Kurado must be a fucking dog.

I'm a metal monkey. Now imagine a chimpanzee rocking an electric guitar. That's not me. Some of the description sounds like me, or like things I'd be flattered to believe sound like me:

Originally Posted by The Chinese

... they also possess a serious side and influence a good many people throughout their lifetime. They know how to accomplish the most difficult of tasks with the greatest of enthusiasm, concentration, and ease. Even so, they can easily get discouraged and confused and MUST do things their way! Monkeys have a burning passion for knowledge of every kind and they magically are surrounded by the finer things in life. Life is a big adventure!

When Metal Monkey says no, that's it! They are so strong, so individualistic, and yes, so stubborn, you can talk yourself into the ground trying to convince them to change their mind. They won't budge! But when all is said and done, you admire them for their value system, fortitude, soaring ambition, and tremendous success. Success, after all, is not wishy washy. And Monkeys know the meaning of hard work! You can talk about anything under the moon, but beware: they can be pretty persuasive, so stand your ground. Sometimes a Sense of Mischief can rear its head.... They can't always get along with some people.... But they don't care. You see, they are quite independent, relying solely on themselves. They have few friends, but great ones. And Grand Romance never takes a holiday with them: a life with Monkeys is Stars in Your Eyes, Romantic High Spirit, and Grand Passion indeed.

I guess so, but this?

Originally Posted by Possibly an Advertisement of Some Kind

Duck Soup and Rice are among the keys to good health!!

That's a big WTF right there. Horoscope says: "EAT MORE RICE."

Jam it back in, in the dark.