Your first kiss?

Never been kissed.
I suppose I ought to feel anxious or somewhat ashamed to admit that, but in reality it's neither. I have a strange sense of apathy about the whole thing.

That's the wrong word for it, though. Apathy implies like I've given up on the entire thing -- immature, ugly, socially inept -- which just isn't true. I've grown up a lot recently and I've made some choices that took a lot of mental strength. And I'm not half bad looking neither. I've recently lost weight and gained muscle strength, and while my face is somewhat plain, it does have a handsomeness about it. I'm quite comfortable with myself.
I'll admit I'm not a very social person, but I've taken a lot of steps in the last year to fix that. I've started hanging out with people and just generally working on being a social creature. It feels great and I've made a ton of progress. I don't feel anxious around people anymore. I can make conversation pretty easily and I'm just relaxed and more myself.

But "un-interested" is a wrong word for it too -- I know for certain I'm not gay and girls do turn me on.

I've just give up on feeling pressured about the whole thing. I'm quite content to wait for my girl and I know when I find her, I'll do all manner of dirty things with her. I suppose she'll have more experience but a silly thing like that won't botch my confidence.

I'm just figuring out who I am. I don't want to do something half-assed with a girl. When I enter a relationship, I want to be (as cheesy as this sounds) like Atticus from the black and white version of To Kill A Mockingbird - a man. Not a boy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.