Benjamin issues (no, not the GFF one)

First of all, it sounds as though he was looking for someone to blame for his downfall and you were his target. Unless you went around screaming "I LOVE HIM SO RUIN HIS LIFE!" I find it hard to see how you did. It sounds as though none of it was your fault. People take a huge gamble when they reveal intimate details. It sounds like he's where he's at today not because of your little revelation (unless you're Ellen DeGeneris) but because he made the choices and needed someone to place the blame on. I don't know all the details, but from what I've read, it sounds like you're more of the victim.

I can understand about how long-lasting guilt can resurface and continue to tear at you. Sometimes, it means that the issue wasn't settled and it keeps creeping up to remind you that it's still there waiting for you to close it. It takes me a very long time to forgive others as well, but I guess the first step in forgiving yourself (in hopes to lessen the pain) is to realize that he put himself there (unless there's something I don't understand about how you could've put him there). Sometimes, time does heal wounds, but it's mostly a long-term process and for some people it never fully heals.

Jam it back in, in the dark.