Those Sparkly Whites

Mine are a little whiter than is natural, I think, but not that blinding white some of you are talking about. I smoked for years and also I'm a coffee drinker, so about three years ago I started to notice that they weren't quite as white as they used to be and had them bleached.

If anyone cares, that process involves going to the dentist and having a mold made of your mouth (they let me keep it and I painted the gums pink and the teeth white and I keep it in my bathroom...no idea why), and then they make a bleaching tray that fits your teeth perfectly, which you pick up about a week later. Then you just take it home, put some bleaching gel in it, and wear it for an hour a day for a couple of weeks. After the initial bleaching, you're supposed to do that same thing for one week once a year. The bleach itself is really cheap. I get it off Ebay for like $25 for a year's supply.

I am sorry if my white teeth offend.

EDIT: Here's the mold of my teeth. Sometimes I click them at people for fun.



Jam it back in, in the dark.

Yeah, me too. It's much less disgusting when they have crooked brown teeth with pieces of corn lodged in them.

There's nowhere I can't reach.