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I know this is probably out of the question, but have you tried talking to him recently? I'm not saying that you should go confront some druggie or anything, but maybe talking to him in some way could help you deal with this better. You don't even have to physically talk to him, just voicing what you would say to him if you could can help sometimes. It's okay to still feel like this even after all these years, but don't let these feelings get to the point of consuming your emotions.
Jam it back in, in the dark. ![]() |