What If...

Chie, I feel your pain, as I become older I've become increasingly crippled by self-doubts and that nagging feeling that maybe I'm not doing what I should be doing.

It's in everything, from little things like "when should I wake up" and "was it wise to drink 4 vodka tonics tonight" to "am I really in love with my girlfriend" and "am I good enough for the career path I've chosen". For now, I am able to suppress these kinds of thoughts and not let them come to the surface, but it seems to get worse as I grow older. When I was young whatever I was doing was eminently The Right Thing To Do, and I just don't have that kind of conviction anymore. I suppose I'm hoping for some sign that I'm doing the right thing.

Anyway, I can't really give you any advice on how to deal with it, other than to ignore it best you can and move on (but that's the hard part!). I just wanted to chime in.

In your particular situation, perhaps you would feel better if you just asked your friend if she felt like you were a "bad friend". If she feels like that, she'll probably be glad that you are sensitive about it, and if she didn't feel that way, then you won't have to worry. Either way, it might be a load off your shoulders.

Jam it back in, in the dark.