She is the one

While a face to face approach is often preferable, it does have the unfortunate side effect of putting people on the spot. She might agree to something she’s not really comfortable with, or she might panic and reject you outright. Remember, she also needs time to think it over, especially if she’s never entertained the idea of you and her as a couple. If you already have a good idea that she is interested, then this guaranteed to work. However, I reason that until you’re able to deal with excuses in real time, or comfortable with simply walking away from rejection, face to face may not be the best option.

Using SMS to build up familiarity and rapport can be useful, especially if you or her are busy with other commitments, which I’m sure many of us are. Of course, if you’re seeing her every day of the week… this shouldn’t be necessary; but it’s still a useful adjunct to verbal communication. Other benefits with SMS: the medium is concise, and probably won’t be misinterpreted unless you really fuck up. Also, it allows you both time to make a considerate reply. If you get an excuse, it’s probably the same as you would’ve got going face to face; EXCEPT that this time you can take your time dealing with it and forming a proper challenge.

For example: I’d previously spent the day with her and a couple of her friends. Fun, but not quite what I was after. The next message specified that next time it should be “just you and me.” If she hadn’t replied to me, I was prepared to call with “I know you’re indecisive, so let ME decide for you…” (something I could only say because I knew she was indecisive (when someone tells you 10 times in one day…)), and leave it at that.

I didn’t have to, because after a few days, she replied: “I’m flattered, but I feel more comfortable going out in a group.” I’d just like to take a moment to ask you all to stop for a minute to think about how you would’ve felt and how you would’ve responded… at the time I was hurting.

My reply:

Spoiler:

(after considerable thought) “Would you consider spending time with me and my friends?”

Problem solved. Of course, I neglect to mention my “friends” will conveniently not appear.

When I think back, if I had gone with a more traditional face to face approach, I probably would’ve been stumped at the first reply, and disappointment on the face can’t be hidden. Circumstances as they were, we’d done most of our prior communication through fairly laidback SMS, so this seemed a natural way to continue. I should say I did ‘seal the deal’ with a phone call to finalize times/places etc.

Jam it back in, in the dark.