without having this terrible fear of boring them, and then it comes true due to self fulfilled prophecy.

It's put me into a state of prolonged depression and feeling distant from everyone I talk to.

This girl dumped me btw, at the end of high school.

Look, your problem i-

No, you know what, forget it. Go back through this stupid fucking subforum and look up every other clone of this post that's been made. There's about a million of them. Look at the advice there. Get over yourself, and grow up. High school?

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i2...mMoraRant1.jpg

high school!?

Fuck, I'm tired of these thread topics.

1. Get off the internet.

2. Get a life.

I've tried that a million times, Denicallis. I sit there and kick myself telling myself to stop being a bitch. "Grow the fuck up you fucking idiot". All the time, I tried mantra even, over and over "grow the fuck up high school drama king"

I'm still nervous around people

I read both your topics but I'll only post my answer in here.

Do you have any hobbies/interests/stuff that you like to do on your own? If not, find some and let your girl join in them. The best way to get closer to another is to do activities together, things that you and the girl want to do. Take her out to the movies, take a walk, go to a concert, take her out for exercising etc etc. Make some physical contact with the girl while you're having fun and see if she moves away. If she does, try again later and see if she'll react differently. If you're at a party you shouldn't sit still too much 1 on 1 with the girl because in the end you will run out of subjects to talk about, bring the girl with you, talk with all kinds of people at the party and do some crazy stuff together, that will help loosening up and you won't be needing that much to talk about neither. And you shouldn't be afraid of taking it easy and not saying too much, just stay at ease and go with the flow, show your confidence, then it usually works out. Most likely she's damn nervous as well so if you just take it easy and show that you're easy to be around it'll work in your favor.

That's right, all I need is confidence!!!!

It means you had nothing in common with her.

Yes. and going by your Quiet place post, if you've actually managed to maintain some girls interest 1 on 1 for 20 minutes or more than you're obviosuly not a boring fuckwit.

There's a few brands of liquid courage that can fix that right up.

Pussy on the pedestal.

Stop caring so much about getting a girlfriend and just let the damn thing happen. The more self-conscious you get, the more boring you think you are; girls are still humans.

Wait, did I just say...never mind.

As basically stated before, find out what your interests are and do them with others.

I have found that doing things WHILE talking is a great way to not worry about being boring others because you all have to focus on whatever else you are doing at the same time.

I had a similar thing happen, I suppose. Guy and I dated ~3.5 years, then I broke up with him at the end of his high school year/my first year in college.

It was terribly traumatizing, really, and I used to go over in my head again and again why exactly I did it. And as cliche as it sounds, I think it's because we were going in different directions. I realized that there were a lot of things about him that I could not live with: the way he handled money, his insistence on following every little ridiculous rule, our vastly dissimilar personalities...

But you know what? He's married now, to a very sweet girl who is so much more like him than I could have ever been. I think they're both kind of boring, frankly. But they found each other, and I think they are very happy. This is not to say that you are boring--chances are, you're not. But give yourself some time. Something about long-term high school relationships can make them difficult to shake off--perhaps because they are such formative years, and you find yourself forming dependence upon a certain person (if you spend all your time with him or her).

Hope that helps. Best of luck to you.

No, long term high school relationships are difficult to shake off in high school because you have the emotional maturity of a gnat. Some people are quicker to grow out of that than others, I've noticed. Such formative years? Get over yourself. High school is one of the least important parts of your life. You'll learn that eventually. I get that to you it's important, because it's the only thing you've really experienced, but you're giving the kid absolutely horrible advice. If you'd paid attention to other posts he's made, you know he probably has several social disorders, and -that's- why he's wigging out over this stuff, not because he's a Romeo and Juliet reject. Learn the situation before you talk, kid. As you've been doing a lot lately, you're just making a fool of yourself. Go back to Blunder where your opinion is appreciated.

You know, there's something quite hilarious in the fact you keep saying you hate these threads and yet systematically use them to wave your HUGE EXPERIENNNCED PEEENIIISSSS at people's face. :tpg:

I think maybe blue is innocently confusing "long-term high school relationship" with "first love."

First loves, you have to admit, are always the most crushing to lose. You never love that blindly ever again.

(Or maybe I'm just a moron. I am sure Deni will put me in my place shortly =p )

My longer-term high school relationship was definitely my first love, so perhaps I did make that mistake. Sometimes I just assume the two go hand-in-hand, but probably they usually don't.

Mine was in high school too - but I think there's definitely a difference between labeling it as a "high school" thing and a deeply emotional "first love" thing.

High school has nothing to do with the "love" bit, suppose. ^_^ (It really is inconsequential, all that high school shit)

I hate them because it's the same problem a million times, and if people would just open their eyes, it wouldn't even be an issue. Notice I'm not talking about sex here, frenchman, I'm talking about letting a childish emotional attachment cripple you. I also refuse to let people get horrible advice about how it's completely ok to be a social pariah, and that doing nothing is the way to fix the problem. I mean, being an utter berke might work for you, but the world at large doesn't have that ability.

Nine times out of ten, your first love is so important because of nostalgia, not actual emotions. You were what, 15? 16? Really? You honestly think you were actually in love with someone in a deep and meaningful way? I just don't buy it. The world isn't Romeo and Juliet, and that boy never loved her anyway.

And my point exactly.

Well, maybe it's just me. I am positive I really, really loved him. I can't prove it to you, of course. How would a person prove that, anyways?

I guess it depends on the emotional maturity of the person(s) involved. Not to say I am emotionally mature, even today. But I am confident that I loved him - there's nothing nostalgic about it, really.

Diss, you have to realize these relationship threads are just like 90% of the computing help threads. Sure, the problems have constantly happened before, but everyone feels their own situation is unique for some reason, so they have to make a thread about it.

IE SUX. GET FIREFOX.

Yeah I'm so pissed off the guys in the Nintendo forums talk about the same Nintendo stuff all the time as well, I mean, goddammit, it's not like the forum is here for that.

Whatever though, I usually like when you go rough-advice-mode. Just don't act like you don't take pleasure in rolling your deep, scorny, patronizing mouth everytime you get an occasion. :3:

Oh, I love being a patronizing prick, sir. But I'd like if the question at least varied in phrasing. This was my point.

It is interesting some mentioned thinking of their first relationship with a nostagalia effect. I think back of it now, and shudder. I suppose that's because the first person I ever dated has changed so much, and taken such a different road in life from me that if that person and I were somehow together today, I just don't see how we could happily co-exist.

RR provides a very valid point. These seems all so insignificant and like the others until one makes their own thread. Then, depending on the age, and other factors, it seems the most important post in the world (at least on these forums). I suppose that's just how it is.

And speaking of those factors, yes, we CAN say to them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER again that it's normal, it's life, etc, but when people are at a certain age, a certain maturity level, and/or going through those types of things, it's hard to accept it. It's not until one matures further in life, grows up some, and so forth, that they truly begin to understand it. I mean, I'm not saying that's the same for everyone, but 99/100 people it is. Nothing wrong with it, it's just how it is.

I think it's worth noting that both are girls. Yeah, us and them don't really work the same way, emotionally. /newsflash

Which is another reason I was attacking Deni' stance, btw. <3

And I dunno, these threads may have at least the benefic psychologic effect that writing things down can bring ?

That "boys and girls think differently" thing is such a cop out. And high school relationships are a joke, no matter what the gender is. Most of my female friends look back on high school and wonder why they thought everything was so serious. It's not about gender at that point, it's about age and maturity.

I treasure my first love in high school. I love all sorts of things about it. But we were like, 14 or 15. You know what? The drama wasn't really that dramatic. We got worked up over stupid things that seemed important at the time. But now? Ridiculous.

And yes, niki, they're probably very cathartic. And a lot of people just need to be told that it goes away, and if you just suck it up you get by. In fact, I'd wager the huge majority of them. Which is why we continue to post in these threads when they pop up, instead of just ignoring them. Because on some level, clearly we want to help.